This dude tried to cut my throat tonight (rap to a girl I was obviously talking to). Little did he know, he was tryin’na pull a long-time homegirl of mine.
So I go to this wine bar, right? And people are relatively dressy. It’s not a pub, after all.. But I know why I’m there and I know who I’m there with so I don’t give a ****. I’ve got my t-shirt and jeans workin’ and I’m cold lampin’ with my homegirl…
So this dude sits next to us at the bar, right next to her, and I’m talking to her about something and he goes “I couldn’t help overhearing…” so I’m like HERE. WE. GO!!! :D .. Like I keep telling you chicks, dudes aren’t even going to talk to you unless they’re trying to get on, so now I’m monitoring this dude’s game.
He came dressed for the part.. Snazzy suit. Good-looking tie. Expensive-looking watch, similar to the one I bought in Chinatown for $60 that was a knockoff of a multiple-thousand-dollar watch. Acceptable haircut. Visually, dude was on point…… Well….. Except for one thing. He wasn’t visually my homegirl’s type. Due to the way his grill looked and his non-athletic physique, he was fighting an uphill battle, but it was funny to watch. :D
My girl likes a guy with a certain type of look and a certain type of demeanor. Any other dudes she considers suckers and runs over them like a Mack Truck. The worst thing that can happen to you if you like to try to get raps on-the-fly is that the chick isn’t sweating you from the giddyap. Dude was farther than he imagined from getting some and I didn’t figure he had the skillz to overcome his shortcomings relative to what she was looking for. Even more pathetically, she was already tipsy by the time he arrived, which skewed the odds in his favor and I *STILL* wasn’t seeing it! :D
So we accept this guy into the conversation, knowing full well what’s about to happen, and he starts throwing in his two cents and he’s a nice enough guy for sure, but he’s talking all this textbook yadda yadda. I’m like “wow… This guy’s never going to get on at this pace”. I’ll give him the credit that he attempted to disarm me by including me in the conversation instead of attempting to chat her up as if I hadn’t even been sitting there. I’ll also give him the credit for an aggressive plan of attack.
His demeanor was that he trumped me off the bat and that I wasn’t a threat to his rap. That was bold and admirable, yet incredibly stupid. First of all, if I’m sitting in a wine bar in a t-shirt chillin’ with a chick you’d like to bang, that means that I don’t need to dress up in a suit and put on fancy watches to pull chicks, which means I’m more dangerous than you are off the bat, so you need to recognize and respect. Second.. He selected his plan of attack visually. I know this because he failed to ask how we knew each other or even *IF* we knew each other before he decided he was better than me and could easily play me off like Keyboard Cat. That was dumb because he acted like I was an adversary when I wasn’t. It was also dumb because his insolence kicked me into “Show this chump the **** up” mode, even though I suppressed it in order to see whether he was able to get the rap or not.
So he chats us (read: her) up for a while, then he tries to dis me by not remembering my name, except he’s only dissing himself because I told him my name 5 minutes before. This indicates that he’s only interacting with me in order to attempt to neutralize me from cockblocking him with my girl. What he doesn’t realize is that a) I don’t give a **** if he knows my name or not, and b) I’m trying to HELP HIM get the rap because he was dead in the water before he even started talking and I’m fascinated by his feeble rap techniques and want to see if any of them work.
One thing that these suit-and-watch dudes don’t seem to realize is that there are so many guys playing the suit-and-watch style. They read in a magazine somewhere that they should dress like this and that to impress women and then they ALL ran out to the stores to dress up the same and approach gals with the exact same rap about how much money they make and what they own. That’s all well & good, assuming the chick didn’t meet a guy way the **** richer than YOU last night or even earlier this evening. O_o
Knowing my girl and seeing what type of game he was running, it was clear to me that even if he got some from her (not likely), he wouldn’t be in position for long and was going to land in the dead pool with the rest of her so-called “boyfriends” she’s had since I knew her.
So he hands her some compliments, which is a good play, yet typical and ineffective. Eventually, I decide he needs more help so I make an excuse to put my coat on and stand out in the NYC cold. As much as I love my G1, it SUCKS as far as determining GPS location indoors. iPhones do a *much* better job with indoor GPS, or perhaps it’s the difference between the carriers. Meanwhile, my girl knows my style. If I get up and go somewhere, that means I’m giving dude space to operate. She and I had been communicating about him right under his nose the whole time, and I could tell he wasn’t making any headway.
So I throw on my coat and mumble something to her that’s deliberately loud enough for him to hear about going outside to get some GPS and dude makes a snide remark. This is how I know he fell for my technique. The fact that he was talking about the reason I *announced* I was going outside indicated that he had no idea that the REAL reason I was going outside was so that if there was anything he was scared or embarrassed to say with me sitting right there, this was his opportunity to kick it. I needed him to believe that because otherwise, he would have realized I was giving him room to operate, which would have affected his demeanor and my experiment would have been out the window.
Unfortunately for him, I naturally took offense at him trying to chump me on some geek-GPS ish, so before I walk out the door, I decide to show him a flick on my phone of The Kid surrounded by Jill & Flo. I expected him to grin & bear it, being that I was showing him TWO chicks that I know while leaving him sitting at the bar with a chick that he never would have met AT ALL if *I* hadn’t brought her there in the first place.
To my admitted surprise, dude looks at the picture of me with two chicks (which is nothing. I could have shown him a flick of me with SIX chicks) and snidely goes “OH!.. IMPRESSIVE! :/”. This was the nail in his coffin. This was when I knew he wasn’t getting laid tonight.. Not by the girl he was currently kickin’ it to at least. No telling if he ‘ordered out’ later on, haha. \o/ If your game is TIGHT, you’re not worried about the next man’s game.. ESPECIALLY with chicks that aren’t even in the room with you.
I was only showing him that picture to give him confidence that I wasn’t concerned with his rap and that he should try his damnedest to screw my homegirl. His nervous and defensive reaction to my showing him a picture of myself with only two chicks informed me that his game SUCKED and I could have stood outside until the cows came home and he would never have figured out how to lay my homegirl.
So, Eventually, I come back inside and the conversation’s COMPLETELY stalled out. Kaput. My girl starts telling me some gibberish I don’t feel like hearing about, so I drag dude back into the conversation. He comes back to life and starts talking to her some more. I think this is where my homegirl casually cursed a couple of times. :)
A lot of prissy dudes can’t handle it when chicks curse. They’re not “acting like ladies”. So my girl drops a couple of casual F-bombs like nothing and dude’s looking at her like “*GASP*! :O”. I see him wince because of her language and I’m like “This guy’s rap is OVER! :D”.
Eventually, dude had to leave so he closed with giving her his card. *YAWN*.. She passed me his card so I could put it in her bag, which was on the back of MY chair for safety purposes. I could have pocketed it or dropped it on the floor and his chances would have been ZERO because this wasn’t a bar we ever go to together and she didn’t give him ANY contact information. I put it in her bag anyway, dude walked out the door and then she and I laughed our asses off recounting the situation. I asked her if he had kicked anything good while I was outside, and of course, he hadn’t. I asked her if she was interested, which I already knew she wasn’t, but just wanted to hear her say it.
Cutting Throat is a high-level exercise. It’s not something you elect to do on the spur of the moment. If you’re gonna try it, you need to approach the situation with EXTREME CONFIDENCE that you’re gonna pull this chick right in front of the guy she’s already talking to. Any signs of weakness or insecurity and you’re gonna get laughed right off the stage. Here comes SandMan with the hook. SEEYA! :D Most guys have no idea how to pull chicks with ZERO competition, so trying it while she’s already talking to someone is ambitious at best.
It’s even worse when you underestimate your opponent. As soon as I saw this guy, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he might be able to pull my girl with all his gimmicks. I would have been happy for him, happy for her and I would have learned something about the rap game. If my goal for the evening had been to get laid, I DAMN SURE wouldn’t have been sitting in a bar talking to some chick. He would never have seen her in the first place and wouldn’t have had a chance to throw his hat in the ring.
Choosing not to assess the situation isn’t a sign of confidence. It’s a sign of incompetence. You’re wasting your energy if you don’t know who the players are in the game and how they’re related to each other. There was no way for that guy to know that I’ve seen dozens of guys kick it to her and strike out that were WAY more qualified than he was. There was no way for him to know that I was monitoring his weak game from before he even crashed our conversation. I saw him checking her out and scheming on talking to her. I know damned well she didn’t say anything intelligent after he sat down, so he was clearly kickin’ it to her strictly because he liked her T&A. We both saw him coming like an encyclopedia salesman and welcomed him into our conversation to make his pitch so we could have our evening’s recreation and I could get a blog post out of it.
What SHOULD he have done? He should have chilled and laid back in the cut. His aggressive attempts at hooking up with her are what put him on the radar. He should have been a regular patron, maybe asked her if she had a favorite wine on the list and gauged what her reaction was to him. Instead… He probably assumed that since he had walked into this spot alone and sat down next to a chick that I did the exact same thing. He probably assumed that I was in the process of meeting this chick for the first time in life just like he was trying to do. He probably assumed that he was kickin’ some kind of unique game that neither one of us had ever seen before and that his dressing up gimmick was going to get him laid.
Too much confidence + Too little skill = Too few girls. BELEEDAT!!! :D
~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack