That’s OK… My Dog Doesn’t Speak EITHER!

Vanity (The Trait, Not The Singer)

WAYYYY back in the day, before I even gave a damn how women’s brains work, I remember becoming extremely fascinated in and amused by a tactic to pull chicks that shouldn’t have worked, but usually did. The concept was basically to shame or embarrass a girl into talking to you. The way it usually worked was:

1) We see a chick coming down the street towards us
2) One guy kicks her some greeting “Hello”, “Hi Beautiful”, “God Bless You, Ma”…
3) Chick doesn’t respond and keeps walking past us
4) Guy that spoke to her calls her CONCEITED
5) Chick stops in her tracks and begins insisting that she’s not conceited
6) Guy goes back to “argue” with her and completes the rap or gets her number

The first time I saw this, I didn’t pay it any mind. I was just like “Wow! O_o That chick was pretty stupid to stop and argue about being assessed by someone that had never seen her before in life and that doesn’t have any relationship to her whatsoever or way of knowing whether she’s conceited or she isn’t”. I figured it was an anomaly and didn’t pay it any more mind until I saw it work OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER….. I was like “This is a JACKPOT! πŸ˜€ .. All you have to do is call a chick conceited and you have a good percentage chance of getting a conversation out of her when she was otherwise going to ignore you! :D”.

Keeping Up Appearances

Bill Cammack, Diamond & Pearl - Tower Records, NYCI never used this style myself because I don’t have to.

A chick has a chance to look at me as we’re approaching each other’s positon on the street or in a party or wherever. She has another chance to look at me if I verbally acknowledge her. Those are her two chances she has to decide whether she wants to talk to me or not.

I’m not going to work any harder than that and I usually don’t even bother speaking since I prefer to communicate via eye contact. If we can’t acknowledge mutual interest by looking in each other’s eyes, I’m way more likely to check for better connections to other chicks than to try to build one that isn’t already there with the current gal.

The other reason I don’t use it is that it’s cheating. It’s unsportsmanlike conduct. πŸ™‚ It’s the proverbial taking of candy from the baby. Once I got into studying women’s mentalities, I understood clearly why this is such an effective tactic…

Women are brainwashed from day 01 to “keep up appearances”. I was hanging out the other day with a homegirl of mine that’s cute as **** and she ends up saying that her luggage got delayed at the airport and that’s why she’s not wearing any makeup….. So I’m sitting there thinking “You’re not wearing any makeup? :D”. I completely and entirely hadn’t noticed. She thinks it’s this big disaster and I think she looks fine, just like every time I’ve ever spent time with her. The makeup industry is one of the most lucrative and successful scams that was ever pulled on women, but that’s a different topic.

Women are programmed to see themselves as presentable or not based on entirely irrelevant factors. They ask questions like “How come he tried to rap to me when I was wearing sweats?” because they see sweatpants and flannel shirts and hoodies and workboots as inherently unsexy by default. If they don’t dress up in clothes that THEY have determined are an attempt to look sexy (miniskirts, high-heeled boots..) or if they haven’t put on makeup or any other number of irrelevant things, they don’t FEEL sexy and project that onto guys, when guys are just like “Check out her ass! :D” and whether it’s covered in sweatpants, jeans or a leather miniskirt makes no difference whatsoever.

Lesser Of The Evils

The reason why “CONCEITED!!! :(” works is that it gives a gal two poor choices. She can either let the statement go and then from now on be concerned that the guy and his 3-4 friends he was with when he called you conceited and you didn’t defend yourself are going to tell everyone they know every time they see you that you’re conceited. Eventually, this is going to get around to a guy she would ACTUALLY like to talk to and ruin her rap. Not a Good Look. The second poor choice, and apparently the lesser of the evils, is to defend yourself against the accusation of being conceited at the expense of having to acknowledge and engage the very guy you were attempting to avoid. This saves your reputation from being slandered endlessly behind your back and might even give you points if the guy decides you’re actually a cool person and THAT rumor goes around instead.

The reason the tactic works as far as getting the rap is that here in NYC, attractive chicks get game kicked to them all day every day, which is one of the reasons I don’t bother speaking to them and adding myself to the pool of commoners that tried to hook up with them. By setting gals up to feel personally misrepresented, there’s a percentage chance that she’s going to stop and address you, which means she has to look at you. Attractive women get “talked to” so many times every day that they don’t actually LOOK at the guy that’s talking to them. By getting her to stop and look at you, you have a REAL chance to pull her, assuming you’ve got it like that.

Most of the time, the guys that kick game to women are sub-par to begin with so it’s really a low-percentage chance that a guy that speaks randomly to a gal is going to be a guy she actually wants to talk to, meet, go on a date with or hook up with. By going the underhanded route of appealing to her vanity, you get her stop walking and focus on you mentally and visually, which is all you wanted in the first place.

Depending on how upset she is and her personality-type, you either hold the line that you greeted her nicely and she ignored your courtesy to her = conceited, or you apologize your way out the back door, which makes her feel good that you apologized AND makes her feel good that she properly and effectively defended herself from a slanderous & inaccurate accusation. What you end up with is the exact same situation as if you had said something to her, she smiled and thanked you and then you pulled her over and started talking to her.

Elementary. *yawn*

Candy from the proverbial baby.

Psychotic Episodes

My favorite experience with this style comes from being around manic-depressive or perhaps bipolar dudes who try to kick it to women. It’s really completely pathetic how quickly their demeanor changes. They see the gal coming and they’re all smiling and friendly: “How are you this evening? :D”, “Hello, Pretty Lady! :D”, “Did it hurt, when you fell out of Heaven? :D”

Then, she starts walking past the guy and he gets desperate to slow her down: “Can’t say ‘Hello’? :/”, “Oh, I see how you are. :/”, “CONCEITED!!! :/”

Then, as soon as she passes the 50-yard-line and he realizes she’s definitely not going to stop or acknowledge him, she gets

“THAT’S OK… MY DOG DOESN’T SPEAK EITHER!!!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man, to hear this joint *LIVE* and hear the VENOM and see the absolutely DISTURBED look on the guy’s face because he’s really so upset that one girl out of millions in this town didn’t stop and talk to some loser standing around on the street kicking game to every chick that passes by.. It’s just PRICELESS! πŸ˜€

It’s like “um.. Don’t you see that you just proved her right for not speaking to you by being such an ASS three seconds after you didn’t get what you wanted? πŸ˜€ haha Don’t you see how you’re making it tougher for the rest of us that *SHOULD* be getting raps in the street or in the bars & clubs with your retarded behavior? :D”

On the other side of the coin, women would very often do themselves justice by being courteous to guys and not feeling like y’all are ENTITLED to ****.

Real World Application

I’m the type of person that rolls with “Neutral until proven Guilty”. Not quite “Innocent”, but I’m willing to give people the benefit of the doubt that they’re a cool and worthwhile person until they prove otherwise.

So I’m in the subway and there’s a chick running for the door that I’m standing in and I wedge my boot in the door so it doesn’t close before she gets in, which is obvious because the other side of the door is already closed and my door is still stuck open and she slides through, looks at me and says thank you, I nod at her and say you’re welcome and release the door. That’s a worthwhile interaction and I feel like I’ve done a good deed and I feel goodwill towards the gal I helped to not have to wait until the next train came.

That’s a high percentage of my interactions. Every once in a while, though, the exact same scenario goes down and a chick will slide through the door and walk into the car like as if SHE got HERSELF into the train and either I didn’t have anything to do with it or that she thought I had a butler or doorman’s outfit on and it was my job to assure her entry onto the train. That’s when my opinion of her goes directly south and I’m mentally either calling her a cro-mag or an animal or thinking towards her my beloved “That’s ok… My dog doesn’t speak either! :D” which normally cheers me right up and I stand there laughing internally about how many opportunities in life this chick is going to miss for being such a JERK! πŸ˜€

“Common” Courtesy

Bill & Nancy OTOH.. I go to this bar where I know damned well they hire people for looks and not intelligence. I’m waiting for friends to meet me there, so I decide to order something before they show up.

The ditzy male bartender asks me what I want and I request a beer from the tap that I’ve never tried before. He clearly hears me, nods and I step back from the bar so I’m not crowding these three chicks that are sitting together on bar stools chatting right by where I ordered.

I hop on my phone and I’m checking foursquare or texting people or checking my eMail and eventually I realize this idiot’s taking long with my beer.

I look up to see him somewhere socializing at the other end of the bar like everything’s lovely. So now I’m glad he didn’t give me my beer because out of common courtesy, I would have tipped this imbecile and now I can avoid paying him at all. πŸ™‚

A few minutes later, I’m still on the internet when someone taps me. I look up and it’s one of the chicks that had been sitting at the bar.

She calls my attention to the ditzy bartender, so I lift my head & eyebrow like “What do you want?”. Dude goes “Did I forget to get you your beer?”. haha I’m like “Yeah.. But that’s ok.” and go back to my internetting.

To his credit, the bartender goes “Let me get it for you, on the house (which means “free” to you non-bar-going people). I say “ok, Thanks” and go back to my internetting. Next thing I know, the gal that had originally tapped me to get my attention not only lets me know my beer is there but hands it to me from off the bar. I thanked the bartender and thanked her.

What I was thanking her for was her common courtesy & decency, which isn’t very common in NYC to begin with and even less so on the bar scene. My friends arrived soon afterwards and we got the table I had reserved, but had I remained in that bar area longer, I definitely would have bought her a drink as a sign of appreciation for her way of being. In fact, being that she was there with two other gals, I probably would have elected to offer to buy a round for all three them (assuming the other two were almost done with their current drinks at the time) so as to be properly courteous and look out for her friends as an extension of looking out for her.

Another time, I was (surprisingly, huh? :D) hanging out with a couple of my homegirls at a bar and dropped my phone and lost the top of my protective case. I looked around the bar stools for it but couldn’t see it in the relative dark (plus my beer goggles) so I just chalked it up and planned to buy another case. A gal I hadn’t even noticed that happened to be sitting near us came over and asked me “Is this what you’re looking for?” and handed me the section I was missing. I gave her a hug and thanked her, again for her common courtesy.

The Cycle

The point is that there’s a cycle. Guys press up on girls they want to hook up with. Girls get defensive about that and start ignoring ALL guys. Guys see this standoffish behavior and act like jerks when chicks don’t accept their raps. Girls get even MORE defensive and try to act like guys aren’t even there when they’re standing or siting right next to you. This leads to a standard of chicks acting standoffish, crabby & entitled by default. No reason to excuse themselves if they attempt to push past you to get through a crowd. No reason to thank you if you hold the door for them on the subway or at a department store….

This is why, ladies, you can get a long way with some COMMON COURTESY! πŸ˜€ Just being cool, fun, friendly, engaging, gregarious, nice, decent, or just simply NOT A *JERK* will get you farther with guys than you can possibly imagine. You might not even be the best-looking chick, haha but guys will look for you, contact you and invite you to hang out with them because they enjoy your company and you’re a delight to spend time with.

You might not end up making out at the end of the night, but I guarantee you you’ll have more good times more often than those hawt chicks that nobody wants to be around until it’s time to get laid….. Those chicks that guys merely tolerate because of T&A and will never speak to again once they become has-beens or they get bored of hooking up with them.

Does that mean you should acknowledge every guy on the street that throws you a compliment? Nope! πŸ˜€ .. Does that mean you should defend yourself against accusations of conceit from guys that would have to admit that they don’t know you from EVE if they’re asked how they know you’re conceited? Nope! πŸ˜€ .. It means that in a town with millions of chicks in it, you’re going to need an advantage if you want to get the raps YOU want. O_o That advantage isn’t going to be makeup or T&A because y’all all shop at the *same* stores and there’s always going to be a gal in this town with an ass fatter than yours, so you’re going to have to rely on your PERSONALITY if you want to stand out in the crowd.

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3 thoughts on “That’s OK… My Dog Doesn’t Speak EITHER!”

  1. Let me be the first one to co sign on what my man bill has said here its a crazy concept and unfortunately one that tends to be observed in a bigger city type area only. I never really liked this method for a number of reasons but it works and in virtually any situation possible. Also there is nothing to lose either you get an interaction or she keeps walking and your back to where you already where. its like a sniper trying to hit a moving target in the desert if you miss no one is the wiser cuz theres nothing but sand but if you hit then your the man.

    1. Good point about big cities. I can’t see this working in the sticks, because people are generally courteous to each other unless they feel there’s some reason not to be. Also, since there are way fewer people, there’s much less chance that some random person’s opinion of you is going to influence your actual friends, because they know who you are from hanging out with you.

      In big cities, you never know who knows whom. She doesn’t know if this guy that called her conceited is best friends with a guy she REALLY wants to kick it to, so she feels a need to clear her name. It doesn’t make sense, haha but for some reason, it works.

      It might also have something to do with the seemingly natural desire for females to prove you wrong about something. If you call them hoes, they strive to not give it up regardless of what they really want to do. If you call them prudes, they strive to be sexy. It stands to reason that calling them conceited would kick them into a mode of “I’ll show HIM I’m not conceited”, resulting in you having a chance at getting laid. \o/

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