Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]

Mike, Snooki, Pauly 'Jersey Shore'One of the reasons I really enjoyed MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is that they finally showed the lifestyle of what I call “Hunters”. Pauly & Mike were hunters, at least at the time that show was taped. They were down for the game. Fresh (new) chicks every night. They had a couple of repeat chicks, but for the most part, they were struggling to see what they could do every day and that’s what hunting’s all about.

Hunting isn’t for everybody. A lot of guys are looking to land the best chick they can get and retire. That’s what Ronnie did. He definitely COULD have hunted if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to. πŸ˜€ He sold out for the guaranteed daily lay with a chick that floated his boat and there’s nothing wrong with THAT! πŸ˜€ ‘Matter of fact, it looked like Mike was hating himself for having his hands on Sammi first and blowing it by pulling more random chicks to hop in the hot tub and make out. Had he realized his error earlier, it might have been “The Situation” that sold out and Ronnie & Pauly hunting.

Vinny didn’t do much of anything extraordinary. He pulled this old chick that his landlord/boss had been trying to kick it to and he pulled Mike’s sister after Mike HELPED VINNY by introducing them. Throughout the show, Vinny was the balance for the guys, bringing the “nice guy” and “voice of reason” vibe to the group.

Distract The DUFF

One of the best parts of the show was when Pauly & Mike are standing outside a club figuring out their prospects for the evening. They had been in it to win it but didn’t come up with anything satisfying to both of them, so Pauly agreed to take one for the team and assist Mike in getting on with this chick he liked.

Pauly’s job was to distract the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend), which they referred to as a “Grenade”. The idea is basically that the chick was a grenade someone threw and Pauly was willing to fall on it to save Mike. hahaha oh man. πŸ˜€

In case you’re not aware of what Mike needed saving from, it’s called CockBlocking. It’s when someone sees that you’re about to get laid or whatever and deliberately messes up your action. If Pauly hadn’t gone with Mike to invite the two girls back to the crib, Mike wouldn’t have been able to extract the one girl by herself = no sex. By Pauly talking to the DUFF, which he said ahead of time that he wasn’t interested in messing with AT ALL, it gave her HOPE that she might hook up with a guy she liked. That’s really all you need to extract girls from situations.. Give them all HOPE that they’re all going to have a good time.

Without that hope, she’s going to hate. She’s going to hate on Mike for trying to get laid and she’s going to hate on her girlfriend for being more attractive than she is and always getting the offers & attention. It’s in her best interest to destroy Mike’s rap, which means she’s a grenade.

If you’re going to help your boy out and distract the extra chick, it’s your boy’s job to make it ******* SNAPPY and get on as soon as possible. He should know that you would rather be watching television, playing foosball, drunk-dialing some chick you actually want to kick it with or just plain BEING ASLEEP rather than wasting time distracting the DUFF, so he should be courteous and hurry the **** up with makin’ it happen.

That’s not what Mike did. Apparently, he was too drunk to recognize the situation and he was playing it as if Pauly had a girl he was trying to hook up with, which would have meant they had all night to get on. Meanwhile, the chick got on Pauly’s nerves to the point where he just flat-left and the grenade ended up blowing up Mike’s rap and extracting her girlfriend when Mike already had her in bed. πŸ˜€ *BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM*!!! HAHAHA πŸ˜€

Wingman Courtesy

Pauly was completely within his rights to leave Mike with both chicks. Mike was at fault for having a slow-ass rap. I know how it feels to be on wingman/DUFF duty and time moves SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY. I mean it takes FOR-EV-VER for your boy to finish up and hit the bathroom so you can finally BOUNCE (assuming you don’t live there). In the meantime, you’re at your wits’ END trying to keep this chick amused without tipping your hand that you’re trying to keep her amused. You have to act interested in her or else she’s going to figure out what’s going on and barge in while your boy’s tagging up and ruin the entire experience for him.

I didn’t mind wasting my time because my boy was already hooking up. I was just making sure he didn’t get interrupted. Mike took so long to get to the nitty-gritty that Pauly broke out before Mike even CONSIDERED extracting his chick to a private room. If that had been how I was feeling, I would have told my boy to use it or lose it and he would have had to do two-minute-drill to get his girl alone or I would have been out.

Other than that.. Just like they advised in “Top Gun”, Never Leave Your Wingman. If you can’t get on, at least you can get the assist. Of course, sudden opportunities sometimes arise where you’re getting attention from a chick you actually want, in which case you should inform your boy that you’re going to peel off to see about the other chick and he’s going to have to deal with the grenade until you get back… IF you get back! πŸ˜‰

Team Selection

Bill_Cammack_GSX-R_NYC_Night.jpgAnother important issue is that you have to be somewhat matched up with your wingman. By that, I mean that y’all have to have approximately the same vibe, even if one of you is superior to the other one in a bunch of stuff.

Like, let’s say it would have been Mike and Vinny instead of Mike and Pauly… Mike might not have gotten to extract his chick at all because the DUFF might not have considered Vinny her type and she would have vetoed the action from the giddyap.

Unfortunately, types change from venue to venue. A dude might make an excellent wingman in a ghetto bar and be an absolute liability in a wine bar. You have to know where you’re going when you’re assembling your team. For Seaside Heights, Ronnie, Pauly & Mike could have cleaned up.. Vinny, not so much.

Also, even if your boy has the look, he has to have the right demeanor. You really can’t afford to have your props dragged down into oblivion because your boy is all thirsty and drooling over chicks. When I’m hunting, I like to play the wall and scope out the action. You have to figure out which chicks are kickin’ it with or might have arrived with which guys, which chicks are crowded together in a defensive huddle, which guys are scheming on chicks they haven’t met yet, etc.

You won’t see me on the dance floor because I didn’t come to the party to dance with chicks. That’s a waste of my time. That’s the cheap win. If they ask *ME*, then yeah, I’ll dance with them, but you’re not gonna see me hovering around the dance floor like a vulture trying to rub up on some chick’s ass. You look thirsty and cheap and the chicks figure you for a “mark”, meaning some Herb they can get free drinks off of because you’re hoping to land a number or extraction from them at the end of the evening. I’ll be right on the side, checking my email, texts, foursquare & gowalla for whatever other action’s going on in case this place is lame.

The problem is.. If your boy’s not on the same vibe, it really doesn’t matter how cool you are. He’s going to hustle on over to the chicks and start playing himself and buying drinks and then come back over to you, making you look needy and thirsty right along with him because birds of a feather flock together… Next thing you know, you have chicks tryin’na bum drinks offa you that you’ve never spoken to before in life! πŸ˜€

Communication

If you’re gonna work with a guy in pulling chicks, communication is entirely and absolutely essential. You need to be able to signal important information like “Go away”, “Go away and take that chick with you”, “Come get this extra chick off of me”, “Come here”, “Call me away from these chicks”, “This isn’t working”, “Switch girls”, “Check out those chicks over there”, “Did you see her ass??? :O”, “Got one! :D” and “Let’s get out of here” without the chicks noticing what’s going on.

You normally want to do this with eye contact and hand gestures that mean something to you and your wingman but don’t mean anything to anyone else. At this point, you can also use texting, except that a guy looks rude checking and sending texts while he’s having a conversation with a gal.

If you don’t have your communication game tight, expect NOTHING from a guy you’re hanging out with as far as helping you rap to chicks. Nothing. There’s no reason he should know what you’re trying to do or what you want HIM to do if you don’t explicitly inform him.

Follow The Leader

You also both have to have equal status as far as vetoing situations. When two guys are hanging out, one guy doesn’t become the wingman until the other guy gets a rap. If your boy kicks it to a chick and you just can’t see yourself falling on the particular grenade she’s with, pull him to the side and let him know that he has about five minutes to get some kind of contact information for this chick because you’re about to break North, regardless. There’s no reason why you should waste your evening because your boy wasn’t courteous enough to kick it to a chick that had good-looking friends for you.

Unfortunately, this is also a function of Team Selection. If you don’t have a properly-balanced team, you end up with leaders and followers instead of a squad of relative equals. In that case, you don’t want to follow the followers and you don’t want the followers attempting to lead the leaders. Everybody needs to play their position so the night runs as smoothly as possible.

The optimum situation is that both sets of guys & gals that got paired up are into each other and everybody’s looking forward to a good evening. If one of the fellaz has to take as short, so be it. Your boy *SHOULD* look out for you next time, actually even attempting to HELP YOU pull the hotter chick because he owes you from last time. However, if worse comes to worse, Like Clint Eastwood said, “A Man’s Gotsta Know His Limitations!” πŸ˜€

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9 thoughts on “Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]”

    1. lolol.. Hey Adam. πŸ™‚

      Five years ago, I was the same place I am now… In the trenches, Makin’ It Happen! πŸ˜€

      I only started transparently sharing like 1/1000 of my adventures on the net in 2007. πŸ˜‰

      Sandra, Bill & Grace

  1. great post bill

    I have so much to say on this topic but i will have to organize that into a coherent comment some other time. One thing i wanted to ask is about the whole follow the leader thing. Doesnt it make more tactical sense that the wing be the leader, i mean except for target selection he basically determines everything else.

    1. First of all, you have a good grasp of your version of the game, so maybe you should have YOUR OWN blog! O_o

      Let me know if you make one. I’ll definitely check it out. πŸ™‚

      Second, you ask a very interesting and important question.. So much so that that actually needs to become “Hunters, Part 02”.

      I’m going to try to write that today. I’ll link from here when I post it.

      1. thanx for the props bill but i dont think i could start my own blog. aside from being busy i feel it would be just a waste because there are already a billion other blogs like that, i would rather contribute to your blog which is already an established setting.

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