First things First… There are Sex Addicts and there are guys that like to ****.
There are guys that would **** all day if they could.
There are guys that would **** on a box, near a fox, or while eating Green Eggs & Ham and NOT *ONE* of these guys are ADDICTS. O_o
Somehow.. It’s become trendy that when dudes get busted doing what they like to do, they can now rely on this little automatic backup parachute that’s triggered after your main parachute fails you while you’re plummeting towards the Earth while skydiving, which is called SEX REHAB!!! :D
Back in the day, chicks were just SOL when their man got busted cheating. \o/ If it was a politician, the chick did the Perp Walk with him to the podium and stood there like a small child that didn’t understand English while her husband admitted to The Entire World that even though he’s married to this chick next to him, he likes to “Get In where he Fit In”.
Meanwhile, dude’s pockets were SOL when she did the Eddie Murphy on him and shuffled off to Buffalo with HALF!!! :D haha That was the arrangement. Do what you can until you get busted and then you lose your main chick, probably your kids and definitely your money.
At some point, some genius figured out that there was a way to keep the chick, kids & cash. They changed the response for “How come you did XYZ with that chick?” from “I felt like it” or “That’s what I do” or “She was there” to “I’m addicted to women?.. and I need… HELP?”
Since women like to believe these things and eat excuses up like lemon meringue pie, this became a viable plea bargain. It’s like how Robert Downey Jr. (and I’m a fan of his and have enjoyed his work from Less Than Zero all the way to Sherlock Holmes, but) got busted like a million billion gazillion times for drugs, would be looking HIGH AS A **** INSIDE THE COURTROOM and somehow would keep coming out of jail. :D
Telling a woman “You. Know. What?….. I. JUST. REALIZED. That. I’m. Sick! :O” is your key to success with the RDJ get-out-of-this-situation-somehow plan.
Sex Addiction Rehabilitation
The thing is… I wonder what coming out the other side looks like to the “addict”. O_o
I mean… What are they going to do or say that’s going to convince a dude that he doesn’t feel like doing what he feels like doing? Do they hypnotize dudes? Do they hold up a picture and go “You are getting sleeeeepy… This is your wifeeeee… You ONLY feel like having sex with HERRRRRR… When I count backwards from 10, you will wake up refreshed and forget this conversation”?
Do they lock you in a room with images of the Monopoly dude with his pockets turned inside-out because he’s broke from the divorce? Do they make you watch an infinite loop of the video of you standing there in the church swearing on a stack of bibles that you’re going to be faithful to your wife?
It seems to me that a guy has common sense or he doesn’t. He knows what he’s doing or he doesn’t. He intends to be faithful to his wife or he doesn’t. I don’t see what they’re going to tell him in sex rehab that’s going to make him go “OH SNAP!!! I’VE BEEN BUGGIN’!!! :O”
Another thing I find laughable about this situation is that when an unmarried guy gets tossed in sex rehab it’s because he’s an actual addict.. I mean he can’t even function or hold a job or make money and all he wants to do is hang out with his porno collection or whatever. Meanwhile, when a MARRIED guy gets tossed in sex rehab, he was a perfectly functioning member of society that was getting laid without his wife being involved.
It’s like a discount.. It’s like you have to be WAY LESS OF AN ADDICT to qualify for sex rehab if you’re married. It’s like how if you’re a “normal” kid and you punch somebody in the face, you’re a troublemaker.. but then.. If you’re smart enough to run around the classroom like you’re crazy before you hit that kid, you’re just ADD and they need to give you drugs to calm you down.
I have to take a personal moment here. One of the funniest things I ever saw in my life was in fifth grade, when my homeboy Kenny threw a desk at our teacher! :D hahaha WOW! I was impressed! :D I’m STILL impressed. As much as I used to trip out and create havoc in elementary school, I never did anything that made the teachers think I was actually certifiable.
I mean I couldn’t have even THOUGHT UP the idea of throwing a desk at a teacher.. it was utterly brilliant and I knew I was witnessing mental greatness. I knew in that very second that I would NEVER in my elementary school career be able to do anything that was ever going to top that as far as “crazy”.
It’s beside the point that my hide would have been TANNED if I would have done something so stupid and disrespectful. :) I’m impressed because it never occurred to me even as a thought that I wouldn’t actually carry out because of the pending consequences. It was out of the blue, he threw the desk out of sheer passion, he scared the **** out of our teacher, I laughed my ass off and I haven’t forgotten that moment (I must have been 11 years old at the time) to this very day. :D It was the greatest, purest expression of anger, frustration and aggression in the face of authority that I had ever seen in my entire life, and it was beautiful. :D
Anyway… If you would have put my resume of mischievous pranks up against Kenny’s resume of outbursts, he would have been seen as “Needing mental help” and I would have been seen as “Likes to be a jerk towards people he doesn’t like”. My actions would have been seen as deliberate, so throwing me in some kind of rehab (which didn’t exist at the time) or diagnosing me as ADD (which didn’t exist at the time) wouldn’t have been seen as a way to right the wrongs I was consistently doing to people.
Similarly.. I don’t see how a grown-ass-man who’s a perfectly functioning member of society except he likes to get laid behind his wife’s back qualifies for some kind of mental health program to “straighten him out”. Straighten WHAT out? \o/
What’s even worse is when dudes aren’t even cheating on their wives, but they get committed for being addicted to porno. I find that completely amazing, personally. :) Dude isn’t going to strip clubs. He’s not hooking up with other women. He’s not planning to leave you. All he’s trying to do is enjoy himself and his woman’s like “NAH! NAH! There’s something WRONG with you!” :D
Is he going to work? Is he bringing home the bacon? Is there a roof over your head and clothes on your back? Does he play with your kid? Then leave him the **** alone and let him get his recreation on…. but NOOOOOOOOOO.
What if his wife is busted? O_o
What if he still loves her and cares about her and wants to be with her but isn’t turned on AT ALL by the thought or action of having sex with her? Sure, he might hook up with her for HER satisfaction, but what about HIM? :D He’s just supposed to be miserable because that’s the way the cookie crumbled?
A gal might also try to throw her guy in sex rehab when she’s not even hannlin’ her own bidnezz in the bedroom! It’s supposed to be some kind of breach of contract that he found a satisfying way to circumnavigate her sex embargo, haha too bad, so sad. Don’t cry for Argentina.
Collateral Damage / Innocent Bystanders
I was hanging out at a party, minding my own business, watching the chicks dance.. and this friend of mine walks over and tells me how she feels that it’s creepy that I’m layin’ up in the cut, watching.. And then goes so far as to describe to me what she thinks I’m going to do after I finish checkin’ out the action! :D
Now… Regardless of what I *was* actually gonna do after checkin’ out the action :P~~~ and regardless of the fact that I know that particular girl is a FREAK-BODY herself, which is why SHE was coming up with what *I* might have been thinking about IN HER OWN MIND… The reason that happened to me is that she’s been conditioned along with the rest of society to believe that guys that are inspired to **** chicks are automatically ‘Pervs’ or some sort of deviants.
You see this brainwashing all the time when these *****-ass dudes apologize to girls for saying they think they’re hot/sexy/attractive. What’s the matter with you? :/ Grow a pair and OWN the fact that a chick turns you on. Damn. Why are you crawling around sniveling on the floor? What the hell is she gonna do.. NOT give you some? Jeez. :/
Meanwhile, it’s cool when my friend that approached me and her girlfriends grind on each other on the dance floor and kiss each other and generally show love towards each other while *ALL* their boyfriends hang out together in some other room and ignore the girls completely, because that’s what society has sold them as “normal”, and then The Kid‘s supposed to be the abnormal one ’cause I’m in the place to be, where the action’s going down! hahahaha GEEEEEEEEET THE **** OUTTA HERE!!! :D
Men Are Victims! :/
This is all the fault of these “Help me, I’m sick” dudes trying to shirk responsibility by trying to make doing what they wanted to do and what they CHOSE and DECIDED to do appear as a mental disorder.
We all know how overbearing and relentless waitresses often are.. not taking “no” for an answer and insisting that we hook up with them out in the parking lot when their shift is over. Several waitresses, mind you.. In several different restaurants in several different cities in several different countries.
We all know how demanding interns and production assistants are.. Making us get THEM coffee and taking two-hour lunch breaks and insisting that we tap that in the company van on the way back from a shoot or in our office while we’re on speakerphone talking business with someone.
THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS! :D Did you notice how the side-chicks are never power-brokers? It’s always some chick like eight levels down or if she looks like anything at all, she’s a hooker or porno chick that these dudes actually PAID to have sex with?
How do you justify that? It’s not like you can say “Damn Sunnnn… I don’t know what happened… She cold OUTSMARTED ME into hooking up with her! :(” haha “I kept telling her ‘Cut that out.. My wife does that perfectly fine for me!’ but she kept on going!!! :(”
No. It’s always some dude that mentally, physically and intellectually trumps the chick he gets caught with and then he tries to get over by playing the DSM-IV card.
Disorders vs. Excuses
The dudes that need help, get them help. I’m sure a dude could ACTUALLY become addicted to sex or gambling or video games or drugs or alcohol or dancing in the subway trying to earn money. Help those dudes return to being functional members of society and living productive lives if they feel like their lives aren’t already productive.
These dudes that got married and then got busted screwing the next chick? \o/
Maybe he was sleepwalking. Was he wearing pajamas when you caught him? If so, give him a pass. Other than that, recognize the situation for what it is.
Personally, I’m tired of carrying these people. :) I’m tired of being vilified because these dudes get busted and then refuse to admit they just plain COULDN’T or WOULDN’T keep their word to their woman. Just fess up and stop trying to make regular behavior a sickness for your own selfish “Get Out Of Jail, Free” reasons.
If this keeps up, I’m gonna write up a new disorder. There are lots of women that I’d like to have committed *TODAY* and throw their asses in SHOE REHAB!