One of my most popular posts is 2008’s “How To Break Up With Your Girl”. It seems like every single day, somebody wants to know how to break up with a girl….
***** SPOILER ALERT for Real World: DC ***** If you don’t want to know what happened last night, stop reading now! 😀
Being a professional at getting rid of chicks while maximizing their potential to feel good about it, I was sitting there like :O watching Josh dump his girlfriend on RW:DC last night. It was horrific. It was brutal.
I know how brutal it was because I did just about the exact same thing back in the day.
Cheating & Valor
Personally, I’m not a “cheater”. I put that in quotes because I don’t believe in cheating. I believe in Free Will. I’m going to do whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it regardless of what I say to some chick.
Being that I understand this about myself, the issue is circumvented by never committing to one chick. If you don’t tell one person that you’re in a committed relationship with them, you don’t have to extricate yourself from the relationship on the fly when something else comes up that you want to do.
Whomever you’re dating deserves that much, at least. They deserve more than on some regular day, they get a phone call from their boyfriend telling them that it’s over and that’s that. I’ve done it. I didn’t like “having” to do it. I wasn’t happy about it. I’m not proud about it. I wish I could have thought up a better way to deal with the situation, but I was like 19 and that’s all I had in my arsenal at the time.
The reason I brought up not being a cheater is because it’s an issue of valor and strength. If you make a verbal commitment to someone that you and she are in an exclusive relationship, you need to keep your word… not to HER, but to YOURSELF.
That’s like telling someone you’re going to work for them and then not showing up. That’s like having someone work for you and then not paying them. That’s like having kids with a chick and not supporting them. It’s an issue of valor. How are you supposed to look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you’re a weak Human Being and a pathetic excuse for a male of the species?
So, besides the fact that I don’t believe in the concept at all, that’s why I’m not a cheater. When I say something, it means something.. To *ME* and to other people. I wouldn’t be happy with myself, telling some chick “You’re my girlfriend, and I love you” on the phone and then picking up chicks at the bar left and right.
This is how I ended up in the Josh-esque situation of having to dump a chick out of the blue over the phone. I wasn’t in the process of hooking up, because that’s not something I would have done BEFORE breaking up with the chick, but I could feel it coming… I knew damned well that if I had been in the moment, the moment would have occurred. I wouldn’t have stopped the action to have some sort of philosophical conversation with the girlfriend that I had already decided wasn’t my girlfriend anymore, so I did what I considered to be the right thing and dumped her BEFORE something happened. It was still ****** up, but it was the best solution I could come up with at the time.
So Josh’s chick heads for the bathroom and Josh heads for the phone. I’m hoping and praying that he’s going to do the right thing and fall on his sword, taking the entire heat for the situation, but I don’t figure that’s what’s going to happen.
From the way they’ve edited the show, it doesn’t appear that Josh has the capability to have an actual “girlfriend”. He said something a few episodes back about how he was homeless and she let him live with her or something. I’m sure he said a bunch of other good stuff about her that they edited out in order to develop his character in a particular direction, but it’s clear that dude thrives off of attention. It’s clear that he’s not the “No. I have a girlfriend” type of dude.
The funny part about all this is that a few episodes back, when he heard that HIS GIRLFRIEND might have been creeping around the way, this guy starts BITCHING AND MOANING about it to her, like as if they’re in some kind of important relationship. This is a fantastic and obvious case study of a double standard. “Cheat on me and I’ll flip my wig!!! :O .. Meanwhile, I’ll cheat on you and if you find out about it, I’ll break up with you because I already have another ***** anyway. Peace! :D”
I Kissed A Girl
So Josh starts off decently with sounding somber and like he might have been crying recently. That was good because you don’t want to break up with a chick like blah blah Peace! You want to seem as if you give a damn.. Assuming you’re interested in her mental health, well being and physical safety. You want it to seem like this decision is tough on you, when, in reality, the chick you’re about to bang is in the bathroom and you took this opportunity to absolve yourself from the guilt of having to tell your girlfriend that you hooked up AFTER THE FACT.
The first “OOF!” moment came when he finally started breaking down what was going on. He goes “I kissed somebody”. :/ I was like “Come. On. Player.. YOU *KNOW* that’s not what it is! 😀 Jeez. That was the MAJOR cop-out, because a) he had made out with chicks on camera BEFORE that night, and b) he was completely understating his level of involvement with tonight’s chick.
I understood why he did it. The intention was proper. He knew that HER reaction to hearing that he kissed a chick was going to be breaking up with him, which absolved him from guilt for hooking up with the chick he had waiting for him to finish yakking on the phone so they could do this, like Brutus and we always knew this.
The execution was *****. Straight up. You know what you’re about to do. Let your girl down properly if you’re going to do it at all. If you just HAVE TO BE THAT WEASEL whose word doesn’t mean jack-**** then let her know the real deal. Don’t make her feel like there’s a chance at reviving the exclusivity of the relationship by acting like you kissed a chick and came home solo and were about to go to sleep. :/
Having said all that, I’m aware that these are edited shows, and as an editor, I could have made Josh look as valiant or as creepy as the producers wanted him to look, so it’s entirely possible that they deleted the parts where he explained that he was about to screw the chick he kissed tonight as soon as he got off the phone with his girlfriend… I just completely DOUBT that that’s what happened.
Josh then proceeds to talk too much and say that he kissed a girl that he’s been “seeing a couple of times”. :/ BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ.. Wrong Answer!
This is where the whole situation dove downhill. Most guys don’t understand woman-speak. Women will tell you the amount that they’re COMFORTABLE telling you. Unless you’re tight with them (which means, by default, that you’re not dating them), they’re not going to tell you what ACTUALLY happened. They already know this about themselves. This is why when you tell women about something YOU did, they automatically escalate what you said a couple of levels.
If a chick you’re not tight with tells you that she went out with a dude, she may very well have ****** his ****. If she tells you she did that, she probably screwed him. If she tells you nothing at all happened, she probably made out with him. This is the logic they apply to what YOU tell THEM.
So, for Josh to say he kissed someone, she’s going to assume he did way more than kissing. For Josh to nail his own coffin shut by saying “This promoter that I’ve been… seeing a couple of times”, he’s admitting that a) he can’t be trusted around women that are supposedly platonic business friends of his, and b) that he’s been actively pursuing this chick that he supposedly ‘just’ kissed while he was in a committed relationship to his girlfriend.
Play “Taps”. The Fat Lady is singing.
I’m Only A Man
So then he tries to weasel his way out of the situation by saying “I’ve tried my hardest.. I can’t stand to hurt you anymore”. This is where I started to get disgusted. He wasn’t “hurting” his girlfriend because he had been HIDING his behavior this whole time. This phone call wasn’t to relieve her of some kind of current pain she was in. Josh knew he was about to get pizaid and he didn’t feel like a) admitting it after the fact and making himself look like more of a crumb, or b) having the chicks in the house spill the beans to his girl, which would have been even worse.
Of course, his girl starts going berserk, as if that matters. “How Could You Do This? blah blah blah”. Nobody cares. This is the guilt-absolution conversation, not the “let’s talk about this” conversation. This is the “I have a ***** waiting for me in the bathroom” conversation.
So just when I thought the situation had hit rock bottom as far as Josh not taking responsibility for his own desires COUGHtigerCOUGH, she aks him why he did it and he goes “I can’t help myself… I’m only a man, and I can’t help myself. I don’t know what else to tell you”.
No. Sorry, Dude. :/ If you want to bring the word “man” into this, you need to say “I’m a man, and I do THE **** what I want to do, including ******* this chick that’s waiting for me to finish dumping you right now”.
This is the end result of women running all over creation screaming “MEN ARE DOGS!!!”. Guys have now adopted this as their ‘out’ in all situations. “What did you expect me to do? I’m only a man. :(“. What’s your point, dude? There are only two options.. Male and Female. You’re saying that all guys cheat? Maybe you’re saying that you’re a sex addict? O_o
UGH! I was so disgusted. Just admit that you’re with a chick that you feel like banging right now, regardless of the fact that you have a girlfriend and you just plain don’t care enough about what your girl says, thinks or feels about what you do with YOUR life and YOUR body.
This is where the term “Man Up” originates from. It means BE. A. STRONG. PERSON!.. It doesn’t mean to hide behind stereotypes to explain away your DELIBERATE actions as some kind of mental or especially gender-based weakness.
So anyway, Josh ripped his girlfriend’s heart out, then went to get laid.
I think this is a really important episode for women to watch, even though, as I’ve said, it’s clearly edited and probably doesn’t show the entirety of the conversations and Josh’s behaviors so we don’t really have a full picture of what actually happened.
I think this is a CLEAR case of a guy that’s down to have as many chicks as he can have, and he’s willing to be a weasel to get them. Whatever they need to hear, that’s what he’s going to tell them to get them to lay down. That’s not unique. He’s not an anomaly. He’s not an exception to a rule.
What I would like women to go watch is how a guy can get on the phone with you, yak about whatever, tell you he loves you and then get back into bed with the next chick and pick up where he left off. I would like y’all to watch how a guy could have his girlfriend travel to see him, spend time with him, hook up with him and as soon as she breaks out, he’s hooking up with the next chick.
I’m not making this stuff up myself. 🙂 Reader “Marie” called my posts disheartening. That may very well be the case, but I see things from a different perspective. These people with their happy-go-lucky dating blogs are only telling you half of the story… and it’s NOT the half that’s going to help you when YOU’RE the one that gets the “I’m dumping you” call (or text) out of the blue from the guy you thought you were in an exclusive relationship with.
“I’m only a man” might work on *YOU* and get you to go to your girlfriends yammering about how weak your now-ex-boyfriend’s mind is that he wasn’t able to resist the slightest “temptation”, but I guarantee you that same dude isn’t thinking about you AT ALL while he’s hooking up with the next chick, except for those brief moments in time where he thinks “Thank God I’m rid of what’shername” in between strokes.