Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?

Posted by Bill Cammack On February - 26 - 2010

A reader asked me a question to the effect of whether guys expect sex on the fourth date. I thought this was very interesting because I hadn’t ever considered the concept before. Offhand, I would say “No. Sex is Not expected on the fourth date”.
 
Sex is expected immediately.

What He’s Thinking

The only reason he spoke to you in the first place was that he thought you were attractive. Similar to not renting a porno movie and waiting three weeks to watch it, he would like to hook up with you BEFORE he introduces himself to you. By the time you become aware of him, he’s already mentally done the deed a few times while he was figuring out what he was going to say to you to get the show on the road.

The number of dates makes no difference. It’s basically True or False. 1 or 0. Yes or No. She gave it up or she didn’t. \o/ So, for instance, a sequence involving sex on the fourth date would look like 0001. Sex on the third date would look like 0010, etc.

The guy is striving for 1111 and there’s really nothing more to say on that topic. :D

What She’s Thinking

Regardless of whether she likes the guy or not, the average gal on the scene is striving not to look like a ho. At some point in history, the Worldwide Queen Of All Women handed down the decree that the magic number for holding out that qualifies a gal as “not a ho” is three (3) dates. Therefore, observing strict adherence to the Women’s Handbook requires a gal to go 000 on her first three encounters with a guy so she will be beyond reproach if she decides to give it up after that.

Thus, the genesis of the question “Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?”. What’s going to happen if a chick goes 0000? What about 0000000000?

We See You Coming

Unfortunately for women, men already know what you’re doing. Some guys are willing to wait it out while y’all play games with yourselves. *yawn* Sooner or later, you’ll let yourself do what you wanted to do the first day we kicked it to you and then it’s Game On! :D

One of the failures of the three-date-abstinence rule is that no timetable was handed down regarding space between dates. This means that you can take a chick out three times during the week and still hit it on Saturday, just the way you planned it. It’s not like you only see her ON Saturdays, which would mean that it would take you an entire month to get on.

Another failure is that sometimes, holding out makes a guy MORE likely to hit it & quit it instead of LESS likely. Going out with you and not demanding sex might mean he’s willing to date you ad infinitum without hooking up. It could also mean that he’s got other chicks to kick it with while he waits for you to come around. This is one of the main reasons why I say that sex isn’t expected on the fourth date.

Never. Say. “Never!” ;)

Guys know that BEFORE the fourth date, chicks are gonna kick themselves for giving it up, so date #4 is really the first time they’re spending authentically uninhibited time with them. Assuming the guy hasn’t bailed already, if he’s waited out three dates, there’s no reason he wouldn’t wait out four dates or six or twelve.

You have to consider the reason why she’s dating you in the first place…

She’s going through her usual process to determine whether she wants to give you some or not. If she wins the game and you become her boyfriend, she automatically inherits responsibility for your sexual satisfaction.

It’s not like she’s NEVER going to give it up.. She just wants to feel like it’s a good probability that she’s going to get what SHE wants out of the relationship before getting down with the program.

So.. Date #4 isn’t any sort of significant milestone for a guy. It’s still a 1 or a 0. He gets on or he doesn’t. It’s not like a guy’s gonna say “Tarnation! :/ I took her out all four times like I was supposed to and she STILL didn’t give it up? I’m OUTTA HERE!” :D

If a guy likes you as a person, he’ll hang out with you whether he’s getting on or not. If he doesn’t like you as a person, giving him some most likely won’t change how he feels AT ALL. If you seem sincere in not wanting to have sex with him, most guys will be cool with that too.. Assuming, of course, you’re not the only gal he’s dating. :D

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16 Responses to “Is Sex Expected On The Fourth Date?”

  1. Nigel says:

    Great opening paragraph!!

  2. Michele says:

    I don’t like playing games; therefore, I expect it on the first date. Show me what you got!

  3. C jay says:

    No. Sex is Not expected on the fourth date”.”Sex is expected immediately.”

    I dont know about expected immediately but most certainly wanted immediately. As a guy its the first thing i know about you before i even open my mouth or even think about making my way over i know that would most definitely like to tap dat asap.

    also hope fully sex on third date looks like 0011 :)

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Two excellent points. :)

      I needed to roll with the word “expected” because of the way the original question was phrased. The average reader would have become confused if I had said “Sex is desired immediately”. They would have said “What does desire have to do with expectation?” and the overall point would have been lost to them. :D

      Yes. Nobody actually EXPECTS anybody to do anything. You EXPECT cars to drive in the street, not on the sidewalk, but that doesn’t always happen.

      I also didn’t call sex on the third date “0011” for the exact same reason! haha Absolutely, you’re hoping for 1’s every single time after the first “1”! :D I was again hoping to reach the non-technically-minded without throwing more than one concept at them at a time.

      The overall point being what you said.. Regardless of the game that SHE’S playing, we’ve been waiting to get to the good part from BEFORE we introduced ourselves.

      Desire => Introduction … NOT the other way around.

  4. […] that are DTF right now, and playing that “I’m only going to hook up with him after the fourth date” game is only stalling *her* from getting on, and not […]

  5. matt says:

    i disagree, yes we may first recognize her because she is attractive but not every guy wants sex right away, mature men want to get to know the woman, get to know her wants, needs, and most of all get to know her personality.

  6. AlizaG says:

    Great article! I also love that you choose Romeo Void’s “Never Say Never”!!!!
    Ha ha – would you guess I’m over 50?
    Good advice, is good advice. I’m just sayin’

  7. Nikola says:

    Hi Bill,

    I like your site and the “Enlightenment” that you bring to the female world :-) What i want to say does not reflect this particular column, but your general logic on “when should a woman have sex with a guy.” It is just that I read your columns all at once and well I kind of got inspired here :-)

    I will always always be more inclined to have sex with somebody who will buy me that 200$ dinner or take me on a shopping spree than with somebody who wants to split the 20$ bill…it is not that 200$ IS my price…but it is just that i like a man who is in charge of things and knows what`s he`s doin`….i don`t expect/want a relationship after the sex fact…but it is always better to go to bed with somebody who kind of makes you feel secure and ladylike than with some “emancipated” guy who read too much feminists scripts…it is just not sexy! For me! :-)

    • gettinbyokay says:

      I am a girl…and I would not be more willing to sleep with some dude cause he spent $200 on a meal…if he has the money, he is just tryin to impress me…and if I gave in that easy, I wouldn’t get another $200 dinner…as a matter of fact, just because a guy has money, I would probably make him wait longer…he doesn’t need an ego boost ((; the chick above obviously doesn’t know the game…ha ha “learn the game, then play better than everyone else” !

      • Bill Cammack says:

        Hey, Gettingby :)

        “Learn the game, then play better than everyone else”

        hahaha THAT’S WHAT’S UP!!! >:D

        Yes.. Accepting gifts and money is as much of an art as paying women to spend time with you.

        Even if a chick offers to take me out for the evening, I’m going to try to split the check with her.. Unless she sneaks and asks for the bill while I’m in the bathroom! (inside “joke”)

        You have to carefully monitor the money dynamic in relationships and hookups and make sure that you’re playing into whatever your actual best interests are.

      • Nikola says:

        You would probably make him wait longer??? Why? So that you get another $200 dinner??!?

        I like this site because it confirms my belief: it doesn´t matter when you have sex with him! The sex itself won´t get you anything! And I like it when they want to impress me! :-))

        But then again the chick under…it´s a free world…to each, its own!

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Nikola, Thanks for the comment. :)

      That’s very interesting, and might have to be a separate blog post about splitting checks.

      It’s true that if you figure out spending money on a chick is the easiest way to get her to give it up, and you don’t need the money anyway, you may as well spend it to get to the nitty-gritty faster.. So long as you don’t mind her considering you a customer.

      OTOH, I think it needs to be contextual spending.

      Like, if I want to go to the movies with a broke chick, that means I’m going to be the one paying for it.

      If she actually has a job or some format of income (coming in, hehe), maybe I buy the tickets and she buys the popcorn, or I pay for the movies and she pays for the dinner/drinks.

      Then again, I don’t “date”, as in the courtship ritual, but I see what you’re saying.

      Also the fact that a dude can blow money on you is going to make you feel more like he’s on top of his game = you’re more likely to give him some. I get that.

      This is one of the reasons guys should use their own style, whatever that is.

      If everybody plays the 2012 androgynous eunuch, there’s nothing left for the women that are turned on by “real men”.

      • Nikola says:

        Hi…hihihihi…loved the “2012 androgynous eunuch” part:-)))

        Maybe they are also “real men.” I don`t like putting an etiquette on men…who`s real or not…I was just saying what I like!

        Anyway, thanks for the answer.

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