Bros Before Hoes? [RW:DC, Part 02]

“Bros Before Hoes” essentially means that when a guy has to make a decision between a guy he knows and a girl he knows, he should side with the guy by default or general principle.

This is based on the often-accurate assumption that the guy is actually your friend, while the girl ISN’T your friend, but instead someone you’re currently hooking up with or trying to hook up with.

A lot of women mistake the fact that a guy kicks it to them or asks them out or even dates them for a long time to mean that they’re automatically friends with a guy as well. It doesn’t work like that.

This is what gals find out when their romantic relationship to a guy ends and then he never speaks to her ever again in life. Your value to him was hooking up, NOT being his friend.

However, this does NOT apply to females across the board. There are some gals that actually ARE your friends, which qualifies them as Bros instead of Hoes.

The division isn’t so much gender-based as it is functionality-based. If you lose a friend, male or female, that’s an actual loss. If you lose a chick you’re messing with, you just get another one and keep it movin’. I guess it’s kind of like when your car doesn’t work anymore, you don’t sit there on the curb wondering what you’re gonna do.. you get another car. \o/

So this is a very important consideration, which side of the line your female acquaintances fall on. They might be Bros or they might be Hoes, depending on their functionality. In fact, you might be tighter with certain females than you are with the majority of your male acquaintances, essentially rendering those guys Hoes in comparison, should a decision be required.

Ass Out, In The GarbageA lot of guys don’t think about this and a lot of guys don’t have ANY female friends at all. The only reason to have a female as a friend is that she’s actually USEFUL as a friend, meaning that you can do stuff with her that you would have done with your real friends.. guys.

Ladies: It doesn’t qualify you as someone’s friend because you’re not hooking up with him. Everybody knows that “Just Friends” merely means that you’re denying physical involvement with a guy. It doesn’t mean that he’ll pick you up out of the garbage when you get drunk at the bar. We’re talking about ACTUAL friends here.

So anyway.. The intelligent man bases his hierarchy of friends on each guy or gal’s way of being and demonstrated usefulness & qualifications as a friend. This is normally relatively easy to do. The MTV show “The Real World” makes this tougher, because you don’t get to separate yourself from people, which sets up a fascinating matrix of alliances that people enter and exit at will as the need arises.

Real World Examples

“The Real World” Episode 2309 (which was REALLY good, I must say.. It seems like they had been saving up for this one, because the previous two episodes were booooooooooooring) had this really great exchange which shows how tough it is to make decisions when you’re dealing with people that you’re aligned with for different reasons in an environment where you can’t escape from either set.

Here are the important players:

  • Ty – Used to be screwing Emily until she shut him down a few episodes back and he ended up crying about it on national televison.. Not crying meaning complaining.. Actually crying.
  • Emily – Something happened to her back in the day and now she does all she can to make women FEEL independent and strong whether they actually are or not.
  • Josh – Had a girlfriend that he didn’t want messing with other guys, but he hypocritically felt fine messing with other girls in the meantime.
  • RandomChick – Didn’t catch her name. Some girl Josh was making out with at the bar that he brought home to hook up with behind his girlfriend’s back.

So Josh brings home RandomChick with the intention of taking her downstairs to lay around with her in seclusion from the rest of the people in the house. RandomChick runs her mouth to one of the girls in the house, causing Emily to get upset at her and want to confront her AND throw her out of the house.

Somehow, Josh escapes with RandomChick to the basement and gets down to the reason she was brought over in the first place. Emily, who along with the rest of the girls in the house has already proven herself to be a cockblocker heads for the only set of stairs going to the basement to interrupt Josh’s action. (To be fair to Emily, she wasn’t going down there specifically to block Josh, but that was going to be the effect of her arrival & behavior.)

Ty gets in front of the steps and blocks Emily from going downstairs, TELLING HER that she’s not going downstairs and she’s not going to interrupt Josh from hooking up = BROS BEFORE HOES! πŸ˜€

Problematic Implementation

This caused a major disturbance for several reasons.. Ty and Emily used to mess before she dumped him. Emily thought she had control over Ty because he still wants to **** her some more. That’s absolutely true, except a) Ty was drunk, and b) Ty is a guy. He had to think to himself “What would *I* want a BRO (male or female) to do if I were hooking up and somebody tried to cockblock me?” and then he hopped into action to defend his boy’s hookup!.. A righteous call, in my book. πŸ™‚

It was also a problem because Emily thought she could push her way past a bigger, stronger person (male or female), which she can not. When Ty informed her that she wouldn’t be going downstairs, she was thinking he was a ***** and she’d just go on downstairs via Elfin Magic. When he pushed her off of his position, she got mad at him for pushing her instead of being mad at HERSELF for not respecting what he told her.

Of course, this gets into the question of WHO gets to tell anybody ANYTHING in the first place, such as “You’re not going downstairs”. You have to realize that on reality television shows, you sign an agreement not to hit other people. This means that once Ty had position blocking the steps, the only way Emily was going downstairs was if she kicked Ty’s ass, which a) she can’t do, and b) she would have been thrown off the show and wouldn’t have gotten to block Josh anyway.

So, in the world of reality television, whomever has position gets to make the rules. Ty successfully fulfilled his duties as wingman for Josh (as he should have for ANYONE in the house that brought someone home, including the chicks). Emily got mad because she realized that all this time that she had thought she was a physical equal to Ty, she was wrong and he had only been playing with her. She was mad that Ty chose Josh over her and the other chicks in the house. She was mad that she didn’t get to throw a chick out of “Their” house that someone else invited her to. Josh did his thing, all was right with the world, everyone went to sleep and sobered up.

Different Day, Different Team

In the morning, however, it was a completely different story. :/ The dynamic had switched back from Emergency Status of needing to protect Josh’s hookup back to Ty trying to get some from Emily. This is why it’s important to properly assess your hierarchy of Bros. πŸ˜€

By siding with Josh, telling Emily what she wasn’t allowed to do, enforcing that fact by physically disallowing her to go downstairs, and making it clear that a guy’s opportunity to get on is way more important than a bunch of chicks running their mouths because they feel disrespected in the house they all share, Ty dug a probably-insurmountable hole for his rap and hopped right into it.

The cat’s out of the proverbial bag. He can’t go back to playing nice with Emily, because she knows that when push comes to shove, might makes right and she has no wins against Ty. Anything she has with him, he’s letting her have until he decides to take it away. Anything she wants to do to him, he can physically veto it, which belies all his begging and crying which had led her to believe she actually had power in their relationship. The only power she has is to NOT give him sex, and watch her make the most out of THAT ONE! πŸ˜€

Also, Ty can’t appeal anymore to the other girls in the house to put in a good word for him with Emily. He alienated all the chicks in the house at the same time. He even apologized to Emily for pushing her, when he SHOULD have been pointing out to her that if she had respected the fact that he had position over the steps and WAS. NOT. going to let her go downstairs, she wouldn’t have gotten pushed in the first place. If she would have RESPECTED Josh’s attempt to hook up and WAITED until he was finished to tell RandomChick off and kick her out of the house, none of this would have happened at all.

On a side note, this happens all the time. All you little 5’4″, 110-pound girls.. Guys are PLAYING. WITH. YOU. when they let you tell them you’re going to smack them or beat them up or whatever. It’s not that you’re some tough chick and he’s “respecting your gangsta”. It’s the he knows that by letting you feel yourself, it’s easier for him to get laid. On top of that, he knows he’s going to become a pariah if you actually hit him and he has to Chris Brown you up, so he’s hoping you keep your hands to yourself and just talk all that good **** without ever actually doing anything.

Do The Right Thing

So, my personal assessment is that Ty did ABSOLUTELY the right thing for men in general by selecting Bros Before Hoes, except he did the absolutely WRONG thing for HIMSELF. Bros Before Hoes is one of those joints like Daffy Duck says.. “I can only do this trick once!” πŸ˜€ You can’t inform a chick that she’s a ho in the middle of the night and then try to shake her hand and pat her on the back like a bro in the morning. Once you let her know what time it is, the jig is up.

Also, if Ty and Emily actually WERE bros, instead of a guy and a girl he’s trying to have sex with, there would have been a discussion at the top of the steps instead of an argument. Ty would have told Emily he wasn’t going to let her go downstairs and cockblock (which he DID, actually) and Emily would have understood the concept and respected what Ty said. Emily would have told Ty she wanted to tell that ***** off and he would have understood and respected THAT, but informed her that she was going to have to wait until Josh finished hooking up and then RandomChick was all hers. Since they’re *NOT* actually FRIENDS and certainly not bros, that’s not what happened.

A side note to all this is that this was entirely Josh’s fault. πŸ˜€ He knew the chicks in the house are perpetual cockblockers.. Actually, this seems to be a running theme in reality shows like this. The chicks never pull any guys to come to the house and mess with them and then get their kicks trying to watch and giggle together when one of the guys brings a girl home. They had already demonstrated this when Andrew was trying to hook up, which was part of the reason Ty knew he had to stop them this time.

Anyway… Josh knew he was going into a situation with nosey chicks that felt like they had authority in the house because guys are too ***** to tell it like it really is. He SHOULD have told the chick that was coming home with him not to interact with the live-in chicks at all. I know the video was edited, but I honestly don’t know how he made it downstairs with the chick without Emily screaming on her right there.

So here’s the assessment.. If you’re faking being a bro with a chick in order to hook up with her, you don’t get to be a wingman AGAINST her. Inform your boy that you have his back *UNLESS* this particular chick gets involved because you’re not going to screw up YOUR action to save his.

Keep It Real

I just remembered another reason this situation was Josh’s fault. Josh had a girlfriend at the time that he brought home RandomChick. Josh had invited his girlfriend to come to the house to visit, during which time, she inevitably met and bonded with the other girls in the house. Even if RandomChick hadn’t talked ****, Josh essentially slapped them all in the face by showing up with a girl he was cheating on their homegirl with.

The female counter-statement is “Chicks Before Dicks”. By introducing his girlfriend to the girls in the house, she was initiated into their sorority. Even though they knew him for way longer than her, she’s a chick and Josh isn’t, making her a BRO of theirs, rendering Josh the HO in this situation.

Josh is lucky the gals didn’t rat him out. IN FACT, when his girlfriend called up later, Emily picked up the phone AND. COVERED. FOR. JOSH. by saying she’d check to see if he was awake as opposed to saying she’d check to see if he was finished with the girl he took downstairs with him. So, *PROPS* to Emily for lookin’ out! πŸ˜€

Bill Cammack & KVSo, Yeah… Fellaz!… “Bros Before Hoes!” is fun to say and all, but you’re really better off making a hierarchical list of the people (guys AND girls) that have demonstrated the desire and ability to be DOWN for you and make your decisions from there.

If a chick has put in the time and demonstrated the value to you whereby she qualifies as a bro, show her the respect she deserves. Look out for HER and wing for HER if she’s trying to get a rap. Extend her all the perks of.. bron-ess? bro-dom? bro-ism?…

Anyway, you know what I’m saying. Keep it Real… Don’t leave her ass in the garbage outside the club.

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