Bill’s Contradictory Dating Advice

Reader “Sophia” has made some very interesting comments over the last couple of days and I wanted to put in my two cents about something she brought up:

“Your advice to women is contradictory…” “Your comments that I quoted were together in the SAME text block below your blog post as though they somehow didn’t mean the exact opposite of each other.”

One of the ‘problems’ for me in writing a dating blog and participating in my own comment threads is that it’s tough for me to “freestyle” and speak from the same voice. The two different voices being what the average, status-quo-type person would think and what The Kid would think.

When I’m creating a blog post, I’m striving to speak from one of the two perspectives, and mostly along the status quo lines because I’m not trying to tell stories.. I’m trying to give information that might be useful to someone. If I wrote most of my blog posts from my own point of view, a) people wouldn’t understand what I’m saying, b) they wouldn’t believe what I’m saying, and c) they wouldn’t get anything out of it that they might be able to apply to their own lives.

BC_Unforgivable_Feb_2006.jpgIf I were to give guys dating advice as if they were me, it would be 1) look proper, 2) go outside, 3) talk to girls that appear to like your presentation. Period. End of blog. I literally have a backlog of chicks that I’ve met and been meaning to hang out with, but haven’t had the time recently because of too much work. Meanwhile, every time I go to an event, I meet new chicks so the backlog increases. This is not normal. Giving advice as if everyone had this going on for them wouldn’t be productive or useful.

So what I do is place myself in the mindset that I feel is likely to be encountered by guys and gals on the dating scene and when I’m writing a post, I force myself into remembering the context of my post. When I’m participating in the comment threads, I’m “freestyling” or reacting directly to what was written. This is where the issue that Sophia brings up shows up the most for me because I’ve failed to remain in one voice. I switch between Average Joe and my own opinion without qualifying which voice I’m using.

So, for instance, I might say “If a guy doesn’t get sex from his girlfriend, he’s going to get it behind her back” and then say “I’m not a ‘cheater'”. Those are contradictory statements because in the first case, I’m talking about how in general, guys want to have their cake and eat it too and instead of dumping a chick for not producing sexually, they’d rather keep her and get azz on the side until she finds out and then who cares that she found out because you already have more chicks. In the second case, I’m talking about the fact that “cheating” means that you’re going back on YOUR OWN WORD TO YOURSELF, which is weak. If you were feeling a chick to the degree that you told her you weren’t going to hook up with any other chicks and then you fail to do that, you failed YOURSELF.. Unless you just said that as a ploy to get her to lay down, in which case you’re just a strategic liar.

Sophia’s main point seemed to be about my advice to women being contradictory along the lines of trying to get relationships versus looking like “sluts” for hooking up with guys they actually want to have sex with.

Unfortunately, the advice is going to be contradictory because all women can’t get away with the same things. If a chick is a 2, she has no wins at all and she can invoke “women’s lib” and “there’s someone for everyone” and anything else she’s been led to believe and that’s not going to make her look any better. She’s BELOW all the better-looking chicks on the totem pole when it comes to dating. I’ve never in my entire life heard a guy say “Man.. That chick is REEEEEEEALLY BUSTED, I think I’m going to go talk to her” and pass by better-looking girls to kick it to that particular one. Having said that, I’ve had guys point out ugly chicks to me as targets and when I asked them WTF they were talking about, the response has been “Did you see her ASS? :O” or some kind of redeeming value to the chick that’s going to make him overlook her visual shortcomings.

On the other side of the coin, there’s going to be different advice for 8s, 9s and 10s (hawt chicks) because they’re actually in demand. There’s going to be different advice for 5s, 6s and 7s because they’re seen as more approachable / attainable and guys aren’t scared to death of them and are more likely to ask them out.

There’s also different advice based on the type of guy they’re trying to pull. If she’s trying to pull a “King Of Queens” overweight UPS guy, that’s going to be different from if she’s trying to pull a model or a trader. They don’t hang out in the same places. They don’t look for the same qualities in women. There’s no one set of advice that works across the board.

The reason I consider commenting “freestyling” is that I attack it ‘off the top’ as if it were a question I received live over drinks @ Burp Castle. When I hear a question, ideas come to me and I express my answers. I’ll see what I can do to not drift between voices, but I’m not sure there’s anything TO be done because I don’t blog as a job. I blog for fun. Part of the fun is being a part of the conversation and kicking whatever I felt should have been kicked at that point in time. Sometimes, that’s going to be contradictory. Sometimes I’m going to contradict myself in the same text block. That’s because I’m real and I’m in the trenches. I’m not some bleacher-sitter speculating about how guys should buy women flowers and always say they’re wrong in an argument.

Everything doesn’t make sense in the real world. Why did you cross the street? I wanted to get to the other side. But the signal said “Don’t Walk”. There were no cars coming. You could have gotten run over. I didn’t.

One set of advice says “Only cross at the light and when it says walk”. The other set of advice says “Look both ways before you cross the street” and has ZERO provisions for whether you receive information from a sign that says it’s safe. Both are viable and both are contradictory. That’s Life.

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2 Comments

  1. great post.

    I think this is one of the down sides to writing a straight blunt honest dating blog. it is often contradictory to the fairy tale nature of our current mental picture of the situation. Also the true value of these posts is always in the comments its the only place were bill and other guys can give you male perspective on your situation.

    1. Thanks man 🙂

      Funny thing about this post is that it wasn’t supposed to be a “post”. It’s just that I needed to respond to Sophia and it needed to NOT be buried in the comment section of a thread some people will never read.

      To me, this post was a complete throwaway, but I’ve gotten really good responses from it so I’m glad people got something out of it. 🙂

      The problem with writing my particular style of blog (which is why I’m the only one that does it) is that you’re starting off from scratch with a population that doesn’t believe what you’re saying. When I say that guys are primarily interested in how gals look and whether they want to hook up or not, women don’t want to believe it, even though guys come up to them in crowded bars and introduce themselves. He didn’t hear what you were saying. He doesn’t know your name to Google you and find out that you’re smart (or not), so why is he coming over?.. Because of how you look and what he wants. It’s so simple and right in women’s faces, but they’re already properly brainwashed to maintain the fairy tale.

      I agree that the value is in the comments, because when I’m writing the post, I’m telling a particular story without input from anyone else. The comment section is where the DISCUSSION is and where we get blessed with Real-Life Situations that look like ducks, walk like ducks and so far, have mostly turned out TO BE ducks. All I’m trying to do is react on the fly to what I perceive to be the issue based on the data given…

      Now that I’m thinking about the comment sections, I’m just now noticing that it’s been mostly women that have the questions. I totally appreciate that as depressing as my blog must be for them that they’re willing to open their minds and consider unpleasant alternative scenarios. If you don’t see it, you can’t do anything about it. What you don’t know WILL hurt you. 🙂

      Personally, I would have *LOVED* for there to have been a female blog breaking down the stuff they do to guys when I was trying to figure women out. It’s a drag when a situation plays out right in front of your face, IRL, and you’re like “What the **** am I supposed to do with THIS situation?” 😀

      A while back, I’m hanging out with a friend and we go to a party where I’m trying to meet up with this chick. We get to the party and I can’t find her, so my friend and I lean back in the cut, chatting. Lo and behold, the chick doesn’t see me, walks up holding hands with some dude, stops literally six feet away from me and starts making out with him.

      I moved in for a closer look to make sure it was her, went back over to my friend with the confirmation, let her finish her action and go about her business then met up with her 10 minutes later as if we had just arrived at the party. Business as usual. Don’t mean Nuthin’. 😀

      No need to panic. No need to speculate about whether she’s “taken” or “spoken for”. It is what it is. He’s going to stop kissing her or he isn’t. He’s going to take her away from the party when he’s finished or he isn’t. Whatever happens is going to determine what I’m gonna do. It’ll be something or it’ll be nothing. I’ll tally up the score at the end of the evening.

      I had to learn this through trial & error of being in situations where there was more than one guy rapping to the girl I wanted or there was more than one girl rapping to me at the same party or I retardedly invited two girls I was kickin’ it to to the same event since I was sure that the one I wanted more wasn’t going to show up.. and of course, she did. :/

      I would have LOVED for there to have been a female blog where I could have gone to get alternative perspectives. I might not have agreed that they were pertinent to my particular situations, but they would have come in handy in a few pivotal moments where I could have made a better decision than I did in the trenches and I could have had a better day or a better relationship because of it.

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