Generally, the problem is that monogamy isn’t natural. It doesn’t make any sense.

It’s a mental construct that people made up in order to attempt to control other people.

So, if a dude has to “do his best to remain faithful”, he doesn’t naturally FEEL LIKE being monogamous, so that’s the wrong guy to try to have a monogamous relationship with.

People like that need to leave things at FWB and get whatever sex they can get in that format.

Sex with someone else shouldn’t be a threat, unless the other person’s better at it than you are.

Guys never want to share women.. Unless they’re pimps. It’s an ego thing.

Guys like to feel like there’s some special reason a chick’s spreading her legs for him and not all the other guys on this planet.

Doesn’t have anything to do with you, it’s about male competition for resources.

Btw, I wish I always had a pocket version of someone like you to take with me everywhere I go, to make sure I get the damn facts. :D

Well, actually I already sort of have, in the form of my (18 years older.. God that sounds a lot when you think about it :D) male best friend.
I used to be his ‘little girl’, but now I’m growing up and he ain’t blind. The advantage is that I know who I’m dealing with here.

Back when I was too young for him he promised that he’d always be honest with me about how guys work (and in that aspect he sounds exactly like you, which is great!), he protected me from the jerks and made sure I don’t get my feelings hurt. He followed up on that promise for sure, and still does to this day, despite me hurting him multiple times. If that’s not a genuine and much more realistic expression of love than all that romantic ‘I’ll-be-forever-faithful-to-you’ stuff, I don’t know what is.

However, our views on cheating differ. He believes that the ‘right woman’ should be both a guy’s best friend (hence his interest in me) and more satisfying than average in bed. When she is those things, he’ll do his best to remain faithful to her. Personally, I believe that those things are what makes you love someone, but that nothing could keep a male or female faithful except for that nagging pain in the ass called conscience. >.>; And let’s face it, who even needs that nowadays when there is just *sooo* much opportunity?

I suggested polygamy, cause if we really feel like we’re each other’s best option and closest companions, then IMHO sex on the side isn’t exactly going to be a threat. (Or am I being stupid here for tolerating sex outside a relationship at all? Does the relationship then really have any point?)

Alas, he says he doesn’t want to share his women. Yet it would be just my luck to still get the short end of the stick in the end! Though I’m probably just being cynical this one time.:P

You’re absolutely right about that. Some guys want monogamous relationships fresh out the box. Other guys get tired of the games and decide they want to ‘settle down’.

The point I was trying to make was that *IF* a dude cheats, it’s not because of some supernatural occurrence.. It’s becasue he. felt. like. it. and he hooked up with some other chick. There’s nothing more scientific about the situation.

As far as your very last question.. It really depends on the particular individuals involved, but there are several possibilities, including the ones you brought up. He might have had no intention of being monogamous, but for him, sex and love aren’t connected, at all. To him, he might be able to hook up with other chicks while he simultaneously loves and wants to stay with his current girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever.

The thing is that some people.. Well.. A Lot of people add “fidelity” or “faithfulness” into the definition of love. When you think that way, if someone “cheats” on you, you automatically believe they don’t love you, which is the problem with that way of thinking.

Look at your boy, Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had four kids with his wife during their 20 year marriage….. except he *ALSO* had one kid with their housekeeper…. WHOOPSIE! :D

People will try to say in hindsight that he was faking being in love with his wife. In fact, the case could easily be made that he loved his wife all along and he loves her now, except he felt like screwing at least one other chick on the side.

It all depends on what YOU actually believe about love, sex & monogamy. If you follow what the masses say, that might not be the right answer for YOU in particular.

In the best case scenario, when both people commit to a relationship, they *BOTH* want to give each other the relationship they were looking for. If you tell him that one of your requirements for a relationship is monogamy, he should WANT to give you that and want to uphold his end of the bargain and keep his word to you to not hook up with other women.

I think that ultimately, it comes down to HONESTLY getting to know someone BEFORE entering a so-called “relatonship” with them. Too many people jump in first and figure out who they’re in a relationship with after the fact. That’s really bad policy and one of the reasons why so many relationships fail.

Take the time to get to know a guy to the point where you BELIEVE y’all are on the same page, and you’ll most likely be alright. :)

Good Luck, Heather! :D

Women are programmed to want exclusive sexual access to guys AND not to think of themselves as “homewreckers”, so guys help y’all give it up by saying their current sex lives are trash.

His wife could easily be givin’ it up smooth every single night, and he just feels like hooking up with a different chick, so a couple of well-placed lies act as a form of social lubricant…