*Actual* Anatomy of a First Date (Guy’s Version)

So I’m reading TheDiva Rockin‘s blog post where she outlines how she would like a first date with a guy to evolve. I found her concepts to be interesting and reasonable from the female side of things. Let’s see how the exact same date scenario evolved for the guy….. >:D

TheDiva: The following are the steps which I would ideally like a guy to follow leading up to a first date. In some cases I have skipped over a step here and there or added in a few, but over all I think this is a fair and appropriate execution:

Step One: “Guy finds interest in my profile (on one of the various sites I am a member of) and messages me with a competent and interesting introduction.”

Actual Step One: Guy browses online dating site in grid mode so he can fit 40 chicks on a page instead of 10 and also he gets to save the time of consciously skipping over whatever nonsense she wrote about herself in order to see the next chick’s picture.

Guy finishes skimming through all the new entries and starts looking through the tabs he created from the pictures he selected…. I mean, not looking through the tabs, but rather scanning the pages he selected for the “More Pictures” button.

Guy finds more pictures of the chick which inform him whether he’d be willing to tap that or not if he met up with her IRL. No extra pictures = closed tab. Bad extra pictures = closed tab. Good extra pictures, but in light of the new evidence, he’s not interested in hooking up with her = closed tab.

Guy re-skims the profiles of the gals who made the cut, looking for something she wrote that he can CLAIM made him interested in dating her other than she has a really nice ass. He then writes something like “I like fluffy pillows and cats too! :D” instead of “Does your body still look like that or are those old pictures?”.

TheDiva: Step Two: “I review Guy’s profile and in finding a mutual interest I message him back with general commentary on his profile or intro message.”

Fortunately, I knew that Random Guy knew that chicks actually READ what guys write on online dating sites, so he changed his profile to match hers BEFORE he contacted her.

All the stuff he used to pull the last chick, he deleted and replaced with her favorite movies, books, etc. He even googled a couple of them so he could pull some quotes to add authenticity.

Guy receives requisite message indicating “OMG, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! 😀 yadda yadda” and he knows it’s Game On! >:D

The obvious problem here is that he kicked it to at least 5 chicks last night, who are all going to have slightly different text content in their profiles. In this case, his best bet was to match the profile of the chick he wanted THE MOST and then add tidbits from what the other gals wrote in decreasing order of tapability… tapworthiness? \o/

TheDiva: Step Three: “After a few exchanges, if the conversation is going well, I provide my personal email (note: I am not a fan of Instant Messaging or talking on the Phone right away, though I have made exceptions to this in some cases).”

Jeez. This is taking AGES! :/ … Exchanges? Conversation? What’s going on here? O_o This is like actually having a job. All this work I put in and then I get an EMAIL ADDRESS? Damn. What is this? Dante’s rings of the inferno? :/

TheDiva: Step Four: “Guy requests a meet up.”

DAMNED ******* SKIPPY I HE REQUESTED A MEETUP!!!

The meetup was REQUESTED in the first communication, yet conveniently ignored so this chick could entertain herself with “exchanges” and “conversation”. UGH! :/

TheDiva: Step Five: “I agree to meet Guy over coffee or a casual drink and provide my phone number so that we can discuss the arrangement.”

Finally. Please. Thank *GOD* we’re finally getting this show on the ROAD! 😀

Now, all I have to do is not get caught calling her by my wife like Tiger Woods.

TheDiva: Step Six: “Meet Guy for Coffee/Drink, but keep it short and sweet. If all goes well we should agree to a 1st date before departing.”

Completely Agreed! 😀 The first meetup needs to be short & sweet. It also needs to be strategically located within walking distance of the nearest motel, just in case The Kid makes it HAPPEN, SUNN!!! 😀

TheDiva: Step Seven: “Our 1st Date. Nothing fancy – lunch or dinner at a casual spot will do. Maybe a cocktail or two and some witty banter.”

ok.. So I didn’t make it to the motel on Date Zero. :/ However.. I determined upon spending time with this woman that she’s as sexy as her pictures indicated or eve MORE so! 😀 Therefore, I’m more than willing to jump through a few more hoops in order to get on. Lunch is better than dinner because I can be rid of her by 4pm and then get ready for my other date later this evening. No point in showing up for the real action smelling like some other chick because I hugged her goodbye and got some of her perfume on me.

Lots of meaningless banter during Lunch and pointing out the color of the leaves and other stuff that chicks dig. Make sure she consumes lots of liquids so she has to get up from her seat to hit the bathroom a couple of times so I YOU can accurately assess her ass while she’s leaving. You know how sometimes, chicks luck out and the light hits their ass just the right way to make it look good in a picture, but IRL, it’s just not an athletic ass, like how it doesn’t clench when she walks or it looks like an orange because she’s wearing her grand-ma-ma panties under her jeans which divide it into several sections….. um, what was I talking about?

TheDiva: “Now, I’d prefer not to be asked to go out again while still on the 1st date. I think a guy should follow up the next day or shortly thereafter if he is interested. Plus, if I am no longer feeling him at the end of the date, it takes some pressure off me where I am likely to say yes to your face when I really mean No Thank You.”

Bill_Cammack_GSX-R_NYC_Night.jpgAsking a chick out AGAIN while you’re ALREADY out with her is extremely poor form. You’re demonstrating a Defeatist Attitude, which is completely unsexy to chicks. No good. :/

By asking her out again for the future, you’re assuming she’s not coming down the street to the motel with you.

Chicks Dig Confidence. Whether you get it or you don’t, you have to think, feel and believe you’re going to get on immediately if not sooner because this chick is sweating you RIGHT. NOW. 😀 If you Herb out with a line like “Did you have a nice time?.. Do you think we should go out again?”, you lose.

Damn ******* Skippy she wants to go out with you again. Damned ******* Skippy she’s hoping you invite her to the motel. Damn ******* Skippy she wants to go out with you again because you showed her a better time tonight than any of her other suitors. There’s nothing to ASK about. You know you rocked this date. You know SHE knows you rocked this date. You know that anybody that SAW YOU WITH HER said to their friend “That dude over there?.. He’s RAWKING that date! :O”!

If you’re just the type of dude that HAS to ask a chick something, ask her whether she’d like the Steak & Eggs or the Continental Breakfast from the motel’s room service menu. 😉

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17 Comments

    1. lol Thanks, Christine. 🙂 Obviously, I was laying it on a little thick and exaggerating here and there, but I was mainly trying to point out the difference between how we select each other to hook up with, date, marry, etc.

      Guys that are self-sufficient don’t need another bread-winner or whatever. They want fun, sexy, interesting companionship. It really doesn’t come down to anything more than that.

      It doesn’t matter what someone writes on an online dating profile if that’s not what you receive IRL. The online part is for the pictures so you can go on blind dates without them actually being blind. The offline part is where you learn about the person behind the look and decide whether you want to take this further or not.

  1. Completely Agreed! 😀 The first meetup needs to be short & sweet. It also needs to be strategically located within walking distance of the nearest motel, just in case The Kid makes it HAPPEN, SUNN!!! 😀

    And preferably close to a bar that you know rocks on that particular day that way if your were a victim of false advertising (she dont look like her pictures IRL) then she can take that $4 mocha whatever she ordered and hit the rocks. while you hope down the street to kick it to the chicks who are talking full advantage of tequila tuesday.

    1. haha AB-SO-*******-LUTELY! 😀

      Now that you bring that up, I need to write a guide for guys to properly set up first dates… or *ANY* date for that matter. 😀

      It’s imperative for your confidence during the evening that you know that you have options in case this chick is WIZACK! 😀 .. You have to know exactly how far it is to the nearest source of chicks. You have to have your contingency plans in hand before you even MAKE the agreement to go out with her.

      I just had a similar situation happen to me last night… There was this *MAJOR* party going on in Manhattan that started at 6pm and was going to run to 11pm. I had also been invited for last night to go see my friend’s band play in Brooklyn, where I almost never go because there’s no reason for me to go to Brooklyn, hahaha.

      So I go to the first party and it’s like chicks galore. I seriously could have gone +20 on my Facebook account last night, with EASE!.. Plus, I had a prime spot at the bar where the chicks coming from the outdoor garden area had to post up right next to me to order more alcohol. I met at least five chicks because they had to come to me without leaving my chair, haha 😀

      The ensuing problem being that I was going to have to leave that PRIME environment to go to Brooklyn, where I knew damned well there were going to be ZERO chicks, I mean they have females out there, but the vibe is so completely different that I was basically going from Shangri-La to Hades.

      Fortunately, I did the right thing and bounced. We have tons of chicks in NYC every single day. It’s not every day I get to see my friends perform, so my night was way better for getting the **** out of dodge and heading out to the wastelands to chill with and listen to my homegirl play. I had a great time. 🙂

      The point being that if that had been a first date situation, as you astutely mention, you’d much rather set your date up next to Shangri-La than Hades. 😉

      1. In the case of a first date, I don’t agree. I think the environment should be conducive to conversation so you can make a quick decision. Also, you don’t ever wanna meet or bring a first date to a place that you might frequent, it could definitely be awkward, and the same goes for introducing her to friends. That needs to be way later.
        Also, I refuse to change my profile info to suit a woman’s just because she’s hott, cuz as we all know what she won’t do, the next will. Basically, it’s too much trouble.

        1. Tron,

          I see what you’re saying. I agree with your first two points entirely. I realize from your comments that I failed to geographically qualify what I’m talking about.

          Here in NYC, we have different areas.. Pretty much every 15-20 blocks, Manhattan becomes a completely different neighborhood. People hang out in each area depending on what they like or what they’re looking for. So let’s say, for instance, that a gal’s looking to meet a guy that works in Finance. She’s better off hitting a bar in the Financial District than a frat-boy bar on the Upper West Side. Let’s say she’s looking for a hipster.. She’s better off hitting bars in Brooklyn than the Upper East Side.

          Similarly, there are differing levels of popularity to each neighborhood. That’s actually what I was talking about, not the popularity of the actual venue you take a gal to. NYC has bars & restaurants stacked up next to each other to the point where in some areas, you don’t even have to go inside the bars to be surrounded by women. They’re just ambling along aimlessly or stumbling around drunk in the street. There are other places where you can go and other than that one bar, there aren’t any more attractions and no more chicks and you’re stuck with whatever you have right there unless you’re willing to hop in a cab and start all over in a popular area.

          So what I’m saying is that when you set up a first date, DEFINITELY set it up in a place where you can talk AND not be distracted by similar/better-looking chicks walking by every ten seconds.. HOWEVER.. Just in case the gal’s a dud, you want to be able to put her in a cab and stroll down the block to where the action is. So you want to be NEAR the action, but not IN it.

          Definitely don’t take her to a place that you frequent (as you said). You definitely need to know which chicks would get along with each other before you introduce them to each other.. *IF* you EVER introduce them to each other. 😀

          As far as changing the profile, it all depends.. You can do the work SOONER or you can do the work LATER. You can come in the door seeming similar to her (change the profile) or you can put in the work it takes to convince her that you’re similar to her *IF* she gave you a chance in the first place since you didn’t tailor your profile.

          As you can tell from my blog, I’m from the “**** You, Take It Or Leave It” school. 😀 I’ve been writing this stuff for 3-4 years and I *STILL* meet new chicks every week and *STILL* know more chicks than just about anybody I know. It’s actually better for me for gals to formulate opinions about me based on what I write because if they don’t like it, they can kick rocks. 😀

          Like you said.. Just because she isn’t down doesn’t mean her sister isn’t! 😉

  2. Also, make it near a second place that is livelier just in case… Its going so well that you DO want to spend more time with her! I remember I was “babysitting” this chick while my manz got up on her friend. Kept it local to him, far enough so she couldnt c**k block but close enough to get to steppin’ when the “all done” text came in. We wound up having such a good time that we hit a local bar by his place that played good music, made good drinks but had no dance floor so we HAD to keep entertaining each other. At some point she asked, does this feel like a date? to which I replied “its actually the second date, good thing too since i dont put out on the 1st”. Couple beers/drinks later, some more yuks and haha’s… we wound up at this spot on 145th and Broadway, that charges by the hour! 🙂 When we were done she asked how did I figure it was a second date since we only met that day, i responded that once the tab in the original place closed we ended that encounter. 2nd tab second date. lol She laughed at my way of defining but without that second place that allowed for a change of scenery and mood enhancement…

    1. FYI: we knew a week earlier (by phone) that we would be stuck together in a blind date kinda thing.

      1. hahaha Nice! 😀 That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! hahaha “Tryin’na make a dollar out of fifteen cents!!!” 😀

        I’ve never had that happen because all of my boys operated solo. Also, we all got chicks on the fly so there weren’t any “Help me out on XYZ date” situations.

        I’ve just been in the basic “All the fellaz went somewhere and one or more of us got a rap and the rest of us need to distract the cockblockers” situations.

        Also, not that I would have ever gone to 145th and Broadway… well.. I wouldn’t go there NOW! 😀 but I didn’t know there was a spot up there. My boys used to go all the way up to Whitestone to make sure they didn’t get caught! HAHAHA 😀

        1. LOL. he lived on 135th and Amsterdam, i was trying to stay close enough to send her back when he was done. I knew about that spot cause i been there a couple times! 🙂 Not bad, its actually 2 brownstones that offer “clean” rooms, just happen to be small rooms. And this wasnt so long ago, maybe 6yrs?. 2 things made this better for me 1)she looked way hotter in person AND 2)He was providing the $$ for the tab since he had been trying to nail her friend for months!!! lol

          1. oh. That makes sense then.

            I’ve only kicked it to chicks in Dominicanland way up on Dyckman, so I’ve never hovered around that Dominican/Harlem border.

            haha That makes perfect sense.. On top of that, you damned well skippy should have been been able to submit an invoice for the expenses you incurred helping your boy get laid! 😀

            Eff That!!! haha Business is BUSINESS!!! >:D

  3. Ahem. To get back to the original subject… The Diva sounds too high effort… or typically confused.
    Go out and meet somebody, you either click or you don’t. Too much of her flow sounds like she’s sipping when she needs to take a big gulp and that’s a boring approach that shields her from nothing but just adds steps. Also, it’s easier to filter a person on the phone (even easier when they’re in front of you) versus through all that emailing bull crap. A lot of folks can’t maintain lies during actual conversation.

    I swear some people just set themselves up for the Elmer Fudd – I own a mansion and a yacht, routine…

    Also, I’ve had chicks bring up the first or second date with me all on their own, or had it come up organically in conversation, so, I can’t say there’s a hard and fast rule on that unless you’re seeing the same kinda chicks over and over again.

    Lastly, Bill, I’m not sure how I missed this but it’s brilliant and I laughed through the whole damn thing. Nice!

    1. haha Thanks for the props, Steve! 😀

      The reason I like writing about her posts is that they’re generally useful. There are lots and lots and lots and lots of women that think exactly the same way and do exactly the same things.

      Basically, girls and boys are taught two totally different things about dating and then when they grow up, the women aren’t aware of what’s going on, while the men are.

      It’s definitely a setup, but I personally blame society and the people that blindly follow it for not putting the actual cards face-up on the table so that everyone can approach The Game on a level playing field.

  4. Yo, your tip about tailoring your profile for girls is also an effective job search strategy.

    Just replace girl’s profile with “job posting” and your dating profile with ‘linkedin profile.”

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