re: Jill Scott in Essence Magazine

Jay Smooth pointed out to me that JIll Scott had this to say in Essence Magazine:

“My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince.” [Read more of Jill’s article…]

For more context, here’s a video of what she had to say on CNN:

Now, I was going to let this topic slide because I don’t care. However.. Sensing that we’re going to have some more fake Sex Addict claims in the near future, I may as well break up my ongoing coverage of that topic with something else.


First of all, let me say that I understand what Jill’s saying and I understand from reading what she wrote and listening to her in the video clip I posted above why she feels hurt about the situation.

Second of all, which is really honestly first of all, let me say that I’m aware that I’m the last one that should have any opinion on black women at all.

Everybody that’s seen me in action knows how I roll. Of the gals I’ve messed with, the percentage of them that have been black is relatively close to 0% >:D

I think that covers all the disclaimers, so let’s discuss Jill’s topic, which specifically spoke about white chicks and black dudes.


We live in the United States of America.. In the year 2010 AD. Unless you live in an all-minority neighborhood and go to all-minority schools and work at all-minority jobs, MOST of the people you come into contact with in this country are going to be white.

According to the 2000 United States Census”, 75.1% of respondents said they were white, while 12.3% said they were black.

Let’s say we evened that out to 50% white and 50% black people across the board. That means that a black chick has the same chance as a flipped coin landing on either heads or tails to be selected by ANY GUY to mess with or get into a relationship. Even if the numbers were EVEN, there is NO CIRCUMSTANCE where a black female is 100% guaranteed to get the rap from a guy merely due to the fact that he happens to be black as well.

I think this is the main problem with Jill’s argument. Like I said, I understand why she feels the way she feels, but it’s entirely unreasonable to expect that guys are going to ignore 75% of women or 3 out of every 4 women in this country because their skin is a different color.

Do you know how hard guys have to work to get laid in this country? πŸ˜€ This whole thing is ridiculous. It’s not new, either. I’m glad it’s getting attention now that Jill brought it up, so maybe people will discuss this rationally and women that are being affected by this might be able to attain some enlightenment & closure and move on.

Life Isn’t Fair

I’m 5’9″. Thanks to all the drugs they’ve been putting in the meat for the last ten years, there are lots of chicks that are taller than I am. There are lots of chicks that don’t want to date guys that are shorter than they are. What do you want me to do about that? Cry? Complain? Talk about how unfair life is? Wear platform shoes like Prince? What do you want me to do? πŸ˜€

It’s ridiculous! There are lots of chicks that are 5’9″ and shorter that would love to hook up with me, so a brotha gotsta GET IN where he FIT IN. That’s how life works. Similarly, if you see a black dude with a white chick, that doesn’t mean YOU could have pulled him even IF he only dated black chicks to begin with. You still would have had to fend off, what?.. 30,000,000 OTHER black females?.. Good Luck.

The thing that I find laughable about this situation is the chicks that talk all this **** when they weren’t trying to give you any in the first place. πŸ˜€ Seriously.. Listen, ladies.. If you’re not tryin’na hook up with a dude, nobody cares what your opinion is. Nobody. Your argument has GOT. TO. BE. “If you don’t hook up with that white chick, I’ll give you some”. If it’s not YOU, it’s gonna have to be a good-looking homegirl of yours.

Seriously. It’s like you’re saying “Don’t buy that pretzel from that vendor” and then we don’t and then you’re there like “…………..”. What am I supposed to do? Starve? Because *YOU* came up with the stupid idea for me NOT to do something without offering me a preferable alternative?

Does Race Matter?

While I’m on the topic, a female friend of mine, who of course is white, asked me something to the effect of “Does race even matter in tech?”, adding “I don’t know the race of a person I’m talking to on the phone or over the internet”. The reason she asked me this is that I had been explaining to her about a situation which caused James Andrews to write “How We Were Kanye’d At SXSW 2010 And Why It Was Wrong” which Faith Dow responded to with This Post and This Post.

Long story short.. Apparently, there was a SXSW panel called “Blacks In Tech”, which, actually, now that I look at the lineup on James Andrews’ blog post, included my friend Nichelle Stephens, which failed to field an all-black panel. Faith Dow took exception to this and brought it up when it was her turn to speak when they opened the floor to audience members.

There was more hubbub. Go read their posts if you give a damn. The point is that if you’re going to make something called Five Apples On A Stage, there had damned ******* well be FIVE ******* APPLES on the stage or you just have to eat it (haha no pun intended) when someone says “THOSE ARE ORANGES! :/”. There’s nothing you can say about it. There’s no defense whatsoever.

Anyway, that’s what led to my friend’s question. The answer is that race matters in tech to fools.

If you become aware that someone’s better, more stylish, more creative, more insightful or just plain FASTER than other people that do the exact same job he or she does and you elect not to hire them because their skin color is different from yours, you get what you deserve, which is an inferior product.

So if the panel had been named “Minorities In Tech”, Faith Dow wouldn’t have had jack to say about it… Except it WASN’T named that, so it either looks like DELIBERATELY FALSE ADVERTISING or an EPIC FAILURE in an attempt to find either 5 or 6 black people to sit on the same SXSW panel in the year 2010 AD (When this amazing feat has already been pulled off at several SXSW conferences in the past). There’s no defense against this. The panel should have been renamed before SXSW even started, or the panel should have been populated as advertised.

C’mon SON!

Getting back to Jill Scott’s point.. If you’re going to reach all the way back to Civil Rights and beyond to explain why you wince when black guys hook up with white girls, you need to focus on what the point was of granting people rights in the first place. It wasn’t “Please, oh please grant us the right to kick it to 12% of the American population”. It was “Grant us the right to do the **** whatever we FEEL like doing, so long as we’re within the law and not hurting anybody”. Instead of feeling poorly, shouldn’t you actually feel HAPPY that SOMEONE benefitted from Civil Rights? O_o

What about when blacks work for white companies? Is that upsetting too? πŸ˜€ Should blacks turn down white clients for some odd reason? Should blacks not be on linkedin? What about Facebook? Should blacks only patronize I mean, seriously, where does it end? \o/

There is no reason at all why a black dude shouldn’t kick it with a white chick that’s interested in him, unless of course, she’s busted.

That’s how it works. If a chick is attractive, “She could get it”. If she’s not attractive, “Nah.. That’s AIITE!”. Most guys, black, white or otherwise aren’t thinking about the situation any more deeply than that.

Also… I suggest that y’all stop spreading rumors that white chicks listen to orders, take their men shopping, act properly around company, let you do all kinds of Tiger-Woods-sex-text-message-type stuff to them and then get up and make you a sandwich, because you’re only making matters worse for YOURSELVES!!! >:D

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  1. My Cuz,

    You are always on point and your words are very much what most of us feel, but don’t say. Relationships should not be bound by race, etc., just cause, some others are offended. Truly, instead of thinking someone stole another good one, they should be glad that others are happy, and go find a good one (any race, religion, etc.) and they may not care what the others are doing.

    1. Thanks Cuz.. You know how I am. Whomever’s cool with me, I’m cool with them. I’ve had too many fantastic experience with too many fantastic friends of all kinds of backgrounds to even really think about this stuff, but since it’s a current hot topic, I figured I’d throw my two cents in before getting back to business as usual! πŸ˜‰

  2. I didn’t weigh in on this hubbub either until now and I’m really not weighing in on what Scott said. I didn’t read the article, have not interest in it. I do want to address this “I suggest that y’all stop spreading rumors that white chicks listen to orders, take their men shopping, act properly around company, let you do all kinds of Tiger-Woods-sex-text-message-type stuff to them” which made me laugh. I just had a conversation to that end with a black male who said that very thing. That the black woman’s unwillingness to do things that a white woman does lessens our chances of being selected out of what I’d like to call the “talent pool.” I know you say it’s a rumor but lawdamercy how many years has it been such. Where does this come from, is it based on some truth or some experience? If I’m listening to one of my brethren tell me this in my ear in 2010 and I heard in 2000 and 1990 and 1980 and my mama heard it before me this had to come from SOMEWHERE. Please proceed with the history lesson brother Bill.

    1. Hey Soulpowr! πŸ˜€ Thanks for the question…

      This is an extremely intricate topic, and while I know the exact answer to your question, it’s not easy to articulate because there are so many parameters & permutations. I’m going to attempt to explain this generalization by utilizing some more sweeping generalizations, because otherwise it would take me a few hours to complete. So let’s stipulate for the purposes of this particular explanation that there’s only one type of white girl and one type of black girl. I know this explanation is going to suck, but here it goes. πŸ˜€

      Black girls have more pressure on them in life than white girls do. Because of this, y’all are more defensive and on the lookout for disrespect under whichever rock you can possibly find it. This becomes a drag when you’re trying to freestyle a good time. The sentence “Make me a sandwich”, whether it’s in command or question form (“Could you make me a sandwich?”) gets put through a process of “What does this interaction mean to me?” with the black girl, whereas it doesn’t with the white girl. Therefore, you’re liable to receive “Why don’t you get up and make it yourself?” from the black girl because that’s what her brain told her would uphold her dignity.

      Meanwhile, the white girl’s on her way to make the sandwich, because she’s now been informed what would make her man happy. Since she wants to make her man happy, she makes the sandwich. Whether the same guy gets the sandwich or not from the black girl, he had to go through a hassle to get it which makes him resent her for adding unnecessary processes to the situation.

      At the end of either exchange, the black girl is happy by making herself feel proud of herself for holding her own and the white girl is happy about being of use to her man.

      Same thing with the sex. The guy says “I want to X you” and the white girl is glad she’s going to get to do something fun and interesting with her man that she may have never tried before, and the black girl’s like “Aww Hellz Naw! :/ You’re not doing THAT to ME! :(“.

      Once again, the black girl is thinking about herself and the white girl is thinking about her man. Even if the guy eventually convinces the black girl to do whatever it was, he’s disgruntled that he had to go through that bullshit instead of just going with the flow and having a good time.

      So then, you get black women asking white women why they’re acting that way and being demure and weak and pushovers. The white gals don’t know what you’re talking about because they’re just going with the flow and having a good time, which is exactly what the black guy wanted to do but couldn’t achieve with the black woman.

      Next, you have the black gals commiserate with each other and pat each other on the back and agree that they’re all doing the right thing by being stubborn and uncooperative. Y’all collectively demean white chicks for, basically, undercutting your pricing scheme. You then demean black guys for “Taking the easy way out” and hooking up with white girls because they’re pushovers. You’re basically a bunch of Hillarys snapping on Monica for blowing Clinton. The obvious problem here is that Monica was doing the right thing. She wasn’t selected for her looks, obviously. She was chosen because SHE was the one willing to get under the desk with the cigar.

      Going back in the other direction.. If white girls get fat, they’re basically excommunicated from white dating society. Ignored. Ridiculed. For the most part, they’re not treated like women. Next thing you know, they meet a black dude that not only doesn’t consider her garbage but actually likes or LOVES the way her body is. O_o

      All of a sudden, she’s getting treated like a woman. All of a sudden, she’s getting attention, affection, dates, sex and whatever else she wants from this guy. NOW, she’s having the time of her life, and she runs into YOU, asking her how come she does whatever this black guy tells her to do and she’s looking at you like you’re CRAZY, because that’s how the system works. Each person DOES. FOR. THE. OTHER. PERSON.

      So while you’re clamoring about her self-esteem and she should stop doing this and that and she’s making it tougher for women to whatever, that doesn’t fit into the “she makes him feel good, he makes her feel good” system.

      So this hypothetical, stereotypical white girl has every reason in the world to do whatever her man says because a) she trusts him, and b) he has a track record of making her happy. Meanwhile, the similarly stereotypical black female has no such track record because every time something was requested of her, she made it a power struggle instead of teamwork.

      She also doesn’t trust her man, obviously, or else she would just go with the flow, knowing that he’s gonna do right by her. She ALSO has now begun the cycle where when she requests something from HIM, he’s not going to produce it for HER to show her that he can play “Power Struggle” too.

      Another issue is that historically (even though things are different now, because there are so many rich black guys), white girls haven’t chased black guys for money. They’ve chased black guys for A. GOOD. TIME. If all they wanted was money, they could have stayed with white guys.

      They’re coming to the table with an entirely different agenda than black women, which is another reason why your arguments go in one ear and out the other. Being that the REASON guys hook up with girls is To. Have. A. Good. Time. in the first place, their agenda is going to mesh better with a gal, black OR white, that’s similarly looking to have a good time.

      So.. Given enough of these stereotypical experiences throughout all the decades you described, derived from personal situations as well as hearing from homeboys that you discuss The Game with, rumor eventually becomes belief that “white girls are like this” and “black girls are like that”, or to put it another way, “There’s a high percentage chance that white girls are going to be fun and cooperative and black girls are going to be self-centered and belligerent”.

      This puts black guys on the lookout for belligerent behavior from black chicks and perhaps scrutinize y’all more, adding to the cycle of distrust and the power struggle. Meanwhile, the view of white chicks becomes better and better due to the fact that the white girls are coming to them for what the black guys wanted to give them in the first place. The system works the way it’s supposed to.

      This also causes skewed behavior when a chick start’s akkin’ a foo’. When the black chick does it, it’s like “AHA! I knew this was coming sooner or later!”. When the white chick does it, she just temporarily lost her mind and she’ll get over it and go back to being a nice person 99% of the time. Different gals receive different treatment for the same behavior, spinning two different cycles.

      So that was my attempt at an explanation. The black guy and the white girl approach each other on the tip of “I want to have a good time with you”. The black chick grumbles about both of them, saying the white chick was selected because she’s easy and the black guy was selected for good sex. Both are demeaned for not respecting the other as well as having nothing in common other than wanting to **** each other.

      Meanwhile, the same black chick does herself a disservice by not stepping her game up. If she sees what’s “wrong” with their relationship, it should be easy for her to steal him from her, right? Nope. Black females won’t “stoop to that level”. πŸ™‚ It’s way more important to maintain her pride that she didn’t do “X” when he asked her to and she told him to go do “Y” himself.

      Of course, life is directly opposite for decently-acting black chicks and belligerent white chicks. It’s really a function of personality, not color. The stereotype is derived from myriad experiences with the same personality type divided along racial lines. One of the keys here, however is that the results are skewed because the combination is [white girl, black guy, black girl]. It could easily be the case that the combination [white girl, white guy, black girl] yields totally different results since you’re removing the white girl < -> black guy dynamic and replacing it with black girl < -> white guy…..

      1. I’m part black (my mom is Berber from Morocco, but that also means she’s middle eastern as well & my dad is French, so he’s white). I, like you, are not really attracted to black men (well, for you it’s black women :), but I mostly think that’s because my father is white and I’ve grown up in very white environments. Almost all of my boyfriends have been white, and I don’t think I’ve really ever had an issue with race within a relationship — as in, it’s not an issue for the white men I date, who have ranged from coming from conservative, old money families to liberal, hippie parents.

        What I have found issues with is angry stares from white women (who sometimes seem to hate me), both my age and older. But the MOST trouble I get is from black men. I have literally had a black man accost me on the dancefloor I was cutting with my boyfriend at a point, physically grab my arm and say, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM, BLACK GIRL???” There was almost a fight over that sentence, my boyfriend was so angry at him. I get bitter looks, blatant disrespect, and outright hatred from black men even here in NYC. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it does happen enough. So I want everyone to stop saying that it’s only black women who are hating. It’s just that black men get less of a chance to show it because there aren’t a lot of black woman – white man couples. I guarantee if you saw all black women ending up with white men, you’d start seeing the same thing with black men that you see with black women now — slavery issues, bringing up the past, etc. It all relates to a deep-seated inferiority complex.

        I’ve dated all kinds of guys, from white to indian to pacific islander to black to hispanic. Every culture has its issues, but since we’re talking about black men, I’m going to say what my own experience has been. Black men in my opinion usually have great game but sometimes have underlying insecurity issues about not being good enough (ie, not being white). I think there’s a need to prove themselves equal to white people in whatever way possible sometimes.

        One guy I dated admitted he liked me because I “looked white enough” but was also black so his sisters and mom would accept me. It made me sick to think he was settling for me because he didn’t want to risk alienation by going for the white trophy he really wanted. I nexted him almost immediately, and the next girl he ended up with was white but was also several points below me on the attractiveness scale since he clearly had inferiority issues to white people & didn’t think he could do better.

        I also kept hearing things about the wrong whites have done them or why such and such was biased or whatever. I just don’t want to deal with such issues, complaining, or drama all the time from black men, much like it sounds a lot of black men don’t from black women.

        1. Very interesting perspective, Sophia.. Thanks for sharing that. πŸ™‚

          I’ve never had racial issues with dating either. I like a chick or I don’t. She likes me or she doesn’t. We spend time together or we don’t and that’s how life goes.

          It just so happened that from 4th grade on, the vastly overwhelming majority of my friends and acquaintances have been white. \o/ I went to Hunter Elementary, Bronx H.S. of Science and Massachusetts Institute of Technology. That’s 12 years in a row of white.

          Relationships, romantic or otherwise, occur amongst your friends & acquaintances or with people they introduce you to. You’re all hanging out, you share good times together or have similar thoughts or like each other and it goes where it goes. Due to life’s circumstances, most of my involvement has been with white chicks.

          I’ve never considered the white female upset at black female for dating black male angle until you brought it up. I’ve definitely been privy to black male anger at seeing a FOYINE black chick with a white guy. If she’s like mediocre, it’s like “Who cares?”. If she’s really attractive, I suppose there’s that “If that dude hadn’t stolen her, *I* could have had a shot with her and traded up from what I have now” feeling.

          Personally, I see situations as 1 or 0. She’s gonna give you some or she isn’t. Whatever the reasoning and excuses are don’t make any difference whatsoever. She only dates white guys. She only dates guys taller than 6’0″. She’s a lesbian. None of that matters because the end result is that you didn’t get to hook up with her. Similarly, there’s no point in being mad at some dude, black, white or otherwise because he beat you to it. You should have kicked it to her sooner or stepped to her with better game than he had and your 0 might have been a 1 right now.

          A close friend of mine is white and his wife is black. I’ve heard some horror stories from him, even about being in a subway car and black dudes loudly running their mouths about what they think about them being together, so I’m sure you get looks and comments “even” here in NYC.

          I also agree in some cases about “insecurity issues”. There are lots of people that attempt to make themselves feel better about themselves through whomever they’re dating. Obviously, this is dangerous because you’re basing your self-esteem externally and as soon as y’all break up, you go back to feeling like “nothing” or “less”.

          This goes across the board, where shorter guys might want to date taller women so their kids will be taller, etc. It’s really unfortunate when people can’t internalize how they feel about themselves and give themselves credit for what they’ve already achieved and what they’re planning to achieve and live life as it comes instead of butting into other people’s business because you’re making yourself feel inferior over something that has nothing to do with you.

          I really never thought about the reverse topic much before you brought this up, IF at all… I’m trying to think of a time that someone said something to me about being with a chick that they didn’t feel I should have been with because they didn’t perceive us to be the same race. I can’t remember that happening ever in my entire life.

          I suppose I just don’t look like the type of person that’s going to have a good reaction to someone getting in my business AT ALL, much less about what they think about some chick I happen to be chillin’ with at that particular moment. Maybe it’s just luck.

          The people that know me know that I don’t give a **** what they think about any of my girls anyway and that I’m gonna do what I want to do when I want to do it. I find some of their comments funny and amusing, but if I’m feelin’ a chick, I’m gonna hang out with her and that’s that.

          I guess that’s why I said towards the beginning of the post that I should be the last one with an opinion on this topic. It just doesn’t affect me. It just doesn’t matter. If a black chick doesn’t like who I spend my time with, she can throw her hat in the ring and I’ll add her to the roster or I won’t. If some dude doesn’t like who I spend my time with, he can keep it to him-*******-self because I don’t give a ****. My life is too progressive and dynamic to be worried about what other people think I should be doing with it, especially people that don’t present a more enticing alternative.

          1. Quick 1/2 a cent add-on…
            Ive seen the other side of this as described above and I will have to agree with Bill. The Black mans anger (in the few instances I have witnessed it) was related more to the level of beauty the female possesed. Absolutely right, if she was 1/2 assed, the general feeling was “shyyyyyt, better him than me!”. Shallow? Probably!

              1. Disagree. My black friend who isn’t beautiful in a mainstream way and is dating a white man gets the same deal from black men in NYC. I don’t think beauty matters, otherwise those black guys would be upset at every hot girl they weren’t with.

                1. First, there’s no accounting for taste. πŸ™‚ We don’t all agree on what “busted” is. To some people, your friend might actually be attractive and they’re upset that they can’t get on.

                  Second, even if your friend’s grill isn’t up to par, she still might have a better body than any chicks those dudes that are complaining have access to. They’re still going to feel cheated, not because they want to take this chick to a club on their arm, but because they’d rather be pumpin’ that than see the next man skate with it.

                  Third, some people are just MAD. AT. OTHER. PEOPLE. and there’s nothing you can do about that. I’m sure you can find people in the year 2010 that are mad that Eminem is white and is a better rapper than most black guys. I’m sure you can find people in 2010 that are mad the Tiger Woods isn’t white and is a better golfer than most white guys. That’s how some people are going to live their lives. If those dudes complaining would have seen a white guy walking around with an Africa medallion, they might have complained about that too.

                  Fourth, some people are just JERKS!!! πŸ˜€ Regardless of what happens, they want to get into someone’s business and try to make them feel poorly about themselves. Whether they actually give a damn or not, they see a spot where they can verbally hurt someone by calling them out for who they’re dating and they go for it.

                  Fifth, just like Jill Scott subscribes to “You’re stealing our men”, there are guys (black and white) that subscribe to “You’re stealing our women”. Regardless of how unattractive she might be, they’re reacting to the perceived theft and not the perceived value.

                  Having said all that, your comment points out an interesting personal bias of mine and a lot of the guys that I know that can get girls, which is “Who the **** CARES what someone does with a chick *I* don’t want?” πŸ˜€ It’s totally irrelevant. I wasn’t going to kick it to her anyway. Whether someone else is hooking up with her or not, it’s all the same to me.

                  It’s actually BETTER for me so she can’t cockblock when I want to kick it to one of her friends that I consider hawt. Please do everyone a favor and take this chick off the market! πŸ˜€

    2. Real Questions and the REAL answers I got…
      “Hey, can you get me something to drink?”

      Latina: “Uhm, you’ve been here before… that means you are no longer company feel free to get it yourself next time. What do you want?”
      Ok. I can respect that. I got little to comfortable and when she came to my place I did point to the fridge and said help yourself.

      White: “I got diet pepsi, OJ, and water… which do you want? oh and if you want something else, the corner deli is open 24hrs.”
      Hmmmm… Im given options which would allow me to be served OR shown the door on my way to getting what I want. Ok i can live with that.

      Black: “What? Do i look like one of your Mami’s ready to run around after you? Oh wait, you must think Im that white chick you were banging last week?”
      Hmmm… Aside from the overwhelming desire to say “b*tch whats your problem”, my first response was “Why are you worried about who I was with last week?”

      Notice, the first 2 addressed the situation directly with ME, the 3rd threw in race and previous history. Why???? Its that immediate “attitude” that prevents me from openly pursuing a Black female. If I see some interest I might approach BUT in terms of just attempting to get her attention if she hasnt noticed me… NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Now granted I have only Dated/Banged/Been Friendly with less 10 black women which would make mine a small sample BUT having grown up in Harlem/Spanish Harlem I can say that this problem has plagued many men regardles of language or color. I been called lazy by white and Latina females, yet been called “full of sh*t you must think Im a white dumb chick, as*hole!” by Black females. Thats where the myth gets perpetrated… If some Black chick with a bone to pick ask me/other men “What do you even see in that White/Latina hoe”? My response will be “Because she does what I want and doesnt give me grief about it!”. Thats the easiest way to just end the convo AND its also the truth. Not being perpetually angry is what other females do the best. Middle Eastern woman are practically bred to be submissive, if it were about just that PLUS many Mid East women are BEAUTIFUL!, doesnt anyone think instead of white chicks we all would be dating THEM?? That alone makes baseless the accusations made by the Black woman about the rest.
      The reason I dated that 2 1/2 breasted puple haired, silver skinned chick was because she got me a damn cup of water when I asked and she was in it for the same reason I was… To Have Fun when we went out/hung out! And NO, it doesnt make her a hoe because she wanted to have a couple of drinks and be casual instead of turning our get together into some sort of forum on what ails society.

      (and now for the TMI segment of this response: I am into oral sex! I love it! maybe its the urban legend or what ever BUT I most def agree that the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. If it were all bout the sex you would think Id put up with a lil attitude just to get some…NOPE! Id rather get some aight sex so long as I had fun leading up to it INSTEAD of potentially great sex with some one who spent the evening getting on my nerves! just me)

      1. Frank,

        Good point about there being two versions of “Get it yourself”. There can be “Get it yourself! :D” which is actually “You’re not a stranger here, mi casa es su casa”, and then there’s “Get it yourself! :/” which is actually “Lincoln freed the slaves”.

        One thing I’ve never understood about guys or girls that get into relationships and then act CRABBY towards each other is why they don’t just break up and do something else. I don’t tolerate that ish AT ALL. If you’re not in the mood to have a good time, don’t come around me at all.

        With two of the three women I spend the most time with these days, I’m on a two hour cancellation policy. If we’re supposed to chill at 5pm and either of us isn’t feelin’ it by 3pm, we cancel. I’d rather do something else instead of hang out with someone that currently doesn’t feel like hanging out with me (or maybe anyone right now), but is willing to do so because we made plans a day or more ago.

        I actually have a plan made to spend time with a 10+ year homegirl of mine this weekend that we made yesterday, and if it gets to the day we’re supposed to chill and she doesn’t feel like it or ignores my calls or texts entirely, that’s no problem. It’s part of our relationship and why we’re still “together”. We hang out when we BOTH want to, and if either one of us isn’t interested or something better to do came up, we’ll catch up in the future.

        Also, you bring up exactly the point I was making.. Enough black chicks display crabby attitude -> The word getting around about such -> Male hypersensitivity to said attitudes -> More experiences and more word getting around AND less willingness to step back into The Arena in front of the cheering Roman crowds. Instead of giving black women the benefit of the doubt that there’s a glitch in her matrix, it’s like “HERE IT COMES! :O” and dudes Jet before it gets worse. The same behavior from white chicks (or Hispanic chicks, which I didn’t bring up purposely, because this conversation is too intricate already, without throwing in hybrids like Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Cape Verdians & mixed-race kids) is seen as an anomaly and basically “laughed off”, like “Isn’t that cute! πŸ˜€ Look at her turning red! hahaha She actually raised her voice!… AWWWWWWWWW! :D”.

        Since you mentioned being called “Lazy”.. I’m extremely lazy when it comes to chicks. I’m not going out of my way AT ALL to meet women. This is one of the reasons my “Mess with black chicks” percentage is so damned low. I’m never around them so there’s no opportunity for organic attraction development. I get mineS on the fly. That’s the way I like it. I’m a Hunter. I’m down for The Game. Stimulus & Response. Desire Fulfillment. I’m not traveling somewhere specifically to meet a certain kind of woman. Whatever’s in front of me at the time, that’s the menu. >:D

        As far as your TMI section, it’s *NOT* just you! πŸ˜€ hahaha The reason why (fun + “meh” sex) > (on my nerves + GREAT sex) is that you’re doing something WITH the “meh” chick and you’re doing something in spite of the “great sex” chick. If the “meh” chick is fumbling around and doesn’t know what she’s doing (It don’t matter, just don’t bite it! :O), it’s all part of your day’s experience with her and you can tell she’s trying everything she knows, hahaha πŸ˜€

        With the crabby chick, you spent the whole time fuming about what an asshole she is, but you stayed in the pocket so you could get to the good part. I’m telling you, unless you’re into grudge*******, you’re in such a bad mood by the time the ish goes down that you’re really not even getting the full benefit of how good the hookup actually was.

  3. Bill, I’d like to clarify a few things for your readers. My concerns were not mainly influenced by the non-blacks that sat on the Blacks In Tech panel but the entire message of consumerism and fluff being touted as “blackness” to the white clients in the audience and as a career option for James Andrews aka Key Influencer and Jeffrey L. Bowman of Ogilvy.

    Admittedly, had the event been titled differently we wouldn’t be having this conversation as I would not have attended – nor would most of the people who did as well. It’s this selling of blackness and the lack of discussion about implementing technology and other resources to underserved communities that was what was so offensive.

    Our black children are already operating with a handicap in many instances and will fall further behind with the prevalence of systematic barriers, the digital divide and the apathy of those blacks who could take initiatives to offer tools for empowerment instead of serving their self-interests at the expense of others.

    The other main issue (aside from Andrews’ personal attack and unprofessional behavior) is the fact they’ve HIDDEN THE TAPE. So no one has been able to actually view the panel and Q&A that supposedly caused them such grief. Their credibility sinks further every day they continue to withhold it – and they’re supposed to be the “experts”.

    Can you also update that link to direct to my current blog along with the secondary post where I’ve asked people to contact Ogilvy directly to release the content so they may judge for themselves. Thanks!

  4. oh yeah and one question (regarding J.Scotts remark about not losing culture):
    White boy Dave gew up on 123rd and 1st, in Harlem, and from an early age was exposed to the hiphop culture, went to predominantly black/monority school, and 98 out of 100 friends are Black (the other 2 are Puerto Rican), attended a historically Black College and now has his sights set on a black girl that lived just 2 buildings away and has been a classmate since the 1st grade… taking into account their culture and environment… Arent they sharing the same culture when or if they hook up??

    (an FYI: Dave is a real friend of mine and all the above is real. He is Harlem. He is whats good about striving to be better than the hand you were dealt. AND for lack of a better way of phrasing it White Boy Dave is the blackest white boy we know! His culture is not his skin color, its his beliefs and his understanding of how he became what he is today)

    1. Yeah. No doubt. The culture comes from the environment.

      I just had a situation like that happen to me a couple of months ago. I was minding my own business, typing on my g1 at a bar that plays Spanish music when this chick interrupted me to come dance with her.

      I turned off Foursquare or Gowalla or whatever I was doing and went with her to the dance floor, where I proceeded to essentially beat the living **** out of her in Salsa dancing.

      After about 75 seconds of getting cut up on the dance floor, the chick had to start babbling about it, saying that she had assumed I couldn’t dance because she perceived my ethnicity to be other than Hispanic. I informed her that I, in fact, am NOT Hispanic.. However… I’m from Spanish Harlem. *MY* culture is derived from my friends and my experiences, many of which have been dancing to Spanish music with Spanish-speaking chicks.

      Similarly, when I was in high school, there was this white kid named Peter who was NIIIIIICE in Electric Boogie. Meanwhile, I wasn’t able to pop or lock to save my ******* life, much less spin on my back and freeze as if I was cold lampin’ on a couch watching television. Who was more in tune with Hip Hop Culture? Pete was. Hands down. No comparison. Not even CLOSE! πŸ˜€

      This is why it’s intelligent to figure out who you are and what you like and then select someone to mess with or get into a relationship with that meshes well with what you’re looking for. Some of my most fun experiences have been with Butch-Type Lesbians… Go Figure! πŸ˜€

  5. One thing I can say is suburban black women (out by me) are different than described above. There are just too few of them to get anything going. And yes, you can spot the ones that aren’t from around here from a mile away. Usually they’re cussing someone out for existing or breathing to close to them or something. Then again I’m talking about women who are influenced by urban centers like Elizabeth and Newark so I guess that’s the best to expect.

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