Paranoid Players [Hunters, Part 04]

I learned a new term while watching MTV’s Jersey Shore, “Committing The Robbery”.

Basically, this means that some other guy was scamming on a chick and you hooked up with her, thereby “stealing his property”, hence Committing The Robbery.

Ronnie, Sammi & Mike from MTV's 'Jersey Shore'Ronnie claimed that he committed a robbery when he pulled Sammi after she was initially hooking up with Mike.

According to the edit (we don’t know what actually happened.. only the amount of tape and plot crafting that was turned into the final show), Mike fumbled by not acting like he was going to be committed to Sammi.

Mike had it, but when she realized she was just going to be one of his chicks, she bounced and got with Ronnie, who was very happy to be locked down by her, being that she was better-looking than the chicks Mike & Pauly were pulling on a daily basis from the boardwalk and the parties and clubs they attended.

As a side note, I saw the footage where Sammi admitted bragged to Mike that she had been kickin’ it with guys behind Ronnie’s back and he had no clue. That’s a different topic entirely. 😀 I’m not saying that Ronnie had HER in deep check, but rather that he was the one that got to hook up with her every night because he was willing to do whatever she said.

This is what got him the rap over Mike and what kept him in the pocket. He didn’t actually rob Mike.. He picked up a fumble. If Mike had played the “It’s just you and me” role from the giddyap, the show would have been completely different.

Charge It To The Game

Robbery is part of The Game. If you’re a Hunter and you hang out with Hunters, everything’s fair game until someone you respect lays claim to a chick. This doesn’t mean he got on already. It just means that he’s working on that, so it’s professional courtesy that you don’t kick it to the same chick he’s already tryin’na bag.

Other than that, all bets are off. All Hunters know that you can’t trust the next man with any of your girls. Period.

Women don’t want to be on the dating scene. They’re looking to retire. If you’re not offering them that, you’re going to be either consciously or subconsciously aware that on any given day, the next man might verbally offer her something better than what you’re presenting and either borrow her or pull her from you entirely. I say “verbally offer” because it’s a commonly-used and effective gimmick to pull chicks by promising them stuff you never intend to do for them (marriage, moving in together, having kids…). If you don’t lock a chick down mentally and make her feel like you’re the guy that she’s going to build her life around, you could lose any or all of your chicks instantaneously and/or simultaneously.

This is one of the major downsides to The Game. If you’re not willing to wake up tomorrow and find out that one of your chicks has a boyfriend now, this isn’t for you. If you’re not willing to hear that she gave it up to the next man but still wants to be down with you, this isn’t for you. If you’re not willing to take her back after she messes with some bullshitter for several months or a couple of years, this isn’t for you. If you run into the dude that’s currently ******* your favorite girl and you can’t shake his hand and be cordial towards him, this isn’t for you. If you can’t keep her business ‘out the street’, this isn’t for you. If you can’t stand that NOBODY knows that you and her are messing except for you and her because *SHE* has a reputation to uphold, this isn’t for you. If you aren’t willing to start all over from scratch and meet new chicks TODAY and build new relationships with them TODAY that might end TOMORROW… this isn’t for you.

Paranoid Players

Because of these unseen & unexamined pressures, lots of guys become PARANOID about girls that they’re kickin’ it to leaving them. Scared. To. Death. 😀 As cool as they act on a regular basis, they know that they haven’t presented enough value to lock the chick down and they’re always wondering if today’s the day they’re gonna get played and go -1 female. I was with a friend a while back and we went to a party to find this chick I hadn’t even started kickin’ it with yet and when we found her, she was in the process of making out with the next man. So what? \o/ That’s what she’s *supposed* to be doing. She’s an attractive chick. Dudes are supposed to want her. She’s supposed to enjoy male attention, affection & lust. As far as I’m concerned, it was like “Good… She’s working properly… She’s not defective”. We waited for her to finish getting her SNOG on and later approached her as if we had’t watched that entire episode unfold before our eyes. Don’t Mean Nuthin’.. It’s All In The Game.

Unfortunately, dudes think they’re so good at playing women that they’re locking chicks down exclusively while they hook up with whomever they want. Hunters that are “bout-it bout-it” know that if you don’t have a chick in your direct line of sight, she could very well be hooking up with the next man. In the case I just mentioned, I had a chick *IN* my line of sight and she *WAS* hooking up with the next man!!! 😀 Of course, I’ve been on the flip-side where I’ve made out with chicks that other dudes took home for the night. Good for them. I was enjoying the moment and didn’t have any intention of taking the chick ANYWHERE, other than perhaps the lockable bathroom at that bar. I hope they enjoyed the chicks. By the time they were doing their thing, I was into other stuff.

Snakes In The Grass

I’ve also been the victim of attempted robberies that friends of mine don’t know that I know they attempted. Most people have inauthentic relationships where they keep the negative things away from each other and only mention the positive. I dont’ roll like that. I enjoy reality. I also don’t hate on potential thieves because any chick that I’m attracted to, they’re SUPPOSED to be attracted to. They’re SUPPOSED to want to **** my girls. They’re SUPPOSED to try to cut my throat. If they get it, more power to them! 😀 It’s a good war story to tell from the trenches. If they DON’T get it (or they DO get it and the chick decides to lie about it), she’s going to tell me to my face “Your boy XYZ tried to **** me AND said you weren’t **** and that I should be with him instead of you”. I’m gonna ask her how that went and whether she wants to hook up with him and take it from there. Unfortunately for the would-be robbers, that conversation normally happens right before The Kid gets on, so Nice Try, Playboi! 😉 ha-HAA you can’t stop the bum rush! >:D

On top of that, I’m not even going to bring it up to you… EVER. It’s not between me and you. It’s between me and her. If you’ve already demonstrated that you’re gonna try to **** chicks I’m already with, I’m not going to request that you cease & desist. I’m going to accept that as part of your personality and we’re still going to be homeboys. That’s not because of Bros Before Hoes, but because I have the chicks I have because I put in the work to keep them. If you put in more work than I do with a particular chick and she defects, good for you. That’s *MY* fault. You’re not SUPPOSED to be able to pull any of my chicks, so if you can, you’ve illuminated a weakness in my game and I’ll applaud you for that, shake your hand, pat you on the back and buy you a beer.

Call The Cops!!! :OTo be fair, I’ve pulled off accidental robberies myself, so as a sportsman and a friend, I strive to avoid doing that. I say “accidental” because I used to think that you had to put in active work to qualify as a robber, but through extensive debate, discussion and argument, I came to realize that that’s not true.

All you have to do to commit robberies in some cases is “be yourself”. By being who you actually are, you’re presenting a desirable alternative to how your friend relates to his woman.

Without attempting to do so, you’re actually undermining his relationship by making his girl aware of qualities she’d like to have in her man, but doesn’t. Therefore, it becomes your job as his homeboy to assist him in making her believe he’s the best she can get. That’s achieved by intentionally NOT being yourself when you interact with her. I’ve had arguments over utilizing this style also, but Business is Business.


Another problem with this scenario is that a lot of guys brag to their boys about having chicks in deep check and then they’re worried that they’re going to look like idiots when that chick is discovered to be kickin’ it with the next man (or MEN! :D). This is why you want to keep YOUR and HER business ‘out the street’. You’re a fool if you put additional social pressure on yourself to maintain a facade of control. When that dude you know walks up to you and says “Isn’t that your bitch hugged up with that dude over there?”, you need to be able to calmly say “Nope.”, instead of getting hot under the collar because you got exposed for saying you had an amount of juice with a chick that you really don’t have.

This ends up being confusing to the female because the guy presents an ultra-cool demeanor and then all of a sudden seems to act out of character. This is because it’s easy to be a chick’s man when you’re hanging out with her solo. It’s not so easy when you’re in public and you have no idea how many other guys in the room are playing it off like they’re not ******* her just like you are.

These guys freak out because their self-esteem is attached to their ability to imply ownership of the female. Meanwhile, they know that just the way they do THEIR thing when she’s not around, she may very well be doing *HER* thing when THEY’RE not around. It’s actually fascinating to watch. 🙂 You walk up and greet a chick and whomever’s currently messing with her that sees this starts mentally tripping out, going “HOW IN THE **** DOES SHE KNOW HIM??? :O” because there’s zero evidence that we even talk to each other. You can tell because they start thinking too much trying to figure it out and looking at you too much with their bugged-out eyes because they’re dying to step to you and say “UNHAND MY WOMAN!!! :O” but they know they’re going to make themselves look like a jealous chump and lose face in front of their girl for being paranoid, so they just stay where they are, seething, hoping she ends up going home with them tonight instead of claiming to be tired and meeting me at some undisclosed location.

Evasive Maneuvers

The only way around this for the Paranoid Player is to pretend to be committed to each chick he’s kickin’ it with and then deal with the fallout when one or more of them realize what time it is. This is easy to do because women want to believe that their man is only physically interested in and hooking up with them, so they actually help him to cheat by dismissing obvious signals. I mean, I guess another way around it would be to ACTUALLY commit, but then he wouldn’t be a player anymore, now would he? 😀

This goes back to the reasons a guy’s involved in The Game to begin with. Mike & Pauly snapped all over Ronnie for wasting his entire time at the Jersey Shore with one chick while they were pulling new chicks every single day. Ronnie snapped all over Mike for the low visual quality of the girls he pulled compared to his ONE girl, Sammi. Depending on which style works better for you, both sides have perfectly valid arguments. On the one hand, there’s no point in picking up lesser chicks than the one(s) you already have. OTOH, if picking up chicks is the fun, thrill & excitement in the first place, it doesn’t matter how many chicks you have or had, you still want more, and selling out is out of the question.

If you’re planning to stay in the pocket, realize and accept that the roster’s gonna keep switching up as you take losses from robberies as well as chicks just getting tired of not being able to corral you into a relationship. You’ll get them back when/if their relationships fail, assuming they’re still physically attractive to you at that point in time. If you’re planning to retire, it’s in your best interest to select a chick and lock her down before the next man absconds with your best girlfriend.

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  1. Spot on Bill!

    Instead of acting a fool and getting all worked up when you see the girl you were meeting up with making out with another dude just pause for a second
    because A) its probably your fault you came ahead of schedule and B) Now you have a get out of jail free card. that way when u bang here hawt friend (or sister) instead of making up an excuse you can just pull out the card.

    1. Thanks man. You’re right on both counts.

      First, I never told her I was definitely coming. In fact, I didn’t decide I was going to that party until 30 minutes before I got there and I ran out of batteries before I was able to inform her that I was coming. So.. Definitely, she very well *SHOULD* have been making the most of her evening! 😉

      Second, I can most definitely use a GOOJail card if I need one because she introduced me to the dude shortly after I made my presence known. I can always drop “Yeah, Well.. What about _____?” hahaha 😀

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