Ladies: Why You Look Just Like His Ex-Girlfriend

As much as women hate to admit it, y’all are primarily selected visually when it comes to dating. I don’t know ANYBODY that has EVER told me “Man.. That chick is BUSTED!.. I’m gonna go over there and say ‘hi’! :D”.

You were selected because he likes how you look. He likes your hairstyle or length or whether it’s curly or straight. He likes how your body has ample curves or it doesn’t. He thinks you’re facially cute, pretty or hawt.

Bill Cammack & KVThere are definitely other things he likes about you, like personality, intelligence, wit, earning potential… but he finds out about those AFTER he sees you. If he selects a gal to spend time with, it’s PROBABLY because he likes how she looks.

If his relationship with her happens to end and he gets back in The Game, he’s going to be looking for the traits he visually enjoys. This is the first reason it makes perfect sense why you look like his ex. You have the same combination of physical features that made him feel like having sex with his ex, so it’s Game On!!! 😀

If his relationship ended because his girl’s visual type changed (she was chunky and got too skinny… she was skinny and got too chunky… she had long, red, curly hair and then cut most of it off, straightened it and dyed it blonde…), he’s definitely going to be looking to upgrade, or at least in Photoshop terms, he’d like to “Revert to last saved version”. It would be much faster for him to get a different chick that looks the way she used to look than to put her on a diet or wait for her hair to grow back.

If his relationship ended because she stopped giving it up, she’s visually the same, yet functionally deficient. It’s easier to get a new chick that looks just like her than to get her back online as far as the sex thing. It’s like how you don’t want to bend metal and then try to bend it back. Just get another bar. 🙂

If his relationship ended because SHE bounced on him because of his, er.. shortcomings… It’s in his best interest to start all over with a new chick that looks like her so he can reset the timer until THIS chick finds out what the other one found out that caused her to leave.

If they broke up because of personality clashes, he might be looking to upgrade to the same chick, visually, but without the character flaws. Then again, being around a gal that reminds him of his ex could easily trigger flashbacks for him to jacked-up situations that occurred between them.


Another interesting issue is familiarity. It’s pretty weird and I can’t explain it, but I remember stumbling upon a video blog by a female that looked very much like my ex, except younger than when she and I were together. It felt like a prequel, haha like how X-Men Origins: Wolverine was supposed to be before X-Men, but was actually filmed 9 years later.

If it had been ANY OTHER CHICK, I wouldn’t have listened to what she said for longer than it took me to close the window, but it was really fascinating, hearing her opinions, even though I knew damned well that I *WASN’T* watching video that my ex had taped before I met her.

I think this is a rather interesting form of Transference:

“Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another…

Transference was first described by Sigmund Freud, who acknowledged its importance for psychoanalysis for better understanding of the patient’s feelings.”

Of course, this is totally unfair to the “replacement” gal, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. The transfer could be to the new person’s benefit or detriment. It would be beneficial if the displaced feelings due to similar looks created an environment where he was more willing to listen to what she had to say and find out about who SHE really is as an individual. If he then selected her on her own merits and started dating her, she lucked out that she got a foot in the door.

OTOH, it would be detrimental if he didn’t care about her as an individual at all and was merely kickin’ it with yet another chick that fits his “type”. This would lead to a “The More, The Merrier” situation where he might end up messing with her AND his ex at the same time or any new gals that he determines to also be his visual type. I mean, the only thing better than a hawt chick is….. MORE THAN ONE HAWT CHICK!!! 😀

Personally, I’m not into twins. I know that’s supposed to be a typical worldwide male fetish, but I’m actually not into messing with multiple chicks simultaneously.. simultaneously meaning instantaneously simultaneously as in “in Parallel”. I have no problem messing with several chicks “in Series”, meaning one after the other with infinitesimally little time in between, but a lot of people would consider that hooking up with them simultaneously, being that both instances would have occurred on the exact same day, unless I finished messing with one of them exactly at midnight because I guess you could say I was actually hooking up with the second one “tomorrow”…. um.. I digress.

Rocks & Hard Places

I also would be scared to death to run into an ex with a girl that looks exactly like her. How are you supposed to live that down that she gets to go “AAAAAAAH! Couldn’t get enough of this right here so you had to go out and try to get another one, HA-HAAA!!! :D”. Honestly, I don’t even like to duplicate names. Historically, my most successful name has been Christine. I’ve probably had several of each, but the variations include Christine, Chris, Chrissy, Chrissie, Christina and probably a couple of variations that start with “K”, like Kristine and Krystal, but I don’t remember offhand.

I think it’s just as “YIKES!!! :O” to introduce a Christine to a Christine as it is to introduce females that look essentially identical to each other. Another faux pas is INFORMING a chick that she looks like your ex. It’s a gamble. You could win with it or lose with it. I wouldn’t bother saying so if I could avoid it and was already kickin’ it to the chick. It’s still a good pick-up line though, if ya got nothin’ else. \o/

It gets even worse if you whip out your.. smartphone and show her pictures of your ex. Hopefully not pictures of your ex on your WALLPAPER, but assuming you have an internet connection and can access your flickr account.

Ultimately, I don’t think it makes any difference at all. It *COULD* indicate that dude wasn’t ready to give up his ex emotionally or give up hooking up with her physically, but most likely, it just indicates his “type” as far as women’s looks. I wouldn’t worry about it unless he’s calling you some other chick’s name while he’s tappin’ it, in which case, well… Guess it sucks to be you. 😀

billcammack.comBill Cammack email subscriptionBill Cammack RSS

Join the Conversation


  1. “He likes how your body has ample curves or it doesn’t.” Ha ha! Classic.

    For the record, the very same-name scenario you posit was turned into a successful sitcom in The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS). Of course I guess the version directed by Bill Cammack would have an ensemble cast of about eight chicks who all have the same name and the same curves…or not.

    1. Thanks, KS. 🙂

      I wasn’t aware of the origin/plot of that show, though I had heard the name before.

      What’s actually worse is when you meet a brother and sister that facially look the same and you meet the brother FIRST!!! 🙁 By the time you meet the chick, she looks like a dude and you just can’t get over it no matter how FOYINE her body is. DAMN!.. Hate it when *THAT* happens! :/

  2. That bit at the end of parallel, I had to read it twice because I was laughing too hard to get it right the first time. Anyone who reads your blog even semi-regularly knows how you roll, no explanations necessary about the gray area that could be considered simultaneous. No, wait, I changed my mind, leave it in, it’s just too funny.

    Girls have a type that they prefer too, I know I do, and I’m never really happy with a guy who doesn’t hit enough of the type markers that I like. I might let a guy who doesn’t meet the mark physically buy me drinks, or even go out on a date or two, giving him a chance to hit a few of the less physical ones, but if he doesn’t, I’m already looking for the door.

    We might say that looks doesn’t matter, but that is total BS. The key is the look that is what hits it for that girl (or guy). I know a girl who only dates nerdy looking guys. An outsider looking at them walking down the street would be asking, “how in the **** did he nab her?” The answer is she pursued him.

    1. hahaha Thanks, Yota! 😀 I’ve been receiving comments from a couple of the regulars about being contradictory, so I wanted to be as clear as possible haha. So like if I said something in the future like “I went to the beach and hooked up with these three chicks today”, I don’t have to hear it because I wasn’t in physical contact with all three of them at the same time haha.. Anywayyyyy…

      Yes. Girls definitely have a type. That’s one of the things that makes life unfair for guys. You can get all the gimmicks you want, cars, houses, clothes, jewelry, and she might give you some, but it’s not because she’s attracted to YOU. Meanwhile, if you’ve got it like that, you don’t have to have any of the gimmicks to get on.

      With females, looks are more like a blanket prerequisite… Assuming the goal is mutual attraction and not Sugar-Daddyism.

      That’s an interesting point about not making the physical mark, but still giving a chance. One of the things with guys is that they don’t have enough experience with really attractive, yet empty-of-soul chicks. I don’t mean soul like you could style your hair into an Afro, but soul as far as you can feel the genuine, perhaps spiritual interaction between you and her. There are lots of people with no soul whatsoever, so chicks can definitely get credit for having lower quality looks but being really worthwhile to spend time with.

      You’re also right that guys discount being counter-maneuvered by chicks. They’re so busy hunting and making it happen that they miss out on the gal crafting their experience together by carefully selecting options or offering alternatives that appear to be uncalculated.

      I had this happen just the other day. I’m supposed to hang out with this chick and then she suggests this spot right near her house. I’m thinking “I really don’t want to travel all the way over there and would rather meet her somewhere equidistant :/ but let me ok this just in case she’s trying to be slick. Lo and behold.. Even though I would have walked her home anyway, there was something she wanted me to see at her crib. O_o

      I ended up seeing quite a few things she wanted to show me.

      If I were the Average Joe, I’d be like “Damn… I got LUCKY! :O”. However, I saw her plan from the giddyap and merely rolled with it because I was down with her program. I’m well aware that I didn’t orchestrate ANY of the evening’s events and that she had been chasing me just as much as I had been chasing her… which is how it’s ‘POSED to work! >:D

  3. What does it mean if a lot of the guys you’ve dated in the past don’t have a history of going for your physical type but they dated you? What does that mean?

    1. In general, I would think that it means that they perceive you as bringing something superior to the table, intellectually or personality-wise.

      It could also mean that they find you so visually stunning that they’re willing to let whatever would normally block them from dating “your physical type” slide.

      You never know what it is because you never know what experience people are having when they interact with you that’s unique from their stereotypical experiences. You’re just being yourself, not doing anything you perceive as different, but to them, it’s refreshing and intriguing.

      Depending on how you see it, you also get a slight bonus for this because he could be seeing you as his one shot at dating someone of your physical type and enjoying it. It’s good because you get more opportunities. It’s “bad” because you didn’t get it for being an individual so much as you got it for being an anomaly.

      Personally, I would see it as a good thing because whatever the reason, that person was willing to give you a chance and get to know you that he didn’t give to lots of other women off of general principle. The question becomes whether your interactions result in him seeing you as an individual instead of a needle in a haystack.

  4. Hi Bill,
    This was a really great article and really true man. I notice it when my buddies get divorced and marry someone that looks just like a younger version of their ex-wife. Or, maybe, serial looks hookups. However, we’ve got to be fair. It’s kind of the same thing for women – they go for looks and earning potential. Women I’ve spoken to have defined it as a “package.” Looks, car, job, money. Maybe they’re sort of like us. Oh, yeah, they also want a guy with a “sense of humor.”

    1. That’s actually true, that women have a set of qualities they’re looking for in guys they hook up with, except a guy looking “good” to her doesn’t indicate that he looks like anyone else. 🙂

      If her type is blond, over 6 feet tall and making at least six figures per year, there are still lots of potential physical feature permutations.

      I think that with guys, once we have a type that definitely floats our boat, once the chick resembles the prototype, it’s Off To The Races!!! >:D

  5. Today my bf and I were waiting for our food to arrive in a restaurant. Meanwhile he was gazing at me with such a smile on his face. I said what.. He said nothing. And all of the sudden he said you look exactly like ( he mentioned the name of a girl he used to have crush on) I didnt give him any reaction to that. Then he said your lips are also just like hers. I couldn’t hold back any longer. Finnaly I said, are you going to compare every physical feauture of mine with her. He laughed silly and said I can’t compare you with anyone, and then he said if so only the parts I have seen of her. What is that suppose to mean! Haha Very funny. That joke would definately cheer any gf up. (Not A**hole) Anyways later in the evening on a phone call he said i was sitting in such an angle that i looked exactly like her and that doesn’t mean he’s seeing her in me or something and he loves me like crazy. He simply loved her so much but he also can’t live without me. And that now apparently his love is combined with me ( i.e he loves={(her+ me)in me} ) If you understand some maths u know what i mean. Does that even make any sense. I think he’s still emotionally attached to her. He hasn’t let her go completly. He just said that thing on phone cause maybe he realised that it was inappropriate to say such a thing to me. Well too late d***head, the thing is already spread all over my mind. And he might be just saying that cause he’s afraif to loose his “combined love”. Isn’t he just adorable, makes wana run with a knife after him, how cute right.

    1. lol Upset 🙂 That was a really bad move for a boyfriend to make.

      I made that mistake ONE TIME when I met this new chick.. I told her that she looked just like (which she did and still does) this chick I had already known for years that I thought was hawt, and she didn’t find that to be a compliment AT. ALL! 😀 hahaha So never again for that one! 😀

      But yeah, I agree with you that part of the reason he’s with you now is because he likes the parts of you that remind you of his ex.

  6. I have an interesting scenerio I’d appreciate your take on.

    Well, first of all I found this article extremely honest. Kudos for your clear and cleverly considered opinion. I think you’re dead on.

    So, I was 15 and this friend I worked with was 19. Late eighties. Not a big deal back then.So, I was my friend’s first. I liked him but ended up marrying a boyfriend of mine at 16. Just a fact. I moved away for quite a long time.

    When, I got divorced and moved back, I bump into said guy friend. And, for the record, I also have a type. With me it seems like big and tough, great smile, funny, honest,loyal and hard working. Easy enough, right?

    Well, at some point he got divorced. He had a distant relationship. He’s a cop and pulls up behind me one day.

    We went out about six months later when he hit me up on fb. Good old fb. Ha!g

    We went out on and off sorta as friends. I was busy and didn’t take it seriously. So, it fizzled out after a few months.

    Well, I get settled being single and here he comes. Now, he’s all over me, really workin

  7. Continued…sorry.

    Working it. So, I’m more interested. I see and ask about the distant gf and that’s been dissolved. Ok. Well, it’s been amonth and so I see these posts from said ex. Just as friends I guess. I’m too old to be very jealous.

    However, I see this chick. She looks so much like me but a few years younger. I admit it freaked me out at first. But, I really feel rather flattered. I haven’t dare to mention anything to him. But, I’m very interested in your opinion. This lady could seriously be my sister!

    1. “However, I see this chick. She looks so much like me but a few years younger.” DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!!! 😀 hahaha Suspense music and “Kisses” turns towards the camera! 😀 hahaha

      This is just the thing.. Some guys can carry over their attraction to one chick to the next chick, meaning they can hook up with the new one and get the same thrill as if they were hooking up with the ex. The new chick doesn’t really matter except she’s a physical substitute for the original.

      That could work out to the new chick’s benefit if the guy was/is ravenously sexually attracted to his ex, but it could work out negatively if he harbors resentment towards his ex and unfairly takes it out on the new gal.

  8. What an awesome post!!! This really has helped me to explain why what happened to me last week. I have a lovely man who is a client at my place of work. I’ve only met him a few times but on these occasions he always looks at me alot,none more so than last Friday when I caught him staring at me then he quickly turned away. I thought ooh he’s showing a possible sign of interest here, however it turns out I look very much like his Wife/Partner (not sure if he’s married) I didn’t know at the time if he was involved I assume he still is with her,but just likes me as we both look the same.It’s kinda unnerved me a little though.Feeling a tad disappointed he’s involved and also with someone who looks very much like me.My friends say I should feel flattered,I do to a point but last Fridays encounter has only made me feel more interested in him.Really though I don’t think this will go any further than the occasional admiring glance I like it to but don’t want to get involved with anyone who is already taken.Thank you so much for your post it’s helped me heaps!!! xx

    1. Hey Katie 🙂 Thanks for the comment.

      In this case, I think you’re doing the right thing, *especially* if he’s still with the chick that resembles you.

      He may have been wishing this whole time that she had a twin sister… o_O hehe

      1. Hey Bill,Thank you yes hopefully I can keep control of the situation I certainly don’t wanna be his next bootie call.With the staring and looking away quickly would you say that’s showing interest? I think I need to find out more information and go from there,

        1. From what you wrote, I think it’s one of the two.. Either a sign of interest or a sign of comparison.

          Meaning that it’s definitely a sign of interest, but the question is whether he was comparing his attraction to you to his attraction to the woman that resembles you, which was the point of my article.

          It’s one thing to be individually attracted to someone as a person. It’s a different thing to be turned on by the traits of that person. Your body might respond to the visual/physical stimulus in the same way, or at least in a similar enough way to want to add this chick to the roster.

          On top of that, if the chick he’s currently with has a poor personality, you might be an upgrade for him.. Same looks, Better personality.

          So yes, it’s definitely a sign of interest/attraction, but I can’t guess how actually personal it is to you, as opposed to if 15 other chicks that look like y’all were in the same room with him. 😀

          1. Hi Bill, well that was and interesting encounter today, again lots of eye contact when speaking etc and as he was riding his horse ( he can see me from where I am working) rode past totally looking at me not where he was going at one point! He is definitely Married which kind of deflates me 🙁 I am just trying to think of it as flattery and nothing more.Not easy as I do like him but I do have morals.I just feel reallyy guilty for liking him.Hope your good!! Have a nice Weekend and thanks again for your fab post.

            1. “Sorry”, Kate. 😀 haha There’s no such thing as “flattery and nothing more” with guys.

              He either wants to hit it or he doesn’t.

              It’s good that you have morals, but doesn’t make sense for you to feel guilt… He’s the one that made the agreement with his wife, so he’s the one that should feel guilty.

              All good here. Have a great weekend, Kate! 😀

  9. Thanks Bill,yes so true in what you say,but some guys surely would be kind of Look but don’t touch? Kinda window shopping,I mean we are all visual and I guess it’s takes some people including to overstep that especially in this situation,he is rather shy and gets abit tongue tied in talking too! Was thinking of asking him why his Wife hasn’t ridden in a while? Good or bad idea? Many thanks Kate

    1. Let’s put it this way, Kate.. 😀

      I would say there are more guys who are “look but don’t touch” than not. Maybe even 80%-90% of guys. 😀 That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t do it if they were offered the opportunity.

      I’m not saying he’s GOING to press up on you. I’m saying that if he’s checking you out, he’s either THINKING ABOUT how it would be to mess with you, *or* in this case, he might honestly just enjoy the fact that you remind him of his wife.. Kind of like having a picture of her with him when you’re around.

      Either way, haha, both’a y’all are grown-ass men & women, so whatever’s going to happen is going to happen.

      There’s nothing wrong with your asking a question about his wife, so long as you realize that you’re opening the door to a conversation where he might say things aren’t working out for them blah blah separated blah blah getting a divorce blah blah only still living with her for the sake of the kids blah blah the same stuff dudes say when they’re trying to get on and none of it is actually true. 😀

  10. Hey Bill,
    Feeling confused .com today !!!! He was in today but late so didn’t see him straight away he Rode First.
    He then came in to ask about Rides over the Christmas.
    We had a good chat about horses etc.But he did mention his Wife for the first time and maybe bringing her in to watch or ride sometime.Arghhh !!!! Awkward moment !!! So it was abit weird today Maybe stating that will now put and end to it?? Not sure how to feel at the moment.
    It will be soo weird if she does come in !!! As I know she looks like me !!

    Any Advice Gratefully Received. 🙁

    1. Well.. 🙂 It’s a good thing he mentioned his wife. At least he isn’t trying to be sneaky about that.

      Still doesn’t mean he isn’t into both of you.

      The funny part is that she’s probably going to feel more awkward than you are, assuming she hasn’t seen you before.

      I think at this point you should act as if he isn’t going to proposition you so at least you don’t give off some kind of weird vibe if / when you actually meet each other.

      But yeah, it’s a good thing that a) he mentioned his wife at all, and b) he isn’t concerned about bringing her around you.

  11. I’ve been casually dating a guy for 6 months (I’m a slow mover) and we recently became exclusive. I can’t decide if I want to be in a relationship or not. I always loved being single, so i wondered if it was just that holding me back, or some gut intuition?
    Anyways–i was facebook stalking him and his ex and i found some similarities. We’re definitely not twins, but would fall into the same “type”. Also, we both know some russian language and literature, work in healthcare, and like volunteer work. We also have the same fuzzy striped socks. And similar family size/dynamics. And I’m the same age she was when they started dating.
    He still has old profile pics with her. When we were having a brief “past relationships” talk, he said it ended because she cheated on him and he had a hard time forgiving her. “By the time he did, she was gone”. They broke up a couple years ago and she’s gone off, gotten married, had a kid…they aren’t fb friends anymore…
    Should I be concerned about transference..? Red flags..?

    1. Very fascinating scenario, Tortoise. 🙂 Thanks for the comment.

      The first thing I think about what you wrote is that he might feel like this could be his opportunity to “do it the right way this time” with his ex.

      Then again, depending on who you are as a person, he might find you to be a superior human being to her, so it isn’t a crossgrade, it’s an upgrade.

      Meaning that he’s getting an improved version of his ex and you would be walking in the door as a completely different person, not a substitute.

      Having said that, however, some people have definite types and if you could see ANYBODY they dated, whether pictures of them exist or not, they all look relatively the same.

      Some people only date blondes. Some people only date chicks with nice asses.. Whatever.

      If you’re concerned about it, I would ask him what it is that he likes about you. Ask him in person, though, so you can see his reaction to the question. He should have a list of things that are unique to your personality that he likes besides your looks.

      If he doesn’t.. Yeah.. You might be a substitute and he might be imagining hooking up with his ex when he messes with you.

      The other thing in your favor is that you look NOW they way she looked THEN, so he’s probably seen current pictures of her and he’s aware that she doesn’t look the same now.

      Most likely, you can chalk it up to him having a physical type that he’s turned on by and both you and she fit the description.

      1. Wow, thanks for your quick reply!
        She actually looks the same, even after having a kid!
        He’s been sweet and considerate and hasn’t tried “messing around” much cause I’m not comfortable with it at this point (which is wayy different from his past relationships). Says he likes me because I’m honest and kind and like helping people. He actually rarely says anything about the way I look.
        Guess it’s just the commitment-phobe in me that’s freaking out.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.