Why Men Come Back (And Why Women Don’t)

Posted by Bill Cammack On May - 31 - 2010

Reader “Elly” requested an article about “Why men always come back” and I informed her that that would be a one-word article. :D

We all know what that one word IS, so I won’t bother to take the easy way out. :D

Instead, let me begin this discussion (to be continued in the comments section) with a sweeping generalization. This is not a rule… It might not even be very true (haha, AS *IF*), but we’ll need it in order to go deeper than the obvious reason that guys renew their romantic acquaintances with women after a breakup or a falling-out.

So here it is…

It’s more important for a guy to want to have sex with a gal than for him to like her.
It’s more important for a gal to like a guy than for her to want to have sex with him.

This is why females don’t understand what time it is when guys attempt to rekindle their relationship. It doesn’t make sense to y’all, because when you don’t like someone, you generally don’t want to have sex with them. OTOH, guys aren’t burdened with that problem. We don’t need to like you AT ALL to want to have sex with you. It’s entirely irrelevant.

The Process

So.. The falling-out occurs and both of youse declare how much you dislike each other and it’s over and yadda yadda and you go your separate ways. Directly afterwards, the woman commiserates with her homegirls about how she THOUGHT she was in love, but she really wasn’t… (Which is a lie, BTW. There’s no such thing as THINKING you’re in love. You are, or you aren’t. The fact of the matter is that you WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM and you got JERKED so now you feel corny for having been in love with someone that played you out so you appease yourself with Revisionist History so your dating record shows that you were only in love the one time that it worked out forever.) Meanwhile, the guy figures out how he’s going to get laid.

Eventually, they become aware of each other again and she’s thinking “I’m so MAD at him!!! grrrr” and he’s thinking “Damn.. She’s lookin’ good. She Could Get It! :D”. Next thing you know, the gal’s all surprised that he’s being nice to her and he wants to sit down for dinner or a drink or coffee or Kool-Aid so they can talk about old times and figure out where their relationship went wrong…. Yeah, Right. He’s trying to hit it. Whatever argument y’all had, he probably thought “Damn.. Chicks are really stupid. \o/” and immediately forgot about the topic AND YOU while he focused on hooking up with other chicks.

In order to understand this, we need look no further than man’s best friend… Pornography.

Differences

Did you ever notice that there isn’t any dialogue in porno movies? I mean.. That’s what I heard… If there IS any talking, it’s not female character development. It’s whatever needs to be said to facilitate the role-playing to set up whatever fantasy they’re trying to sell to guys. Women think that porno movies are ridiculous and nonsensical, yet they continue to fly off the shelves because they portray lives that guys would love to live… Surrounded by FOYINE chicks that really don’t say much at all! :D

Meanwhile, women are turned on by stuff like… Guys that stay in relationships with them for years. Guys that listen to them… Guys that express their feelings and emotions… Guys that are kind of like their best friends… Except they’re *NOT* their best friends because we all know what a guy who’s a woman’s FRIEND gets, right fellaz??? :D … That’s right… NOTHING! :/

So that’s why women DON’T come back. Once you’ve kicked her to the curb and told her what you REALLY thought of her while she was on her way out the door, you go straight from Boyfriend to Sub-Friend category. She’s DEFINITELY not tryin’na hook up with you after that. She doesn’t even want to SEE YOU ever again! hahaha So she’s not coming back. You already proved to her that you’re not “The One”, so there’s no need for her to fu er… Make Love to you anymore.

Clueless… *NOT* The Movie

What’s the most fascinating to me about this topic is that women. just. don’t. get it. \o/ The same thing happens every single time. First, she says they had an argument and talks about how stupid he is. Next, she says they broke up or she broke up with him or he broke up with her and then they ACT like it’s all over. This is where I nod because she’s not talking to me, she’s talking to herself. She knows that he could get her back in a split second if he apologizes or whatever, but denying that fact makes her feel good about herself, so good for her.

Next, some time goes by and then she’s like “hmm… He hasn’t apologized yet. I think he’s seeing someone else”. Next, it’s “He’s dating someone.. He must have been cheating on me with her before we broke up! :O”. Let me clear that one up for you, ladies… Picking up chicks can happen in, like, one minute. You could see your ex-boyfriend two weeks after y’all broke up with a girl he’s been dating for three days and she’ll LOOK like they’ve been dating for a long time because he’s doing the right thing by her to put that “This is my man right here! :D” smile on her face. She’s also happy that some chick fumbled this dude so she could pick him up. Just because your ex is all hugged up with some chick doesn’t mean, well.. If her kid looks like him, you may have a problem.

Then.. Some more time goes by and she ACTUALLY gets over it. She’s not trying to psych herself into believing it anymore. It’s real. In the meantime, she’s been working out and making herself look good and wearing better gear now that she’s spending money on herself instead of his broke ass. So that’s when one of two situations occur. The first possibility is that he sees or hears about his ex looking FOYINE and/or some of the fellaz are snapping on him about how they’re gonna tap that now that he fumbled it and she’s looking infinitely better than she used to and he feels the need to try to get back in the saddle before the fellaz return with stories of how they had his ex’s leg up on her kitchen counter.

Thirsty

The second option is normally what happens. Dude experiences a drought and frantically contacts every chick that he figures he can score some easy sex from….. without paying.

Since “Yo.. Are you at home? I need to get my **** ****** and I’m in your neighborhood” usually doesn’t yield the desired outcome, dude kicks it to her on the reminiscing tip and wants to sit down for dinner or a drink or coffee or Kool-Aid so they can talk about old times and figure out where their relationship went wrong….

That’s when I get to hear “You won’t believe who called me today!!! :D” and I’m thinking “Yeah, I believe it, and I know WHY, too” while I ask “Who? \o/”, which isn’t ‘Who’ as in I can’t believe that a guy wanted to get back in contact with her, but rather that I don’t know WHICH guy’s coming back to get his **** wet this time.

It actually gets to a point where some women pride themselves on their “ability to get guys to come back” and they totally don’t get that they’re the Crispus Attucks of the dating game.

You’re always on the front lines. You’re always the first to return the text message and then the first one to make it happen in the bedroom and then dude’s Swayze and you never see or hear from him again until it’s time for him to get laid…… quickly.

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40 Responses to “Why Men Come Back (And Why Women Don’t)”

  1. First thought- it’s scary how well you know women. Second thought- your response will most likely be that MOST intelligent, half way adept at the game guys know almost as much as you. Which is even more frightening.
    Which means most women’s perceptions about men remain off kilter. We still don’t know jack about it and will probably forget what you share as soon as we finish reading the post and…go outside, and meet yet another man who will treat us, if we allow it, in the exact fashion you describe!
    We must be nearing the tipping point. I don’t know how OUR behavior will shift. I don’t think we will change our programming in lock step. And I don’t think the majority of women will divest of the fantasy , because it is such a delightful, all consuming ADDICTION. The cleverest thing WE could do would be to be as predatory as guys while retaining our femininity. Flip the script. But we aren’t wired that way. Hmmmm.
    Sharp, strong sardonic laconic wit. You are pioneering, not just pointing it out.
    You write so well, and with such precision, about what’s in our heads when it comes to relationships. Which is why you are DG :D
    I’m thinking about a new “what women want” premise, incorporating the facts you present. That’s the kind of tipping point/paradigm shift I’m talking about. What would we collectively say we want with the understanding you present seeping in? Not just one man and ovens and dolls. How can we wipe the grime from our eyes yet still enjoy the high highs which look, from the outside in, like a determined insistence to latch on to stupidity like a pit bull?
    C

    • Bill Cammack says:

      It completely SHOULD be “scary how well I know women”, because y’all are getting undressed behind a wall that you think is concrete and I *KNOW* is glass. I know your speech patterns, your writing styles, if I’ve spent time with you IRL, I know how your face changes, how your eyes move and how you breathe or don’t breathe when you’re thinking or attempting to hold back being upset.

      I can tell what you’re thinking by how you touch me or don’t touch me, whether you walk over or I have to invite you.. I can tell that I’m speaking to the alternate version of you because you’re drunk now and I can tell when that person goes away because you sober up. I can tell how you’re feeling by how little or how much you write to me and how quickly you reply to my text messages.

      This is because when I spend time with a woman, it’s because I’ve decided that it’s the best thing I could have done at that point in time. While we’re together, spending time with her is my entire life, so I absorb it all. How she sits, whether she fidgets, whether she looks at me or somewhere else while she’s talking, what her hair looks like today, what it looked like last time, whether she’s dressed well enough to get a rap if she notices a guy she likes or whether he’s going to consider her bummy or frumpy because of what she decided to wear out to come meet me.

      Actually, that’s part of what makes me such a good video editor. I’m acutely aware of very slight deviations that wouldn’t affect other people, but I can FEEL them. When the person in the background has his hands at his side and they cut to the next shot and he has his hands on the counter, I FEEL THAT as an error. When someone’s talking and they cut to the shot behind them, I know when they’re not using the matching dialogue because their jaw doesn’t move in a way that would allow them to say what we’re hearing. I get PAID to scrutinize detail.

      Which actually leads to even more mental exercise for me as I deal with women who think they’re successfully lying to me and they’re not. I just have to act like I believe them and keep a list of their lies in my mind so I remember who they wanted me to think that they are the next time I see them.

      Imagine that you’re a sailor and you happen to know that Starboard means Right and Port means Left, but a new recruit joins the team who’s either honestly convinced that it’s the other way around or wants you to believe that he thinks it’s the other way around. Let’s say that you elected not to correct this person and then had to remember to tell this person to go Left every time you wanted them to go Right. Welcome to my world.

      I’ve *been* the guy who’s right there next to some guy’s girlfriend while she lies to him about what she did last night. I’ve watched her successfully lie, two feet away from me and listened in as the dude fell for it. I’ve then had the same women attempt to lie to me while doing the same pauses and eye-shifts and vocal tone changes that I’ve already absorbed from watching her lie. I’ve then acted like I took the bait and remembered that she THOUGHT I believed her.

      I wouldn’t say that a lot of guys know as much as I do, but I’ll definitely say that a lot of guys recognize what I’m saying as common sense. They’re not going to go on the record about it because they know they have to maintain appearances (lies) or their relationships will crumble, but guys pat me on the back all the time for telling it like it is.

      Lots of guys know to agree with whatever a chick says so she feels good about herself and then he can go ahead and do whatever he was planning to do before he even discussed it with her. It’s called Social Lubricant. ;)

      Thanks for the compliments about my writing, Christine. :) I’ll throw in as a tangential point that historically, in my personal experience, the sharpest-thinking women I’ve met, across the board, don’t like women.

      I don’t mean they’re not lesbians. Some of them are. I’m saying that they have very few female friends because they can’t stand to be around certain behaviors and ways of being that they’ve found to permeate the female masses. That makes sense to me in the same way that the honors students have disdain for the regular kids. It’s like “If I can be this cool and intelligent, why can’t the rest of y’all do the same thing? :/ .. Shape the *** up, already! :(“.

  2. Steve says:

    Christine, “And I don’t think the majority of women will divest of the fantasy , because it is such a delightful, all consuming ADDICTION.” – I haven’t thought this all the way out but I hypothesize that this may be a biological necessity. Much like men’s “caveman” ways what if this is ingrained and not learned behavior? What would the consequences be to the perpetuation of our species if women didn’t fall into this trap of their devising?

  3. Interesting, Steve. I guess we’d be a sad lot, a matriarchal society of ball busters, without the “trap of our own devising!” I’m here to examine it. It is a force which has driven me my entire life. Whether it is due to nature or nurture or both, I don’t know. But I’d be sunk without it. That magic. Maybe the answer is to accept it, shorten the duration of “stupid,” and be resilient and go on to love other men if the one who bedazzled isn’t worthy.

    • Steve says:

      Well, that’s one way to look at it. I think in the pre modern birth control era the infant birth rate would be a lot lower due to fewer connections being made yielding a lower frequency of “accidents” with “matriarchal ball busters”. FYI – the words “matriarchal ball busters” actually gives me the heebie jeebie! My traction is tenuous enough! LOL

      I guess in a patriarchal society no one actually cares what women think and maybe having to play to a myth is a non-issue? Like, do Chinese, Indian, or Nigerian women, secretly dream of Prince Charming while some dude works the dosey-do on ‘em or is that only a western trick that’s completely irrelevant in their culture – where they may shrug and say, what is this thing called love? :-\

      • Bill Cammack says:

        I’ve had to consider what the two of you are discussing ever since a few weeks ago and the points that “BM” and “Sophia” made. What if there are ways of being that are necessary in the same way that a child learns not to touch the hot pot on the stove?

        What if it’s NECESSARY for women to believe that their only worth in life is to bear kids for some guy that brings home the bacon, houses, clothes and protects his family? What if training girls with tea-party sets is necessary instead of the catalyst for their life’s goals?

        What would happen if boys and girls were actually treated equally as kids? What would happen if girls could be on the football team instead of “only” being cheerleaders. What would happen if girls were trained to aggressively pursue the guy they want instead of just to look good and get their cooking and sex skillz tight so when Mr. Right asks them out, they might be able to begin their lives by going on a first date with their future husband?

        I’ve historically wanted people to be more than their actual potential. I’ve always wanted a society of peers, where everyone’s cool and intelligent. I’ve always wanted everyone to utilize Free Will because if we all love each other, we’ll find ways for everyone to get what they want without anyone else getting seriously hurt in the process.

        It’s possible that I want too much from women, or perhaps the wrong thing. Maybe they’re not *supposed* to make educated decisions in the face of feeling that they love someone or someone loves them. Maybe it’s love that makes women what they’re supposed to be, and not rational thinking. O_o

        Steve has a point as well. There are lots of current societies where women know they’re not going to do a GOT-damned thing in this life other than be some guy’s property. I was just watching a documentary on MTV about this society where females aren’t even allowed to DRIVE! :O They don’t get any say in local political decisions. They have to dress up as boys just to go enjoy a bike ride.

        Here, we would look at that and go “Such Neanderthals! :O”. There’s no need for guys in societies like that to play it off like they give a damn what a gal thinks, says, feels or wants because her opinion’s of ZERO consequence. She can’t even drive a car down the street.. I mean, I’m sure she *COULD*, but she’s not allowed to by law, so how’s she supposed to tell you when to come home after work, what to do or how many other chicks you can screw?

        And somehow, these societies haven’t collapsed yet, when they were around for CENTURIES before the USA. \o/

        Well.. I think that even if I find out that “ignorance is bliss” is the proper state for women, I’m not personally going to be satisfied with that, I’m not going to like it, and I’m most likely going to keep blogging about stuff I find to be really stupid, such as women never cultivating relationships to guys where they can be REAL and HONEST with them while they jockey for position to get ONE GUY to make the dream of their entire lives come true.

        • hal says:

          Anais Nin said it best. We see things not as they are, but as we are. If you are jaded and been around a few blocks, that will come out. The best you can do is try to know yourself and stay away from the sleeze.

          • Christine says:

            I like the Anais Nin quote, but I have a different take on its interpretation. You write “if you are jaded, it will come out.” Jaded would proffer protection against a lot of magical thinking about men which the less jaded, more hopeful women tend to do.
            I don’t think a woman who has been around the block attracts sleaze. I think she is better prepared to shield against liars, dopeheads and con artists than a less street wise, less experienced woman. Also, low lifes prey on vulnerable innocents who don’t get the fact that THEY don’t give a shit until whatever their supply is that they are after, is nearly gone. If we are good and kind and trusting we see good and kind and trusting regardless…until we are schooled. Then, we know better. Hopefully.

      • Sorry about the heebie jeebies, Steve! I do think the dream is ubiquitous.

        • Bill Cammack says:

          MTV has this series called “16 & Pregnant”. I was watching an episode and thinking about this thread. Granted, the chick is, as per the show’s title, 16, but the mental haze really doesn’t work any differently with older women. High is High.

          Everything that the pregnant girl’s girlfriends asked her was contemplated for a few seconds and then she’d say “Because I love him! :D”. Dude skated as soon as she said she was going to keep the baby. Dude picked up a new girlfriend immediately. The pregnant girl’s friends questioned why she wanted him back.. haha stock answer.

          They asked her if she had ever used condoms with her boyfriend. She said “no”. She didn’t seem to have any feelings about her answer. She then explained that her boyfriend had told her he was going to pull out. :D Some gimmicks just work universally on females… Flowers, Shoes & “Don’t worry… I’m going to pull out”.

          There was more typical ridiculousness and I’m sitting there going “MAYBE this stuff is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to ensure that the next generation is conceived”.

          The boyfriend finally returned to his pregnant girlfriend and then there was a beef between him and her mother. Her mother turned out to be equally delusional.

          First of all, the mother was crying, talkin’ ’bout she thought she had done everything right in trying to keep her daughter from getting pregnant. ARE YOU CRAZY??? :D .. First of all, your daughter’s laying up UNDER THIS DUDE on a regular basis. Second, you didn’t teach her to use condoms ALL THE TIME? Third, you didn’t tell her that PULL-OUT METHOD DOESN’T WORK??? Idiot.

          So now that moms has already fumbled the ball at the 1-yard line, she tries to make some regulations and comes into conflict with her daughter’s boyfriend, who has by now become her daughter’s babyfather. The argument she proceeds to have (and lose) with a 16-year old boy is about which one of them is #1 when it comes to the baby. Each one insists on more importance, and the mother ends up leaving the dinner table so she can go hide in the bathroom and cry.

          The next brilliant move is that the mother bans the son from her house, obviously showing how much power she has in the baby’s life….. and simultaneously absolving the boyfriend of *ANY* liability for taking care of the kid because he rarely gets to be around his own baby. While the mother’s feeling smug about her own retardation, the boyfriend uses his free time to start dating the same chick he left her daughter for as soon as she had announced that she was keeping the baby.

          So I’m thinking that these systems may be necessary. Guys lose their minds around women that physically arouse them. Girls lose their minds when they perceive that they’re in love. Somewhere in this haze, kids are produced and the species continues. If everyone kept a level head and utilized logic, there would probably be a lot fewer people on this planet.

          • Frank says:

            The sad part is that thanx to the mother, the daughter is now going to get caught up in her “babydaddy” comes over once a week just for sex syndrome. Why will he come back? 1)She is already willing to forgive that he started dating some one else 2)its his kid. the comfort of having a “piece” at home or close to home 3)he will exploit that she will claim to “always have feeling for my babydaddy” and 4)EGO. Your mom said what??? he wont allow someone who is NOT his mother to dictate who comes around him and who he can be around.

            • Frank says:

              FYI: Im not saying that it would not have happened anyway, just that her moms interference will almost Guarantee that its going to happen.

          • Steve says:

            BANG! And there it is – “If everyone kept a level head and utilized logic” – meaning we ALL stopped thinking like cave PEOPLE, there would probably be a lot fewer people on this planet…

            I’ll remember to thank you when I’m collecting my Nobel Peace Prize *cough* and by “thank” I mean trample you in the race to the podium! ;)

            From this site I have gathered that no matter how smart we get, we still remain resolutely stoopid regarding gittin’ some. How many guys convince THEMSELVES that they’re going to be able to pull out at the last minute THIS time? How many guys reading this have had a woman tell HIM that it was ok to do this?

            Also, there are tons of other examples of humans having amnesia when it comes to procreational amnesia – how ’bout the pain of childbirth? Ouch, right? Like when I get a paper cut? Now, I’m not saying the joy of having a child, accident or not, DOESN’T outweigh the pain (like I would know?) but I keep hearing that women FORGET about it. Why else would anyone willingly volunteer to have more than one. Let alone 13. Ok, it gets “easier”?

            I posit that not only is this necessary for our species survival but that the “smarter” we get on whole the dumber we get individually in order to overcome whatever new societal hurdles may arise. Else, population growth zero. What if we got so smart we thought ourselves right into sex for recreation only? Raising a kid is hard as hell and costly so what’s the “logical” need? The results of zero population growth, although for different reasons, was depicted well in the movie Children of Men with my man Clive Owen. Zero population growth that slowly turns to negative population growth => societal collapse and explosions! Ka-boom! I still can’t believe he died at the end, but I digress…

            I have heard, anecdotally, that some large percentage of all births (independent of marital state) are ACCIDENTS. This can range from completely unplanned by one or both parties to folks that were thinking about having one but not at this time. Just ’cause they’re married doesn’t mean they get to UN-accident it. As “smart” as we are, how the hell does this keep happening?

            ;)

          • I agree with your last paragraph, even if does reduce this aspect of human behavior to something akin to flat earthers, with their resistance to data in. Now, how to educate without losing the delight of the attendant insanity?

            • Aha!! “I calculate until there’s the LEAST probability of my taking a loss and then that loss still has to be expected and accepted if it comes.” BC.
              I do the same thing. I never labelled it “that.” And from the outside looking in, it has probably appeared that I have taken huge leaps of faith and have been foolish, many times. But I knew exactly what I was doing. As an experience junkie, I was enjoying myself tremendously while learning more about human behavior. I took the good while monitoring the potential loss, which I had accepted in advance if it went down that way. So maybe there is something else to factor in when judging how duped another is, or is not. Who’s duping whom??

              • Bill Cammack says:

                It’s definitely a double-format of “duped”. You’re only relinquishing control when you’re willing to have the other person fail completely and miserably and immediately. You hope they’re going to do the right thing, but you’re not positive and you might only believe in the chances of success being 50/50

                It’s like how you’ll be willing to have sex with a chick that’s not on birth control because you have faith in your condom game. Condoms are only 97% effective, but you’re willing to take the chance that the extra 3% involves Human Error and you’re better than that. The SMART thing to do would be to have HER on birth control AND use condoms. The leap of faith you’re willing to make is only 3% wide even though others might perceive it as a much greater chance you’re taking.

            • This last paragraph I agreed with was actually Bill’s re: men’s insanity and women’s insanity and the necessity for survival of the species!
              Steve, I’d like to remark on “saying the joy of having a child, accident or not, DOESN’T outweigh the pain (like I would know?) but I keep hearing that women FORGET about it. Why else would anyone willingly volunteer to have more than one.”
              A lot of women, including myself, report that giving birth is not painful. Intense, yes. But not painful,IMO. Actually an amazing experience. The pain is in the next twenty years! Child rearing!!!

              • Steve says:

                An early analogy I came up with for having a kid is it’s like knowing 9 months in advance that you’re going to plow you car into a telephone pole. The question to you Christine from Lousiana is, did you think it was intense but not painful AT THE TIME of childbirth or is that how you remember it now? ;)

                • Steve, so glad you asked, as it is one of my favorite topics. I did not find childbirth to be painful. Dr. Grantly Dick Read, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grantly_Dick-Read in an excerpt from his book, Childbirth Without Fear, explains, “There is no physiological function in the body that gives rise to pain in the normal course of health. In no other animal species is the process of birth apparently associated with any suffering, pain or agony, except where pathology exists or in an unnatural state, such as captivity.” He was known as the father of prophylactic childbirth. In his first book, he tells a story about helping an Irish woman in labor in the 1920’s, and asking if she wanted anything for the pain. Anecdotally, she responded “It isn’t supposed to hurt, is it”? During my first pregnancy, I interviewed pregnant women with children in the produce section of grocery stores on Maui, I read probably 100 books and had a bag of tricks beyond breath work, which I promptly forgot once labor became “intense.” But I found my rhythm.
                  Labor is very tiring, it is an altered state, it is a job, once you are in it. But I don’t think it is supposed to hurt unless there is resistance and fear or an abnormality.
                  My throat was very sore from OHHHming. Seriously. As long as I chanted or made sounds I was hardly aware of the contraction.
                  Also, when I stood up out of warm water during a contraction it hurt. I hadn’t adjusted to a new position. And I didn’t have to! Back in warm full tub! More than about warm water or position, though; it is about getting in touch with the process, and knowing it is only 60 seconds. That’s it. First 15 seconds are establishing that it really is a Pacific Pounder Big Jack Contraction. 30 seconds after that you deal. Then it lets off, tapers down, for another 15 seconds and everybody’s happy. Bliss. Complete relaxation. Then, another contraction.
                  I had herbal teas (valerian and skull cap) and music and massage and joy.
                  Also I don’t push. Just never was interested, figured the body knew what to do, which made everyone, except me, nervous. I waited 30 minutes after I was fully dilated during my last birth before my body went into action with one push and out came the baby! Contractions are challenges. Life is filled with challenges. I embrace them when they come. The more into it I became, the easier it felt. Once the contractions stop and one is fully dilated there is no pain. Fetal monitors insured that the baby was not stressed while I waited for the push to occur. About a baby coming out of a vagina, which sounds so painful? The pressure made me numb.
                  Have I made enemies with women by telling them the above, how much fun it is, and they went on to have horrendous painful labor ending in C -sections and feel tricked? Yes. Of course there can be complications.
                  I enjoyed labor and birth and am so grateful I had these experiences on a physical/emotional/psycho-spiritual level. All consuming. Requiring total focus. And then another human being. Wow! I love birthin’ babies!!!!!

  4. Frank says:

    One Word? EGO! (I and Im sure Bill and Steve and all OTHER GUYS who have ever gotten some have at least once come back because of EGO.
    Let me explain:
    1)She dumped me! How dare she… Im going to do everything that I have to in order to get me some more again. If she thought that I was decent before, Im good now. Good, Im better! I was one of the best, Im making it so that she is speechles! have I alwyas reacted this way, of course not but there have been several that ended with enough hard feelings that my need to get the last word in superseded common sence.
    2)Its over and she is hanging out with that dude I didnt like from before. WE (guys) know when someone is around out of friendship and when that guy is around out of attraction (we may not always be right BUT we are most of the time). Not only did you allow him to hang around but now the 2 of you are getting cozy… right or wrong now Im getting the impression you liked him and maybe allowed your interest to derail our relationship! Okey-doke… True story: dated some chick years ago whose co-worker was obviously in HOT for her. BlahBlahBlah, months later find out that he had been hitting on her AFTER he looked me in the face and shook my hand and when we broke up he was first in line with the “…he must not have known what he had…i would never do that”. maybe 6 months later I hear through the grape vine that he was taking credit for “snatching” her from me, so… We had stayed in touch and occasionally the convo headed in the direction of our sexual escapades. Once i realized that she allowed him to play me (I would never blame him. he saw, he hunted, he devoured. She should have kept him in line and at arms length) I decided to return the favor. Couple days pass and I talk her into meeting me for drinks one day after work. She thought of it as some innocent attempt on my part to woo her and kept saying “ill take another drink but you know nothing is going to happen”! Riiiiiiiiiiiggghht! Couple hours later we were done and (true or not I didnt care) I got her to say that she liked him but that sex between us amazing! (Did I forget to mention that I had my phone on video? Well it was and even though you dont see her you can clearly hear her!) She had what i considered a phony friend that i had warned her about since we first met and I made sure that she got to hear what I had recorded. Why? She also played a part in getting him to keep chasing her since she wanted to date his friend. Word got to him / he ask me / they break up / I laughed. EGO!

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Once again, Frank comes through with THE REAL! :D hahaha Excellent points. I wasn’t even thinking about this angle when I was writing the post.

      As far as #1 (and I don’t say this out of braggadocio, but merely as a statement of facts), I’ve never been dumped other than the times that I’ve engineered it myself. However, I do know how it feels to be around chicks you’ve hooked up with and now you’re not. Depending on how she looks now and the reason I made her break up with me in the first place, there’s definitely that added bonus of having to re-bag a chick.

      If you’ve hooked up with her already and then everything stayed regular between you, there’s the before and the after. Before, you were wondering if she was gonna get with you and how it was gonna be and how she’d move and how she’d taste and what her eyes would look like while she’s gettin’ hers, etc etc. After, you know all that and it’s merely a question of whether you enjoyed yourself or not and feel like hooking up with her again, recreationally. You’re not actually DOING ANYTHING new. You’re continuing your ongoing physical relationship with her.

      If, for whatever reason, she becomes “off-limits”, there’s suddenly the added bonus that you’re not SURE you can get it. >:D I mean, you’re 99% sure, because you know how much pressure you’re gonna put on her and you know she remembers how good it was when you were doing the right thing by her, but that ONE PERCENT is really important and changes the game. It gives you something to focus on.. a goal to strive for. It’s not just “Let me call this chick up and we do what we do”.

      So even though I can’t empathize because every time I’ve broken up has been because I wanted to and was just waiting for her instincts to kick in so this can be OVER, I know what you mean about wanting to demonstrate your skillz to her again. Sometimes, you just feel like rocking a chick just to rock her. \o/ It’s all ego, like you said. Doesn’t have much to do with what YOU get out of it physically but rather what you’re going to cause HER to get out of it.

      That feeling’s good enough in general, but I can barely imagine how much more intense it would be if some chick had dumped me by her own Free Will. I suspect it’s similar to “Last Time Sex” when you know ahead of time that this is the last time you’re going to hook up with this girl ever in life…

      Regarding #2.. That’s always a drag, haha! :D You always have dudes hangin’ around trying to get some from her, which you should if your taste in women is worth a damn to begin with. ALL guys are supposed to want your girls. It’s all in the game. It’s YOUR job to regulate and lay it down PROPPAH so her eyes remain on the prize.

      Back in the dayyyyyy… An acquaintance of mine tried to kick it to my then-girlfriend even while she was in the presence of mutual acquaintances of ours. So, Several people including her informed me what time it was. Of course he didn’t get on (to my knowledge, haha Always have to play THAT disclamer! :D), and I never brought it up to him. Like I said.. Guys are SUPPOSED to try to screw girls I select.

      From your story, I find the term “snatched” despicable! :D haha Unless dude was claiming responsibility for derailing your relationship, all he did was pick up a $1 bill off the floor that had previously fallen outta your pocket. Dudes like to gas up their involvement though, so it doesn’t look like they had to wait until you were finished to get on.

      Other than that, you’re absolutely right that he isn’t to blame for Hunting. That’s what he’s supposed to do. If your game’s tighter than his, you keep the chick. If his is tighter and he houses her temporarily or permanently, props to him and don’t get caught out there the same way ever again.

      At the same time…. >:D For his violation of CLAIMING props over you and trying to sully your reputation, he deserved to get his girl bagged. If you’re gonna talk that big **** about how much better your game is than mine, good luck in backing that up because it’s ON now.

      After my romantic involvement with the aforementioned chick was over, I considered getting my treacherous acquaintance back by publicly bagging one of his chicks, but, alas, he always messed with hoes. Besides exponentially multiplied disease risks, there’s nothing sporting about screwing some chick that EVERYBODY can screw anyway. :D

      Again.. Attempting to empathize with your story, had he been successful, not meaning like bagging her once, but actually pulling her from me permanently, I could see myself being on a mission to Get MineZ ASAP at my earliest convenience, strictly on the EGO tip. >:D

      I’ll have to think about this though.. I’ve never been in a situation where I wasn’t finished with a chick BEFORE our romantic relationship ended.

      • Steve says:

        Frank, I’ve never had that happen but in your situation I would’ve done the exact same thing. Well, maybe not, ’cause that was pretty damn clever! No matter what, it’s one thing for the dude to be patting himself on the back and another to make up that “snatching” nonsense. True to form as THE Frank-Cisco you served it right back. F’ em! LOL

        • Frank says:

          Yeah, as far as my lil relationship status at the point the movie was over, the credits were rolling. Like any other time it was a matter of getting up and leaving during the credits or waiting till the house lights came up. he had nothing to do with the end(matter of fact it involved friends. She had a phony one that I didnt want be social with and i had 2 that she was demanding I no longer hang out with-losing battle for her) but his ego prevented him from just sitting back and enjoying (she really was a nice fun person to be around). My ego made it so that I had to come back. She was the ultimate loser in this even though it was technically a battle of egos between me and him.

          • Bill Cammack says:

            I’ve done the same thing, except as a preemptive strike.

            When I see that a chick is starting to overdo it as far as thinking she’s gonna tell me who I’m gonna hang out with, I tell her straight… “Don’t make me choose between YOU and MY FRIENDS, because I’m telling you right now, you’ll be out the door. You could be out the door right now, in fact.”

            I know too many people for some chick to offer her opinion on whom I should spend time with and I’m supposed to give a flying ****? :D

            hahaha GEEEEEEEEET the **** outta here! :D

  5. Watch where you put your awareness! That experience will come DG. Thereafter, you may be known as Dating Avatar! Then again, as well as you can see through concrete and miss NOTHING, you will possibly avert that, and make her break up with you because you are reading the signs so you start playing defense so you never never lose.
    :D

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Interestingly enough.. A new friend that I met just last night asked me to tell the group about a leap of faith I’ve taken and I wasn’t able to recall one.

      I’m going to write about it eventually, but I don’t take leaps of faith. I make educated decicions. I calculate until there’s the LEAST probability of my taking a loss and then that loss still has to be expected and accepted if it comes.

      Which plays, again, into my “cheating” stance. There’s only a percentage chance that whomever you’re with is going to be faithful to you. That depends on who they are as a person and who they feel YOU are to them. Similarly, condoms are only 97% effective. You’re not guaranteed not to have a kid if you put on a condom.

      All you can do is know as much as you can about proper condom ‘installation’ and how it feels if a condom breaks and then get in there and take your 3% chance… EVERY time. The only way to 100% not have a kid with a chick is to not **** her. The only way to 100% not get cheated on is to never be involved in a relationship.

  6. Bill Cammack says:

    re: Babydaddy Sex Syndrome.. That’s exactly what’s going to happen because her mother made it so that he doesn’t have to do anything at all towards the upkeep of the kid because he’s banned from her house AND her daughter doesn’t want to lose babydaddy to the next girl that she had already received confirmation that he was chillin’ with and then he finally admitted it to her haha.

    Next thing that happens after that is he says “I’m only seeing her because you’re not giving me _________” and then it’s Game-On towards kid #2 while stupid moms thinks she’s runnin’ thangs.

    re: People getting dumber or smarter.. The increased intelligence or perceived evolution of the society is what makes people dumber and more easily controlled, duped, whatever you want to do to them.

    The fact that they think that everyone subscribes to the new program makes them oblivious to the basic Game. A chick can’t imagine that a guy doesn’t like anything about her AT ALL except for her ass, and he’ll still be down to try to hook up with her. A guy can’t imagine that a girl would gas his head up to get her hands on his dividends. A chick can’t imagine that a guy would BOUNCE if she said she was keeping a baby he was going to have to be responsible for. A guy can’t imagine that “his girl”‘s giving it up left and right and everyone but him knows about it and keeps it under the hat.

    So much civilization, right? And then *this* gets posted 6 days ago, in the year 2010 (http://www.twitvid.com/CRU4N)

    Meanwhile.. Everyone you ever hear from says it’s not cool to hit women, so that shouldn’t even be a part of society anymore, right? Because we’re all civilized, right? Nope. The Game never changes. It’s all very simple. If you choose to believe that it’s different, you just make it easier for people that know what time it REALLY is to use you.

    As far as a lot of kids being accidents, that makes sense to me. I can’t remember a time where someone’s said to me that they were TRYING to get their girlfriend or wife pregnant, but I remember lots of times, guys that never mentioned kids at all said to me “My girl’s pregnant”. I would go for the word unplanned, as opposed to accidental kids because basically if you’re goin’ up in a chick, you know what might happen. \o/

    But still.. I can agree with the overall point of kids by accident and I wonder what kind of trickle-down effect that has on society…

  7. fishingrod says:

    Interesting disucssion.

    On the question why otherwise smart people have babies by accident:

    I remember a cartoon by Claire Bretecher
    (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claire_Bret%C3%A9cher) I read as a teenager, called “The Frustrated”. It showed a woman sitting on her bed, contemplating the question when in her life she should have a child. During college? After college? As a young professional? Or should she wait until after the first promotion? She found every stage in life to be a bad time, and with a sigh she concluded: “I think it would be best to have one by accident.”

    I think this is in fact what a lot of people do, because there never really is a good time to have a baby. (This does not include teenage pregnancies of course.) Not if the woman in question is ambitious and career-minded.

    Bill`s utopia:
    “If everyone kept a level head and utilized logic – meaning we ALL stopped thinking like cave PEOPLE, there would probably be a lot fewer people on this planet…”

    This is exactly the kind of society we need to create. There are WAY TOO MAMY people on the planet right now. Maybe US citizens have trouble realizing this because your country is so huge, but try live in Europe for a while or Asia, and you`ll understand.

    • Steve says:

      Of note, the average age in the U.S. is creeping up due to a drop in births. Move to the U.S.!
      Completely off topic but the in the book The Omnivore’s Dilemma the author contends that 2/5 of all the people on this planet would not be here were it not for the advent of industrialized food which would not exist AT ALL without the advent of… wait for it… the cheap energy that comes from OIL.

      Back on topic – by and large we were born to continue ourselves. PERIOD. Everything else is filler. Our available resources, or lack thereof, will curtail the growth. We’re living through a heyday that couldn’t possibly last forever so enjoy the ride.

      • fishingrod says:

        Median age in the US:
        total: 36.8 years
        male: 35.5 years
        female: 38.1 years (2010 est.)

        Median age in Germany:
        total: 44.3 years
        male: 43 years
        female: 45.6 years (2010 est.)

        Taken from this site:
        https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2177.html

        As long as you trust the CIA, you see that there is no reason for me to move to the US. Your country`s population is still relatively young. I think in the race for the highest average age, Japan is the winner, and Germany is close second.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Yes. Logically, the best time to have children is after you’ve hit the lottery and you’re independently wealthy and never have to work another day in your life, so you have nothing better to do than have kids and hang out with them.

      Since that describes .000000000000000001% of people’s lives, the actual time to have kids is… whenever. \o/

      As far as created societies, unfortunately, it’s directly backwards. The people who SHOULD be having kids are smart enough to know they can’t afford them and the people who can’t afford them aren’t smart enough to know they shouldn’t be having any [more] kids.

      • Steve says:

        *In my opinion*, the people who SHOULD be having kids are stupid in the sense they they think there’s some ideal circumstance of affordability so they create a field of fear around the topic. I was in this camp for a while too. If you really are one of the smart ones you find a way and you GET IT DONE. I think the “people who can’t afford them” are just less fearful of change. In summary, there are too many smart individuals not doing their part for society and bringing the average up. That’s pretty damn selfish.

        Bill, I’ll be thoroughly disappointed if I don’t see you get 10 girls pregnant by the end of the week. IF you don’t, some dumb guy will. Quite the conundrum, eh?

        • Bill Cammack says:

          Unfortunately, Steve.. Your comments encourage a RATHER DANGEROUS philosophical conversation. There’s “What we’re really here for” and “What we think we’re here for”.

          You’re absolutely right that the bottom line is procreation and propagation of the species. However.. Humans have figured out all kinds of distractions from the main goal, especially including the so-called Rat Race where everybody tries to make all this money for no good reason.

          How much money did I spend to get that chick at the bar to walk over to me and give me her number? None. The Beatles were right that “The best things in life are free”. If you’re already getting what you want, you don’t need more money.

          If people focused on the procreation aspect of life, like simple animals do, everything would be different. A lot of people would also become instantly depressed when they realized that everything they were taught to strive for is ultimately meaningless.

          I agree with you that if a couple actually WANTS to have a kid together, they should. The only way they’ll do it without regard to their monetary situation is if they’re idiots or it’s an accident. People aren’t in tune with the procreation imperative. This is why they use condoms. They get to feign attempting procreation while actually avoiding it and hopefully avoiding STDs at the same time.

          This goes back to that biological imperative we were discussing earlier. There’s a reason why guys lose their minds when we spot a chick with a nice body. There’s a reason why chicks lose their ability to think straight when you tell them “I love you”. It’s a biological setup. People don’t want to consider that they’re part of the ecosystem though. They think we’re better than rabbits. What do they love to call men that like women? Dogs. They think that’s an insult. :D They think they’re so clever with statements like “You’re thinking with your little head instead of the big one”, but the fact is that that’s *ALL* that’s going on in life. Stimulus & Response.

          So your suggestion that smart people should have kids regardless of whether they can afford it or not is perfectly valid and I agree with you 100%, but it would call for them to reject their brainwashing that tells them they don’t want to be BROKE or on welfare and WIC checks and other such “You Lost The Rat Race” nonsense. If they give up their identities, they can throw caution to the wind and procreate at will.

          Meanwhile, this is what the dummies are doing… because they’re dummies. :D We’re already broke? Don’t want to spend money on condoms then!.. WHOOPS!.. They’re not smart enough to notice that kids cost more than condoms. They’re not smart enough to figure out that they’re going to live in poverty for the rest of their lives if they keep having kids. They’re living that primal, caveman existence. Who’s Right? Who’s Wrong? \o/

          As far as getting chicks pregnant, that’s a no-go, which is why I’m #18 out of 22,300,000 on Google for Avoid Pregnancy and #8 for How To Avoid Pregnancy.

  8. some girl says:

    well…what if they haven’t slept with you? why come back? (not a teenager question)

    • Bill Cammack says:

      If they haven’t had sex with you, y’all are friends.

      Therefore, in the context of this particular discussion, there’s nothing to “come back” to.

      This is often confusing to women, because guys are willing to call y’all “girlfriend” BEFORE hooking up with you, in hopes that you eventually give it up.

      If that doesn’t happen, and he bounces, and then returns, it seems like the relationship ended and started again, but, in fact, he just wasn’t willing to try anymore, and now he is.

      So, the context of your question is actually “If a guy is friends with a gal and stops and starts again, why would he do that?”, and the answer is that he was getting laid for a while and didn’t need to interact with you, but that ended or he got tired of hooking up with that particular chick, and now he’s back on the program to hook up with you.

  9. Heidi says:

    Unbelievable!!! Reality bites hard into our little delusionary world, doesn’t it? Good post, by the way…

  10. Melanie Webb says:

    I went out with a guy for 4 years and he ended up cheating on me and leaving me for the ‘other’ woman. He gave me lots of mixed signals in the months before he left. On New Years Eve he told me that if I didn’t start dressing and looking better he might leave me. This was unusual for him. Then his mom came up from Mexico and he brought her over to introduce her to me. He didn’t have to, but here he came with mom next to him. The next week we were having sex and he looks at me and says in a low voice “I like you…no, I love you.” He sounded very genuine. The next week he said he was leaving in a few months to go to Mexico to ‘take care’ of his mom. Well he didn’t go to Mexico (surprise, surprise) and the person he is now taking care of his a fat, hispanic gold tooth byyotch. I stopped by his place (trailer) looking for him after he disappeared and she answered the door. I was very shocked when she told me she was his girlfriend. I’m a tall attractive woman and after the crap he had told me about cleaning up, it looked to me like he got a girl that looked like she belonged in a trailer. When I told him I had met his new girlfriend he denied she was his girlfriend. Well, he ended up coming home with me for 2 nights and told me how he was jealous cause I had been with another guy, since he had broken up with me. Then he started toying with me and telling me he’d show up and didn’t so I quit contacting him. It’s been 2 months and he’s still with this other chick. My question is do guys generally get out of long-term relationships to jump back into another long-term relationship? They’ve been together now about 4 or 5 months. Maybe it depends on when the chemical high of ‘crushing’ goes away…if he is crushing. I would love the opportunity of him coming back, but I sometimes tend to think some guys might not come back, even if they want to or are curious about what their ex is up to, simply because of their ego. If they came back, especially after they had been assholes, they would have to admit some wrong doing and that would be a hit to the male ego.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Actually, Melanie.. It seems like this dude is just plain out to get whatever he can get.

      I have no explanation about him telling you to shape up and then hooking up with a bad-looking chick. \o/

      What I *do* know is that he’s made it clear to you what his standards are.

      I find it interesting that you actually want him back.

      I don’t think ego has anything to do with his returning.

      If he returns, he has two chicks. Right now, he has one. Returning should BOOST his self-esteem, actually.

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