Reader “Elly” requested an article about “Why men always come back” and I informed her that that would be a one-word article. 😀
We all know what that one word IS, so I won’t bother to take the easy way out. 😀
Instead, let me begin this discussion (to be continued in the comments section) with a sweeping generalization. This is not a rule… It might not even be very true (haha, AS *IF*), but we’ll need it in order to go deeper than the obvious reason that guys renew their romantic acquaintances with women after a breakup or a falling-out.
So here it is…
It’s more important for a guy to want to have sex with a gal than for him to like her.
It’s more important for a gal to like a guy than for her to want to have sex with him.
This is why females don’t understand what time it is when guys attempt to rekindle their relationship. It doesn’t make sense to y’all, because when you don’t like someone, you generally don’t want to have sex with them. OTOH, guys aren’t burdened with that problem. We don’t need to like you AT ALL to want to have sex with you. It’s entirely irrelevant.
So.. The falling-out occurs and both of youse declare how much you dislike each other and it’s over and yadda yadda and you go your separate ways. Directly afterwards, the woman commiserates with her homegirls about how she THOUGHT she was in love, but she really wasn’t… (Which is a lie, BTW. There’s no such thing as THINKING you’re in love. You are, or you aren’t. The fact of the matter is that you WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM and you got JERKED so now you feel corny for having been in love with someone that played you out so you appease yourself with Revisionist History so your dating record shows that you were only in love the one time that it worked out forever.) Meanwhile, the guy figures out how he’s going to get laid.
Eventually, they become aware of each other again and she’s thinking “I’m so MAD at him!!! grrrr” and he’s thinking “Damn.. She’s lookin’ good. She Could Get It! :D”. Next thing you know, the gal’s all surprised that he’s being nice to her and he wants to sit down for dinner or a drink or coffee or Kool-Aid so they can talk about old times and figure out where their relationship went wrong…. Yeah, Right. He’s trying to hit it. Whatever argument y’all had, he probably thought “Damn.. Chicks are really stupid. \o/” and immediately forgot about the topic AND YOU while he focused on hooking up with other chicks.
In order to understand this, we need look no further than man’s best friend… Pornography.
Did you ever notice that there isn’t any dialogue in porno movies? I mean.. That’s what I heard… If there IS any talking, it’s not female character development. It’s whatever needs to be said to facilitate the role-playing to set up whatever fantasy they’re trying to sell to guys. Women think that porno movies are ridiculous and nonsensical, yet they continue to fly off the shelves because they portray lives that guys would love to live… Surrounded by FOYINE chicks that really don’t say much at all! 😀
Meanwhile, women are turned on by stuff like… Guys that stay in relationships with them for years. Guys that listen to them… Guys that express their feelings and emotions… Guys that are kind of like their best friends… Except they’re *NOT* their best friends because we all know what a guy who’s a woman’s FRIEND gets, right fellaz??? 😀 … That’s right… NOTHING! :/
So that’s why women DON’T come back. Once you’ve kicked her to the curb and told her what you REALLY thought of her while she was on her way out the door, you go straight from Boyfriend to Sub-Friend category. She’s DEFINITELY not tryin’na hook up with you after that. She doesn’t even want to SEE YOU ever again! hahaha So she’s not coming back. You already proved to her that you’re not “The One”, so there’s no need for her to
fu er… Make Love to you anymore.
Clueless… *NOT* The Movie
What’s the most fascinating to me about this topic is that women. just. don’t. get it. \o/ The same thing happens every single time. First, she says they had an argument and talks about how stupid he is. Next, she says they broke up or she broke up with him or he broke up with her and then they ACT like it’s all over. This is where I nod because she’s not talking to me, she’s talking to herself. She knows that he could get her back in a split second if he apologizes or whatever, but denying that fact makes her feel good about herself, so good for her.
Next, some time goes by and then she’s like “hmm… He hasn’t apologized yet. I think he’s seeing someone else”. Next, it’s “He’s dating someone.. He must have been cheating on me with her before we broke up! :O”. Let me clear that one up for you, ladies… Picking up chicks can happen in, like, one minute. You could see your ex-boyfriend two weeks after y’all broke up with a girl he’s been dating for three days and she’ll LOOK like they’ve been dating for a long time because he’s doing the right thing by her to put that “This is my man right here! :D” smile on her face. She’s also happy that some chick fumbled this dude so she could pick him up. Just because your ex is all hugged up with some chick doesn’t mean, well.. If her kid looks like him, you may have a problem.
Then.. Some more time goes by and she ACTUALLY gets over it. She’s not trying to psych herself into believing it anymore. It’s real. In the meantime, she’s been working out and making herself look good and wearing better gear now that she’s spending money on herself instead of his broke ass. So that’s when one of two situations occur. The first possibility is that he sees or hears about his ex looking FOYINE and/or some of the fellaz are snapping on him about how they’re gonna tap that now that he fumbled it and she’s looking infinitely better than she used to and he feels the need to try to get back in the saddle before the fellaz return with stories of how they had his ex’s leg up on her kitchen counter.
The second option is normally what happens. Dude experiences a drought and frantically contacts every chick that he figures he can score some easy sex from….. without paying.
Since “Yo.. Are you at home? I need to get my **** ****** and I’m in your neighborhood” usually doesn’t yield the desired outcome, dude kicks it to her on the reminiscing tip and wants to sit down for dinner or a drink or coffee or Kool-Aid so they can talk about old times and figure out where their relationship went wrong….
That’s when I get to hear “You won’t believe who called me today!!! :D” and I’m thinking “Yeah, I believe it, and I know WHY, too” while I ask “Who? \o/”, which isn’t ‘Who’ as in I can’t believe that a guy wanted to get back in contact with her, but rather that I don’t know WHICH guy’s coming back to get his **** wet this time.
It actually gets to a point where some women pride themselves on their “ability to get guys to come back” and they totally don’t get that they’re the Crispus Attucks of the dating game.
You’re always on the front lines. You’re always the first to return the text message and then the first one to make it happen in the bedroom and then dude’s Swayze and you never see or hear from him again until it’s time for him to get laid…… quickly.