Meanwhile, lots of people that actually know me as a person and have hung out with me in the trenches have seen The Kid in action, anywhere from hooking up with chicks that they know damned well I only became aware of for the first time in life a couple of hours before, all the way to making out with bona fide butch-type lesbians.
There’s no reason for me to make stuff like this up, yet there’s no reason for me to talk about it either, because it’s regular life for me and something you’d see in a movie and ask “How the hell do they come up with these outlandish fantasies? \o/”
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve become aware of a couple of things.. #1 is that there actually IS a segment of society that would benefit from my discussing one or more of my personal issues and #2 is that I’m being misinterpreted as a person because I haven’t made certain things clear and people are reading my blog posts from the perspective that I’m an Average Joe… As a person, I don’t really care what perspective anyone reads my blog from, but as an author, I feel this does the readers a clear disservice.
So.. Not because I think anyone gives a damn about what goes on with me personally, but because I now believe there are people that might learn something from this, I’m gonna talk about some stuff.
Discrete (as well as Discreet) Relationships
Last year, I wrote “Normal Relationships & Labels” to talk about how I used to describe myself as polyamorous in an attempt to get women to understand where I was coming from, but I had to reject that label when I realized it had been co-opted to mean “In a relationship with several people” as opposed to it’s LITERAL. BREAK-DOWN, which is that Poly = Many and Amor = Love.
To put it very simply.. My relationship to one person has nothing to do with my relationship to another person. It’s a bunch of individual relationships and they’re as important or unimportant as our natural interactions dictate. The concept of “I have less of a relationship to this gal because I have more of a relationship to that one” is completely foreign to me. It doesn’t register. It doesn’t make any natural sense.
Not having explained this sufficiently to readers, they understandably attempt to place me in the box of “Player”. I’m most definitely not a Player. I’m living my natural life, receiving love from women and returning it to them. My series entitled “Hunters” isn’t so much about being a Player as it is about knowing what the surrounding dating environment is and thriving in it. Swimming with the sharks, if you will.
When I say I don’t believe in labels, people (again, understandably) believe that I’m saying I’m anti-relationship. In fact, I’m ALL ABOUT relationships.. It’s just that the real relationships are natural interactions between people, not agreements they make with each other.
A couple of good friends of mine just got married to each other. Does it mean anything to me that they got married? No. Is that because I’m anti-relationships? No. It’s because I. Always. Considered. Them. As. *TOGETHER*.
There was never a time that I was around either one of my friends that I wasn’t PERFECTLY CLEAR the he was devoted to her and that she was devoted to him. It’s obvious. Their getting married was a foregone conclusion.. Entirely anti-climactic in my eyes. There was nothing “temporary” about their relationship. They were together, they loved each other, they were committed to each other. That’s what counts.. Not a piece of paper. I always considered them a unit. I always considered her as his wife.
Same thing with a cousin of mine. I had spoken to him about his girlfriend at the time and I was clear that he was ALL ABOUT *HER*. I was fortunate enough to spend some time with her and I could feel that she was ALL ABOUT *HIM*. That was all I needed to know. I considered her as a unit with my cousin from that day on. I considered her my family from that day on. Their getting married was a foregone conclusion. They were devoted to each other way before any ceremonies took place and that’s what really counts in life.. Not a piece of paper.
So, Yes.. I’m ALL about relationships, except I’m about REAL relationships, which are actually interpersonal interactions between individuals, not titles like girlfriend, fiancee and wife.
Labels Dictating Importance
I recently took a hit to my roster as my Best Girlfriend moved out of town. She doesn’t consider herself a girlfriend of mine even though I’ve been with her through several boyfriends. They’re all gone and I’m still here. If you can’t recognize that as a relationship, \o/
Unfortunately, that’s the box that The Game is played in. If I don’t act like I want to marry you someday, you give these clown-ass dudes that play the game, tell you they’re in a committed relationship to you, fuck you and then *BOUNCE* more credit than you give me for being consistent towards you for years on end, regardless of who you’re currently hooking up with.
I realize that that sounds bitter. hahaha It’s really not. It’s my life. I’m used to it. Women are brainwashed from when they’re babies to see certain things as a viable relationship and other things as garbage. If I were bitter, I’d sell women the dream of being exclusively with The Kid until I was finished with them and then dump them like everybody else does.
I had another unbelievable-to-you situation occur where I was making out with this one chick and she walked away for some reason I can’t remember and then I turned around and told these other two chicks that had just finished witnessing the action that I loved both of them.
Of course they thought I was gaming them. I wasn’t. I was telling them the honest truth about how they inspire me to feel about them. I still love them. I love all my girlfriends.. while simultaneously hating the term “girlfriend” because I don’t have a better term to use to describe my relationship to them that I cherish and consider important in my personal life.
Unfortunately, “He doesn’t love me because he kissed her” is part of the brainwashing game that’s never going to go away. It has to be accepted that without claiming commitment to a chick, you’re going to be low-rated and treated as a second-class citizen WRT the rest of her suitors who are playing the game according to the established rules.
I also still love my exes. Just because the romantic segment of our relationships ended doesn’t mean I think anything less of them as people or women. I love and appreciate the times we shared together and probably always will.
The point is that contrary to popular belief, I don’t have to become “out of love” with one woman to be “in love” with another one. That’s just how it goes. If that doesn’t mesh with your understanding of life, I get that, but \o/
One of the reasons I wanted to talk about this is that several unexpected recent circumstances have caused me to focus on the fact that I’m an Empath:
2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this
Whether you believe in this ability or not, I can feel how you feel. I can also feel the difference between how you feel about me NOW compared to how you used to feel about me.
This is extremely useful to me when I’m socializing because I can feel when you’re genuinely interested in interacting with me. I can feel when you’re being socially polite by interacting. I can feel when you wish you weren’t interacting. I can feel when you’re glad to see me. I can feel when you wish I hadn’t shown up to the party. I can feel when you’re considering hooking up with me. I can feel when you think I’m a creep. I can feel when your focus moves from me to another guy. I can feel when you’re in the presence of someone you haven’t yet announced is your significant other. I can feel when you’re scheming to be negatively aggressive towards me. I can feel when you’re just naturally relaxing and enjoying yourself and whatever’s clever >:D …
What I hadn’t considered until yesterday or the day before is that empathy isn’t merely a defensive shield that informs me of situations and helps me make effective decisions, but it’s actually offensive as well, paving the way for my natural human interactions with people.
For instance.. We have a lot of tourists here in NYC. Every so often, and obviously friendly, well-meaning and LOST couple will walk over to me and ask how they can get to Lincoln Center or Central Park or The World Trade Center. When that happens, I do my best to give them the fastest and/or easiest route for them to get where they want to go from where they currently are. That’s a natural feeling for me. I don’t have to think about it. I don’t DECIDE whether to help them or not. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I naturally want them to enjoy their stay here and get where they’re going in time to enjoy as much of it as they can.
Similarly, if I meet a new gal that seems to be about sharing good times with me, I’m going to add her to the roster. Her position in the hierarchy will be determined by how well we naturally mesh, not how long I’ve known her. My interactions are determined by whatever it is that each gal’s bringing to the table and what I happen to be in the mood for that day.
I have no fewer than THREE parties to attend today. If I end up attending all of them like I plan to, I’m gonna be in the trenches for at least NINE HOURS! :O
I may end up enhancing relationships to women I already know. I may end up meeting women today that will be very important to me going forward.
I’ve already stacked the deck so at least two of my homegirls will be accompanying me to today’s social engagements. I have no idea what my social life’s going to look like tomorrow, compared to what it looks like right now.
This is not being a Player. This is experiencing the ebb & flow of life as it occurs to me. Business-wise, I’m a freelance video editor. As such, I don’t restrict myself to only one client and reject all other inquiries because I already have a client. If I told you that that was my business plan, to reject viable business proposals for no reason other than I already had a proposal, you’d say I was either crazy or stupid. The same logic applies to women that enjoy my company. Why in the hell shouldn’t I flow with my natural inclination to return to them what they’re offering to me? O_o
Who Do You Love?
So.. I’m anti-label because labels don’t mean anything at all and have no effect whatsoever on the natural interactions between people. If you take two people that are NOT down for each other and call them girlfriend & boyfriend or fiance & fiancee or husband and wife, you *STILL* have two people that are NOT down for each other. Nothing’s different at all. Meanwhile.. If you take two people that *ARE* down for each other and you DON’T give them titles, that doesn’t diminish their relationship one iota.
Coming to care about one person more and want the best things in life for them doesn’t dictate that you have to care about anyone else any less. Life & Love is not a Zero-Sum Game
In game theory and economic theory, zero-sum describes a situation in which a participant’s gain or loss is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the other participant(s). If the total gains of the participants are added up, and the total losses are subtracted, they will sum to zero.
If it were.. You’d have to make choices on who you loved and who you didn’t, because you’d only be allowed to love one person at any given point in time.
Do you love your mother or your father? You can only select one.
Do you love your daughter or your son? You can only seclect one.
Do you love your grandmother or your mother? You can only select one.
See how RETARDED that is?… Welcome to My World…