Who Do You Love?

Bill CammackI don’t talk about myself much in my blog posts because most people would neither believe nor understand what I had to say.

Meanwhile, lots of people that actually know me as a person and have hung out with me in the trenches have seen The Kid in action, anywhere from hooking up with chicks that they know damned well I only became aware of for the first time in life a couple of hours before, all the way to making out with bona fide butch-type lesbians.

There’s no reason for me to make stuff like this up, yet there’s no reason for me to talk about it either, because it’s regular life for me and something you’d see in a movie and ask “How the hell do they come up with these outlandish fantasies? \o/”

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve become aware of a couple of things.. #1 is that there actually IS a segment of society that would benefit from my discussing one or more of my personal issues and #2 is that I’m being misinterpreted as a person because I haven’t made certain things clear and people are reading my blog posts from the perspective that I’m an Average Joe… As a person, I don’t really care what perspective anyone reads my blog from, but as an author, I feel this does the readers a clear disservice.

So.. Not because I think anyone gives a damn about what goes on with me personally, but because I now believe there are people that might learn something from this, I’m gonna talk about some stuff.

Discrete (as well as Discreet) Relationships

Last year, I wrote “Normal Relationships & Labels” to talk about how I used to describe myself as polyamorous in an attempt to get women to understand where I was coming from, but I had to reject that label when I realized it had been co-opted to mean “In a relationship with several people” as opposed to it’s LITERAL. BREAK-DOWN, which is that Poly = Many and Amor = Love.

To put it very simply.. My relationship to one person has nothing to do with my relationship to another person. It’s a bunch of individual relationships and they’re as important or unimportant as our natural interactions dictate. The concept of “I have less of a relationship to this gal because I have more of a relationship to that one” is completely foreign to me. It doesn’t register. It doesn’t make any natural sense.

Not having explained this sufficiently to readers, they understandably attempt to place me in the box of “Player”. I’m most definitely not a Player. I’m living my natural life, receiving love from women and returning it to them. My series entitled “Hunters” isn’t so much about being a Player as it is about knowing what the surrounding dating environment is and thriving in it. Swimming with the sharks, if you will.

Reality

When I say I don’t believe in labels, people (again, understandably) believe that I’m saying I’m anti-relationship. In fact, I’m ALL ABOUT relationships.. It’s just that the real relationships are natural interactions between people, not agreements they make with each other.

A couple of good friends of mine just got married to each other. Does it mean anything to me that they got married? No. Is that because I’m anti-relationships? No. It’s because I. Always. Considered. Them. As. *TOGETHER*.

There was never a time that I was around either one of my friends that I wasn’t PERFECTLY CLEAR the he was devoted to her and that she was devoted to him. It’s obvious. Their getting married was a foregone conclusion.. Entirely anti-climactic in my eyes. There was nothing “temporary” about their relationship. They were together, they loved each other, they were committed to each other. That’s what counts.. Not a piece of paper. I always considered them a unit. I always considered her as his wife.

Same thing with a cousin of mine. I had spoken to him about his girlfriend at the time and I was clear that he was ALL ABOUT *HER*. I was fortunate enough to spend some time with her and I could feel that she was ALL ABOUT *HIM*. That was all I needed to know. I considered her as a unit with my cousin from that day on. I considered her my family from that day on. Their getting married was a foregone conclusion. They were devoted to each other way before any ceremonies took place and that’s what really counts in life.. Not a piece of paper.

So, Yes.. I’m ALL about relationships, except I’m about REAL relationships, which are actually interpersonal interactions between individuals, not titles like girlfriend, fiancee and wife.

Labels Dictating Importance

I recently took a hit to my roster as my Best Girlfriend moved out of town. She doesn’t consider herself a girlfriend of mine even though I’ve been with her through several boyfriends. They’re all gone and I’m still here. If you can’t recognize that as a relationship, \o/

Unfortunately, that’s the box that The Game is played in. If I don’t act like I want to marry you someday, you give these clown-ass dudes that play the game, tell you they’re in a committed relationship to you, fuck you and then *BOUNCE* more credit than you give me for being consistent towards you for years on end, regardless of who you’re currently hooking up with.

I realize that that sounds bitter. hahaha It’s really not. It’s my life. I’m used to it. Women are brainwashed from when they’re babies to see certain things as a viable relationship and other things as garbage. If I were bitter, I’d sell women the dream of being exclusively with The Kid until I was finished with them and then dump them like everybody else does.

Bill CammackI had another unbelievable-to-you situation occur where I was making out with this one chick and she walked away for some reason I can’t remember and then I turned around and told these other two chicks that had just finished witnessing the action that I loved both of them.

Of course they thought I was gaming them. I wasn’t. I was telling them the honest truth about how they inspire me to feel about them. I still love them. I love all my girlfriends.. while simultaneously hating the term “girlfriend” because I don’t have a better term to use to describe my relationship to them that I cherish and consider important in my personal life.

Unfortunately, “He doesn’t love me because he kissed her” is part of the brainwashing game that’s never going to go away. It has to be accepted that without claiming commitment to a chick, you’re going to be low-rated and treated as a second-class citizen WRT the rest of her suitors who are playing the game according to the established rules.

I also still love my exes. Just because the romantic segment of our relationships ended doesn’t mean I think anything less of them as people or women. I love and appreciate the times we shared together and probably always will.

Empathy

The point is that contrary to popular belief, I don’t have to become “out of love” with one woman to be “in love” with another one. That’s just how it goes. If that doesn’t mesh with your understanding of life, I get that, but \o/

One of the reasons I wanted to talk about this is that several unexpected recent circumstances have caused me to focus on the fact that I’m an Empath:

2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

Whether you believe in this ability or not, I can feel how you feel. I can also feel the difference between how you feel about me NOW compared to how you used to feel about me.

This is extremely useful to me when I’m socializing because I can feel when you’re genuinely interested in interacting with me. I can feel when you’re being socially polite by interacting. I can feel when you wish you weren’t interacting. I can feel when you’re glad to see me. I can feel when you wish I hadn’t shown up to the party. I can feel when you’re considering hooking up with me. I can feel when you think I’m a creep. I can feel when your focus moves from me to another guy. I can feel when you’re in the presence of someone you haven’t yet announced is your significant other. I can feel when you’re scheming to be negatively aggressive towards me. I can feel when you’re just naturally relaxing and enjoying yourself and whatever’s clever >:D …

What I hadn’t considered until yesterday or the day before is that empathy isn’t merely a defensive shield that informs me of situations and helps me make effective decisions, but it’s actually offensive as well, paving the way for my natural human interactions with people.

For instance.. We have a lot of tourists here in NYC. Every so often, and obviously friendly, well-meaning and LOST couple will walk over to me and ask how they can get to Lincoln Center or Central Park or The World Trade Center. When that happens, I do my best to give them the fastest and/or easiest route for them to get where they want to go from where they currently are. That’s a natural feeling for me. I don’t have to think about it. I don’t DECIDE whether to help them or not. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I naturally want them to enjoy their stay here and get where they’re going in time to enjoy as much of it as they can.

Similarly, if I meet a new gal that seems to be about sharing good times with me, I’m going to add her to the roster. Her position in the hierarchy will be determined by how well we naturally mesh, not how long I’ve known her. My interactions are determined by whatever it is that each gal’s bringing to the table and what I happen to be in the mood for that day.

Players

Bill CammackOf course, this is interpreted as “playing the field” or “being non-committal” while people attempt to place me in boxes that they personally understand.

I have no fewer than THREE parties to attend today. If I end up attending all of them like I plan to, I’m gonna be in the trenches for at least NINE HOURS! :O

I may end up enhancing relationships to women I already know. I may end up meeting women today that will be very important to me going forward.

I’ve already stacked the deck so at least two of my homegirls will be accompanying me to today’s social engagements. I have no idea what my social life’s going to look like tomorrow, compared to what it looks like right now.

This is not being a Player. This is experiencing the ebb & flow of life as it occurs to me. Business-wise, I’m a freelance video editor. As such, I don’t restrict myself to only one client and reject all other inquiries because I already have a client. If I told you that that was my business plan, to reject viable business proposals for no reason other than I already had a proposal, you’d say I was either crazy or stupid. The same logic applies to women that enjoy my company. Why in the hell shouldn’t I flow with my natural inclination to return to them what they’re offering to me? O_o

Who Do You Love?

So.. I’m anti-label because labels don’t mean anything at all and have no effect whatsoever on the natural interactions between people. If you take two people that are NOT down for each other and call them girlfriend & boyfriend or fiance & fiancee or husband and wife, you *STILL* have two people that are NOT down for each other. Nothing’s different at all. Meanwhile.. If you take two people that *ARE* down for each other and you DON’T give them titles, that doesn’t diminish their relationship one iota.

Coming to care about one person more and want the best things in life for them doesn’t dictate that you have to care about anyone else any less. Life & Love is not a Zero-Sum Game

In game theory and economic theory, zero-sum describes a situation in which a participant’s gain or loss is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the other participant(s). If the total gains of the participants are added up, and the total losses are subtracted, they will sum to zero.

If it were.. You’d have to make choices on who you loved and who you didn’t, because you’d only be allowed to love one person at any given point in time.

Do you love your mother or your father? You can only select one.
Do you love your daughter or your son? You can only seclect one.
Do you love your grandmother or your mother? You can only select one.

See how RETARDED that is?… Welcome to My World…

billcammack.comBill Cammack email subscriptionBill Cammack RSS feedfacebook.com/BillCammacktwitter.com/BillCammackyoutube.com/reelsolidtvflickr.com/photos/BillCammackmyspace.com/reelsolidtvwww.linkedin.com/in/billcammackvimeo.com/billcammackstumbleupon.com/stumbler/billcammack

4 thoughts on “Who Do You Love?”

  1. I agree with what you are saying when two people are in agreement and there are no children involved. I believe we can have more than one lover and love them both. But it is human nature for people to want exclusivity of some type. I got out of a 17 year marriage and started seeing this guy 6 years ago. Recently we ended it, he started seeing someone else, having drifted very far apart due to him losing his long time job, and me working overtime and going to school which I now realize led to me neglecting him. He has had alot of girlfriends in the past, most of which ended badly for him but many he is still friends with, I now know many of them. He recently got involved with this married woman while he was still sleeping with me, I asked him about it, he denied her. I was there when she came up and sat with him, grabbed his crotch and was all over him and he left and she followed. He acted like everything was fine with us the next day, so I assumed nothing had really happened (probably too drunk!) So I continued to see him, and he continued pursuing seeing me, but he was moody, he goes through that alot anyway. I think he was feeling confused. I was tired all the time and wanting him to be the initiator, so I think when this woman offered herself, he took it partly out of need and partly to get back at me for being distant, because he did throw it in my face eventually, so I told him it was over as lons as he was with her. Anyway, wrapping up a long story, we may both be kinda messed up but I want him back. I regret neglecting him and am willing to spice things up so that we can have fun together like we used to. Any advice on how I should proceed? Just show up at his house and proceed to go ‘down’ on him? Everytime I see him I still get hot, but act very aloof because I think he chose her, but I saw and still see signs that he is unsure and still could be into me again if the timing was right… I was following the advice that people want what they can’t have, so tried to appear aloof so he would pursue me, sometimes it seemed to work but the hard part is balancing wanting to be with him all of the time and giving him his space. I now think there probably have been other women off and on in the time we have seen each other, but I really didn’t care as long as I didn’t know! He always hid it pretty well, because he didn’t want to lose me I assume. Well, he chose her over me for now, but her husband is now involved somehow so I can see it ending badly for him again, but I guess I have not had enough because i want him back. I like the fact that we handled a relationship fairly well for six years where we dated but still had our own space, I am not really interested in getting married again, and the sex was awesome most of the time, when it was not mind-blowing it was at least comforting and felt like love. Plus I really miss just talking to him. We have all of the same friends and live in a small town, so I thought the dating arrangement we had worked well, except for the fact that I wasn’t there that one night and he got involved with her. But she is up his ass all the time, and I think that he is infatuated with her, but I don’t see it lasting. Should I just sit back and wait for him or tell him I want to be with him again? Also there are other guys asking me out, so I will eventually date someone else and move on, but at this point, I still love him (Have never told him that, he told me once early on then ‘took it back’). Any words of wisdom for me?

    1. Hey Stephanie. Thanks for the comments. ๐Ÿ™‚

      First of all, we have no idea how “recently” he got involved with that married chick. We only know how recently YOU found out about it. o_O

      Second of all, crotch-grabbing is a rather familiar thing for a gal to do, especially if they were somewhere where someone else (you) could see her do it. That’s not usually “Starting out rapping to each other” behavior. Her following him out after that is rather familiar as well. Sounds like a couple to me.

      “He acted like everything was fine with us the next day, so I assumed nothing had really happened (probably too drunk!)”

      Everything WAS fine with you because the next day was the next day. Last night’s recreation has nothing to do with getting girls today. Whether he hooked up with the other gal or not, he was back on the case with you the next day. Nothing about that situation implies exclusivity OR that he didn’t have sex with her the night before and/or that morning before he came to see you.

      Whether he “took it” out of need or getting back at you or he just thought she had a nice fat ass, none of that matters.

      It seems like what’s going on here is that you’re now at least his #2 girl because you’ve said yourself that you’ve been tired and “neglecting” him while this other gal’s been grabbing his crotch in public and leaving rooms with him.

      Guys are gonna get in where they fit in. If 1, 2, 6 or 12 girls want to hook up with them, separately or simultaneously, they’re gonna be down with it. I think you’ve outlined what your current problem is, and at this point, you need to try to get back to being his #1. If clearing out his other gal(s) is possible also, you’d like that too, but you really don’t have control over that.

      As far as how to do that, I’m a fan of conversation. If you just go sex him without any discussion, he’s going to take it, MAYBE say “Thank you”, and keep doing whatever he’s been doing to supplement his sex life while you’ve been “neglectful”. It seems to me that you need to have a discussion with him about how you want to be his girlfriend again, or whatever title y’all gave yourselves for the past 6 years.

      As far as acting aloof, that’s not going to work for you because he already has at least one other girl. If you ignore him, he still gets laid, so who cares? \o/

      Forget about who chose whom or who did what yesterday or last week. Your goal NOW is to improve your position with this guy. That means that whatever you had been doing for the six years before the breakup needs to be reinstated and you have to make it clear to him that you WANT to be in that #1 slot.

      Waiting’s not going to do you any good because there’s no telling whether he’s meeting even MORE CHICKS during the time he’s not spending with you.

      Good Luck! ๐Ÿ˜€

      1. Bill, Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the quick reply and hearing it straight from a man! Especially a hottie like you ๐Ÿ˜‰ I think you are right… we have not hooked up again, but he seems to pay more attention to me now when we are in the club than he even did when we were ‘together’, I have been friendly to him (and tolerated her whenever I see her! She is annoying as hell, not the type I thought he wanted, but you’re right, she was ready! I think it’s funny now that he is ‘stuck’ with her! She will drive him nuts!) I am hanging out with friends and flirting with Everybody, especially him! He is still acting kinda strange, he definitely has ‘issues’… (issues hell, he has SUBSCRIPTIONS!) but I miss him alot and may have that conversation with him yet, unless I decide to go out with one of the other guys I have my eye on!! If one of them gets to me before he does, it’s on!

        1. That’s an interesting point, Steph.. Women are going to be astonished sometimes at the “types” of women a guy will hook up with. That’s because guys are so busy flattering y’all that you start to feel like he’s attracted to YOUR specific type.

          Meanwhile, whatever turns us on turns us on. >:D

          On top of that, there are lots of chicks that we would never ADVERTISE that we’re hooking up with, but we’re still doing it.. so there’s really no telling what a guy’s “type” actually is, unless you’re in his inner circle and he’s willing to tell you the truth about that.

          Good idea to “do you”. See what’s out there for you. Also, LOLOL @ “Not only issues, but SUBSCRIPTIONS!” ๐Ÿ˜€ HAHAHA

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *