As a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene:
* Continued from Part 01 *
3. Clearly communicate what you want
A major mistake women make when they meet new guys is attempting to seem malleable or flexible… mentally… and being down for whatever he’s down for. This works perfectly well until it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty and then you’re like “I didn’t really want to do this.. I was just TELLING him I wanted to so he’d keep kickin’ it to me. :(“.
In extreme cases, this happens when the conversation about “How many kids do you want?” comes up. Lots of couples don’t want to talk about this for fear of turning the other person off, but what happens when she says “2″ and he says “6″? :/
In more general circumstances.. What if his idea about sex is gettin’ in where a brotha fit in and stayin’ up in there for an hour or two and she’s pretty much GOOD after about 30 minutes? O_o .. Or, as is way more often the case, hahahahaha what if his idea of sex could be completed during a television commercial break, and 5-minutes-worth of stimulation only gets her READY to want to START having sex? :D
Ladies.. Y’all need to tell the fellaz what you want and what you don’t want or else you’re gonna be back seat drivers in your own relationship.
4. Be congruent
A lot of women think they got dumped after sex because they had sex too soon.
There’s no such thing as “Sex too soon”. What happens is that the guy doesn’t assign any value to you OTHER than having sex, and when he decides he doesn’t want to hook up with you anymore he bounces.
This is why you want to be clear about what you want, let him know what’s special or unique about you and then carry yourself in a fashion that’s congruent with whomever you told him you were. If you’re not congruent, your word becomes trash and then he’s liable to do just about anything.
Here’s why you need to stick to your guns:
4a. You don’t get any points for giving it up
If you elect to play the role of a girl that doesn’t have sex, you need to maintain that facade because you won’t get any credit for suddenly deciding to give him some. What happens is that you look like what you actually are, which is someone that was feigning prudishness so as to not seem like a ho.
That’s actually WORSE than if you would have hooked up with him from the giddyap because by being straight up about it, you’re acting from your own power. You’re letting him know what you like to do and that you want to do it with him. It’s then on him to accept or decline. When you try to play it off, you look like you’re ashamed of your own sexuality, which makes you look mentally weak and then your stock plummets.
So if you decide to act like you don’t hook up, make sure you bought rechargeable batteries for your vibrator and keep playin’ that role.
4b. You don’t get any points for NOT giving it up
A lot of women think they get credit for holding out on a guy when it’s obvious that they WANT to have sex with him or they even tell him explicitly about how busy they get in the bedroom. *yawn* What you look like is either a direct bullshitter or someone that enjoys wasting people’s time by not doing what you clearly desire and think about doing with them.
Depending on how you play it, you also look like you’re waiting for a payday. Playing “Hard To Get” went out with black & white television and Gilligan’s Island. If you’re waiting to get paid, make sure you get paid BIG!!! >:D
Dudes have no problem shelling out a few hundred dollars to get you to lay down. Whenever you DO decide to hook up with him, make sure you think back to how much he’s spent on you since he started taking you out, because that’s the value he’s assigned to having sex with you.
So.. Be congruent… If you’re feelin’ a guy physically, you’re better off getting that out in the open from the start instead of letting him think he paid enough money to buy you off.
* To be continued in Part 03: “Exercise & Eat” *