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Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 03]
As a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene:
* Continued from Part 02 *
5. Exercise for YOURSELF
Don’t bother going to the gym so you can pull a dude and then camp out on the couch with the bon bons and destroy the reason he kicked it to you in the first place.
Exercise because YOU want to like the way YOU look and feel. Exercise because it makes you feel better physically AND mentally. Exercise because you know you’re putting your best foot forward and therefore should have solid grounds to demand the same from a potential suitor.
Do not listen to people that tell you it’s cool for you to look “tore up from the floor up” while they consistently go on diet & exercise regimens COUGHoprahCOUGH.
6. EAT when you go out to dinner
If you’re fat, you’re fat. If you’re not, you’re not. One meal isn’t going to change that.
You’re not fooling anybody by showing up for a date in a maternity dress to hide your stomach and then ordering a salad. We know damned well you’re not eating salads when there aren’t any GUYS around.
That would be like me going out for lunch and ordering water when there are hundreds of pictures of The Kid on the internet with a beer in his hand. I’m not convincing you that I don’t drink alcohol by refusing to drink for an hour or two.
If you’re actually on a diet, that’s a different story. I’m talkin’ ’bout y’all (and you know who you are) that will sit down in front of a couple of leaves of lettuce and some dressing and act like you’re enjoying yourself while your entire demeanor is that of a woman that hasn’t eaten FOR DAYS and still hasn’t after you’ve finished your celery & carrot sticks.
7. Stop running your mouth for no reason
Srsly. Check that. :/ It’s completely ridiculous. Stop running your mouth about NOTHING and stop running your mouth about IRRELEVANT things. Nobody cares about the shoe sale at whatever store. Nobody cares about some catfight you had at work. Nobody cares that you and some other chick wore the same dress to a party.
Listen. Pay Attention. Figure out what the guy you’re dating feels is *RELEVANT* and then talk about THAT if you can. If you can’t talk about it right now, STUDY it. If you don’t want to study it, ask him to teach you about it. Guys would love to explain things to gals if we thought y’all could understand it. You’ll get way more credit for attempting to be relevant, even if you FAIL, than you’ll get for blabbering on and on about stuff we don’t care about.
In fact, remember how your moms was like “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” :D well.. “If you don’t have anything *RELEVANT* to say, don’t say anything at all”.
I’ve heard lots of guys lament having to put up with incessant chatter so they can have sex with some chick. I’ve never heard ONCE in my entire life that a guy dumped a girl because “I’m telling you man… She just doesn’t *SAY* anything! \o/”
* To be continued in Part 04: “Decency & Discretion” *
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5 Responses to “Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 03]”
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Thanks for writing these, Bill. I think they’re really helpful. I disagree with the last sentence in #7. Quiet girls don’t get as much credit as women who are the social hub of their groups. There is such a thing as being too boring & not saying anything. Also, men like women who are as high status or higher than them, usually in ways that compliment theirs (places they’re deficient). Much of the time, that’s the social realm — women arrange their social lives, plan dinner parties, are sure their business associates are comfortable when entertaining, know a lot about world issues, etc. Women who have a lot of social status with other women also have more social status with men in general. The “queen bee” in high school is such for a reason — she’s popular.
Glad you got something out of the posts. :)
I see what you’re saying about women talking… My last sentence pertains to my own personal experience. I actually never HAVE heard a guy tell me he dumped a gal because she didn’t talk enough. I’ve heard LOTS OF GUYS complain that their girls talk too much to the point of attempting to AVOID their chatter at all costs (such as IMMEDIATELY retreating to the bathroom for an hour after coming home from work, just so he doesn’t have to hear her babbling about nothing important).
What you’re talking about is definitely an essential part of a woman’s arsenal, being able to host social events and be the center of the conversations and the “life of the party”. That most certainly DOES NOT fall under the category of the section title, which is “Stop running your mouth for no reason“.
Some people waste a lot of breath and energy saying stuff that’s completely irrelevant and useless and everyone involved would be better off if they just STFU until they had something valuable to verbally contribute. If you’re rambling on about nothing, you’re screwing up my ability to think about IMPORTANT THINGS and be effective with my day.
A woman hosting a party is the exact opposite of that, or even if it’s not hosting, just being the armpiece where she brings class, style & panache to a guy who ordinarily wouldn’t be assessed as having those traits, just because he’s associated with her. These women aren’t talking about “nothing”. They’re serving an important social purpose with what they’re saying & doing, so “More Power To ‘Em”! ;)
Hello Bill. Hello Sophia.
All of the tips have been solid, IMO, except for number 7. I can’t wrap my head around any of it. It doesn’t even sound like your “voice” to me, Bill. And you know I pay attention.
I don’t recall ever being treated as if I ran my mouth for no reason. If a woman just prattled on, grating on everyone’s nerves then of course she would alienate herself, and, hopefully learn different behavior. If she were really too stupid to understand that her thoughts, expressed, were irritating, then maybe she would be your target audience for #7, but that must be rare? Right?
Ridiculous, nobody cares, plenty of guys lamenting incessant chatter- I don’t understand that. Maybe the guys are being oafs and the women DO have interesting things to say but the guys don’t care because they just want to get laid and aren’t interested in any other vantage point.
I’ve admitted to a low threshold of entertainment before, but I find something fascinating in most people’s palaver, even if it is BS or runs the risk of seeming, on the surface, to be irrelevant. Human nature is fascinating. Humans are fascinating. Of course, there has to be some discretion in who one chooses to spend time with, but I just don’t see it as legitimate advice unless you also think we should be practicing purdah.
I envision all the women reading this wilting as they mentally review what they need to brush up on that the man only interested in f****** them might be interested in hearing. To me, it jars with “exercise for yourself” and all of the other empowering things you lay out there for us. Maybe it could be better framed as “stamp out ignorance.”
Women and men should study whatever piques their interest, all the time.
I just thought of something a woman said that grated on my nerves, because it was ignorant- Lindsey Lohan told the judge that she didn’t know she was not in compliant, instead of in compliance. So if it’s that kind of comment that men want to shut up, I understand. Stamp out ignorance.
My favorite tip is be polite, even to the busboy. Which I’m so glad you included in earlier tips. And it IS most telling when a woman doesn’t acknowledge, graciously, another holding the door or glance at her waiter/waitresses’ name and say thank you. And mean it. It baffles me to see a man or woman who thinks their status just went up because they were aloof and imperious with the wait staff, employees, etc. It tells me just about all I need to know, right up front, when I witness that behavior. I interpret it as “selfish, self-absorbed, and lacking any real level of sophistication.”
As I read backwards through all the posts and comments I’ll have plenty to say. You just let me know if you find it inane, Bill! :D
We were writing at the same time, so I’ll add to my earlier comment here.
Here’s how talking works with men. :D
A friend of mine knows what kind of chicks I like, right?.. So we’re walking down the street or we’re at a party and he says “Yo.. Check *HER* out! :D”. I’m going to look, because being that he knows what I like, he wouldn’t have alerted me unless either a) she’s MY type, or b) she’s HIS type and he just wants to share with me that he sees a girl he likes. I’m either going to reply “Nice!” or “She could get it” or “heh. That’s YOUR style, not mine! :D” and that’s going to be the end of the conversation unless there’s something else about that particular chick that needs to be discussed.
Maybe a UFC fight happened. I’ll get a call. I pick it up and hear “Yo. Did you see the fight?”. A conversation ensues about the fight, BECAUSE both of us are aware that we *BOTH* want to talk about it.
I have lots of efficient conversations like this with women as well. That’s because I like spending time with intelligent women where I actually want to hear what they have to say because it’s actually fascinating or interesting or I’m learning something from them.
However!!!…..
There are lots of women that just run their mouths because…. Well, I don’t know why. :D They just yak yak yak yak yak jabber jabber yak yak jabber jabber and none of it is relevant to anything and none of it is useful and nobody cares what they’re talking about at all. They don’t NOTICE that you don’t care about what they’re talking about because they’re talking for themselves. I’m currently #3 out of 5,260,000 Google results for Pretend To Listen (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=pretend+to+listen). You can pretend to listen to these women and get away clean because no feedback is required. You just keep nodding at them or go “uh huh” every so often and you can think about whatever you want while they’re blabbering on about nothing important.
Why would a guy put up with this? Because what he’s getting out of the experience is spending time with a gal that turns him on. Sorry that this sentence won’t translate well ‘on paper’, but similar to porno, talking is optional.
I’m not talking about “purdah”, which I didn’t even know until just now that there was a name for that practice, hahaha :D I’m saying that without assessing whether someone GIVES A FLYING **** ABOUT YOUR TOPIC OF CONVERSATION, there’s a good percentage chance that they don’t care and you’re wasting your breath and his time being awake because you’re preventing him from using his mind for something useful.
Guys do this as well, except that’s not my problem. The relationship between guys is more like a team. If you have 9 baseball players on the field and 23 players, a bunch of them are going to be benchwarmers. If a dude isn’t cool, he gets benched. Period. Seeya. His whole ******* JOB is to be cool, so if he can’t do that, he’s done.
Also, if a dude is wack, you just say something like “Yo.. Did you know you talk about NOTHING for no particular reason?” and then you can have a rational discussion so he can change his behavior. It’s not only for your own well-being but to help him get girls at the same time. It’s really in everyone’s best interest if he learns to STFU until he has something relevant and/or interesting to say.
It’s actually a good thing that this doesn’t make sense to you off the bat, Christine, because you’re probably not someone who wastes words tossing syllables at someone who obviously doesn’t care about what you’re saying. It’s like how “Sophia” always comments from the ‘upper class’ perspective because those are the people she wants to associate with and other things probably make less sense to her.
A typical situation that I can use as an example is let’s say something happened while you were at work. Let’s say some chick you work with has a boyfriend and you talked with her about him since the last time you saw some guy you’re kickin’ it with.
So now, you’re in the guy’s presence and WITHOUT. HIM. ASKING. YOU. you go “So whomever from work… She and her boyfriend this and that and then they whatever whatever and then this, that and the third happened and then she told him he could XYZ and then…” Nobody cares about that ****. Nobody. Just because YOU think it’s interesting doesn’t mean *I* think it’s interesting, and in fact, I’m trying to forget about what you’re saying as fast as you’re trying to say it. This is why you need to learn how to PRETEND. TO. LISTEN.
Your alternative is to interrupt her and go “Wait.. Where’s the part where this becomes interesting TO ME?” and then you take the chance of not getting laid after she’s finished running her mouth, which defeats the purpose of hanging out with her in the first place, so dudes just grin & bear it. :D
Very excellent scenario you painted for my understanding…the work story repeated to a totally disinterested audience! I DO get that. Glad you know purdah, now. :D