Bill Cammack

A reader recently asked me a question about looking desperate. It was the basic situation of not wanting to overdo it or under-do it when contacting someone you want to kick it to.

If you contact them too much, you look desperate. If you contact them too little, you look disinterested. If you look disinterested, they might turn off to you. If you look desperate, they might think you’re a Herb or a psycho stalker.

This was an issue in one of my favorite movies, “Swingers” by Jon Favreau.

Mikey got a number from this chick, right? :)

So he’s all excited about it but he wants to seem like he’s cool about it.

When he goes back, he asks his friends, who are actual players, how long he should wait to call her. They tell him to wait two days.

Of course, Mikey gets overexcited and calls her several times on the same night he met her, fumbling the position.

So, the problem, to the casual viewer, seems to be that Mikey called her too soon. That’s not actually the problem. That’s the equivalent of women thinking that they got dumped after sex for giving it up too soon (especially on the first date).

Here’s the real problem…

Desperate People Look Desperate

See how that works? You got treated like a desperate person because you WERE desperate. Most of the time when people don’t want to LOOK desperate, it’s because they FEEL desperate. O_o

Desperate people look desperate REGARDLESS of how long they wait to contact someone. Similarly, when a guy plans to dump a girl after having sex with her, it doesn’t matter at all how long she plays it off like she doesn’t want to give him some. As soon as she does it, if she hasn’t demonstrated some other value to him that he decides to stick around for, he’s Swayze (Ghost).

If you meet someone on Wednesday and contact them on Thursday, that doesn’t automatically mean that you’re desperate. It could also mean that you just REALLY want to spend time with them, which, believe it or not, is completely different. :)

Similarly, if you meed someone on Wednesday and contact them NEXT WEDNESDAY, that doesn’t mean you’re COOL either! :D All that FRONTIN’ you did, only to arrive one week later, just as *SHOOK* as you were last week, haha What did all that delaying get you?.. I mean, of course, besides giving other people six days to butt in on your rap so that by the time you call/text, that person already deleted your number and forgot what you look like.

So your problem isn’t how soon you do something, it’s how you feel about yourself when you do it.

For example.. Let’s say I met a gal at 9pm and she gave me her number.

I might very well text her at 11pm to see what she’s doing.

I might text her the next morning around 10am.

I might text her the next day around lunchtime to see what her plans are for that evening.

If I met her on a Thursday, I might not text her until Monday if I already have plans for Friday & Saturday.

I might very well not text her at all, evAr. :D

I can do whatever the **** I want to do because I’m not desperate. I couldn’t possibly care any less whether she returns my texts, blocks my number or joins me for drinks. It doesn’t matter. If she’s not interested, I’ll call someone else or meet a new chick on the fly. It’s no big deal.

Go With The Flow

The problem occurs when a dude’s like “OMG! I *HOPE* I GET THE RAP TO THIS GALLLLL!!!!! :O” and then he wants to SEEM like he’s cool about the situation. That’s not going to work. That’s like being afraid of a dog but trying to trick the dog by standing still AS IF you’re not afraid of it. Good Luck with that! :D

So forget about what day you’re going to contact her and what you’re going to say and what you’re going to offer her and where you’re going to take her and what her friends are going to think about you and what you’re going to wear….. Get your MIND RIGHT so you can go with the flow regardless of what happens.

It’s also possible that you CAN’T get your mind right because this one rap to this one girl *IS* that important to you. :) If that’s the case, use your nervousness to your advantage instead of trying to suppress it. If you think she looks HAWT, tell her that. If you think she’s really smart or respectable, tell her that. Trust & Believe you’re WAAAAY better off getting comfortable with your own discomfort than trying to teach yourself how to act cool when you’re not.

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