GFF: Grenade-Free Foundation

GFF: Grenade-Free FoundationAccording to the ‘Jersey Shore’ glossary, a Grenade is defined as:

1) A large, portly woman of an unsightly nature and violent disposition. 2) A difficult, prickly (often sober) friend of a potential conquest who blocks your advances on their friend’s behalf. A wingman is required at all times to “dive on the grenade” to ensure your success in the bedroom.

Obviously, those two definitions have nothing to do with each other. I understand why whomever wrote that was confused. The Fellaz changed the description of a Grenade after a couple of episodes, which will throw people off that don’t know what the **** they’re talking about.


Generally, but not always, what they’re describing as a Grenade is actually a DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). This is the war-chief that you see when you encounter a pack of females. She’s easily spotted as she’s looking suspiciously around and trying to keep a count of all her girlfriends and whether they’re talking to “creeps” or not.

The Great GazooThe DUFF’s job is to go into action when she sees that one of her girls might be planning to give it up to a dude and cockblock him ASAP. She appears like The Great Gazoo to magically destroy your rap.

The reason the DUFF is so on-point is that nobody ever kicks it to her. This leads to excessive bitterness and the deep-seated desire to make sure that her homegirls get as little play as she does. The “D” stands for Designated, as in designated driver. The same way you send that one person to the party that’s not going to drink so they can safely drive the rest of the drunkards home at the end of the night, the DUFF is responsible for making sure none of her girls hook up past maybe the makeout stage.

The reason why the distinction needs to be made between the DUFF and a Grenade is that there are A. LOT. OF. FOYINE. GIRLS. THAT. COCKBLOCK. THEIR. ASSES. OFF!!!

Just because a gal’s good-looking doesn’t exclude her from being a Grenade. In fact, Attractive Grenades are worse than Busted Grenades, so definition #1 needs to be stricken from the record. Expecting only unattractive girls to attempt to defuse your rap is an amateur mindset.


Because the Jersey Shore fellaz failed to make the distinction between DUFFs and Grenades, they’ve confused the uninformed public. For instance, this season, Mike mentions how he, Pauly & Vinny were in the hot tub with a bunch of chicks and then he splashed some water on his face and suddenly realized “We’ve got GRENADES, Man!!! :O”.

That comment didn’t make any sense… Grenades would have cockblocked their homegirls from getting in the hot tub to begin with. Meanwhile, the girls in the tub were throwing sex at the guys left and right. They were definitely DTF (Down To ****).

What Mike SHOULD have said was “When I splashed water on my face, I realized that we had brought home girls that I wouldn’t have admitted to anybody that I kicked it with, except it’s on videotape and broadcast worldwide on televison and the internet.”

The funny thing about statements like that is how Mike is continually surprised at the visual quality of girls he pulls when it’s been a running joke throughout the entire two seasons of Jersey Shore that he and Pauly will bring back anything they can to the house at the end of the night. If splashing water on his face made him realize what the girls HE brought home actually looked like, that’s his fault for removing his own Beer Goggles.

The Original Grenade

Jersey Shore GrenadeWe met an actual Grenade in ‘Jersey Shore’ season 01. I believe this is where the confusion of the term came from.

The Fellaz were snapping on this girl for two different reasons which match up to the glossary definition. They found her to be visually unattractive, AND the entire time she was on screen, she was liable to cockblock Mike.

She actually had no reason to be at the house. Pauly didn’t want to hit it, so that meant he had to babysit her so his boy Mike could get laid.

The Jersey Shore guys call this typical wingman tactic “Falling on the Grenade”. Basically, you have to ruin your evening hanging out with some chick just to distract her. The benefit is that your boy gets to tag up on the actual target chick AND that you feel your boy would do the same thing for you if you met a girl you wanted to bring back to the hot tub and the only way she was coming over was if she brought her Grenade-ass girlfriend with her.

So.. Regardless of her looks, she had to be stopped from destroying Mike’s rap, so she was named “The Grenade”.


The GFF is the Grenade-Free Foundation, which supports a Grenade-Free America. 😀

That really doesn’t have anything to do with cockblockers. It actually has to do with the level of visual quality of the girls these guys pull from the club.

This season, Vinny said that Mike & Pauly would bring home stray dogs from the club if they couldn’t get anything else. Last season, Ronnie and his boys were snapping all over Mike & Pauly saying that nothing they brought home was anywhere near Sammi’s (housemate and Ronnie’s girlfriend) quality.

In their defense, the only girls that are going to show up on a television show are the ones that agree to sign the releases, so it’s entirely possible that MTV is only showing the Grenades the fellaz pull and never the hawt chicks because none of them agree to be shown.

So, the GFF is a state of mind, really… It’s one man’s resolve that if a chick isn’t what he considers to be an 8, 9, or 10 (rating her looks from 1-10, with 10 being the most attractive), he’s not bringing her home or trying to hook up with her.

The obvious problem with this is that guys would rather hook up with a 7, 6 or 5 than NOT HOOK UP with a better-looking female. It’s better to have mediocre-looking chicks in the hot tub than to get no rap at all from hawt girls.


Hunting / Hot TubIt’s all part of the game of Hunting.

When you hit the streets, you’re seeing what you can come up with for that night.

Due to circumstances or the environment, you might not even have access to a chick that’s better than a 6 the entire evening.

You might have access to 8’s or 9’s, but they’re not going for your rap style.. What then? \o/

It’s either hook up with the sub-par chicks that WANT to hook up with you or go home, go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

So.. Unfortunately, The GFF doesn’t exist except in the hearts and minds of guys that are willing to adhere to the terms of the concept.

It’s a fun thing to say… Grenade-Free America!!!! 😀 but it’s not realistic. Vinny may or may not have hooked up with Snooki this season and he was obviously embarrassed about having slept in the same bed with her… That’s what happens. That’s how life goes.

It’s nice to claim that you only hook up with hawt chicks, but that only works for two sets of guys.. The guys that ACTUALLY only hook up with top-notch-looking women and the guys that successfully keep their exploits with sub-par chicks under the hat.

Neither one of those categories apply to the dudes on ‘Jersey Shore’. 😀 HAHAHA The only reason you need to declare a Grenade-Free America is that you have to stop YOURSELF from partaking in the Grenades.

Unfortunately.. Methinks They Doth Protest Too Much because at the end of the night, several Grenades in the hot tub trumps zero FOYINE girls in the hot tub and the GFF or GFA will remain a state of mind that guys aspire to but never actually achieve.

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    1. Hey Nikki! 😀 Thanks for the props and the comment. 😀

      Yes, I’m aware that they call it creeping. Unfortunately, that’s an unnecessarily negative term for basic human male behavior.

      In order to do “creeping”, you would have to be a creep. 🙂 This means that by calling yourself a “creeper” or whatever, you’re low-rating your own behavior.

      This doesn’t make sense when you continue to do it. It’s not like they’re going “Aww.. Damn… I crept again! :/”. What they’re doing is what guys do. Pull Girls.

      On top of that.. Even if you wanted to deliberately give the behavior a negative connotation, the only one that had a girlfriend was Ronnie. The only one that could actually have been accused of being a CREEP was Ronnie because he was lying to Sammi’s face about what he was doing and hopping into bed with her as soon as he got home from making out with multiple chicks.

      The creepness in his behavior is the going behind her back part, not the pulling girls part.

      So, no… I would never call hunting “creeping”. If I saw a creep that happened to be hunting, I might say “That hunter’s pretty creepy” or “Look at that creep hunting”, but I would no more low-grade a guy for trying to hook up with chicks than I would low-grade a guy for breathing. >:D

  1. This is too much! I am wowed to think that there are people that think about such things – but hey that’s why we live in America!! So we don’t have to worry about other stuff – all that downer shit. Ugg! So I say – more drugs – less brains!! and definitely remember that you can’t always get what you want!

    1. Hey Milt. 🙂

      The majority of women in this country (and perhaps even men) would love to believe this doesn’t exist, but it does. Women can’t afford not to be aware of this because it’s happening to them every day.

      On tonight’s episode, two different sets of two girls each arrives at the house at essentially the same time. The fellaz are gonna have to figure out which ones are DTF and which ones need to be distracted so Mike and maybe one of the other fellaz can get on.

      My initial guess would have been that they would have sent Pauly and Vinny to deal with the first two gals that looked more like they arrived to the house to hang out instead of get busy.

      I don’t think that’s going to work, because Mike isn’t good at handling two chicks on his own and he needs a wingman to come with him. Pauly’s better at that than Vinny is, so I’m guessing they’re going to send Vinny to entertain the two women that aren’t there for the hookup while Pauly helps Mike with his situation.

      Either way, it’s gonna be fun. 🙂 This is what happens in major city environments where you have so many girls around that you never have to choose one. You just keep meeting more every week and they’re either DTF or they’re not and you keep or discard them accordingly.

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