A homegirl of mine was just victimized by the most egregious case of online dating false advertising I’ve ever heard of! 😀 .. WOW!.. I mean, it was horrific. Some people ought to be absolutely ashamed and embarrassed about how they present themselves online vs. how they actually are in real life (IRL).
You Can’t Handle The Truth!
I already talked about this back in 2008, in “It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)”, in response to this comment on BlogHer:
Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.
For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)
Briefly.. I explained that guys know damned well that they’re not 6 feet tall, but they also know they might not get a date if they admit that they’re 5’9″, so it’s better for them to lie to you to get you to show up for the date and then see what they can do. >:D
A bit of truth-stretching is the norm on the dating scene, but it’s entirely unethical to go overboard with it.
Bait & Switch
Back in the day, I met this chick online and we were “friends” for several years… Let’s say 3 years (I don’t remember how long at this point). The entire time, I had been receiving up-to-date pictures from her of how she looked. At this 3-year mark, she created a new account on a new social networking site.
When I went to check out her account, her profile pic was the EXACT. SAME. PIC. that I first saw of her several years before. I knew damned well that she didn’t look like that anymore, so I asked her why she used that for her avatar. Her response was that that was the picture where she liked how she looked the best…
I was like “Yeah, but you don’t look like that NOW!”, which made no difference to her. It was in her best interest to show the better-looking pictures and get more guys interested and “cross that bridge when she gets to it” about how she currently looked.
This is basically what recently happened to my homegirl.. She got duped with some ancient pictures of a dude, and when he arrived for the date, he looked more like the Crypt Keeper than Donnie Wahlberg.
<= Crypt Keeper.. Not Donnie. :/
SRSLY.. :/ If you look like the Crypt Keeper, fess up! 😀
What do you think is going to happen when the chick finally sees you in person? You think she’s going to forget what your pictures looked like?
It’s one thing if you’re 5’11” and you said you were 6’2″. That’s a lie you can potentially recover from. If you’re BUSTED and you told her that you’re not?… You’re pretty much finished before you get started.
If you said you were rich, you can pretty much get over on that until you tag up one time or maybe twice, but after that, if you can’t produce that yacht that you claimed was moored out in Sag Harbor, your rap is basically toast.
If you claimed you were gonna rock her body to the break-day-light and then you turned out to be a two-minute-brotha.. you’re done!
While tha fellaz need to keep it real, y’all ladies need to stop trying to get over as well… Nobody’s being fooled by those close-cropped pictures that only show your head and perhaps your neck. 😀
Until a guy sees a full-body picture of you, he’s not believing the hype. If all you want to show is your grill, it’ll be assumed that the rest of you isn’t worth seeing, or in fact, would be detrimental to your rap.
You really don’t want a guy to figure out what physical condition you’re in when he sees you approaching the table on the night of the date. 🙂 If he doesn’t like how you look, you might get some weird-ass reactions from him, which could create a very uncomfortable / awkward situation for you, in public, no less.
In fact.. If the guy knows what he’s doing, he’ll tell you to meet him at the restaurant and then post up across the street so he can see you arrive. If he doesn’t like what he’s looking at, he’ll just bounce and remove you from his friends list on the online dating site.
OTOH.. If you happen to be FOYINE, it’s in your best interest to make sure that guys know this when they browse your pictures.
I know y’all are always crying about “WAAAAH, WAAAAAH I want him to love me for ME! 🙁 WAAAAAAAH!!!”, but “You” isn’t just your mind.. It’s your body too. If he’s not physically attracted to you, you’re not going to get the chance to tell him what’s on your mind.
Will you get a lot of messages you don’t want, from guys that just want to hit it & quit it? Sure… It’s your job to sift through your potential suitors to find that needle in the haystack that you want to spend time with as much as he wants to spend time with you. It’s better to have too many guys kickin’ it to you than too few! o_O
Keep It Real
If you’re not in shape, that’s going to be obvious.
If you’re not as smart as you said you were, that’s going to be obvious.
If you suck at playing guitar when you said you were in a band, that’s going to be obvious.
I realize that some people are desperate to achieve even the shortest amount of physical contact with another human being, so tricking them into meeting you for a date is the move for you. I think everybody else needs to be aware that people do this and realize that online dating isn’t WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get).
My personal advice is that you should meet, kick it with and date people your friends already know. Checks & Balances is the name of the game.
There are too many people connected to too many people in the year 2010 for people to have to seek dates outside of their currently cultivated social sphere.
Hop on Facebook or MySpace or wherever you socialize with other people and let them know you’re interested in meeting someone to spend time with, kick it about philosophy with or get your FREAK ON with and let them suggest people that they think might be a match for you and that they can vouch for as cool people.
Other than that, you’re going to have to take your chances, whether you’re on the giving or receiving side of online dating false advertising.
On the giving side.. If you’re looking for a LTR, it’s in your best interest to lay your cards on the table from the giddyap. If you’re just trying to sneak in the door and hope you get to hook up before your date becomes sober, you might very well get over, so good luck with that! 😀
On the receiving side, recognize that people are going to try to dupe you as often as possible and get over as much as possible. They might not look the way you think they look or think the way you think they think when you meet them in person. It’s all in the game! >:D