One of the reasons why Political Correctness (PC) doesn’t work is that it doesn’t stop anybody from thinking what they’re thinking. It only stops people from SAYING what they’re thinking.
This leads to a lot of fake people trying to conceal what they’re thinking, except it’s revealed in their actions when they refuse to utter the actual words, so they’re not getting over anyway.
Somewhere along the line, somebody made it taboo to “Judge” people…. ARE YOU CRAZY??? o_O .. That’s all we do, all day, every day, is judge people.
Whenever you suspect that someone might do something, you’re making a judgement. Whenever you suspect that someone might NOT do something, you’re making a judgement. Whenever you don’t like someone’s hairstyle, that’s a judgement. Whenever you think someone lied, that’s a judgement…. All day. Every day.
So it’s come to the point that people are so damned SCARED for other people to JUDGE THEM for JUDGING SOMEONE ELSE that they just STFU and try not to say anything at all, as if that makes them look good instead of looking like a ***** that refuses to take a stand on that particular issue.
I use television shows a lot for my examples because they’re readily available for whomever reads this article to watch for themselves and make up their own minds about what I say and write here. Because of that, I have to keep bringing up the disclaimer that I’m a video editor, so I’m aware that what we see on these shows has been crafted into a storyline by the post-production team. Having said that, there are still lessons to be learned from supposedly-unscripted television.
So I’m watching the reunion show for the Real Housewives of DC. A clip is shown where Stacie says about Catherine, “She is not used to being in an environment where it’s a majority of black people”.
The host then says “Stacie.. You said you thought that Cat was uncomfortable around black people. Do you still feel that way?”. Stacie responds without answering his question. Catherine tells Stacie that she didn’t answer the question and then a debate ensues, wherein we never hear directly what Stacie thinks about whether she still believes that Cat is uncomfortable around black people.
Of course, this is one of those situations where you’re going to alienate SOMEBODY by taking a stand. This is why people refuse to speak their minds. Stacie ended up telling Catherine “You know, I honestly don’t know you that well. I didn’t know you that well, then” (meaning at the time she said what she said).
Let’s take a similar example. Let’s say Stacie had been standing on a street corner and the host had said “Stacie.. You said that you thought the light was red and it was safe for you to cross the street. Do you still feel that way?”.. Meanwhile, there are only two current conditions. The light is red and the traffic will not run you the **** over, or the light is green and you’re gonna get smashed if you step off the curb. Therefore, your life basically DEPENDS on whether you’ve correctly assessed the current state of the light and it’s in your best interest to have a clear opinion about the state of the light before you decide whether you’re going to try to cross the street or not.
Therefore.. REGARDLESS of what you said before or what you SHOULD have said before or how well you knew someone when you said out your mouth what someone is or is not used to and what kind of people might have something to do with the way she feels… RIGHT NOW, you’re being asked about your CURRENT ASSESSMENT of whether this person that you’ve had over your house several times, hung out with several times, had good and bad times with as well as most likely other personal conversations that weren’t shown in the edit.
WHAT. IS. YOUR. OPINION? o_O it’s either
a) I don’t want to talk about it.
b) I think Catherine is uncomfortable around black people.
c) I used to think Cat was uncomfortable around blacks, but I’ve changed my mind.
d) I should never have said that she was uncomfortable around black people from the giddyap because I’m admitting that I *STILL* don’t know her that well, even though she’s been to my house several times and I’ve hung out with her on several other occasions, as was shown during an entire season’s worth of videotape for a reality show, so I sure as hell didn’t know enough about her at the time to make the assessment that I made.
a) Pleading the fifth makes you look like a sucker.
b) Saying “Someone is _______” is a JUDGEMENT.
c) Saying “I don’t believe Catherine has any issues with black people” is an ENDORSEMENT.
d) Saying “I shouldn’t have ran my mouth about black this and that without knowing anything about Cat’s motivations for leaving the party OR for attending the party in the first place” is an ADMISSION.
None of those work in the Politically Correct era, so it’s best to avoid answering the question or hope that it never comes up in conversation.
Of course, the Queen Of Deception (or maybe Delusion, I haven’t decided) on that show is Michaele.
I would say that Michaele was the “Kelly” of the DC show, except that Kelly is single and she’s trippin’ out on her own. Michaele is following a script. This is why I was VERY VERY VERY VERY *VERY* glad when the host asked her if she *EVER* goes anywhere without her husband and she broke down crying. 😀 That was fantastic. So telling. 😀
Again… If someone asks you whether the light is currently red or green, the answer should not require or elicit sadness or tears. One should be able to state “No. I never go anywhere without him” as an emotionless matter of fact. Is that a JUDGEMENT? Yes it is. I’m a real person. I make judgements. So do you. Stop fronting like you don’t.
In fact, the Michaele situation was the worst case of PC in the entire show, IMO. We never received any resolution to the issue of whether or not they paid for dude’s birthday party they “Hosted” for him. o_O .. It’s very simple. They paid or they didn’t. If they paid, they have the receipts. If someone else paid, someone else has the receipts. If they told dude’s manager that they weren’t coming to the party unless someone signed a document saying they weren’t liable for any money, someone has a copy of that document for their own records.
However… That situation occurred many, many episodes before the end of that season. The dude whose party it was NEVER asked them if they paid. Lynda, who had thrown and paid for a previous party for him, never asked them if they paid. Mary, his supporter and homegirl never asked them if they paid. Nobody asked them JACK-**** the entire time.
What about the grapes? HAHAHA Cat pointed out that there were crates of supermarket grapes off to the side when they were invited to the wine-stomp (or whatever they call that). That was laughed about amongst everyone else, but wasn’t brought up to the actual OWNERS of the winery.
What about when the winery employee told Cat she was acting bitchy or that her statement was bitchy or whatever she said about Cat that had the word “bitch” attached to it?.. Which it most certainly should have, because, as usual, Cat was being funny and critical in a way that doesn’t mesh with Political Correctness… How come the conversation turned into “This person works for you and it was rude of her to call an invited guest a bitch?”. So what? Deal with it. You don’t like it? Tell the hired help off. You’re the “customer”, right? You’re above her, right?
See.. What had *HAPPENED* was… The winery owners were scared to death to call Cat on her behavior and JUDGE her, so they STFU until this chick that had nothing to lose let her know what time it was. In fact, the only reason she even spoke up is that she’s not on their social level anyway. She can’t get demoted. She’s already nobody.
This is what’s refreshing about REAL PEOPLE. They have nothing to lose, so you’re more likely to hear what they really think, which is what you need in order to assess your relationship to them, whether that’s friends, acquaintances, enemies, frenemies, whatever.
That’s also why I enjoy watching shows like this. You can see on these people’s faces that they’re TIIIIIIIGHT (upset) about something and then they scrunch their faces up and feel good about not saying anything so nobody can turn around and talk behind their backs tomorrow, saying “Did you hear how whomever JUDGED whomever! So classless! So uncouth! :(“. Then.. As soon as they’re surrounded by the cast members they’re currently aligned with, you get to hear exactly what they think… as if the person in question isn’t going to hear it when the show is aired several months from now.
Watching these shows is excellent training for reading people that subscribe to the same philosophies when you’re IRL f2f with them. I need this training because I’m not used to people like this. I’m used to REAL people. I’m used to people that either tell you how they honestly feel or don’t talk to you at all if they don’t like you. I’m used to people that tell you positive things when they like something you said or did.
Thanks to reality television, I’m very used to reading people that didn’t have a problem with me, but now they do. They think they’re getting over, but they’re not. I know that they feel like they can’t afford to say anything negative to me because we have over 200 mutual Facebook friends or they know I’m tight with potential clients of theirs.
Two years ago, the NYC scene became very clique-ish and I had to deal with some faux-negativity from people who had decided that I was aligned with their new enemies. In time, that dissipated, as people realized that regardless of the beef they had with someone I know, it was neither my problem nor my concern because everyone involved was either a GROWN-ASS MAN or a GROWN-ASS WOMAN and I’m not on the payroll to try to tip the scales in someone’s favor during some social tiff they’re having.
Unless you did something REEEEEEEALLY jacked up, so long as you’re cool with me, I’m cool with you and I don’t care about your situations with other people AT. ALL.
What does this do for society? It makes people feel comfortable. That’s another new buzzword, by the way… “uncomfortable”.
“When you did XYZ, I felt uncomfortable. :(“. Not actually. You felt uncomfortable because you were actually PISSED THE **** OFF and your discomfort was not honestly and authentically expressing yourself, because now you feel like a SUCKER because you told all your friends that if someone ever said or did XYZ to you then you were going to do this and that, but when the chips fell, you stood there motionless and speechless, looking like a JERK because “Appearing not to judge someone” comes in higher on your list of personal priorities than “Standing up for myself when I feel I’ve been wronged”. That’s YOUR problem. You’re making YOURSELF uncomfortable by acting unnaturally.
But anyway… Not saying what you really feel makes the society comfortable.. Which also makes the society SOFT. People start believing they’re ENTITLED to comfort, when, in fact, the only amount of comfort you have is the amount that the people around you GIVE YOU and the amount that you DEMAND FOR YOURSELF.
The cops can’t write tickets for people being mean. “Bullying” is another buzzword these days. It’s up to each individual community to “police” and “outlaw” Bullying. You can’t delegate that from the top down. That’s a f2f (face to face) issue that gets dealt with on an interpersonal level.
If you get pushed, either LEAVE, push back, tell the person you didn’t like what they did or call the cops. Playing Possum and standing there thinking “They don’t have the right to push me” or “They’re so uncouth for pushing me” might get you hurt when people decide there aren’t going to be any consequences or repercussions for invading your space.
It’s not like the sticks, where you’re inside your car and maybe you see other people at stop lights or when you get to your destination. We see people everywhere.
This means we have more interactions with more random people.
This means we meet people that decide they don’t like us and then we still have no choice but to be around each other from time to time.
That’s what I’m used to, and that’s the way I like it. If we’ve decided we’re not going to be friends and we end up in the same store, party, bar, subway car, whatever, it’s NO. BIG. *******. DEAL. It’s just fewer people that you have to nod “What’s Up?” to when you run into them. I seriously don’t get the so-called “discomfort” of being around someone that claims they don’t like you. That’s how life works.
Play The PC Game
At the same time, I understand the game and I understand why people have landed on Political Correctness as their band-aid solution to people feeling uncomfortable about hearing other people’s authentic opinions about things. If everyone said what they really thought, it would slow the progress of togetherness and create more cliques than people know what to do with. Nothing would ever get done if people separated into pro, con & neutral over every single issue that comes up.
Unfortunately, it’s still a mask.. a cover.. a front. Society’s agenda is being promoted at the cost of real, authentic, valid interpersonal human relationships.
We can’t actually get to know each other if everyone plays the party line and gives the stock responses they’re “supposed” to give so we can look like we all think the same way about everything.
The other night, I was hanging out with a friend that hadn’t told me something that I ended up finding out about from a mutual acquaintance. It didn’t have anything to do with me, so it really didn’t matter, but when the topic came up, I said “Well… You never told me that XYZ”, to which she replied that what I had heard was incorrect and “ABC” was actually the state of the situation. Being that I know her on a personal level and not a peripheral Politically-Correct level, I believe her version of the story and that’s that.
*THIS* is what we’re missing out on by not being authentic with each other. Nobody’s “word” means anything anymore because you can count on people to say whatever’s going to keep them popular instead of whatever they actually feel. Then.. When they’re surrounded by people that they know agree with them and feel the same way, they have ALL THESE OPINIONS that you don’t get to hear about if you’re outside the circled wagons.
What’s it worth to ask someone what they think when they’re scared to death to talk about a topic? \o/ At least I can give Lynda the props that when they asked her if she’d marry her boyfriend if he asked her, she was straight up, like “I refuse to answer that question! :D”. That’s REAL, right thurrrr, haha.. There IS an answer… I’m not going to tell you.
Isn’t that way better than answering with a non-answer? o_O .. Isn’t it better to say “I have an opinion that I’m not going to share with you” instead of saying “I refuse to make a judgement about someone” when you know damned well that you ALREADY MADE THAT JUDGEMENT?
- Is the light green, or is it red?
- Is it safe to walk, or is it not?
- Is there “Nobody in here but us chickens!”, or is one a fox?
- Do you live inside the DC limits, or do you not?
- Are you a housewife, (indicating that you have a husband) or are you not?
- Were you a cheerleader, or were you not?
- Did you have a physical invitation to the party, or did you not?
- Are you going to marry your boyfriend, or are you not?
- Do you say dumb things when you’re drunk on wine, or do you not?
- Are you qualified to say whether someone’s comfortable around blacks, or are you not?
- Do you currently hold the same opinion you stated when the cameras were rolling, or do you not?
These are very simple questions, which should be followed by very simple answers.
“Yes”. “No”. “Maybe”. “I don’t know”. “I don’t remember”. “I refuse to say”.
“I did”. “I didn’t”. “I would”. “I won’t”. “I wouldn’t”. “I couldn’t”.