What You Call It vs. What It Is

I got to spend some time with some CLOSE friends the other night. It was a very grounding experience for me. I’d like to talk about something very simple.

Calling something a particular thing doesn’t make that thing what you called it.

Not calling something anything doesn’t make it less than what it actually is.

For instance.. If you know you’re loved by someone that you don’t call your girlfriend, fiancee or wife, that doesn’t diminish the amount of love she feels for you or expresses to you. It’s the actuality of your relationship that counts, not the title.

At the same time, giving someone a title doesn’t dictate that they’re going to love you or even like you.

I wanted to make that clear because a lot of people wonder “How could he have…?” or “How could she have…?” when something goes wrong in their so-called relationships.

What I really should have said a long time ago is that for us to properly discuss your situation, you have to understand that I don’t believe you’re in a relationship at all.

I understand that you and someone else SAID you were together and that that’s what you tell people when they ask you, but from what I’m hearing or reading about how you’re being treated, you’re not describing someone who loves you, likes you or even cares about you.

If a guy calls a chick his girlfriend and she’s giving it up left and right to other guys, what’s that title really worth? All it means is “I’m one of the guys that gets to have sex with her”… So What? \o/

If a gal calls a guy her husband and he’s beating her ass and doing all kinds of despicable things to her, what is that title really worth? That sounds more like “Sleeping With The Enemy” to me than anything else.

So that’s the understanding we need to come to.. Just because you say you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean I believe you.

So when a gal asks how your boyfriend could have gone to the strip club and hooked up with that dancer, my answer is “He felt like it”, which makes perfect sense to me because he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing, which is exactly what he FEELS LIKE DOING. His so-called “relationship” to you only remains as long as it’s convenient. If you find out that he’s been messing with other chicks and you mention that to him, it might be *YOU* that gets ejected and not the so-called “hoes” that are messing with “YOUR” man.

Similarly, when a guy asks how his girlfriend could just up and leave him because some other guy dangled some money or something else in her face, my answer is “She felt like it”, and you have to recognize that she was only dating you as a means to an end. You represented stability or money or whatever else she was getting from you and when she saw the opportunity to get even more of that from the next man, she bounced. C’est La Vie. \o/

Meanwhile.. You would be a fool not to recognize and appreciate the people that really ARE down for you, ESPECIALLY when you didn’t give them titles. This applies across the board, in business, dating, whatever. Reliable is Reliable. In fact, the person that’s reliable for no reason other than THEY FEEL LIKE being reliable for you is worth more than the person who’s doing for you because they currently have a title. Watch how useless that person becomes to you as soon as y’all break up…..

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4 thoughts on “What You Call It vs. What It Is”

  1. Damn damn damn! How I love this consciousness of thought!!!!!! For all intents and purposes, I’m a cougar. I date at least two men at a time and there is complete honesty in the lack of exclusivity. I have one man that I’m crazy about and can’t wait for him to say he’s ready for it to be me and him exclusively; HOWEVER, I have no need to pine away for him… We know how we FEEL!

    There is no job description and/or title for who I am for my men and who they are for me… We enjoy one another in myriad ways and situations! I feel no need to put the ‘exactly where is this going?’ conversation in play because I’m clearly on the journey of life, excited about it’s lack of destination!

    The title thang incites misery, nothing less. Be with people and keep the ones that bring you whatever level of enjoyment, smiles, chuckles, tingles, ecstacy that you desire in whatever moment!

    I find that convenience is rarely a reason that I see my men, or that they see me…. It’s moreso that what we have and share is just so much damned fun!!!

    I know that most women can’t choose to operate from this perspective, but I would beg them to consider it…. C’mon, people enjoy people who are enjoying their experience of themselves and their lives!!! Get out and live! Keep allllll the stuff, people, & experiences that bring a smile to your face that you can reflect on later and re-create the same smile! Leave titles out of it!!!

    Nuff for now!!


    1. lolol Sorry I’m just seeing this NOW, DocLady! >:D haha

      “There is no job description and/or title for who I am for my men and who they are for me… We enjoy one another in myriad ways and situations!”

      That’s What’s Up, Right Thurrr! >:D

      I find that convenience is rarely a reason that I see my men, or that they see me…. It’s moreso that what we have and share is just so much damned fun!!!

      Yeah, that’s the weird thing.. Well ONE OF the weird things.

      People act like it’s cool that they seem to have better things to do than enjoy spending time with you. It’s weird that they think that’s a virtue or some kind of added value to their personalities.

      It isn’t easy to get motivated to spend time with someone that isn’t motivated to spend time with you.

      Meanwhile, they never advance up the totem pole, because you’re always looking for the next best thing, since they’re not TRYIN’ to be that for you! 😀

      Cheers, DocLady! 😉

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