Women Date Up, Men Don’t

Danielle RicksSo.. I was listening to this blogtalk radio show that Danielle Ricks hosted, right?.. And I’m running my mouth in the text chat room and say something regarding how it gets tougher for women to date, the older they get and it gets easier for men, and it’s like “Huh? What?” šŸ˜€

So I thought this was blatantly obvious, but let me get into it right quick, one time for the people. šŸ˜€

Reasons

Men date because they want to have a good time and hook up with hawt chicks. Yes.. There are some guys that are looking for an exclusive girlfriend and some guys that are looking for one gal to have kids with and to marry and yadda yadda.

For the most part, guys are adding something to their lives that they want but they don’t necessarily need.

Meanwhile, women date because they want to secure a guy that’s going to make their life worth living. The common term is something like “I could do BAD on my own! :/”. The indication here is that adding a guy into her life is supposed to make it significantly better, or why should she be involved with him at all? o_O

I mean.. Not only is he supposed to listen to how her day was, but he’s supposed to tap that proppah AND bring her PIZZA to boot! :O .. I mean, C’MON, SUNN!!! :/ What’s *SHE* supposed to be doing while this dude’s doing EVERYTHING in the relationship?

Anyway… Because guys and gals have different reasons for dating, guys have an increasingly significant advantage on the dating scene as we get older.

Money

Supposedly, the older you get, the more money you have. The more money you have, the easier it is to pull chicks, because you can live in the fly house or own the yacht or sportscar or the fancy clothes, watches, jewelry, whatever that gets females to flock to you to attempt to use you for your money and give up sex in the process. Done Deal! šŸ˜€

Meanwhile, having more money does women NO GOOD, WHATSOEVER! šŸ˜€ hehe Nobody cares if y’all have money or not. We care if we feel turned on by being around you. Your best bet is to use your money for Gym subscriptions and keep that body in shape where we feel like tappin’ that.

Other than that, if you’re rich as hell and you look busted, you’re not going to get the first look at the bar. It’s just not gonna happen. \o/

So guys get an advantage in dating the more money we have. Women do not.

Looks

Guys select women by looks. Don’t be fooled. Yes, it’s true that I believe that PERSONALITY is the deciding factor if a guy’s going to get into a LTR with a gal, but the fact of the matter is that if he doesn’t feel like looking at you, he’s not going to approach you in the first place to find out what your personality’s like.

Meanwhile… Women select men based on emotional and support issues. The guy still has to look DECENT in order for her to give him a shot, but an unattractive guy that has a mansion and a yacht will STILL be able to pull some sort of gold-digger female to share his wealth with him in exchange for hooking him up with “Happy Endings”.

The ability to look good decreases as people age. The ability to emotionally and financially support someone does not. Once again, guys have an advantage as we age because we become in demand by MORE females while the women become in demand by FEWER males.

Personality

Guys and gals get over with poor personalities when we’re young because everybody’s trying to get something from the other person and we’re willing to endure wack personalities as long as we can in order to receive the benefits from spending time with them.

This doesn’t work out so well for women as they age, for the reasons stated above. The more y’all’s looks diminish, the less guys are willing to put up with crabby attitudes. The ROI just isn’t there. šŸ˜€ It’s better to either spend time with a different mediocre-looking chick that’s a nice person and fun to hang out with or meet a different crabby chick that’s hawt to death and we don’t mind how much of a JERK she is because we enjoy hooking up with her.

Meanwhile.. If a guy’s personality isn’t top-of-the-line but he knows how to offer women emotional and/or financial support, he’s never going to run out of women. In fact, it actually gets EASIER for guys to pull women if they’re seen as Sugar Daddies or marks that can be utilized for a payday. If you’re willing to play that role, you can be as old as you like and have a harem.. Ask Hugh Hefner.

Hugh Hefner

Career

One of the worst problems for aging women is that they are brainwashed to date guys that have better careers than they do.

How many times have you heard some chick say she’d only date a guy that makes more money than she does? o_O

Now.. Think about how many times you’ve heard a guy say ANYTHING about a gal’s career that he’s dating……. Yeah.. Probably Never. That’s because nobody cares.

The guys that care about a woman’s career are looking for a payday. I mean, imagine going to a bar, meeting a FOYINE-ASS CHICK, kickin’ it with her for 20 minutes and then asking her what she does and she says she flips burgers at McDonald’s and then you’re like “WHAT??? :O .. AW HELLZ NAW!!!.. I can’t date *YOU*!!! :/”.

hahaha It’s not going to happen. Nobody cares. Her function is to look good and be a turn-on, not pay for stuff. If she can kick in ducats, fine. If she can’t?… FINE! šŸ˜€

As people age and progress in their careers, this is going to make things harder for women and easier for men. Guys get richer and more prestigious and become even MORE ATTRACTIVE to women. SImultaneously.. Women get richer and more prestigious and raise the bar for guys that they’re willing to date, since they want to date guys that are doing better than they are.

The obvious problem with this is that the guys that are doing better than women with impressive careers aren’t looking for women with impressive careers. They’re looking for attractive chicks that are DSS or DTF.

The older guys get, the more DTF chicks are available to them. They make more every year. šŸ˜€ Whatever leverage Career-Women might have had back in the day is mostly gone and rapidly diminishing.

Age

The absolute worst problem for women in this scenario is that they’re brainwashed to date men older than they are.

The older women get, the older the guys are that they try to create relationships with. They don’t want to be called/labeled “Cougars” or Cradle-Robbers or whatever other bullshit has been conjured up to shame women into acting however men want them to.

Meanwhile, guys don’t care about that. Legal is Legal. If he’s 60 and she’s 30, it’s ON and POPPIN’!!! >:D

There are approximately ZERO 60-year-old dudes that are looking for 70-year-old women. Meanwhile, 60-year-old women that fell for the okey-doke are still playing the “Older than I am” game.

Same thing if you bring it down to the 40s. 40-year-old dudes are still dating college chicks. 40-year-old women are looking for 45-year-old dudes that aren’t looking for THEM! o_O

Solution

Demi Moore & Ashton KutcherThe obvious solution here is for successful women to Date Down.

Once y’all get past the point of needing a guy for financial support, you can do whatever you feel like doing.

Look at your girl, Demi Moore… People talked a lot of TRASH when she hooked up with Ashton Kutcher. You know what happened after that?… That’s right.. She enjoyed her life.. The only one she’s going to have.

There’s a lot of talk about “Independent Women”. You’re not independent if you’re still operating under your antiquated brainwashing.

“Independent” doesn’t mean “Free to choose the guy you’re dependent upon”. It means that you’re going to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. It means that if you want to go to The Bahamas, you’re going to GO instead of waiting for a guy to take you.

It means that if you want to buy that sports car, you’re going to DO IT instead of waiting for a guy to buy it for you. If you want that apartment or house, you’re going to GET IT and make your life as fantastic as you want it to be.

It ALSO means that if you honestly feel, in your “heart of hearts” that you want to date a guy YOUNGER than you or BROKER than you or SHORTER than you or LESS PRESTIGIOUS than you or LESS FAMOUS than you, you’re going to go ahead and do that because this is *YOUR* life, not anyone else’s, and when it’s over, you have to look back on it and say “I went for MINE’Z!!!” instead of “I followed everyone’s rules about how I should act.. Where’s my prize? :O”.

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18 Comments

  1. Bill, you truly are a genius! This is brilliant and hilarious and sad and ‘in your face’ truth! I am 47, a physician, damned good-looking, divorced for 16 years… And do as I damned well please! I have it all! Just like you said, men my age want hot 30yo’s, so….. I haven’t dated a man over 40 in over a year! I opened up my mind to be ‘outta my mind’ happy and fun…no rules on guy’s color, size, height, success… I decided to be amazing in their presence and look for what’s amazing about them as well! And since then, I’ve got REAL girlfriends (who I don’t break a date with to go out with a dude), and some good professional men that I enjoy and enjoy me!

    1. haha Thanks, Doc Lady! šŸ˜€

      Congratulations on “Doing YOU”! šŸ˜€ .. “Outta My Mind Happy” is exactly what we all should strive to attain and MAINTAIN! šŸ˜€

      Be Amazing and GET AMAZING in return! haha I’m down with *THAT*!!! šŸ˜€

      Cheers! šŸ˜‰

  2. Bill – I don’t know where to begin…I have so much to say about this post.

    First, your initial statement is correct, it does get easier for men to date as they get older. I would offer that it’s typically always easier for men to date, regardless of age. It’s as easy as 2+2, there are more women, thus more choices for men and vice versa, less men and less choices for women.

    Second, when all of your reasons are whittled down to their basest points, men tend to date with their little heads and women tend to date with their big heads and hearts. Thus, dating expectations are different, desired outcomes vary and short term bliss may be achieved; however, long term sustainability is usually not.

    There is much more I could say about each of your reasons; however, the crux of the point is what I previously said, expectations and outcomes. There has to be clarity and a meeting of the minds in order for dating to enjoyable and LTRs to be long term.

    1. Hey Shannon! šŸ˜€

      Yes. I agree entirely that it’s always easier for men to date. Our goals are WAY shorter-term than women’s goals. If we can have a good night TONIGHT, we’re good. šŸ˜€

      If we can meet up with one chick for lunch, one for dinner and a third for late-night drinks, it’s all good in the hood!!! >:D .. Meanwhile, the gals are striving to find boyfriends or husbands or whatever y’all are trying to do which requires a lot more time and a lot more focus on only one person.

      Second.. You’re entirely on-point about “Little-Head Dating” hahaha šŸ˜€

      I thought this whole ‘diminishing returns’ thing for women was obvious. I’m fascinated that conversations have jumped off with people both on the I Agree and the I Disagree sides. šŸ™‚

  3. Hey Bill,

    great post, especially the “solution” part. As someone who has – with one exception – always had LTRs with younger men, I can say that this has lots of advantages. My girlfriends who dated older guys always were the ones that had to adjust to the guy’s way of living. He has to move to a different city because of his job? Fine, she moves with him. He wants children now because of his age, even though she wants to finish college first and get a degree? Fine, she gets pregnant and postpones the getting a degree plan. Stuff like that is less likely to happen with a younger partner, there is usually a better power balance, more negotiation. An older partner with an established career can offer a comfortable life, but that can be dangerous because it makes us lazy. Better to avoid that by dating someone younger or of the same age, so that we don’t forget what being independent really means .

    1. PREACH, Fishingrod! šŸ˜€

      I’m following a couple of threads about this post on Facebook and something that’s come up is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you’re saying. The discussion is about “roles” and people “playing their positions”. The guy is supposed to do this. The gal is supposed to do that…

      How about if people decide for themselves what makes them HAPPY and then they do THAT? šŸ˜€

      You make a lot of good points about HAVING to follow because there’s no choice in the matter.. No equity. A leader and a follower. As a guy, I don’t have to think about things like that at all.

      It’s the same thing with last names. I was born Cammack and I’m going to die Cammack. The concept of ever having a different last name has never been on the table and never will be on the table. It’s a trip that women traditionally change their last names to their husbands’ family names. I can’t be “Bill Smith” HAHAHAHA Who the **** would I be if I were Bill Smith? šŸ˜€

      So, Yeah.. What you’re talking about makes a ton of sense. Coming to the table with power and decision-making abilities sounds like a much better plan to me than coming in as the designated follower in a “relationship”.

      Independent. Means. Not-Dependent! >:D

      1. “I was born Cammack and Iā€™m going to die Cammack.”

        Yes, I feel the exact same way about my last name. That is why I did not change it when I got married. Thankfully, this is legally possible in my country since 1994. In the US, this has been possible for a much longer time, right? And yet you have this irritating (and to me, sort of perverted) custom that women refer to themselves or are called by their husbands’ full names, like in one episode of Grey’s Anatomy, when Meredith was announced as “Mrs. Derek Shepherd”.

        Who came up with this BS, and when?

        To me, this is just as disgusting as the naming system in Margaret Atwood’s novel “The Handmaid’s Tale” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Handmaid%27s_Tale_%28film%29) where a handmaid belonging to a household headed by a guy named “Fred” would be called “Offred”, and one that belonged to a guy named “Glen” would be called “Ofglen”.

        So what exactly is this Facebook discussion about? What are guys and gals “supposed to do”?

        I remember how I once posted a comment regarding power balance in relationships and how it is connected to earning potential to the site of a conservative newspaper that has among its readers many traditional-minded guys with high salaries, mainly from the banking sector. You have no idea how these guys reacted to my comment. Flames, flames, flames. One of them called me a “cynic bitch” who should never try to get married at all because I did not know the first thing about love.

        I know you like to say how women are brainwashed to believe all sorts of stuff like the “there is someone for everyone myth” etc., but my impression was that these guys were just as brainwashed in their own way. They firmly believed that traditional gender roles are the only way to go, because child-rearing “comes naturally” to us women, while it is sooo much more difficult for men, and they would go berserk if anybody challenged their world-view.

        Ever since that experience, I have been very careful not to voice my thoughts on equality in relationships, indepence etc. too openly to the wrong crowd. I feel safe to talk about it on your blog, but sadly, even many men don’t seem ready to accept the truth, not just women.

        1. Yes.. Lack of changing from Maiden Name has been available in the USA for a long time.

          Also.. You’re right… The Mrs. his-first-name his-last-name is rather creepy. You have to understand, however, that for a lot of women, their lives aren’t worth anything unless they’re the property of a man… Meaning that until someone claims them, they’re unsuccessful at life and their wedding day is literally the best day of their entire lives.

          For women that believe that way to be called Mrs. His Name, that’s a badge of honor. She has actually been claimed by a guy and has the legal right to be called by HIS name.

          As a guy, that doesn’t make any sense to me, because the concept of a guy changing his name to his wife’s family’s name is sheer lunacy and if anyone had ever proposed that to me, I’d tell them to get the **** outta here with that BULLSHIT! šŸ˜€

          The Facebook discussion involving “supposed” revolved around biological issues from the caveman days… The male is responsible for security and provision of funds. The female is responsible for bearing and raising children and following what the leader (the male) says.

          You got flamed on that website because guys don’t incorporate gals into their lives to make decisions. This ends up being a point of contention when the gal makes more money and expects executive powers to come along with that.

          Personally, like I’ve said before, I think the smartest person should make the decisions and the toughest person should handle the security, whether that’s the male or the female. So long as everyone plays their position and remains within their personal strengths, everything will be fine.

          But that point is exactly the center of my post. Guys don’t need women that are better than them or even equal to them. Guys need functional women to fill a void that currently exists. Women, meanwhile, are looking for a guy to bring all these extra qualities to the table other than being attractive and being nice to her, which makes the dating game an uneven playing field as guys have way more gals to choose from and the difference becomes larger and larger each year.

          I agree with your assessment of their being brainwashed into male gender roles.

          The difference is that male brainwashing says that we’re better than females. Period.

          This is why guys have problems dating women more successful than they are, smarter than they are, richer than they are, etc.. Guys are “supposed” to trump women in all areas, across the board. Anything that challenges that notion makes the guy “less than a man”, basically, and they’re not trying to hear that.

          Female brainwashing makes y’all MORE susceptible to being controlled by a guy. Male brainwashing makes us LESS susceptible to being controlled by a female.

          Fortunately for me, I grew up in New York City, New York, USA. I grew up surrounded by girls and women that are stellar achievers in school and business. The concept of being jealous or upset that a gal makes more money than I do or whatever doesn’t compute with me.

          If I hadn’t had those experiences growing up, I’d feel differently. If I grew up with males doing everything important in life, other than having kids, raising kids and cooking, I’d have the same perspective as the guys you’re talking about.

          The main point I was trying to make is that even the guys that feel superior to all women will STILL hook up with ‘inferior’ women. Women that are looking for a man that will elevate their social status will NOT hook up with an inferior guy as quickly.

          When you take this up in age, and you have 40-year-old women and 40-year-old men, the guys are dating 40-19 year old females and the women are dating 40-60 year old males and there’s no comparison between those two dating pools.

  4. Of course you did not say ALL women but I know a lot of women whose criteria for a man is different based on his purpose. If we’re just looking to have fun, then it’s all about how he looks and whether or not we think he can put it down. If it’s long-term, then we are looking for stability factors that you mention. I don’t think that’s any different from men who have different criteria for a woman based on her purpose. If they are just trying to kick it, it’s all about the woman’s looks. If it’s the long-term then he is looking at how she adds to him (financially, domestically, whatever). Like Shannon said above it’s all about expectations. It would be great if people were clear about what those were but alas, no.

    1. Agreed with everything you said, Kenya.

      When you look at probabilities, however, I think the edge with guys falls towards messing around or having a good time or enjoying women in general, and I think the edge with gals falls towards trying to end up in a LTR.

      So what you end up with is that if a chick isn’t LTR material, a guy will still gladly hit it.

      If a guy isn’t LTR material, that has a detrimental effect on whether the gal wants to mess with him or not.

      Ultimately, I think that women who are ballin’, shot-callin’ do themselves a disservice by looking for specifically successful guys instead of just getting their HAPPY on like Hulk Hogan’s 50-year-old ex-wife and her 21-year-old boyfriend! >:D

  5. I agree with you about the majority of men looking for Ms. Right Now while women are looking for Mr. Right. And I’m not knocking the former Ms. Hogan but it’s a bit different for her as she has already done the marriage, family and kids things – Demi too. I bet they wouldn’t have their boy toys father their kids – going back to the different set of standards.

    1. That’s an interesting concept, Kenya. It makes sense to categorize women according to how many of their life’s goals they’ve already achieved.

      A gal who’s looking to have kids and hoping to achieve that inside a stable, long-term relationship is going to have different requirements for dating and hooking up than a gal that’s already had as many kids as she wants or isn’t planning to have kids at all.

  6. My older friend once told me that I need to have higher standards for the men I date. She said their education and income should be similar to mine. I don’t make a lot of money but do ok and I have a master of arts degree. The problem is that the men in my age range (34) with similar income and education are few and far between or they are already married. So I listened to her politely and continue to date whoever I please. Most of the men I do see are younger than me and don’t make as much or aren’t as educated. But I’m not even picky about that stuff because I like to date men that like me so why wait and hope to find a man that might not exist?

    1. Exactly. Do YOU, Avis! šŸ˜€

      Seriously.

      See.. This is where y’all take yourselves out of the game.. You claim you want a guy to be interested in you as a person, like you physically, find you unique, make you someone important in his life, maybe even get married, have kids, whatever… What in the **** does that have to do with how much money he makes? o_O

      Nothing.

      So women waste their life and time trying to date like 1/100 of the male population that’s older than them, makes more money, has a nice house, car, whatever, dance in the club, talking about “ALL MY SINGLE LADIES, BLAH BLAH BLAH! :D” and then sulk every day that they don’t have anything romantic happening in their lives.

      Who’s actually winning that game? Count the number of homegirls that you have that are in exactly that type of “My man is better than me at everything except having children because that’s physically impossible for him” relationship, and then count the number of your girlfriends who have boyfriends that make money and play them dirty every chance they get or they suddenly get dumped for one of the 12 other girlfriends she never knew he had.

      We don’t get to choose where happiness comes from.

      Get in where you fit in.

  7. I’ve got to say much as I respect your savoir on male/female, mars/venusy-type issues Bill, in my experience men have it far, far worse than women as they age.

    Women, even plain women, of 40+ 50+ have no trouble getting a date… as long as they’re A) friendly & flirty and B) go to the right places, ie: just about any bar, or golf course, or… hell… the Home Depot.

    I guarantee that if she does that, within 15 minutes a guy will hit on her. She doesn’t have to be rich, or have a great job/car/anything… and the men who come on to her will, in many cases, be rich and appealing and of all ages… from 18 to 80.

    Of course most will not be looking for a LTR. But why should they have to be. When a woman gets to be 40+ or 50+ she should be able to date w/out needing an LTR. That doesn’t mean she has to have sex with all these guys, it just means dating. Lot’s of guys are fine with just taking a fun, flirty woman out to dinner. I mean, ideally maybe they’d like to have sex, but it’s not a requirement.

    Men age 40+ 50+ on the other hand, they can’t just go to a bar, act a bit flirty and expect a woman to come up and buy them a drink. In fact if they’re not able to buy her drinks… and probably dinner… and present themselves as very prosperous, they’ll probably end up leaving alone. Because lets be real, young girls don’t want to get involved with older men unless they can provide something VERY quantifiable that younger guys can’t.

    Now, the one place this may not be quite as true is in NYC, or other major metro areas. In the world’s major cities (and I only mean the majorist major cities) the demographics are skewed in a way that might slightly favor men.

    But everywhere else in the world it’s as I describe above… believe me. And BTW, I myself at 40 + + know of quite a number of places in NYC where I could go and have many stellar guys buying me drinks, asking me out to dinner at awesome restaurants… inviting me on trips… within minutes.

    Ladies you just have to use some common sense about the places you go… and when you get there present yourself as warm, open, nice and confident.

    Men are excellent at perpetuating the myth that they have it better as they age than women do, and women buy into it, which is too bad because believe me, they don’t have to. \(*-*)/

    1. Excellent points, GolfGirl. šŸ™‚

      Men have it far worse than women across the board. We have it worse from day 01. Women are brainwashed from when they’re little girls not to “give it up” and to give us a hard time to get it.. even to blackmail us with relationship or payment requirements (in the form of cash, shopping, dinners, whatever).

      As men get older, they hopefully achieve more earning potential, which means they can afford to bribe more women or better women. It’s easier for an older, not-so-good-looking guy to bag a college chick by paying for stuff for her than it is for a better-looking college dude to talk her down.

      Of course, that only works on the gold diggers & opportunists in the female population. This doesn’t matter because nobody cares. Doesn’t matter HOW or WHY she gave it up.. Just matters that she DOES. >:D

      You bring up an important point, which is that the older a woman gets, the less competition she has. If she can look good at 40 or 50, it’s not like when she was 23 and there were myriad chicks that looked just like her and the guys her age had a great selection.

      Now.. When there’s an older woman that’s still on top of her game, it’s fantastic and a major draw to men not only her age, but guys 20 years younger than she is.

      This is why the MILF fetish category is so hot right now. The first letter represents “Mother”, but it doesn’t have anything to do with whether the chick has had kids or not. It references “Old enough to be his mother”.

      So you’re absolutely right that women that have kept it together can get laid anytime they want, and it’s even easier as they get older, due to attrition.

      Also, it’s easy for older guys with money to get girls to go on dates with them, but it’s not a simple process to actually close the deal, unless she’s basically a closet hooker.

      The only factor that balances it out for men is money. Women will always pretend to like a guy because he’s paying for her to do stuff. Women will always have sex with a guy because he’s paying for her to do stuff. Not all women, but a useful-enough percentage of women that still have attractive looks to them.

      If a guy’s older and can’t afford to bribe women, he’d better have his personality/humor game down TIGHT, or else he’s in a way worse position, dating-wise, than a woman his same age that still has it goin’ on.

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