So, this week, this millionaire dude is on the show and Patti asks him what he’s looking for in a female. He basically says that his only requirement is that he wants her to have an ass like Kim Kardashian:
Obviously, an ass like that should be written into law, along with “The Pursuit Of Happiness”, “Freedom Of Speech” and “A Chicken In Every Pot”, so there’s no arguing with a brotha’z selection process!!! >:D
So then, Patti compares dude to the show “Entourage”, because he’s always hanging out with his boys. He says that his friends are very important to him, and Patti asks “More important than the girl you’re dating?”…………….
There’s this long-ass pause while the guy thinks up a bullshit lie that he can attempt to cover up the truth with. If he had been being authentic, he would have said “HELLZ THE **** YEAH, MY BOYS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOME CHICK I’M DATING! >:D”
Keep It Real
This is one of the problems with “dating”. People are always trying to weasel their way into getting what they want on the sneak tip. You never get the real person right off the bat.
This is going to be amplified under matchmaking conditions. If you decide to have a professional matchmaker like Maria Avgitidis fix you up, it’s honestly in your best interests to be authentic with her about what you’re looking for and what you’re bringing to the table.
As I understand, Maria always asks her clients “What challenges do you think I’ll face matching you?” — She’s just passive aggressively given you a dose of realty and you should probably thank her for that. 😀
If you’re not even going to look twice at a chick that doesn’t have a nice ass, say so.
If you already have a close set of friends that she’s going to have to JOIN if she wants to stand a chance of having a lasting relationship with you, say so.
If you only want to date chicks that drink almost as much as you do, say so.
The guy in question happened to be from New York City. Not a transplant from the sticks.. Someone that grew up here. People from other places aren’t going to be clear on how important your close, ultimately-valued friends are. They’re not going to understand what you’ve gone through together… Your inner circle is where important decisions are made and important lessons are learned. Life-altering and shaping stuff.. WAY more important than whether you get laid or not.
This is one of the things that makes dating native New York guys tough for females. We’ve already formed our units. We already have our families. We have our blood-related families and we have our friends who have been there through pivotal times who have been an incredibly important part of making us who we are today. You just don’t make it on the streets of NYC without close friends that you rely on. “A girl that you’re dating” has a Long. Ass. Uphill. Climb. to make it anywhere NEAR the level of importance of the people that have been representing for you for years, with no end in sight.
This is why dude should have been authentic and said “Look.. I’m looking to add a hawt chick into my daily routine. She’s either going to get down with my usual program or get ejected.”
You have to help matchmakers help YOU… Just like what happened in the episode, whatever your true nature is will be revealed relatively soon, and then if the chick isn’t with it, she’s gonna bounce.
I’m Not A Big Drinker
Similarly.. The only viable female (best ass) on that episode should have been straight up about her drinking habits.
Here’s what happened when they were sitting together, chatting at the initial meetup party:
Chick: “Tell me a little bit more about yourself.. What do you do for fun, though?”
Dude: “What do I do for fun?.. I.. You know.. .. just have a good time, get drunk.. How about you?”
Chick: “I’m actually not a big drinker.”
Granted.. The show is edited and dude probably said a bunch of other stuff to her. However.. Here’s a tip for the ladies.. 😀
If you ask a dude what he does for fun and his response is GET DRUNK, assume that’s what he’s going to plan to do when he’s with you. Before I saw this episode, I had never in my life heard of a guy actually TELLING a chick that he likes to get drunk in a pre-date situation. This is a RED-ASS-FLAG, ladies. Get a clue.
Your other tip is this: If you’re describing yourself, don’t beat around the bush. Stick to the facts. If you are NOT. A. DRINKER. AT. ALL., don’t describe yourself as “Not a big drinker”. You’re doing yourself a major disservice. If you’re not DTF, don’t act like you MIGHT be willing to hook up with him… Make definite statements, such as “I don’t drink” and “I don’t usually have sex at all, except for with my vibrator”.
I had an interesting situation occur recently where I went out for drinks with a chick. The first drink we were ordering from the bartender, I could have *SWORN* I heard her ask for 1/2 a beer! 😀
She’s not an American, so I figured this might have been one of her country’s customs, that they actually will serve you 1/2 of a beer! 😀
So the bartender had clearly been hired for his looks and not his intelligence and served both of us full beers, completely ignoring or failing to mentally grasp and process her request for 1/2 of a beer… The next round I ordered, I got another beer and she ordered soda, like, with nothing in it.. Just soda. This indicated to me that she, in fact, had desired 1/2 of a beer and had already consumed more alcohol than she wanted to during our hangout. In fact, I had never asked her what her tolerance for alcohol was before we entered the bar. All I knew was that I was going to get *MY* drink on, REGARDLESS, and if she wanted to do that too, that was on her. >:D
This is why y’all want to be *SPECIFIC* when the topic of drinking (or sex) comes up.
I’m a big drinker.
If you tell me “I’m not actually a big drinker”, I’m going to translate that relatively, not absolutely.
All that means to me is “I drink less than you do”.
Most people on this planet drink less than I do.
A friend of mine found me instantaneously at a function that had hundreds of people attending it by walking directly to the bar. She knew damned well that I was going to be within striking distance of my next drink.
So.. If you don’t drink AT ALL, just say so. You might not get the date, but you won’t get put in uncomfortable situations either. If you’re not down to hook up at all, just say so. You DEFINITELY won’t get the date, but you won’t end up in uncomfortable situations either.
The Inner Circle
The Inner Circle isn’t specifically restricted to male membership. It’s not a Bros before Hoes” boys’ club. Cool females can just as easily earn their stripes as close friends & trusted confidantes. In fact, there are lots of things you might kick it with your close homegirls about that you never bring up to your boys at all.
This is another problem that women in NYC are going to come up against as they try to corral guys into exclusive relationships. I’m not giving up my homegirls for you or anybody else. In fact, you have a long-ass way to go before you’re even considered to be anywhere approaching their level of importance in my life, much less surpassing them and taking over some kind of leading role. You’re starting off like 30 people down in the ending movie credits when I meet you for the first time. Better women than you have tried to gain and maintain an important position on the roster and they’ve been gone for a long time now. Good Luck! 😀
In fact, this adds to the superficial nature of dating in NYC. Not only are there way more women than men here, but the guys already have women we enjoy spending time with. The only reason to add women to the roster is for sex or entertainment (or because she has an ass like Kim).
That’s why it’s extremely tough to match native New York guys with gals for exclusive relationships. We don’t need them. There’s no reason to settle down, whatesoever. It’s easier to match transplants, because they’re actually country boys from like Ohio or Alabama that moved here. They’re more likely to buy that one guy / one girl scenario.
A lot of gals don’t understand this and think that because they have the title of ‘girlfriend’, that gives them special position in a guy’s life. All that means is “This is the chick I hook up with the most”. It doesn’t mean we trust you. It doesn’t mean we’re going to choose your side over a gal we’ve known and cared about for years before we realized that you existed. It doesn’t mean we’re going to hang out with you at your grandmother’s house instead of going to the batting cages with the fellaz. It doesn’t mean we’re going to suddenly become sober because you don’t like to drink… It doesn’t mean anything at all, other than that you’re the most likely person to get a call when we feel horny.
This is why I always say that a gal’s personality is her most important asset.
Yeah, your looks get you in the door.
Yeah, the fact that you’re down to hook up keeps you in the game.
You’re never actually going to become IMPORTANT to a dude until he considers you one of his homies… one of his inner circle… one of “Tha Fellaz”. If he’s down to take you wherever he goes, that’s when you know you’re in there like Belvedere. If he brings you around his close friends and they treat you respectfully, you know that he’s already vouched for you. You’re not some pice of ass.. You’re his FRIEND. He respects you and he’s requested that his friends respect you as well.
You’re an extension of him. When they see you, they’re seeing him. That counts whether he’s standing next to you, whether he’s over at the bar getting another round or whether he’s not even in the same state and they ran into you in the street. He’s vetted you, so whatever amount of respect they have for him is automatically applied to you as if you were his girlfriend, wife, cousin or sister.
He doesn’t have to tell you this, and most likely won’t. It’s an agreement between the people that are already “down”. The difference is obvious between someone that’s important to you and some chick you happen to be hooking up with. The hookup-chicks come and go like the wind. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow. Wipe your hands. Brush your shoulder off. Nobody even asks what happened to them because they know the drill.
So if you’re relying on your looks, you’re gonna end up short. If you’re relying on the fact that you’re DTF, you’re gonna end up short. Use whatever tricks you have up your sleeve to get your foot in the door and then get to know guys and let them know you. Dudes aren’t lonely in NYC. We already have a bunch of dudes to hang out with. We already have a bunch of gals to hang out with. All we have to do is head down to Times Square or Bryant Park and we’ll be literally SURROUNDED by foyine chicks.
Distinguish yourself by your personality. It’s your only win in this city. Trust & Believe that regardless of what guys might tell you in order to gas your head up and get you to lay down, Until you’re considered a member of his inner circle, you’re nowhere near as important to him as you think you are.
Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS