The Sense Monogamy Makes (Exclusive Relationships)

I think monogamy makes sense under three conditions.. Fear, Scarcity & Obsession.

Fear is obvious. If you’re only hooking up with one person, you’re much less likely to catch a disease… Unless, of course, you’ve decided to become monogamous with someone that already *HAS* a disease! 😀

Scarcity comes into play if you don’t live in a place like New York City where there are 210,820 more single women than men. If you don’t have infinite female turnover, it makes sense to select the best chick you can get your hands on and stick with her.

Obsession is my personal favorite. If you happen to be obsessed with a gal, you want to see her over and over, all the time, every day.. You can’t get enough of her and hate falling asleep because then you have to wait to experience her some more. >:D

I would have added a fourth category, “Family Planning”, except we have enough examples where guys plan families without planning monogamy.

Business Is Business

Bill CammackOther than that, monogamy doesn’t make any sense at all.

It just so happens to come into play because women have been trained to request it and men have been trained to either agree to it or fake agreeing to it in order to get laid. It’s all in The Game… Unless it isn’t.

If you’re not willing to play the “I’m only hooking up with you” game, just opt-out.. verbally and clearly. Make sure she understands how you operate and what you’re willing to trade her (read: NOTHING) in order to get her to be who she already wants to be for you.

If she likes you but is holding out for some kind of commitment from you, acknowledge that and let her hold out. There are only another 210,819 chicks that might want to hook up with you. If she comes around, she comes around. If she doesn’t, it’s literally not even a drop in the bucket. 1/210,000 rounds off to 0% (closer to 0/100 than 1/100). If she decides to deprive herself of experiencing her own natural instincts and desires, you’re losing, literally, nothing at all.

Of course, lots of guys don’t play it this way. The order of the day is “Fake It, ‘Till You Make It”. Every gal you’re working on, you act as if she’s your only girlfriend. This isn’t ethical, but it’s efficient and works like a charm. On top of that, if one of your chicks finds out about another one and bounces, that just frees up more time for you to spend with your other chicks. \o/

Why Is He Monogamous?

I think it’s important for women to understand WHY a guy’s being monogamous with them. OH! haha Just thought of a fourth category! 😀

Some guys are monogamous with gals because the sex is infinitely better.

If hooking up with other chicks pales in comparison, there’s no point in putting in the effort associated with bagging them. This could be because sex with your top chick is physically better, or you get more emotional content from ‘making love’ to this particular woman, or y’all are into the same kink.. or you’re *NOT* into the same kink, but she’s willing to do it with you because she’s down for you like that. >;D

BTW.. The slang term for a guy that’s hooked on having sex with one particular woman is “Sprung”.

So, Yeah.. It’s important for a gal to know WHY her boyfriend or whatever is being monogamous with her. This way, she’s less likely to get blindsided when something changes about their relationship and he’s hookin’ up with the next chick, whether he announces this to her or not.

If it’s Fear.. When he meets another gal he trusts and believes is ‘clean’, he might be in there like Belvedere.

If it’s Scarcity.. When he travels or new chicks arrive in town permanently or temporarily, he might decide to try them out.

If he’s sprung.. He may or may not be willing to hook up with chicks when new opportunities arise. If he doesn’t enjoy it more than his main girl, he’ll be back in the saddle, ASAP.

If it’s Obsession.. He might not pay any attention at all to new chicks, even if they’re cuter than his girl or have better bodies or whatever. Any time he spends with other women qualifies as downtime, and worth way less than time he spends with the chick he’s obsessed with.

What About Love?

Of course, the women who are still reading this are wondering “How come he didn’t mention LOVE??? :(”

Well.. Unfortunately.. Just because a guy loves you doesn’t mean he’s only going to have sex with YOU, and just because he’s only having sex with you doesn’t mean he loves you.

On top of that, “I love you” is used to great effect to cloud women’s minds and make y’all give it up faster. We can say it without meaning it and we can feel it without saying it.

For me, Love translates to appreciating someone on a very deep level for whom I’ve experienced them as, and wanting the absolute best for them in their lives. I might even want a gal I love to EXPERIENCE monogamy, except not with me. 😀 In fact, I’ll assist in facilitating monogamy for her so that she can be happy, since we’re not playing the same game. I think loving someone involves wanting the best for someone, even if that’s not the best thing FOR YOU.

So.. No.. Unless we stipulate that Love leads to Obsession, I don’t think that love has anything to do with monogamy at all.

If a guy loves a gal and he’s OBSESSED with her, he’s not going to be interested in hooking up with random chicks. If he loves her and he FEARS her leaving him, he’s not going to ACT on his desires to mess with other chicks. If he loves her and women are SCARCE in his area, he might not have the opportunity to come into contact with other gals he physically desires. If he’s SPRUNG, he just went out like that! HAHAHA \o/

Does monogamy make sense to you? If so, Why?.. What do you think? o_O Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS

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  1. Yayee i’m the first to comment this time:) Well for one I want to be monogamous for religious reasons I just don’t comprehend cheating or a guy cheating on me. I feel that if he wants to cheat and not be monogamous he should find someone of similar interests. I would rather let him go. Also, I think love has a part to do with monogamy as well as accepting that this is a committment and stick to your word at the end of the day no one is forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do much less be stuck with a liar who just wants to be monogamous to look good in front of others if that’s not who they really are and hurt others in the process.

    1. hehe Thank You for Honorable Comment #1, Jade! 😀

      As far as your first point, that’s a good reason for people to meet / date / go out with / marry people that have the same religious convictions that they do.

      I also agree that sticking to one’s word is important, or rather that the other person being trustworthy is incredibly important in relationships. The trick there becomes meeting someone that’s a) interested in monogamy, b) willing to do that WITH YOU, and c) willing to let you know truthfully if they hook up with someone else so you can make your decision about whether you’re going to forgive them and stay in the relationship or thank them for their honesty and BOUNCE! 😀

  2. I understand what you are say, but I believe you are leaving out the all important variable that comes with a non-monogamous lifestyle. Is there a one word for this line?

    “It’s OK for me to cheat or see others, but it isn’t OK for you to cheat or see others”. Double standard? I thought the NOW 60s generation did away with that notion. Women aren’t so monogamous, either. I’ve dated the aftermath of those relationships. Men have a particularly hard time getting over it. (Why is this, when men are so invested in the ‘but we only had sex, that doesn’t mean it’s love’ notion? Do men believe ALL women fall in love just because they had sex? Does it make it worse, for the jilted man involved, if his S.O. claims she wasn’t in love; doing it solely for her pleasure?)

    I have yet to meet the man who was remotely comfortable about the IDEA of me hooking up with another man. Pre-him, with him, or even post-him. Men are crazy jealous sorts. In fact, the worst kind of jealous men I have known were ALSO the braggarts who claimed how easily they score/scored. (To be fair, women are jealous, too.)

    Yeah, women outnumber men in NYC. Let’s narrow that down to age, earning ability/potential, education, and who the female is even ‘likely’ to hook up with, etc.. I would wager the odds would then be stacked in an attractive female’s corner. If she is charming, smart, and has a nice enough personality, she can get laid with very little effort expended. If she is none of the above; still easy to get laid. So it’s back to the ‘guys wanting to find attractive girls who just wanna get laid’, to ‘girls wanting to find guys who are serious about monogamy’.

    1. You’re right about the double-standard, Kay. I don’t understand how that works, myself. 😀

      If you’re gonna be in a relationship with a chick and still kick it with other chicks, it doesn’t make any sense for you to catch feelin’s when she hooks up with the next man.. so long as you’re still getting yours.

      I find that attitude, “I can cheat, but she can’t”, to be dumb, as well as rather self-destructive (as you mention) when guys find out they didn’t have the chick in Deep Check like they thought they did.

      I know damned well that lots of women aren’t monogamous! 😉

      The reason why guys say “Yeah, I ****** her, but it wasn’t love” is that women are known to be suckers for love, so if you can get them to believe that you were just using some other chick for her body, you still have a chance at getting back in good with the gal that caught you cheating.

      Unfortunately for that mindset.. One of the reasons she would be mad at him for cheating is because he gave her HIS WORD that he would not. You can’t get around this one. If you said “I’m not going to hook up with any other chicks” and then you get caught doing it, you just destroyed your own credibility with her. How is she supposed to believe anything you say from then on? So “It wasn’t love” doesn’t get guys out of “I reneged on my word”.

      “Does it make it worse, for the jilted man involved, if his S.O. claims she wasn’t in love; doing it solely for her pleasure?”

      That’s a VERY interesting question. 🙂

      The only difference it might make if a chick says she was in love with the guy she cheated on ‘her man’ with is that all of a sudden, her boyfriend (or whatever) becomes “The other man” instead of the other man being the “other man”. If she just gave it up, the guy that caught her might still be in the top slot.

      I would imagine that guys that care whether their girl is in love with someone else are the same guys that will strive for monogamy and exclusive relationships in the first place. If you’re that pressed over how she feels, it seems to me that you’d bend over backwards to give her what she wants and be whomever she wants you to be.

      The other problem with your girlfriend falling in love with another guy is that it means he pimped on her harder than you did. Competition-wise, that sucks. That’s like losing a game of football or something.

      This is also why you haven’t met a guy that’s comfortable with the idea of you hooking up with another guy. It’s a competition issue… I mean, besides it being a potential health hazard.

      Guys like to feel like they have women locked down. They like to believe that she’s dedicated to him and that she’s not even THINKING of giving it up to anyone else. Unfortunately, a lot of guys want this without putting in the work to make this mindset a reality for her.

      If other guys are hitting it besides you, that diminishes your props. You’re not the only guy that bagged her. She’s not your exclusive property. That’s not a self-esteem boost.

      Interesting about the pre- and post- 😀 Pre- shouldn’t be an issue, so long as she’s clean by the time you hit it and all the way through the end of your physical relationship. Post- should only be an issue if SHE broke up with YOU before you were finished with her. If HE broke up with HER, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. It’s dumb to feel sour about the next man tapping your ex. What did you expect to happen? \o/

      The thing about the scoring goes, again, to the competition issue. “I bagged her and you didn’t”. “I had her and the rest of you were dreaming about having her”. That’s the game. If you had her and so did the rest of the fellaz, she’s “community property” or “the group slide” and NOBODY gets any points for having hooked up with her. In fact, you look like a HERB if you treated her as more than that and nobody else you know did.

      If you narrow the number of females down to only high-level attractive women, you’re right that the deck is stacked in those gals’ favor. However, your last equation isn’t correct.

      Guys don’t need to find attractive girls who “just wanna get laid”. Guys need to find attractive girls that will BELIEVE they’re in a monogamous relationship when they actually aren’t.

      Nobody actually says to chicks “Hey.. You know that television show, ‘Big Love’?.. Well, I want you and these two other chicks to all be my girlfriends at the same time”. Nope. Doesn’t work like that.

      The way it works is you meet three different chicks at three different times and tell all of them that you’re in an exclusive relationship with them and they all believe it until one or more of them catches you with another chick.

      So what I’m saying is that even though monogamy isn’t natural, it’s the game you have to play, or at least PRETEND to play if you want to get on faster.

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