A friend of mine told me my dating posts are sometimes shocking to her. :D
This is a good thing… You can either feel shocked now or feel shocked later when/if something happens to you in the future.
If you’re shocked now, you’ll be more prepared to deal with a situation if it becomes necessary. If you’re shocked when it happens, not only are you going to be surprised, but you’re going to be confused because neither you nor anybody you know will have a valid explanation of what just happened to you.
This is why women come up with statements like “He wasn’t mature enough” or “He’s a BOY, not a MAN” or “He’s afraid of committment”, when the fact of the matter is that he saw something he wanted, he set you up and then he hit it & quit it. Period. Ain’t No Mystery. :D
The reason you’re clueless as to what’s happening to you is that all the people you talk to and whose articles you read are giving you censored dating information.
Censorship & Shelter
When I was a a kid, I grew up watching network television (the basic channels that are freely available to the viewing public). I didn’t have HBO and Showtime and whatever else they were offering at the time.
Network television is censored. All content that might be deemed offensive or unsettling is removed from the television show or film. This is why, in the beginning of a movie, it would say “Edited For Television”. You’re not seeing the entire film. You’re not receiving the same experience that theatergoers did when they saw the movie.
I used to do this for one of my clients. We called it “Prepping” (Preparing) the film. You have to watch the entire movie and every time someone curses (swears, cusses), you remove the audio so their mouths are moving but you can’t hear anything.
Same thing for any other content that was deemed inappropriate by the station’s standards. If there was egregious violence, the EP might instruct you to take it out. Visually unsettling content? Out. Nudity? Out. Sex? Out.
What you end up with is a film that tells the story, only not in its entirety. You’re still entertained, but there are KEY elements of the film’s plot or character development that were kept from you that inhibit your complete understanding of the situation.
Growing up, I didn’t realize that this was being done until I saw the same movies on cable television (paid for by subscription so you can see theatrical releases of films without commercials) that I had seen on network television. My memory is visual (which is one of the reasons why I can do what I do at this point as a video editor) so after watching a film a couple of times, I’ve pretty much memorized the sequences without consciously trying to.
So I’m watching a movie, where it goes from, say “Scene A” to “Scene C” on network television. Where it’s supposed to cut, it cuts.. but it goes to this 5-minute-long “Scene B” that I never saw before because it had been censored for sexual content when it was shown on network television. Of course.. Since the filmmaker included this scene in the unedited theatrical release, this scene was also *NECESSARY* to explain why one of the characters gets all emotional later in the film, which never made any sense to me because all they had done was walk around holding hands the entire movie and I wasn’t aware that they had hooked up.
Same thing with cursing. If all you watch is network television, everything you’re seeing and hearing is censored. When you finally watch a film in the theater, you’re going to be SHOCKED that people are cursing so much. In fact, Depending on your peer group (if they’re as sheltered/clueless as you are), you’re going to be shocked when you hear ANYBODY in the street cursing because you watch Oprah and Dr. Phil and reality television shows where every curse word is BLEEPed out or the audio is removed and you’re not used to the concept that there are lots of people who curse all day every day.
Welcome To The Real World, Neo
This is why some of my dating posts are going to be shocking to you. I’m talking about things you weren’t told about. I’m talking about things that were deliberately… things that *ARE* deliberately being kept from you so that you can remain clueless and keep falling for the okey-doke.
Nobody’s going to admit to you that they walked all the way across the bar to come meet you because they liked your ass and wanted to see if they could tap that. Meanwhile.. The next day, the way you were described to the fellaz that weren’t there is “Yo. I met this chick with a DOPE ASS last night”, and that’s all the initial description you get. Maybe we’ll get to hear whether you were wearing jeans or a miniskirt ON that azz before the play-by-play of his conversation/action with you begins, but I have *NEVER* heard a rap report begin with “Yo.. I met this really well-read woman this evening!” or “Yo.. I met this chick that has a PhD and speaks 5 languages, SUNNN!!! >:D”. Similarly, I’ve never heard a guy tell me that he deliberately kicked game to a gal he wasn’t physically attracted to (read: wanted to have sex with).
The less you know about this stuff, the better it is for everybody. Guys get what we want and gals feel good about giving it to us. It’s extremely important for you to believe that we spoke to you because we noticed that you were reading XYZ book or you were doing the same exercise we like to do in the gym and wanted to give you some “friendly” pointers. It’s important for you to believe that we really didn’t know what aisle the beer was in at the supermarket when we walked up to you and asked if you could help us… and then our eyes inexplicably and supernaturally locked…
I’m not guessing about this stuff I blog about. I’m not making things up out of thin air or speculating about what some guy MIGHT do, say or think. I write about what I’ve personally done to people, what people have done to me, and what people whose opinions I trust and respect have told me they’ve done or that others have done to them.
I’m telling you, and not guessing, that guys have:
- Taken off their wedding rings so it doesn’t hinder them from meeting other women.
- Bought and worn fake wedding rings because they know some women go after married men harder than they go after single guys.
- Carried on multiple simultaneous long-term relationships (LTRs).
- Had sex with chicks that were drunk out of their minds and/or passed out.
- Had unprotected sex with girls until she called them and said she was pregnant, then never accepted another call from her ever again in life.
I’m telling you, and not guessing, that gals have:
- Hooked up with guys they weren’t physically attracted to so they could get their hands on his money.
- Bounced from a perfectly good relationship because she got rapped to by a guy that makes more money than her current man.
- Not informed the guy who got them pregnant until it was too late to consider alternatives to having the kid (thus, removing him from the discussion of “What are WE going to do?”).
- Had diseases and not told the guy until AFTER she had sex with him (if she ever told him at all).
- Hooked up with the next man, gotten pregnant and tried to pin it on their steady boyfriend.
If these things don’t shock or scare you.. THEY *SHOULD*! :D
It’s All In The Game
They don’t shock me because I’ve seen the ‘real movie’ and you haven’t. I had to listen to the cursing before I removed it so you could watch a curse-free film on network television. I saw the sex & violence scenes that the Executive Producer ordered removed so you could watch a non-offensive film.
I’ve had a chick tell me that she was from out of town and leaving tonight and then when I checked with a friend of mine at the same party that had kicked it to the same chick, he informed me that she said she was from here and wanted to go home with him. I’ve seen dudes drop off one chick at the train station that thought she was his exclusive girlfriend and then we’d travel back to the same train station an hour later to pick up another girl that thought SHE was his only girlfriend. I’ve had chicks front for HOURS like they didn’t want to hook up with me and then when I start bailing to go meet up with a different chick, ALL OF A SUDDEN they want to give it up. :D
I’ve seen, experienced and heard about myriad treacherous situations that are censored from the dating public so y’all don’t flip your wigs. Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it’s not happening to you or your friends. Sometimes, the correct assessment of a situation lays outside the box of what you’re willing to consider or what you’ve been trained to understand.
Your baby’s father never changes his own kid, feeds him or her, or spends time with the baby alone so you can go out with your girlfriends?.. Maybe he never intended to do any of that stuff to begin with. o_O He never cooks or washes his own clothes? (much less, YOURS!).. Maybe that’s why you were ‘hired’. Having a girlfriend is supposed to lead to less work and more fun, not more work and LESS fun. Every so often, the obvious explanation is also going to be shocking for you.
Are there people that approach dating like an After School Special or a John Cusack movie? Certainly. Lots of them. They dance around the Christmas Tree holding hands and melt The Grinch’s heart.
Other people approach dating like a sport or a game and their goal is to WIN. Whether you win too is a peripheral issue and sometimes not even considered.
The contest is ON to bag the oldest chick that’s still hawt enough to count as a MILF to the fellaz. The race is ON to hook up with twins, or at least sisters, either in serial or parallel.
There are females that sit around comparing notes and berating their girlfriends that aren’t hooked up with rich enough guys. There are gals that have kids so they can get guaranteed paychecks from their victims, er, the babies’ fathers.
Shock & Awe
Some of what I write about is shocking or upsetting or depressing because that’s how REAL LIFE goes, sometimes. I’ve seen dudes fake being religious, get married to a chick, have a kid with her and then blow the whole charade by getting busted, Tiger Woods-style, sexting and voicemailing with a girl half his wife’s age…. I mean, DAMN! :D
Every once in a blue, something I consider completely outlandish and over-the-top happens and I just have to shake my head as my expectations for human beings and their behaviors sink to a tragically pathetic new low.
Most times, I’ve already seen a version of the play someone tries to pull on me or on someone else. I’m usually bored by people’s primitive tactics and the countermeasures are so obvious that I don’t even get excited about whether they’re going to work for me or not.
I don’t even hold grudges against the gals that try to play me. I just charge it to the game and keep it movin’. I don’t FORGET what they tried to do, but I understand why they went out like suckers and I also understand why they tried to bag The Kid.
So.. The ‘shocking’ stuff I write about, you can watch on the news every day. A dude’s married for 50 years and then it’s revealed that he’s had another girlfriend for the last 30 years?.. Whatever. A dude has two different families that live in two different houses and he tells one gal that he works the day shift and the other gal he works the night shift so he can spend time with both of them?.. Whatever. A woman reveals after 15 years of a dude bussin’ his ass working every day to support his child that the kid isn’t his?.. Whatever. A chick drags 8 dudes on The Maury Show because all of them hit it without using condoms within a week of when she became pregnant?.. Whatever.
The dating scene isn’t actually a shallow public pool.. It’s a shark tank. You feel shocked because you think I’m telling you there are sharks in the pool. I’m actually just informing you that you jumped in where the sharks already were doin’ their thang. Your best defense is to know that there are sharks before you jump in, so you can digest this information and make educated decisions when the time comes.
If you hop in the water, bleeding (Girls complaining about your situations and telling guys exactly what they need to know to easily bag you.. Guys leading with your wallets and letting gals know you’re willing to spend every last dime of your hard-earned money if she’ll hook up with you), there’s a percentage chance that you’ll emerge unscathed, but there’s also a good chance that you’re gonna Get GOT!
So.. Whether you’re shocked or not and whether you like it or not, I didn’t make up THE RULES to this game… I’m just the one tellin’ ya how it is.
Connect with Bill via Email Subscription, RSS feed, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace