A reader recently asked me something I’ve never thought about before.
She asked me if my opinions in “Why You Got Dumped After Sex” also applied to lesser formats of hooking up, like making out, hummers, etc…
To me, making out is an expression of love and/or attraction. If a gal inspires me to make out with her, either because I feel close to her in that way or she’s physically turning me on and making me feel like hooking up with her, I’m gonna kiss her.
From my point of view, kissing doesn’t have anything to do with commitment at all. In fact, my record for a simultaneous makeout is three chicks and me. That was back when I was a teenager.
I don’t personally have any problems getting women to want to kiss me, so I can’t possibly relate making out to commitment.
Thinking about it that way, I would say that nothing in my other article applies at all to making out or foreplay.
Generally, what I was saying there was that if guys think they can still get some from a gal, they’re likely to hang in there and see what happens. Once they hit it, if they feel like they’ve put in too much effort to get there and don’t feel like doing all that again, they might bounce. They also might bounce if they didn’t like the sex or if they lose interest in a gal as soon as she lets him in.
I don’t think that applies to making out because that’s still on the way TO the nitty-gritty. It’s not like a guy says “Whew! I finally made out with her!” and isn’t thinking about taking it to the next levels ASAP. I can’t see a guy dumping a gal after making out with her unless he didn’t enjoy kissing her or he gained access to (in his opinion) a better gal shortly after messing with this one.
From the other side of the coin.. I can imagine that there are guys that aren’t used to women being attracted to them. I mean, I *KNOW* there are a lot of guys that aren’t used to that, but I’m only speculating about how they feel in trying to write from their perspective.
I would imagine that if it wasn’t a typical occurrence for a guy to hook up with a random chick he’s never met before in life, that making out would be some kind of Earth-Shattering event for him. I could see someone like that saying “We kissed each other, so that means we’re in / starting / on our way to a relationship with each other”.
If that’s the case, then his starting to kiss her would indicate the beginning of something and his stopping would indicate the end of it. This seems to be what the writer was getting at. Something to the effect of that he kissed her and then let it go for a month or so and then the next time they saw each other, they were back at it again.
All I can say about that is that for guys that are voraciously into chicks, it’s a 24/7 issue. If he’s not scheming on you, he’s scheming on (or hooking up with) some other chick.
This is one of the reasons why in a town where there are way more women than men, the concept of playing hard to get doesn’t go over so well. It takes much less time and effort for us to meet a different gal that already wants to hook up with us than to wait for you to stop bullshitting.
If you ever come around, that’s fine, and if you don’t, that’s fine too, because your homegirl expressed her interest when you excused yourself to the bathroom.
So, if a guy’s not immediately back trying to get at you, he’s either busy working or he has other chicks on the roster and your turn hasn’t come back around yet.
Guys also work off of path of least resistance. Unless there’s something extraordinarily different about you (which there normally isn’t), whatever problems you give him about hooking up that the next gal doesn’t give him, you’re short.
- If he has to talk you into it every time and the next gal’s automatically DTF, you’re short.
- If he has to wait for you to get drunk every time and she’s with it when she’s sober, you’re short.
- If he has to convince you to look good when y’all hang out and she naturally hooks herself up, you’re short.
- If you live in a different borough and she lives in the same borough, you’re short.
- If you’re always wasting his money and she’s down to have hot dogs & french fries with him, you’re short.
So.. Unless you made some sort of smashing impression with him, it’s not worth reading a lot into whether he hooked up with you again sooner rather than later.
Relationships & Recreation
Also.. It doesn’t matter whether *YOU* think you made a smashing impression with him.. It matters if HE thinks so. 😀
I can’t imagine how many times a chick has told me that she and some other dude had “Great Sex” and I was thinking “um… How do you know THAT? :D” but I didn’t say anything so she could keep feeling grand about herself.
In general.. Without being able to speak for the average Joe, I would suggest that women not place too much value on the fact that a guy made out with you. I most certainly wouldn’t recommend that y’all think you’re in a relationship or have some kind of commitment from him because of it.
Making Out is all part of the basic, primal, human/animal interaction.. It’s foreplay, like feeling up, finger-popping, etc. \o/ It’s fun and it’s sexy, but it’s no big deal.
Is it an indication that he might be thinking about becoming exclusively involved with you? Sure.
Does it mean anything if he kisses you and doesn’t call you for the next two weeks? Nope. 😀
He’s either busy and thinking about you or busy and not thinking about you. All you can really do is consider what the next gal’s doing to attract his attention and put your best foot forward during the time you have with him so he might call you instead of her next time he’s in the mood for some female company.
Make no mistake.. I’m not saying you should go outside of your personal comfort zone and do something you don’t feel like doing in order to try to bag a guy. That never works. Do whatever YOU feel like doing with him and veto whatever you don’t feel like doing… He’ll call you or he won’t. He’ll hook up with you again or he won’t. Either way, your life’s going to continue to be GRAND and when there’s a dude that feels like he can’t afford to lose you to the next man, he’s going to pay that consistent amount of attention to you that makes you aware that he might consider you a relationship as opposed to sexy recreation.
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