Making Out & Exclusive Commitments

A reader recently asked me something I’ve never thought about before.

She asked me if my opinions in “Why You Got Dumped After Sex” also applied to lesser formats of hooking up, like making out, hummers, etc…

Actually…

Exclusive Commitment?I’m not going to be able to answer this in a general fashion… My relationships with women work way differently than the average Joe, so I can’t really imagine what it’s like to be a regular dude.

To me, making out is an expression of love and/or attraction. If a gal inspires me to make out with her, either because I feel close to her in that way or she’s physically turning me on and making me feel like hooking up with her, I’m gonna kiss her.

From my point of view, kissing doesn’t have anything to do with commitment at all. In fact, my record for a simultaneous makeout is three chicks and me. That was back when I was a teenager.

I don’t personally have any problems getting women to want to kiss me, so I can’t possibly relate making out to commitment.

Thinking about it that way, I would say that nothing in my other article applies at all to making out or foreplay.

Generally, what I was saying there was that if guys think they can still get some from a gal, they’re likely to hang in there and see what happens. Once they hit it, if they feel like they’ve put in too much effort to get there and don’t feel like doing all that again, they might bounce. They also might bounce if they didn’t like the sex or if they lose interest in a gal as soon as she lets him in.

I don’t think that applies to making out because that’s still on the way TO the nitty-gritty. It’s not like a guy says “Whew! I finally made out with her!” and isn’t thinking about taking it to the next levels ASAP. I can’t see a guy dumping a gal after making out with her unless he didn’t enjoy kissing her or he gained access to (in his opinion) a better gal shortly after messing with this one.

Hypothetically…

From the other side of the coin.. I can imagine that there are guys that aren’t used to women being attracted to them. I mean, I *KNOW* there are a lot of guys that aren’t used to that, but I’m only speculating about how they feel in trying to write from their perspective.

I would imagine that if it wasn’t a typical occurrence for a guy to hook up with a random chick he’s never met before in life, that making out would be some kind of Earth-Shattering event for him. I could see someone like that saying “We kissed each other, so that means we’re in / starting / on our way to a relationship with each other”.

If that’s the case, then his starting to kiss her would indicate the beginning of something and his stopping would indicate the end of it. This seems to be what the writer was getting at. Something to the effect of that he kissed her and then let it go for a month or so and then the next time they saw each other, they were back at it again.

All I can say about that is that for guys that are voraciously into chicks, it’s a 24/7 issue. If he’s not scheming on you, he’s scheming on (or hooking up with) some other chick.

This is one of the reasons why in a town where there are way more women than men, the concept of playing hard to get doesn’t go over so well. It takes much less time and effort for us to meet a different gal that already wants to hook up with us than to wait for you to stop bullshitting.

If you ever come around, that’s fine, and if you don’t, that’s fine too, because your homegirl expressed her interest when you excused yourself to the bathroom.

So, if a guy’s not immediately back trying to get at you, he’s either busy working or he has other chicks on the roster and your turn hasn’t come back around yet.

Guys also work off of path of least resistance. Unless there’s something extraordinarily different about you (which there normally isn’t), whatever problems you give him about hooking up that the next gal doesn’t give him, you’re short.

  • If he has to talk you into it every time and the next gal’s automatically DTF, you’re short.
  • If he has to wait for you to get drunk every time and she’s with it when she’s sober, you’re short.
  • If he has to convince you to look good when y’all hang out and she naturally hooks herself up, you’re short.
  • If you live in a different borough and she lives in the same borough, you’re short.
  • If you’re always wasting his money and she’s down to have hot dogs & french fries with him, you’re short.

So.. Unless you made some sort of smashing impression with him, it’s not worth reading a lot into whether he hooked up with you again sooner rather than later.

Relationships & Recreation

Also.. It doesn’t matter whether *YOU* think you made a smashing impression with him.. It matters if HE thinks so. 😀

I can’t imagine how many times a chick has told me that she and some other dude had “Great Sex” and I was thinking “um… How do you know THAT? :D” but I didn’t say anything so she could keep feeling grand about herself.

In general.. Without being able to speak for the average Joe, I would suggest that women not place too much value on the fact that a guy made out with you. I most certainly wouldn’t recommend that y’all think you’re in a relationship or have some kind of commitment from him because of it.

Making Out is all part of the basic, primal, human/animal interaction.. It’s foreplay, like feeling up, finger-popping, etc. \o/ It’s fun and it’s sexy, but it’s no big deal.

Is it an indication that he might be thinking about becoming exclusively involved with you? Sure.

Does it mean anything if he kisses you and doesn’t call you for the next two weeks? Nope. 😀

He’s either busy and thinking about you or busy and not thinking about you. All you can really do is consider what the next gal’s doing to attract his attention and put your best foot forward during the time you have with him so he might call you instead of her next time he’s in the mood for some female company.

Make no mistake.. I’m not saying you should go outside of your personal comfort zone and do something you don’t feel like doing in order to try to bag a guy. That never works. Do whatever YOU feel like doing with him and veto whatever you don’t feel like doing… He’ll call you or he won’t. He’ll hook up with you again or he won’t. Either way, your life’s going to continue to be GRAND and when there’s a dude that feels like he can’t afford to lose you to the next man, he’s going to pay that consistent amount of attention to you that makes you aware that he might consider you a relationship as opposed to sexy recreation.

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5 Comments

  1. Thanks Bill!
    Actually he would contact me every day and that stopped after we made out, so two days later I called him and he suggested to meet. We were supposed to talk about what happened, but he initiated another makeout session and since then, I’ve been getting weekly “what’s up” texts. How lame! I initially thought he thought I was a slut, or easy or something, but you didn’t say anything about that being the probable cause?!

    Anyways, This might sound odd, but I dunno I would not kiss a guy randomly if I didn’t like him and if I didn’t wanna get to know him and, for 6 weeks, he indicated that he wanted to get to know me too and we make out (not just on one occasion) and bam! He falls off the face of the earth.

    And he’s not one of those guys who wouldn’t think a girl would wanna kiss him lol. Hea actually the super cocky type who thinks he’s awesome.

    Anyways, as long as I didn’t give off an easy vibe

    1. You’re welcome, Writer. 🙂

      No.. In my expert opinion, a girl kissing you has nothing to do with her being ‘easy’ or not.

      I’ve also never heard a guy label a gal a slut for kissing him! HAHAHA

      Everybody’s encountered gals that will make out with you as if they’re interested and then “Front on the Jimmy”.

      It’s actually another good question, however.. Whether there’s a stigma attached to kissing or not. I mean, I can’t see that being a point of interest to guys, other than an indication that the dude MIGHT be able to hook up with her in the future. It’s no big deal. Like, if some dude, for some odd reason that I can’t figure out, announced to me that he made out with some chick, I’d be happy for him and all that, but that’s like saying you made the varsity baseball team… What’cha gonna do NOW? 😀 Are you gonna be a star or a benchwarmer?

      So.. No.. I wouldn’t be concerned that some dude thought you were easy because you kissed him and then kissed you some more when you got back in touch with him. 😀 If that’s floating your boat, more power to ya! Enjoy yourself! 😀

  2. Yes it changes things because in my opinion this puts you in the after sex boat ( aka his true colors) where as makeing out is pre sex and he still has to maintain his act

    1. C Jay’s right that it changes things. The question is how much it changes them, and that’s up to the individual guy.

      I read Writer’s comment days ago, but I didn’t have a concrete thing I wanted to say about it. I still don’t! 😀

      For some guys, the question when it comes to chicks is “What’s going to happen when I spend time with her?”. She’s either going to be frigid, platonic, friendly, flirtatious, sexy, sexual….. It depends on what the guy’s looking for and how he categorizes blowjobs / handjobs, whatever.

      I’ve taken so long to reply to this because I’m having a tough time processing this in an “Average Joe” fashion.

      Personally, I’ve had girls & women telling me they wanted to have my children for decades already. I’m completely detached from whatever actions a gal might be interested in or thinking about doing to or for me. The only thing that matters to me is the spirit in which she’s offering it.

      So, for instance, I know some chicks that aren’t used to being touched by males. They’re physically, emotionally, sexually shut down. They’re not “active” at all, physically or mentally. I could receive a genuine, heartfelt hug from a woman in this state and I can appreciate that she’s going outside of her comfort zone to interact with me in this fashion. I’m going to appreciate, remember, respect and respond to something as seemingly mundane as a good hug from a girl that isn’t naturally used to guys hugging her.

      OTOH.. If I know a chick that blows guys on a regular basis, it doesn’t mean anything to me at all if she says she wants to hook up with me. It’s what she does. There’s nothing special about that. She’s not extending herself in any notable or memorable way to me.

      I might thank her for saying that. I might take her up on her offer.. but it doesn’t register to me as being more important than receiving that heartfelt hug from the frigid chick. Actually, it’s nowhere NEAR as important.

      So, trying to process this as someone that’s not myself, I agree with what C Jay’s saying. Whatever you do with the intention of causing him to get off, he’s going to count that as sex, so however he responds to you after you blow him counts as “After Sex”.

      If you make out with him and he doesn’t call you, so what? 😀 If you blow him and he doesn’t call you, you might have a problem.

      The way guys work in general is we trend towards the path of least resistance when it comes to recreation. If you feel like hooking up with a chick, you’re going to contact the gal that’s most likely to give you what you currently want. If you feel like getting blown, you’re going to sort chicks in that order. If you feel like having an intelligent conversation or receive genuine affection, you’re going to sort chicks based on those parameters.

      If dude knows he can get blown by spending time with you and elects not to contact you, he probably already has that covered. 😀 I think this is a way more important issue to women than “Does he think I’m a slut or that I’m easy?”. The real question is whether you’re offering him something that makes you unique to him or are you just one chick on the roster that’s offering the same thing?

      If you’re one of the roster, “Path of least resistance” goes into effect. Which one lives closer? Which one do I spend less money on? Which one is DTF while she’s sober instead of having to get her drunk first?…

      So, Writer.. I wouldn’t concentrate too much on trying to figure out whether he’s labeled you. I’d concentrate more on whether you want to be in an exclusive relationship with this guy and what it’s going to take to make that happen, if it’s possible at all.

      In fact.. I know two guys that I can think of off the top of my head that entered into LTRs (Long-Term Relationships) with “sluts”, meaning that we already knew that several guys had had sex with them and there was no telling how many other guys that we DON’T EVEN KNOW got some from the same chicks. These guys may very well STILL be with their girlfriends to this very day, and they both knew YEARS ahead of time that their girlfriends were easy.

      Of course.. The upside to this is that they knew they weren’t going to have any problems with their girlfriends giving it up or trying to pretend like they don’t have sex. 😀

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