Don’t Tell The Waitress What’s In The Soup

I’m watching this “reality” show and there’s this lady on it who’s married to a sports star. Almost the ENTIRE THEME to the ENTIRE SHOW is that male sports stars cheat on their main women with, basically, any chick that throws some at them.

Not only has infidelity been discussed at length in every single episode, but this particular woman is currently upset with her man over him having cheated on her in the past. She’s so upset with him, in fact, that she’s not hooking up with him at all at this point. She tells her girlfriends that, for her, sex is about emotion, and if she’s not feeling her husband in that way, she doesn’t want to have sex with him.

So she goes to a party and spots this gal that she considers a “groupie” (a chick that makes herself available for sex to sports players, rock stars, etc). Somehow, she’s aware that this groupie had been spotted talking to her husband. She decides it would be a good idea for her to walk over there and introduce herself to this groupie and explain to her who she was.

This was *NOT* a good idea.

Who’s Better? Who’s Best?

IF the woman in question is, in fact, a groupie, that means that she’s privy to information that you (the wife) are not allowed to receive. There are ALL. KINDS. OF. THINGS. that you don’t know about that this person you’re about to approach has heard, seen & done that give her an incredible advantage over you if you try to compare yourself to her.

I understand why the wife felt superior. I understand what she THOUGHT was going to happen when she stepped to the groupie. She expected the groupie to defer to her as the top dog when it comes to her husband. That’s basically like trying to tell the waitress in a restaurant what’s in the soup she brought you. You know what you ordered, but she’s the one that actually went to get your food from the kitchen. She has a MUCH BETTER IDEA of what you’re actually eating than you do.

So the wife walks over to the groupie and asks her if she knows [Husband’s Name]. The groupie says “Yes. I met him recently”. The wife says “That’s my husband” and is standing there as if she expects the groupie to scamper away like a roach when you turn on the lights.

The groupie doesn’t flinch or seem amused, and says “He didn’t tell me he was married”.

Quit While You’re Behind

This has to be a major deflation for the wife, being that she thought she was informing this other woman of her oh-so important position and her husband hadn’t bothered to mention her at all. In fact, lots of times, when guys go to talk to other women, they remove their wedding rings anyway so the topic doesn’t come up by accident.

Not that this would EVER have happened to me, were I a female.. but if it had, I would have exited right there. I would have walked away. No good is going to come of continuing a conversation after you announce something you think is important to someone and it’s not important to them at all.

Of course, that’s not what happened. The wife remains in the pocket, talking about blah blah blah and showing the groupie her wedding ring. The groupie remains unamused.

The wife says something like “I KNOW you were talking to my husband”, to which the groupie replies “Do you think I was the ONLY girl your man was talking to?” hahahaha STILL, this chick doesn’t learn her lesson and remains in the pocket, trying to get some respect she’s never going to receive.

In later conversations (not the same day) between the same two women, the groupie tells the wife “Your man doesn’t give a **** about you!” and “Your man told me that you’re a business arrangement”.

What’s The Problem?

The reason this happened to her is that she’s playing The Wife Game all by herself. In fact, she’s not even playing that game very well. When she told her girlfriends that she hadn’t hooked up with her husband since June (no telling what month it was at that point), they freaked out on her. One gal asked her directly “What do you expect him to do? Use his hand?” and the wife shrugged her shoulders, like as if to say “That’s HIS problem”.

No.. In Fact.. It’s *YOUR* problem.

He doesn’t HAVE any problems because he’s rich and famous and has groupies throwing sex at him that you don’t feel like giving up. You can’t deprive HIM of having sex. You can only deprive yourself.

This is why the groupie that you recognize by face has never heard of you before. This is why she knows of many more women besides herself that “your” man has been talking to. This is why she knows (even if though hearsay from other groupies and other players that she knows personally) more about what your man has been doing than you do. This is why she feels comfortable telling you that your man called you a business arrangement. This is why she asked to speak to you on the side, instead of in front of your girlfriends, so you wouldn’t be EMBARRASSED when she told you the small amount of information she elected to divulge about what you consider to be your personal business.

Think about it.. If you’re sitting down with your girlfriends and telling them you haven’t performed any of your wifely duties in the bedroom in months, what makes you think he’s not telling his boys that? What makes you think he’s not telling the groupies that? What if these women aren’t groupies at all, but in fact women that he’s cultivating friendships and/or romantic relationships with? What if you’re talking to your future replacement and she knows it and you don’t?

Perception Of Leverage

Waving a ring in some woman’s face doesn’t get you more knowledge than she has. It doesn’t suddenly make you privy to what your man’s doing when you’re not around. It also doesn’t compel her to inform you about anything she knows. She could easily keep it to herself and think “Look at this fool, trying to make a scene, when I could call her man on the phone right now”, or even worse, “Look at this fool, trying to make a scene, while her man’s at the hotel with my homegirl”.

Of course, there are lots of other problems with this dumb-ass (yet, typical) scenario, such as This Is A Free Country, and you can’t tell a grown-ass woman that she can’t talk to a grown-ass man and you can’t forbid him to speak to her either. I mean, you can SAY it, but your words don’t carry any weight. They don’t have to do what you told them.

Also.. What would have happened if the “groupie” would have told the wife “**** You. I’m gonna do what I want with your man anytime he requests it”? Nothing. Nothing at all would have happened. Would the wife have punched her in the face? Would she have thrown a drink on her? Nope. She would have stood there looking stupid and wondering why she didn’t have an intelligent response to what she just heard.

What was she going to do to her husband? Nothing. She’s already not giving him sex. That was her ace in the hole. She has nothing left to threaten him with. How’s she supposed to stop him from doing whatever he feels like doing?

Authentic Influence

I suppose my point is that your influence over another person is based on your actual relationship to him or her. It’s not based on whatever title you currently hold.

If you’re lucky, the title is a representation of your SO’s real, honest, authentic commitment to you. If that’s the case, you don’t have to go announcing to so-called nobodies that you’re someone’s wife or husband. What are you concerned about?.. Unless you don’t trust your mate. o_O

I recognize that in this particular case, her husband had already admitted that he cheated on her. Shouldn’t that make her LESS confident that her ring means something instead of MORE confident to the point that she feels she can wave it at a groupie like a magic wand and make her disappear?.. Or at least make the groupie stop doing whatever she might be doing with her husband?

In fact, she was talking to the wrong person. The groupie doesn’t have any deals with her. Her husband does. If he vetoes the action, nothing happens. Period. Creating a showdown with a gal he may or may not be banging and then having her calmly inform you that she’s nowhere near the ONLY chick your husband kicks it with, AND that he sees you as a business arrangement is not only an incredibly bad idea, but I would think, for the wife, would be a deflating and ultimately depressing experience. Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

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