I had a conversation with reader “Paul” yesterday where he brought up some interesting scenarios. I didn’t have an answer for “How do you deal with negative dating reviews in social media?”, so I’m going to think about that right now.
I call dating “The Game”, but it’s really more like a business. What you’re selling is yourself. You want to achieve as many clients/customers/buyers as possible without your shenanigans causing you negative press. Or.. If you’re looking to retire with one person, your goal is to sift through the crowd, find the best person for you, and seal the deal.
Like any business, along the way, you’re going to have negative reviews. SOMEBODY’S not going to like what you did or what you said. Moving forward into the year 2011 AD, these negative reviews immediately spread through small communities by back-channel word of mouth and spread, quite literally, around the world via social media.
For instance.. If I were the type of person (which I’m not) to inform my 2,564 Facebook Friends and 3,060 Twitter Followers about negative experiences I have with specific chicks, that information would go everywhere that it needs to go within 24 hours.
And if I were to blog about it, that’s a COMPLETE *WRAP*! >:D
So, even if you don’t date internet famous people, this is still a potential problem for you in your small community. You don’t want everyone at the drive-in theater to know that Sally Sue Mae Jessie Jenkins says you don’t know how to make out! 😀
Date Women With No Online Presence
One way around this is to only mess with chicks that have no social media presence, whatsoever. If she’s not ON Facebook, she can’t talk about you on Facebook. It’s basically like back in the day, when people used to use telephones and pagers. If you met a gal and didn’t get her number, she effectively became a ghost the next morning. Unless you met her in a particular place that she frequents (like her job as a cashier at McDonald’s), there was no way for you to ever get in contact with her again.
If she gave you a fake number, you were short. If she gave you the real number, but put your number on a “no answer” list, you were short. If she decided the next day that she was only hooking up with you because she was drunk last night, you were short.
Several years ago, after a fun evening of inspired and vigorous debate amongst a group of friends and a couple of peripheral characters, for some odd reason, I decided to inform this peripheral chick that even though I respected her opinion and liked her as a person, she wasn’t going to exist anymore once we both left the bar that night.
Of course, she didn’t like this. 😀 She protested and blah blah blah, but I was speaking from experience. I never saw her again and never heard a single opinion of hers ever again, just like I said.
People ask me if I know everyone I’m connected to on Facebook. The real question they should consider is “If Bill has 2,500 ‘friends’, how many people has he met that he DIDN’T connect with? o_O”. In fact, if I had been on Facebook when I was in college, I would have maxed out my 5,000 friend limit immediately. I have FB friends right now that I went to high school with and friends I went to elementary school with. I can’t imagine that I’m connected to even 1/10 of my actual friends from back then.
The point being that there are lots of people that I’ve hung out with and went to school with and worked with that have ZERO internet presence. The fact that you can’t Google them doesn’t mean they don’t exist and doesn’t mean I don’t know them.. It just means that their opinions, positive or negative, remain restricted to their personal social set, and don’t affect my online presence at all.
Do The Right Thing
If your intentions are to do the wrong thing by women, my suggestion is that you avoid social media, altogether. >:D
I’m not saying to be a Herb and buy chicks you don’t know drinks and hang around them drooling all over them like you’re dying to get on. I’m saying, get yours, but be a gentleman while you’re doing it.
If you invite a gal out, make sure she gets home safely. Don’t leave her drunk ass in the street so she can end up cold lampin’ on a stack of garbage.
If she’s not down for whatever you want to do, see what you can do to change her mind, but if you can’t, let it slide. You shouldn’t just be working on one chick at a time anyway. If she’s not down with it, her best friend is, or her mother is, or her cousin is, or some girl you meet on the subway home is… There’s no reason for you to come off as Greedy & Needy because you put all your eggs in one basket and you perceive this one chick as your only win for the evening.
Don’t Use The Same Lines On Girlfriends
A couple of friends of mine became famous for trying the same tricks on women that all knew each other. As soon as they all compared notes, the jig was up.
What happened to these dudes is their names became descriptions. When these gals ran into the same behaviors in the future, they would succinctly describe it as “Oh, he’s a [FirstName LastName]”.
The obvious problem with this is that when chicks haven’t heard of you before and then your name is used in that context, they go “Who is FirstName LastName?” and then your infamous legend spreads to the next chick and the rest of her girlfriends.
The way around this is to *NOT* kick it to every. single. girl. you can possibly get your hands on. Lay back in the cut until you meet one that you REALLY want to hook up with. Make moves when they really count for you.. Not just because it’s 2am and you’re sitting on a couch at a party with no potential action for tonight.
Of course, this calls for dudes to maintain a mental database of who knows whom. I’m pretty sure most guys aren’t willing to do this. It’s a drag, remembering “I can’t kick it to this particular chick because I’m trying to bag her sister” when you actually want both of them.
One of the things that helps with this is when there are different cliques of females. As soon as gals decide they’re not going to be friendly with each other, they don’t share information across those boundaries. In fact, it might work to your advantage, even if they do, because they get to feel like they’re stealing you from some chick they don’t like.
In general, however, keep your styles unique so chicks can’t say you took them to the same place and said the same things and bought them the same flowers and sold them the same dreams…
Checks & Balances
If you do end up receiving a negative review, you want for there to be a virtual AVALANCHE of good reviews about you so that one negative gets written off as an anomaly.
Actually, social media helps you out in these situations, because if a chick’s crazy or usually full of ****, she consistently posts lunacy to her social media streams, eroding or completely destroying her credibility.
I had this happen to me one time. This chick didn’t know that all of our mutual friends were aware that she was off her ******* rocker. She decided to misconstrue (although, I’m sure that in HER mind, she was telling the truth) an event that occurred between us. To her credit, she brought this up right in front of me and told it to about six of our mutual friends while we were all standing there, IRL.
It was funny how quiet the group got after she said what she said. It was especially funny because she was standing right next to me and had been socializing with me in a friendly/intimate manner the entire evening before she blurted out this nonsense. 🙂 I didn’t have a response to what she was saying because everyone standing there knew this chick was sweating me and had seen me mess with her in public and had seen her enjoying it.
She may as well have said “We’re all standing in China” when everyone there knew we were standing in the United States of America. What are you supposed to say to that? \o/
So, if you’re doing the right thing and everybody knows it, the best defense is a good offense. If she’s disgruntled or drunk or just plain loses her mind (assuming she had one in the first place) and decides to slander you, your historical record speaks for itself.
If she jumps up on Facebook or Twitter talkin’ ’bout “Bill’s a JERK!!! :/ I went out with him and woke up in a stack of garbage outside a bar!”, all those chicks that you put safely in their apartments on a weekly basis for several years in a row are going to shout her down as a BULL****-ASS LIAR! 😀
The other value of having a widespread social media presence is that the more people you meet, the more opinions about who you are IRL are floating around. Instead of being some random person, women know that they know people that know you and they can and WILL ask them about you. Hopefully, your good reputation will precede you and chicks will know not to waste your time with stupid games from the giddyap.
First of all, I don’t hook up with chicks that run their ******* mouths. If she doesn’t know how to keep The Kid‘s business out the street, she’s not getting on the roster to begin with.
Second.. Chicks that I like know what I’m coming after them for. I tell them directly what I like about them and it’s their choice whether they get down with the program or not. I couldn’t give a damn what they decide to do because all my eggs aren’t in one basket. I’m perfectly comfortable interacting with them to whatever degree they feel like interacting with me.
I’m also comfortable with how our relationships fluctuate as they go in and out of so-called “relationships” and temporarily offer themselves to one guy until they break up and our relationship returns to its previous state.
I’m the J.E. Hoover of dating. The Presidents change and the FBI remains in position. Capisce? >:D
Third.. I meet women on the fly. Even if I were to receive negative reviews from blabbermouth females, they wouldn’t come into play with a gal that I meet in a bar.. especially if I don’t tell her my real name.
I would say that if you become the victim of negative dating press, your best bet is to do what the politicians do when they get caught in political sex scandals. Get some chick that has credibility to do the ‘perp walk’ with you and stand by your side vouching for you and assuring people that it was a freak occurrence that you happened to order a $4,000 hooker and transport her across state lines.
Create a lot of social media posts about family and repentance and if necessary, going to some kind of sex rehab for your ‘problem’.
Pretty much, if you’re doing the wrong thing and get publicly caught out there, that’s the way the cookie crumbled. 😀
Sucks to be you. Too bad.. So sad.
Keep your repertoire positive and treat people with respect and you shouldn’t have any problems. The rare time that you run into some psycho that decides to misinterpret your actions or intentions towards her and drag you down in the tabloids, your record will speak for itself and her negative review will be seen as the nonsense that it is.
Then again, haha.. If you really DID mess up and you had a bad date, own it. Don’t try to get over. Pobody’s Nerfect. Learn your lesson and tell your friends about it. Maybe even blog about it! 😀
The only way you get good at dating is through trial & error. Just the way the chicks have to kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into a prince, you’re going to have to deal with a lot of ridiculous situations on your way to either becoming good at the Dating Game or locking down one gal for a LTR.
Just make sure you get your practice in on chicks without much of an online presence (preferably, NONE!) 😀