Jersey Shore Season 03, Episode 02

ok… This is when you wish you were watching a scripted “reality” show. Episode 02 was booooooooooooooooring! 😀

I suspected as much when MTV blew their wad by having Jenni punch Sammi in her face in the first episode of the new season.

I understand that the action took place early in the filming, but that was a major big deal that people would have wanted to see the aftermath of, and you would hope that they would have been able to save it for at least the second show, but they didn’t.

It’s really all downhill, excitement-wise, after two chicks fight. That’s, like, a fact of life. 😀

Don’t Call It A Comeback

So the episode starts out with Sammi breakin’ bad with Jenni, which she should have known she shouldn’t have done, but… \o/

So, Sammi throws a fake punch at Jenni, which puts Jenni in war mode, and she immediately starts connecting to Sammi’s grill. Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap! You can tell that Jenni’s connecting, because Sammi’s head and hair are moving at different times. Punch. Head. Hair. Punch. Head. Hair…

Vinny ineffectively jumps in to try to separate two girls from fighting, while Sammi’s so-called boyfriend, Ronnie, cold lamps on the couch with Pauly & Mike, checking out the action.

In fact, it should have been VINNY, minding his business and sitting down, while Ronnie attempted to stop Jenni from welting up his “girlfriend”‘s face. I would say that he probably didn’t feel like catching a spinning back-fist like Mike caught to the jaw THE LAST TIME Vinny ineffectively broke up a fight… (In case you missed that one, Vinny was currently HOLDING Jenni when she spun around, broke away from Vinny and caught mike SQUAH IN THE GRILL and then the security rushed in, because Mike temporarily went into berserker mode and was about to let her have it) except, looking at his face, he wasn’t even CONSIDERING breaking it up. 😀 He was watching as if he didn’t know either chick.

Actually, to Ronnie’s credit, he was right there in the mix the last time Jenni & Sammi ripped each other’s extensions out and left them on the kitchen floor (like happened this time, too).

Pants On The Ground

Anyway.. This is what you get when you’re dating a chick that thinks she’s the boss. Actually, as I’ve stated before, Sammi *IS* the boss of that relationship. She’s ****** up OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, and Ronnie keeps crying with her and telling her he loves her and treating her like a small baby in order to remain in the pocket.

In season 01, he told her to STFU and mind her business when men are arguing. She didn’t do that. Ronnie ended up in a fight. Later that night, he was crying and apologizing to Sammi for pushing her, even though he “might could” have lost that fight and been crying with an Eye Jammie (black eye) or he might could have gotten ARRESTED, like he did THE SECOND TIME he got in a fight because of Sammi and knocked the dude who stepped to him out in one punch.

I think it’s actually a good lesson for America to watch a dude act all hyper-aggressive with other dudes, and then it’s “yes dear, whatever you say, dear”, when it comes to his girlfriend. o_O

Anyway.. He has no say in the relationship, so Sammi ran her mouth last season and got GOT by Jenni. Sammi ran her mouth again this season and got GOT by Jenni, AGAIN! 😀

She would have learned more of a lesson, except out of nowhere, two 300+ pound bouncers appeared to grab each chick, which was when Sammi pulled Jenni’s hair out as they were being separated. You would think they would teach bouncers better than that. The FIRST THING non-trained girls do when they fight each other is grab each other’s hair. That’s why they look so stupid when they fight, like in the cartoons, when you see the cloud of smoke with fists and #(*#@&$(# coming out of it every so often.

How about if you CHECK to see if they’ve released each other’s extensions *BEFORE* you separate them? o_O Weaves are expensive, sunnn. :/

After the fight, Nicole proceeds to literally SCREAM ON Sammi for being so stupid as to stay with Ronnie after what he “did to her” in Miami (which, if you missed THAT, was hooking up with as many chicks as he could while they were at the club and Sammi stayed home, and then crawling into bed with her every night for some action, while everybody in the house other than Sammi knew what he was doing).

Sammi yelled back at her, but it was revealed later in the show that she feels REEEEEALLY embarrassed that she got treated like that. Actually, what’s embarrassing for her is that she knows now that she’ll never win another argument with Nicole or Jenni ever again. She’ll always be that chick that got cheated on and cheated on and cheated on and cheated on and when she was told, got mad at the girls that told her and stayed with the cheater. She’ll never live that down. She realizes now that she’s the only one in the house that thinks she’s above anybody else.

Don’t Mind Me

During this time, something interesting happened. It’s a phenomenon I first noticed on The Maury Show. Every time you have a dude in the middle and two chicks that have a connection to him start arguing about something, he suddenly loses his ability to speak, like Cornelius on Planet Of The Apes.

Did you notice that? Watch next time you see an argument going down. Doesn’t matter whether it’s his girlfriend vs. his sister, his girlfriend vs. his mother, his girlfriend vs. his other girlfriend that he most likely got pregnant… The dudes just sit there as if they wish they could ******* DISAPPEAR! 😀

It’s so funny (pathetic). How can you leave an argument that’s ABOUT YOU up to other people to discuss, when you’re right there? Does that make any sense to you? Who does that? \o/

After Nicole’s tongue-lashing, the couple retires upstairs so Ronnie can inspect Sammi’s grill for damage. She says “I’m not hurt” while barely being able to keep from crying.

Next, she asks Ronnie why he went downstairs. Ronnie went downstairs because Deena was talking about him and he wanted to remind her not to talk about him when her beef was with Sammi. The actual question is why SAMMI went downstairs. The answer is because she didn’t think she was going to get punched in her face again, because Deena is half her height.

She also asks Ronnie why he didn’t say he didn’t like Nicole. Ronnie replies that he agreed with Sammi when she said Nicole was fake, and he repeated it, himself. Unfortunately, this is another downside to not wearing the pants in your own relationship. Ronnie was QUICK to yell at Deena for trying to involve him in a beef Deena had with Sammi. He didn’t have the power to tell Sammi the same thing, namely “Don’t ask me what I think about Nicole. If you have a problem with her, YOU handle it”.

This is because the bottom line is whether Sammi gives it up or not. If you want to know what Ronnie’s going to do, figure out whether it’s going to move him closer to or farther away from having sex with Sammi. Therefore.. When she asks Ronnie “Isn’t she fake?”, REGARDLESS of what Ronnie actually thinks, he has to back Sammi’s play and repeat whatever she said.

What he SHOULD have said was “Leave me out of this”, and if she didn’t like it?.. Sucks to be her! >:D

Oh.. I have to mention that I rewound the part where Deena fell out of the hammock SQUAH on her head at least 19 times and laughed at every single one. 😀 It seemed like she had no perception AT ALL that she was falling until she hit the ground. Fascinating.

Vinny Makes A Come-Up!

The good thing about rookies is that they have the greatest potential for improvement.

Vinny has made some horrific, yet understandable, errors in his game over the first two seasons, and he was definitely the low man on the totem pole as far as getting raps, but I have to say that he’s DEFINITELY made a come-up, and his confidence is on-point by this episode.

Congratulations! 😀

It starts out that they go to the club and this chick won’t stop following him around. I’m thinking that either she’s really drunk and doesn’t realize what she’s doing, or she noticed the cameras and knew who Vinny was, so she figured (correctly) that she could get on television if she stalked him, or both.

Vinny does everything he can to get away from her. The reason this is a good thing is that she was easy pickin’s. Vinny could easily have bagged her, but he was holding out for a better chick. This is another sign of confidence. He could have chatted her up and gotten her contact information just in case he didn’t pull anything later in the evening, but he didn’t.

What DID happen was that Vinny pulled a Ronnie and was making out with three chicks at a time. 🙂 One of them was obviously sweating him and wanted to go back to the cribbo. Of course.. Here comes no-game-having Mike, pulling up on her ass and flirting with her and talking in her ear.

Now.. We already knew from last season that Mike can’t steal Vinny’s girls. It was easy to do in season 01, but Vinny was getting sharper with his game by the end of season 02. This was a low-percentage play on Mike’s part, but I still wondered whether Vinny was going to let him ruin his good time with this quadruple-makeout chick.

I was still wondering by the time they got back to the house, because Mike was still grabbing on her, and, in fact, she was liking it the entire time. 😀 This is where “Season 01 Vinnie” would have fumbled, and either Mike would have gotten laid or nobody would have. Mike has already demonstrated his abilities in not only ruining his own chances to get on, but cockblocking Pauly & Vinny in the process.

This is when I was like “YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!!!! :D” because Vinny “yes’ed Mike to death” by agreeing that they were going to share the chick. When she exited the bathroom, Mike was doing something in his room, fixing his hair or something stupid, instead of keeping his eyes on the prize, which allowed Vinny to coolly extract the chick to the guest room and lock the door behind them! 😀 (while she was STILL asking for Mike to join them) HAHAHA *YES*!!! Brilliant move, saving the day! 😀

Picture Of Rejection

So Mike stumbles down the hall and realizes he’s locked out and isn’t going to be able to get his hands on the chick that Vinny’s currently messing with.

This is pathetic to begin with. Vinny’s the one that she was making out with at the club. Vinny’s the one that chatted her up at the bar and she said “Whatever you want to do”. Vinny’s the one that extracted her and got her back to the house. By ALL accounts, it’s Vinny’s chick. Period. Meanwhile, Mike’s in his confessional saying “WE have one chick, and there are two guys”. No. Vinny has a chick and you’re S.O.L.

To add insult to injury.. On national television (actually, international), Mike proceeds to *BEG* Vinny to let him in the room so he can hook up with the same chick at the same time!

wow. o_O

Mike’s begging, Vinny’s getting on, The chick’s enjoying herself. Picture of Rejection.

Looking sour and disappointed, Mike tries to get his hands on the chick by yelling to Vinny “Sharing is for caring”, as if she were a bag of Doritos.

I mean, seriously. I wish I ever would have THOUGHT to tell a dude that was CURRENTLY hooking up with a chick “Sharing Is Caring!!! :D” in the hopes that he might let me hook up with her simultaneously! hahaha EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! 😀

Not only is that a dumb idea, I would never have lived it down, to this very day. “HAHAHA Remember that time that Bill was begging you to share that chick? :D” .. GEEEEEEEEEET the **** outta here! 😀

The Pro-Fessor

Finally accepting that he wasn’t going to get his hands on the chick (at least until after Vinny was finished with her. They never showed her leaving, so it’s possible that Mike got to hit it after the fact, which is the way it SHOULD have been, because Vinny did all the work to pull her in the first place. What she does after he gets his is of no consequence, whatsoever), Mike goes downstairs, where tag-team Nicole & Deena are hanging out.

You’ll remember that last week, I said that I could see Deena and Nicole hooking up with the same guy as a tag team. This is because they both have the delightful combination of being desperate and down for anything sexual. The coming attractions for episode 03 infer that they’re going to try to have a threesome with somebody, just like I said.

So, Mike comes downstairs and is complaining that Vinny’s not sharing the girl. Awwww… Too Bad. So Sad! 🙁 Deena asks him who he’s stuck with, to which Mike says he’s stuck with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Deena replies “or me”, which Mike actually laughs at and says “I’m alright”, which translates to “Thanks, but no thanks”.

Now, it’s possible that he knew that once Vinny got his rocks off, he was going to be able to get his hands on the better-looking girl upstairs, so there was no point in hooking up with Deena. However.. After he fessed up last week, and avoided all of Deena’s advances, including climbing onto his bed and getting undressed in front of him, I’m rather curious to find out if MTV’s going to explain why Mike isn’t taking the easy sex.

Does he know something about her that we don’t know? o_O

I mean, Mike is the grenade-meister. It’s already been demonstrated that he’ll hook up with ANY chick he can. To make matters worse, he *JUST* came downstairs from BEGGING. FOR. SEX! before Deena offered him some. 😀 What gives?

In other news, I thought that Nicole handled it well that Vinny was screwing a chick upstairs when she had just gotten rejected by him last week in the hot tub. I guess it only makes her upset when he ***** girls that she knows (so far, Angelina, Ryder, and he wants to get his hands on Deena).


All of that happened in the first 20 minutes of the show. The rest of this episode wasn’t worth watching. It was all about how Ronnie’s playing Captain Save-A-Ho for that black hole of depression, Sammi.

Some chicks have enough negativity to drag themselves down and YOU along with them. While you’re bailing the water out of the boat with a cup, they’re spraying water INTO THE BOAT with a pressurized garden hose. Get ready for the captain to go down with the ship.

I’ll take this moment to say that I find it impressive, as well as funny, that ALL of the guys in the house can cook, and KNOW they can cook, and KNOW that the girls CAN’T COOK! 😀

What a fantastic gimmick! 🙂 I can heat stuff up, but I can’t cook anything at all. There are too many Burger King, McDonald’s & Wendy’s restaurants for that cooking nonsense. Oh man!.. Imagine having “Let me cook you a meal” in your rap arsenal! 😀

I guess that even though the final 2/3 of the show was boring as hell, there’s a lesson to be learned for guys that sell out for sex. That lesson would be “If all you’re going to do is spend time with your girl, do that in private. Don’t bother coming to a television show. Don’t bother coming to the boardwalk. Stay at home. Rent a room. Do something OTHER than take up space, not doing anything worth recording.”

By the end of the episode, Sammi had buckled under the pressure of the scathing verbal beatdown Nicole had administered TO THAT ASS right after the physical beating she received from Jenni. She was bringing up old stuff, like how could Ronnie cheat on her, blah blah blah. Too late. The time to get mad about it is when you found out about it. You found out. You got mad at the messengers. You forgave your boyfriend. He hasn’t been caught on tape again, so far, messing with other chicks… which is because a) You follow him around EVERYWHERE HE GOES, like an actual shadow, and b) he hasn’t been drunk and around girls that are willing to make out with him.

This is what happens when you put up a front that people aren’t affecting you, when they actually are. This is what happens when you think that ignoring things makes you a strong person, when, in fact, it makes you a sucker, and when you realize that EVERYBODY KNOWS you’re a sucker, which you had already realized about yourself, but thought you were playing it off lovely, it’s a depressing moment. A depressing moment that might last for a very long time. Especially when you have no friends because you thought you were better than all the other girls in the house and then proceeded to alienate your boyfriend, the only person that’s willing to let you drag them down with you.

Déjà vu

I don’t have high hopes for Episode 03 (although YOU KNOW I’m gonna tune in! haha), and I already predicted that this should be the last season of Jersey Shore in it’s current format. They’re either going to have to get new roommates, like “The Real World” does, or send this current cast to Italy to live around actual Italians.

We already know all the storylines.

Sammi’s going to remain depressed & confused, unless she gets help.
Ronnie’s going to keep doing nothing but babysitting Sammi.
Mike’s going to continue sliding towards being the least likely to pull a girl.
Vinny’s going to keep improving his rap game with his newfound skillz.
Pauly’s going to maintain the traditions of GTL and Sunday Dinner.
Jenni’s going to keep not rapping to guys, yet fighting with her boyfriend.
Nicole’s going to continue to drink and fall over, unlike a weeble.

Deena’s the only wildcard. She can make or break the season. I think if she calmed the **** down, she’d be relatively interesting. It seems like she’s trying too hard to be the life of the party. We’re not getting to experience the reel Deena, just this over-the-top character she made up to be on television with.

OTOH, maybe that’s just how she actually acts. 😀 Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

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  1. I got a vibe in Miami that Mike was not only believing his own hype, but also partaking in a little white powdered happy fun times…remember how combative and angry and bossy and shades-wearing he was around the clock…and the rest of them had had it with him. This season I am getting a new vulnerability…tail between legs just a slight bit…like he is checking himself. I actually really like Sitch…he’s got a big heart…so to see his patheticness, while better than coked-upped-ness, is kind of pitiful… And as lame as Deena seems now, I think we will end up enjoying her sunniness despite ourselves. Great post!

    1. Thanks for the comments, Suz! 🙂 Glad you enjoyed! 😀

      That’s actually an interesting assessment. Whatever the substance, it’s CLEAR that Mike gets REEEEALLY spaced out, and he seems to exist in his own world.

      All the way from Season 01, when he was taking his sweet time to bag that chick while he left Pauly with “The Grenade”, I felt like he didn’t recognize the urgency of what was happening, and that Pauly was about to bail if Mike didn’t get it on, ASAP. You’re right that it got worse in Miami, similar to believing one’s own hype. The problem with Miami is that their style doesn’t play down there. Nobody’s checkin’ for them in Miami. That’s why I was looking forward to this season, where they arrive back in their element, Seaside Heights.

      I get the vulnerable thing too, like when he was trying to talk to Ronnie & Sammi and Ronnie told him to get out of there with that “Family” stuff. Instead of the usual “I own all these people, and they’re lost without me” bravado, he basically backed off.

      According to the edit, Mike ALSO didn’t say anything to them about ditching Sunday Family Dinner.

      I think Mike’s a likable person. I’m just saying (and have been saying this, throughout) that his one gimmick for pulling chicks is showing them his stomach. Other than that, I haven’t seen him do ONE slick thing to pull a chick. It’s basically whichever ones are drunk and feel like going to somebody’s house instead of going home. This is why Vinny’s improvement is going to bring him past Mike, even though Vinny’s a rather plain person (which has been his role on the show from day 01.. “the regular one”).

      I think we’ll enjoy Deena when she calms the **** down and stops trying to be what she perceives the rest of her housemates to be from watching edited television. She reminds me of those kids that don’t live in NYC and then they watch music videos from here and think that we all Pop Champagne, scowl at each other in the streets, kick hoes out at 6am, and walk, talk & dress like rappers. When you meet the kids, they’re WAAAAAAY over the top, trying to show you that they’re as cool as “real” New Yorkers, when they have no idea what real New Yorkers are like if their point of reference is music videos.

      Once you let those kids know that you respect them and you think that however THEY do what THEY do, locally, you’ll give them their propers if you dig it, that’s when they calm down and act like themselves and really shine as human beings.

      That’s what I think will happen with Deena. Once she gets used to the fact that the housemates are…. people, she should become comfortable around them and stop akkin’ a foo! 😀

  2. Totally agree with the NYC newbies/Deena metaphor…I think there is a genuine girl in there somewhere. As for Mike, I just wonder if he felt he came off badly in Miami and is treading this terrain with a new attitude… He believes that “family” stuff…and I think it is sincere…so I did feel for him when Ronnie scoffed at that…and was surprised he didn’t fight harder to drive his point home. I think he will be very interesting to watch in coming weeks. In any case, all that said…the abs trick wouldn’t have worked on me on my worst, most desperate day…

    1. Yes. I think there’s a genuine girl in there as well. Hopefully, we’ll get to see her. 🙂

      That’s not only dependent on how Deena acts, though. Hours and Hours and Hours and Hours of film are shot on multiple cameras to make one television episode. It’s very easy to decide to discard the footage where Deena acts “regular” right off the bat. It’s easy to discard the footage where she’s sober. It’s easy to discard the footage where she looks intelligent or kind or anything other than “party girl”. So, it depends on what MTV decides to craft her character into.

      The reason I’m sure about Sammi is that we’ve seen her in important circumstances. When your man’s arguing with another man, shut the **** up, unless you intend to put YOUR hands on that man when the actual beef jumps off. Same thing for a guy. If your woman’s heading towards getting into something physical, stay the **** out of it, unless you intend to have a physical presence in the beef.

      The dude’s trying to talk to Ronnie, and Ronnie’s ignoring him, because he knows what’s going to happen if they start going back and forth. Sammi can’t keep her mouth shut, causing the dude to say something to Ronnie’s girl, which is now disrespect to Ronnie, and he has to get in it. While he’s trying to keep things from getting out of hand, Sammi’s STILL talking ****, so Ronnie tells her to shut up. Of course, she doesn’t shut up, because she believes she can do anything she wants, and he lets her believe that so he can get laid (like most men do). She keeps making problems, and Ronnie pushes her away from him and tells her again to STFU. Not only doesn’t she get the hint and close her mouth, but she gets MAD AT RONNIE for pushing her, not realizing that he’s doing his damnedest to stop this clueless chick from getting HIM in a brawl that he may or may not win, and he may or may not get arrested for.

      After he beats the guy up (because of Sammi running her mouth) and escapes before the cops show up, he has to sit around crying with Sammi and apologizing for pushing her and saying he’ll never put his hands on her again, blah blah blah and she STILL didn’t learn the lesson to keep her ******* ego from getting her boyfriend into situations that she’s not going to have ANY PART in dealing with.

      Having said all that.. That’s purely Ronnie’s fault. Any guy that’s willing to walk around with a chick that talks yang to other guys eventually gets what he deserves. Make her understand that she needs to HELP YOU to NOT get into fights by shutting the **** up. If she can’t understand that, and her need to run her mouth is more important to her than wanting to see you safe, unharmed, and not in jail, get a new girlfriend.

      Mike’s definitely sincere about them being a family. He’s also subdued this season, as you mentioned. When he arrived and had to room with Ronnie & Sammi, I thought he was going to try to pressure someone into switching with him. It was a longshot, but it was worth a try. According to the edit, he didn’t even try. He just felt poorly and went and got his bed in the triple.

      You bring up a good point about ‘the abs trick’, haha 😀

      Any gimmick is going to work on a certain range of women. The abs trick works on females that get that quick adrenaline rush from being around a guy that’s in good shape. Unfortunately, that’s more of a low-level, primitive hook. Any OTHER guy that turns her on in the same way is likely to get the same thing you did. It’s not the kind of gimmick that gets you unique props with a chick, which is what happened in this episode. The chick wanted Mike to come with her and Vinny, but she didn’t protest when Vinny took her in the room, shut the door and laid down with her. She got what she came for. She wanted Mike to be involved, but it wasn’t important to her.

      If you think of blogging as a gimmick, it only works on intelligent women. Other gals can’t figure out what you actually said, so they focus on key words or concepts that you mention and then assume what you were trying to say. It’s like they make their own CliffsNotes of your post. 😀

      I read the hell out of some CliffsNotes in JHS, but that doesn’t mean I understood Shakespeare! 😀

      But yeah.. When the show first started, Mike was the top dog. Ronnie should have been the Alpha, but he sold out to Sammi right off the bat and took himself out of the game. Pauly was the #2, but became the #1 because of Mike’s fumbling and the fact that Pauly actually has a skill (DJ’ing). Vinny started out at the bottom, because he was hired as “the regular guy”. Ronnie was the tough guy. Mike was the showboat. Pauly was the star DJ. Vinny was regular.

      Last season, Pauly took Vinny under his wing and showed him some important things. Add a year’s experience of being a television celebrity instead of a regular guy, and Vinny’s currently #2 in the pack. The only reason I’m not willing to give him #1 yet is that they’re not showing much about what Pauly’s doing. Pauly may have eased back or gotten a girlfriend or stopped chasing easy chicks, in which case, Vinny’s the clear team leader at this point, which Nicole can attest to, since all of her girlfriends get screwed by him sooner or later.

      BTW.. That’s what happens when women brag about getting good sex. All your homegirls want to try it out. Just a little Public Service Announcement. 😉

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