ok… This is when you wish you were watching a scripted “reality” show. Episode 02 was booooooooooooooooring! 😀
I suspected as much when MTV blew their wad by having Jenni punch Sammi in her face in the first episode of the new season.
I understand that the action took place early in the filming, but that was a major big deal that people would have wanted to see the aftermath of, and you would hope that they would have been able to save it for at least the second show, but they didn’t.
It’s really all downhill, excitement-wise, after two chicks fight. That’s, like, a fact of life. 😀
Don’t Call It A Comeback
So the episode starts out with Sammi breakin’ bad with Jenni, which she should have known she shouldn’t have done, but… \o/
So, Sammi throws a fake punch at Jenni, which puts Jenni in war mode, and she immediately starts connecting to Sammi’s grill. Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap! You can tell that Jenni’s connecting, because Sammi’s head and hair are moving at different times. Punch. Head. Hair. Punch. Head. Hair…
Vinny ineffectively jumps in to try to separate two girls from fighting, while Sammi’s so-called boyfriend, Ronnie, cold lamps on the couch with Pauly & Mike, checking out the action.
In fact, it should have been VINNY, minding his business and sitting down, while Ronnie attempted to stop Jenni from welting up his “girlfriend”‘s face. I would say that he probably didn’t feel like catching a spinning back-fist like Mike caught to the jaw THE LAST TIME Vinny ineffectively broke up a fight… (In case you missed that one, Vinny was currently HOLDING Jenni when she spun around, broke away from Vinny and caught mike SQUAH IN THE GRILL and then the security rushed in, because Mike temporarily went into berserker mode and was about to let her have it) except, looking at his face, he wasn’t even CONSIDERING breaking it up. 😀 He was watching as if he didn’t know either chick.
Actually, to Ronnie’s credit, he was right there in the mix the last time Jenni & Sammi ripped each other’s extensions out and left them on the kitchen floor (like happened this time, too).
Pants On The Ground
Anyway.. This is what you get when you’re dating a chick that thinks she’s the boss. Actually, as I’ve stated before, Sammi *IS* the boss of that relationship. She’s ****** up OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, and Ronnie keeps crying with her and telling her he loves her and treating her like a small baby in order to remain in the pocket.
In season 01, he told her to STFU and mind her business when men are arguing. She didn’t do that. Ronnie ended up in a fight. Later that night, he was crying and apologizing to Sammi for pushing her, even though he “might could” have lost that fight and been crying with an Eye Jammie (black eye) or he might could have gotten ARRESTED, like he did THE SECOND TIME he got in a fight because of Sammi and knocked the dude who stepped to him out in one punch.
I think it’s actually a good lesson for America to watch a dude act all hyper-aggressive with other dudes, and then it’s “yes dear, whatever you say, dear”, when it comes to his girlfriend. o_O
Anyway.. He has no say in the relationship, so Sammi ran her mouth last season and got GOT by Jenni. Sammi ran her mouth again this season and got GOT by Jenni, AGAIN! 😀
She would have learned more of a lesson, except out of nowhere, two 300+ pound bouncers appeared to grab each chick, which was when Sammi pulled Jenni’s hair out as they were being separated. You would think they would teach bouncers better than that. The FIRST THING non-trained girls do when they fight each other is grab each other’s hair. That’s why they look so stupid when they fight, like in the cartoons, when you see the cloud of smoke with fists and #(*#@&$(# coming out of it every so often.
How about if you CHECK to see if they’ve released each other’s extensions *BEFORE* you separate them? o_O Weaves are expensive, sunnn. :/
After the fight, Nicole proceeds to literally SCREAM ON Sammi for being so stupid as to stay with Ronnie after what he “did to her” in Miami (which, if you missed THAT, was hooking up with as many chicks as he could while they were at the club and Sammi stayed home, and then crawling into bed with her every night for some action, while everybody in the house other than Sammi knew what he was doing).
Sammi yelled back at her, but it was revealed later in the show that she feels REEEEEALLY embarrassed that she got treated like that. Actually, what’s embarrassing for her is that she knows now that she’ll never win another argument with Nicole or Jenni ever again. She’ll always be that chick that got cheated on and cheated on and cheated on and cheated on and when she was told, got mad at the girls that told her and stayed with the cheater. She’ll never live that down. She realizes now that she’s the only one in the house that thinks she’s above anybody else.
Don’t Mind Me
During this time, something interesting happened. It’s a phenomenon I first noticed on The Maury Show. Every time you have a dude in the middle and two chicks that have a connection to him start arguing about something, he suddenly loses his ability to speak, like Cornelius on Planet Of The Apes.
Did you notice that? Watch next time you see an argument going down. Doesn’t matter whether it’s his girlfriend vs. his sister, his girlfriend vs. his mother, his girlfriend vs. his other girlfriend that he most likely got pregnant… The dudes just sit there as if they wish they could ******* DISAPPEAR! 😀
It’s so funny (pathetic). How can you leave an argument that’s ABOUT YOU up to other people to discuss, when you’re right there? Does that make any sense to you? Who does that? \o/
After Nicole’s tongue-lashing, the couple retires upstairs so Ronnie can inspect Sammi’s grill for damage. She says “I’m not hurt” while barely being able to keep from crying.
Next, she asks Ronnie why he went downstairs. Ronnie went downstairs because Deena was talking about him and he wanted to remind her not to talk about him when her beef was with Sammi. The actual question is why SAMMI went downstairs. The answer is because she didn’t think she was going to get punched in her face again, because Deena is half her height.
She also asks Ronnie why he didn’t say he didn’t like Nicole. Ronnie replies that he agreed with Sammi when she said Nicole was fake, and he repeated it, himself. Unfortunately, this is another downside to not wearing the pants in your own relationship. Ronnie was QUICK to yell at Deena for trying to involve him in a beef Deena had with Sammi. He didn’t have the power to tell Sammi the same thing, namely “Don’t ask me what I think about Nicole. If you have a problem with her, YOU handle it”.
This is because the bottom line is whether Sammi gives it up or not. If you want to know what Ronnie’s going to do, figure out whether it’s going to move him closer to or farther away from having sex with Sammi. Therefore.. When she asks Ronnie “Isn’t she fake?”, REGARDLESS of what Ronnie actually thinks, he has to back Sammi’s play and repeat whatever she said.
What he SHOULD have said was “Leave me out of this”, and if she didn’t like it?.. Sucks to be her! >:D
Oh.. I have to mention that I rewound the part where Deena fell out of the hammock SQUAH on her head at least 19 times and laughed at every single one. 😀 It seemed like she had no perception AT ALL that she was falling until she hit the ground. Fascinating.
Vinny Makes A Come-Up!
The good thing about rookies is that they have the greatest potential for improvement.
Vinny has made some horrific, yet understandable, errors in his game over the first two seasons, and he was definitely the low man on the totem pole as far as getting raps, but I have to say that he’s DEFINITELY made a come-up, and his confidence is on-point by this episode.
It starts out that they go to the club and this chick won’t stop following him around. I’m thinking that either she’s really drunk and doesn’t realize what she’s doing, or she noticed the cameras and knew who Vinny was, so she figured (correctly) that she could get on television if she stalked him, or both.
Vinny does everything he can to get away from her. The reason this is a good thing is that she was easy pickin’s. Vinny could easily have bagged her, but he was holding out for a better chick. This is another sign of confidence. He could have chatted her up and gotten her contact information just in case he didn’t pull anything later in the evening, but he didn’t.
What DID happen was that Vinny pulled a Ronnie and was making out with three chicks at a time. 🙂 One of them was obviously sweating him and wanted to go back to the cribbo. Of course.. Here comes no-game-having Mike, pulling up on her ass and flirting with her and talking in her ear.
Now.. We already knew from last season that Mike can’t steal Vinny’s girls. It was easy to do in season 01, but Vinny was getting sharper with his game by the end of season 02. This was a low-percentage play on Mike’s part, but I still wondered whether Vinny was going to let him ruin his good time with this quadruple-makeout chick.
I was still wondering by the time they got back to the house, because Mike was still grabbing on her, and, in fact, she was liking it the entire time. 😀 This is where “Season 01 Vinnie” would have fumbled, and either Mike would have gotten laid or nobody would have. Mike has already demonstrated his abilities in not only ruining his own chances to get on, but cockblocking Pauly & Vinny in the process.
This is when I was like “YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!!!! :D” because Vinny “yes’ed Mike to death” by agreeing that they were going to share the chick. When she exited the bathroom, Mike was doing something in his room, fixing his hair or something stupid, instead of keeping his eyes on the prize, which allowed Vinny to coolly extract the chick to the guest room and lock the door behind them! 😀 (while she was STILL asking for Mike to join them) HAHAHA *YES*!!! Brilliant move, saving the day! 😀
Picture Of Rejection
So Mike stumbles down the hall and realizes he’s locked out and isn’t going to be able to get his hands on the chick that Vinny’s currently messing with.
This is pathetic to begin with. Vinny’s the one that she was making out with at the club. Vinny’s the one that chatted her up at the bar and she said “Whatever you want to do”. Vinny’s the one that extracted her and got her back to the house. By ALL accounts, it’s Vinny’s chick. Period. Meanwhile, Mike’s in his confessional saying “WE have one chick, and there are two guys”. No. Vinny has a chick and you’re S.O.L.
To add insult to injury.. On national television (actually, international), Mike proceeds to *BEG* Vinny to let him in the room so he can hook up with the same chick at the same time!
Mike’s begging, Vinny’s getting on, The chick’s enjoying herself. Picture of Rejection.
Looking sour and disappointed, Mike tries to get his hands on the chick by yelling to Vinny “Sharing is for caring”, as if she were a bag of Doritos.
I mean, seriously. I wish I ever would have THOUGHT to tell a dude that was CURRENTLY hooking up with a chick “Sharing Is Caring!!! :D” in the hopes that he might let me hook up with her simultaneously! hahaha EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! 😀
Not only is that a dumb idea, I would never have lived it down, to this very day. “HAHAHA Remember that time that Bill was begging you to share that chick? :D” .. GEEEEEEEEEET the **** outta here! 😀
Finally accepting that he wasn’t going to get his hands on the chick (at least until after Vinny was finished with her. They never showed her leaving, so it’s possible that Mike got to hit it after the fact, which is the way it SHOULD have been, because Vinny did all the work to pull her in the first place. What she does after he gets his is of no consequence, whatsoever), Mike goes downstairs, where tag-team Nicole & Deena are hanging out.
You’ll remember that last week, I said that I could see Deena and Nicole hooking up with the same guy as a tag team. This is because they both have the delightful combination of being desperate and down for anything sexual. The coming attractions for episode 03 infer that they’re going to try to have a threesome with somebody, just like I said.
So, Mike comes downstairs and is complaining that Vinny’s not sharing the girl. Awwww… Too Bad. So Sad! 🙁 Deena asks him who he’s stuck with, to which Mike says he’s stuck with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Deena replies “or me”, which Mike actually laughs at and says “I’m alright”, which translates to “Thanks, but no thanks”.
Now, it’s possible that he knew that once Vinny got his rocks off, he was going to be able to get his hands on the better-looking girl upstairs, so there was no point in hooking up with Deena. However.. After he fessed up last week, and avoided all of Deena’s advances, including climbing onto his bed and getting undressed in front of him, I’m rather curious to find out if MTV’s going to explain why Mike isn’t taking the easy sex.
Does he know something about her that we don’t know? o_O
I mean, Mike is the grenade-meister. It’s already been demonstrated that he’ll hook up with ANY chick he can. To make matters worse, he *JUST* came downstairs from BEGGING. FOR. SEX! before Deena offered him some. 😀 What gives?
In other news, I thought that Nicole handled it well that Vinny was screwing a chick upstairs when she had just gotten rejected by him last week in the hot tub. I guess it only makes her upset when he ***** girls that she knows (so far, Angelina, Ryder, and he wants to get his hands on Deena).
All of that happened in the first 20 minutes of the show. The rest of this episode wasn’t worth watching. It was all about how Ronnie’s playing Captain Save-A-Ho for that black hole of depression, Sammi.
Some chicks have enough negativity to drag themselves down and YOU along with them. While you’re bailing the water out of the boat with a cup, they’re spraying water INTO THE BOAT with a pressurized garden hose. Get ready for the captain to go down with the ship.
I’ll take this moment to say that I find it impressive, as well as funny, that ALL of the guys in the house can cook, and KNOW they can cook, and KNOW that the girls CAN’T COOK! 😀
What a fantastic gimmick! 🙂 I can heat stuff up, but I can’t cook anything at all. There are too many Burger King, McDonald’s & Wendy’s restaurants for that cooking nonsense. Oh man!.. Imagine having “Let me cook you a meal” in your rap arsenal! 😀
I guess that even though the final 2/3 of the show was boring as hell, there’s a lesson to be learned for guys that sell out for sex. That lesson would be “If all you’re going to do is spend time with your girl, do that in private. Don’t bother coming to a television show. Don’t bother coming to the boardwalk. Stay at home. Rent a room. Do something OTHER than take up space, not doing anything worth recording.”
By the end of the episode, Sammi had buckled under the pressure of the scathing verbal beatdown Nicole had administered TO THAT ASS right after the physical beating she received from Jenni. She was bringing up old stuff, like how could Ronnie cheat on her, blah blah blah. Too late. The time to get mad about it is when you found out about it. You found out. You got mad at the messengers. You forgave your boyfriend. He hasn’t been caught on tape again, so far, messing with other chicks… which is because a) You follow him around EVERYWHERE HE GOES, like an actual shadow, and b) he hasn’t been drunk and around girls that are willing to make out with him.
This is what happens when you put up a front that people aren’t affecting you, when they actually are. This is what happens when you think that ignoring things makes you a strong person, when, in fact, it makes you a sucker, and when you realize that EVERYBODY KNOWS you’re a sucker, which you had already realized about yourself, but thought you were playing it off lovely, it’s a depressing moment. A depressing moment that might last for a very long time. Especially when you have no friends because you thought you were better than all the other girls in the house and then proceeded to alienate your boyfriend, the only person that’s willing to let you drag them down with you.
I don’t have high hopes for Episode 03 (although YOU KNOW I’m gonna tune in! haha), and I already predicted that this should be the last season of Jersey Shore in it’s current format. They’re either going to have to get new roommates, like “The Real World” does, or send this current cast to Italy to live around actual Italians.
We already know all the storylines.
Sammi’s going to remain depressed & confused, unless she gets help.
Ronnie’s going to keep doing nothing but babysitting Sammi.
Mike’s going to continue sliding towards being the least likely to pull a girl.
Vinny’s going to keep improving his rap game with his newfound skillz.
Pauly’s going to maintain the traditions of GTL and Sunday Dinner.
Jenni’s going to keep not rapping to guys, yet fighting with her boyfriend.
Nicole’s going to continue to drink and fall over, unlike a weeble.
Deena’s the only wildcard. She can make or break the season. I think if she calmed the **** down, she’d be relatively interesting. It seems like she’s trying too hard to be the life of the party. We’re not getting to experience the reel Deena, just this over-the-top character she made up to be on television with.