Jersey Shore Double-Header [Part 01]

For some reason, they decided to double-up on Jersey Shore episodes this week.

I might have missed the Monday show, but Steph reminded me and I added it to my DVR list.

Monday’s extra episode starts out with Ronnie on the couch instead of snuggling in bed with Sammi. This is because the last episode ended with them arguing and Sammi telling him not to speak to her in a certain way, which caused Ronnie to stop talking to her altogether.

So, after following Ronnie outside to the couch, Sammi says “You should have been a MAN and ******* owned up to your **** instead of leading me on like you did”. In fact, Ronnie had been “being a man” by doing exactly what he felt like doing when he felt like doing it. Nothing happened by accident. He didn’t forget he had a girlfriend while he was making out with several chicks in the club. Sometimes, people do things that are in THEIR best interest and not YOURS. Welcome to life. πŸ˜€

Props To Sammi

I’ll give credit where it’s due, and applaud Sammi for deciding to apologize to Nicole.

Granted, she didn’t choose to do the right thing until it was apparent that the only friend she had left in the house, Ronnie, was now sick of her ****, but she still made the right decision, IMO, so props to Sammi for that. πŸ™‚

In fact, she never should have had to apologize in the first place. If she would have paid attention to the facts, she could have avoided this whole fiasco.

There were six other people in the house besides her and her “boyfriend”. The three girls ALL saw Ronnie doin’ his thang and said so. The three guys all said “I didn’t see it” because bros before hoes, so their statements are automatically thrown in the trash. Actually, not ONE of them ever said “Ronnie did not XYZ”. They all said “I didn’t see Ronnie do what you’re accusing him of”, which doesn’t negate the girls’ accusations to begin with.

Sammi had all the information she needed to make an informed decision. She elected, of her own free will, to remain in a relationship with a guy that she had been told to her face was messing with other chicks. Most people don’t like to believe that they’re willing to take shorts to be in a relationship, so that decision is driving Sammi crazy right now.

On top of all that, she got to actually watch the VIDEOTAPE of Ronnie actually doing what Nicole and Jenni SAID he did (with Angelina corroborating on the DL). She SAW the footage from Miami before the went back to Seaside Heights. There was no more pretending that she didn’t believe what the girls had told her, because she and all of her friends and family saw it with their own eyes on national television.

So, she should have thanked Nicole for finally speaking up and telling her what was happening behind her back. She should have then made a decision that she was willing to live with. Stay with Ronnie and recognize that regardless of how many chicks he hooks up with, you’re going to stay with him, or bounce out of the relationship.

Having said all that, it’s good that she FINALLY did the right thing and admitted that Nicole had been trying to look out for her. I believe Sammi gave her a sincere apology, so she definitely deserves credit for coming to that conclusion.

Don’t Try To **** Me Ever Again

The last time we saw Nicole & Vinny in the hot tub, Nicole was complaining that Vinny was systematically screwing all of her girlfriends. This, in fact, is none of Nicole’s business. Recognizing that Nicole was going to cockblock him any way she could (she was currently CB’ing him with Deena in the hot tub), Vinny did the right thing and excommunicated Nicole.

He told her that he wasn’t going to hook up with her anymore, with the excuse being that he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. That was the absolutely right play. The fact of the matter is that keeping Nicole on the roster isn’t worth not getting to **** Ryder, Deena, and any other chicks Nicole brings around.

This is what happens when women place too much emotional importance on recreational sexual hookups. The only one that gets left out of the fun is YOU! πŸ˜€ As soon as there’s the slightest indication that you’re about to become a nuisance, you get booted off the roster and all is well in the land.

Nicole’s response to this was to pout and get upset and say something to the effect of “Don’t try to **** me ever again! :(“. This is a typical last-ditch effort that women try to pull off, which really makes no sense at all. Dude just TOLD YOU he’s not going to hook up with you anymore so your feelings aren’t hurt when he hooks up with all of your girlfriends that are DTF because *YOU* told them how good the sex was. Why should he give a damn whether you lock it up or not? πŸ˜€ Does that make any sense?

Another problem with this scenario popped up when Nicole got drunk and started pawing at Vinny and begging him for sex. I mean.. It’s not a problem, actually, but it creates a dilemma for the guy that’s trying to be non-sexual with this girl so as not to ruin his other opportunities with her girlfriends.

Of course, guys do this too, but a lot of women don’t realize that they turn into completely different people once they get drunk. All that bullshit they were talking about not wanting to have sex with you goes right out the window. All you have to do is wait for them to have enough drinks and they’ll come after YOU without your even trying.

The reason this is a ‘problem’ is that when she sobers up after the hookup, she’s going to be back in love with you and ready to CB some more, which was the whole reason you didn’t tap that in the first place.

So you have two bad decisions. Hook up with her and suffer through her begging and pleading with you not to screw her girlfriends, or don’t take what she’s trying to give you, when you really had nothing better to do at the time, anyway. \o/

Vinny did the right thing and rejected her, however, apparently, there’s no lock on his bedroom door and after he went to sleep, she crawled under the covers and started messing with him anyway.

So much for “Don’t try to **** me ever again”.

Mike, Nicole, Deena Threesome

I’ve been really, really, REALLY confused with Mike’s shenanigans ever since this season started. Deena’s been throwing sex at him every single episode, and he always rejects her. According to the edits, he’s NEEEEVER expressed interest in having sex with Nicole, yet, when offered the chance to have sex with both of them together, he’s like “What bed do we do it in?” o_O

Now.. The Kid has had sex thrown at him by lots of women I wasn’t interested in hooking up with. I can assure you that if they can’t get it from the giddyap, that means they also can’t get it in a box, they can’t get it with a fox, and they can’t get it while I’m eating Green Eggs & Ham. TWO girls that I don’t want to hook up with doesn’t create ONE girl that I DO want to mess with. It’s not like when you multiply negative numbers and you get a positive. Ain’t That Type-a Party.

So I really can’t understand why Mike would agree to hook up with Deena AND Nicole when he doesn’t want either. In fact, he likened them to Nicole being a chicken dinner and Deena being the salt and pepper on the table. This means that his main motivation was to mess with… Nicole? He’s already had a full year to pull that one off, while she unsuccessfully throws sex at any “Gorilla Juicehead” she sees.

On top of that, Vinny already bagged Nicole, so what’s Mike’s supposed fascination? Maybe he feels like he’s behind in the rap game lately (which he most definitely IS), because Vinny hooked up with Angelina, who Mike and Pauly had already messed with. Maybe they have some kind of “Screw all the roommates for points” game going on that MTV has decided to leave out of the edit, like how we never saw that chalkboard they had in Miami to keep score of the chicks they hooked up with until Pauly wanted to erase the board because a girl he actually wanted to date was coming over.

On top of THAT, Mike’s been striking out a lot lately, and they’re back on home turf. I didn’t expect them to get any raps in Miami, which they didn’t, but they’re at ground zero for their culture, Seaside Heights, Jersey Shore, New Jersey, USA. On top of that, they’re now international television personalities. How tough is it supposed to be to pull regular, drunk girls in a bar with your drinks paid for and television cameras and lights following you everywhere you go? o_O

The point being that hooking up with Nicole wasn’t going to get Mike any credit in the game, as far as I can tell. In fact, he SHOULD have already taken what Deena’s trying to give him, because AFAIK, he’d be the first one in and would have bragging rights. Unfortunately, making out with Deena didn’t turn Mike on, so she received the patented “Kitchen Ditchin'”! HAHAHA as Mike bounced to get a sandwich and then skated to his own bed instead of going back where Deena was waiting for him.

I Make Myself Go Crazy

Unfortunately for Sammi, not dealing with issues doesn’t make them go away. She’s stood up for herself and physically fought with Jenni twice because of her relationship and alienated Nicole and Deena because of her relationship, but that’s all external stuff to make someone look tough.

Meanwhile, Sammi’s real problem is that she recognizes now that she’s not a valid critic or judge of what someone she’s in a relationship with is going to do or not do. That’s actually been the truth all along, but concepts like “Women’s Intuition” are sold to females in the basic brainwashing packet that make them believe that they’re somehow supernaturally going to be able to tell when their man is cheating on them.

It’s just not true. So, now, Sammi’s wondering why HER women’s intuition doesn’t work. You can tell she’s losing her fingers are slipping from the edge of sanity when she tries this Elementary-School Level tactic on Ronnie, saying “Look me in the face, and all skeletons, lay it out right now… because I know.”

I mean, seriously. When was the last time that actually worked on a grown-ass man? Did she see that on CSI? Instead of doing actual work, they just bring a perp downtown and say “Tell us that you did this crime… because we know”, and then the criminal confesses?

What’s dumber about that tactic is that IF nothing’s going on for you TO know, you look like a ******* LOONEY-TUNE, making up things out of thin air that don’t even exist other than within your own warped mind.

Ronnie’s response wasn’t perfect, but he’s not really good at…. talking.

He goes “What do you know?”, which, if there isn’t anything FOR her to know, the actual response should be “STFU, you’re full of ****. I’m not doing anything”. By asking her what she knows, you open the door for her to say “Everything”, meaning “nothing”, and then you have to defend your own response.

Who’s The Man?

Anyway, this led to another argument, culminating in Ronnie dumping Sammi, which is good, because now he can try to get his position back in the hierarchy. I said from day 01 that Ronnie should have been the top dog in pulling chicks, but he sold out for Sammi, leaving the door open for Mike to be the leader, which he fumbled and gave up to Pauly, who seems to have become rather docile since meeting that chick Rocio he was dating in Miami, allowing Vinny to rise spectacularly to become the leader of the pack.

This of course, is HORRIBLE for Mike, being that he was depending on Pauly to get girls. Mike tried to steal so many girls from Vinny that he tipped his hand, as we saw when he tried to team up on that one chick and Vinny locked him out of the room and handled the business on his own.

Ronnie’s newly-single, even though that didn’t stop him from making out with chicks so long as his girlfriend wasn’t around. I suspect that he’ll immediately move into the #2 slot, passing the now-defunct Pauly in 4th place and the fumbling one-trick-pony Mike in 3rd.

Vinny is currently unstoppable. I really doubt Ronnie will remain single long enough to make a serious run at 1st place. Vinny secured his #1 slot in this episode by bringing home chicks with Pauly and bagging his, while Pauly’s fronted. A year ago, it would have been the exact opposite. I’ll still never understand why they insist on hooking up with girls in the same ******* room, however. It’s a complete mystery to me. So many rooms in that house to isolate chicks in, and they insist on bringing them back to the same room so they can, what? Watch each other hook up? \o/


  1. Deena gets kicked out of the club for being too drunk and falling off of stages.
  2. Mike hooks up with a rerun chick, Paula, that he had bagged last year.
  3. Jenni fawns all over her ex-boyfriend, Roger, and this chick Lauren cockblocks Roger by claiming he has a girlfriend (which she takes back and apologizes in the next episode)
  4. Pauly gets a drink thrown on him by this chick Danielle, who he had started dating until she became a stalker.
  5. Nicole drinks too much, makes a public nuisance of herself and gets arrested, while screaming at the cops “Get The **** Off Of My Arm!”

The last thing I’d like to say about this episode is that y’all females have to stop getting so damned drunk that you can’t tell when you’re being escorted by officers of the law.

Do not fall for all that “Guys shouldn’t take advantage of drunk women”, perfect-world hooplah, because guys do it every single day, and it’s just about impossible for you to defend if you’ve physically incapacitated yourselves.

Assed Out, In The GarbageDo NOT get this drunk in public, because you will eventually get Got.

At your homegirl’s slumber party or tupperware party or sex-toy party or whatever y’all females do together, that’s fine. In your own home, that’s fine. Getting that wasted in public puts a lot of unnecessary strain on friends of yours that are trying to look out for you, as we saw in this particular case, unsuccessfully.

If they get tired of babysitting you or they lose track of you somehow, because they were… oh… ENJOYING THEMSELVES??? then you might easily end up assed-out, laying in the garbage, or worse.

Don’t do it to yourselves. Continued in Part 02. Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

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  1. “When was the last time that actually worked on a grown-ass man? Did she see that on CSI? Instead of doing actual work, they just bring a perp downtown and say β€œTell us that you did this crime… because we know”, and then the criminal confesses?ll…”

    You should add The First 48 on A&E to your TiVo que, because you would be shocked and awed at how many perps fall for this tactic in real life… Every week!

    That said, great recap… I hope Ronnie comes to his senses before this show goes off the air for good so that we can see the transformation… And Situation…he continues to check himself this season in a way that seems against “character”… Interested in how that develops…

    1. I suppose you’re right, Suz… It was definitely worth a try, because HAD Ronnie actually been “doing something”, he might have felt like he got ratted out, AGAIN, and spilled some beans.

      In fact, the cameras haven’t been ON Ronnie, other than when he was with Sammi or when he was at the gym, so according to the edit, he hasn’t even SPOKEN to another female.

      I suspect he’s going to fall back into the “spend all his time with Sammi” trap.

      The problem is that there’s a clear division that they’ve made between “whores” and worthwhile girls. You hear about it mostly in Pauly’s confessionals. He says stuff like “She’s a quality girl, you can’t treat her like these whores we bring home to the hot tub”.

      For some odd reason, the girls INSIDE the house consider themselves better than and/or different from the girls OUTSIDE the house. πŸ™‚ Meanwhile, Nicole and Deena are throwing sex at guys that don’t even want to take it, Sammi’s inert, as always, and Jenni just went straight from one relationship into another one, by starting to date Roger before she broke up with her “boyfriend”…

      Actually, I’m getting ahead of the story.. That doesn’t happen until part 02 of my article! πŸ˜€ But the point is that for some reason I can’t figure out, Sammi is considered as a different type of female from the ones they meet in the bars and bring home. Ronnie will most likely get his “grenade” on for a while, and then come with some sob story and get back together with Sammi.

      The best part about Sammi is that she’s not smarter than Ronnie, so his lame tactics actually work on her. It’s like being on Sons Of Anarchy and the top lawman in your town smokes joints with your wife in the patrol car… Life is easy! πŸ˜€

      And, Yeah.. You called the Mike thing. There’s definitely something subdued about his personality this season. Hopefully, MTV will inform us about what that is. So far, all he’s done is bag a rerun chick from last year…. Well… And avoid Deena at all costs, unless she comes in a package deal with Nicole, so he can say he’s the only cast member to hook up with TWO roommates simultaneously, as if that’s something to brag about, the way Nicole & Deena try to parcel it out to any guy that’s not currently unconscious.

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