Jersey Shore S03 E05 [Part 01]

Readers Greg, Stephanie & Calandra requested this week’s Jersey Shore rundown, so here it is… >:D

I’ve got to say up front that this episode was really very good. I was surprised at how much good content they packed into one episode, as the shows have been inconsistent so far this season.

It starts off with Jenni sobbing over the aftermath of her breakup with her “boyfriend”. I have sympathy and all that, but that’s what happens when you break up with someone that lives *IN* your house while they’re still there and you aren’t. \o/

Ryder Rental

Moving on to important things… Nicole’s best friend, Ryder, arrives at the crib.

I had been looking forward to this, as Vinny had cleared Nicole off his dilznick so he could hook up with her friends without upsetting her.

I expected him to jump Ryder’s bones tout de suite (Which is French for “Quick, Fast, In A Hurry, Flavor’s Vision Ain’t Blurry), and it was perfect that Nicole was in Long Island with Jenni when Ryder arrived so Vinny could have smashed that right quick on the sneak tip.

I was immediately let down as Vinny says in his confessional “Nicole gave me strict instructions, do not have sex with my best friend”. In fact, I was confused.

If Vinny was going to agree not to screw her friends, what was the point of not kissing Nicole in the hot tub? o_O .. Not that ANYBODY would want to kiss Nicole in a hot tub, but I’m saying that Vinny already hooked up with her, so he has nothing to lose in the props department anymore. There’s pretty much nowhere to go but up.

I actually gave Vinny props a few weeks ago for handling the Nicole situation so well that he set himself up perfectly to screw all her friends (again). I had been looking forward to that resulting in Vinny tagging up on Ryder as soon as she walked through the door, if not sooner. According to the edit, it never happened.

Of course, there’s a lot of footage that MTV never shows, so maybe Vinny figured out how to tap that on the sneaks and set it up with Ryder ahead of time to look like nothing was going to happen. I mean, he already hit it. He obviously has her contact information. It’s easy enough to play it off when you’re sitting right next to a chick you’re hooking up with and you don’t want other people in your business.

Either way, it doesn’t make any sense. If Nicole’s enough of a grown-ass-woman to drunkenly curse at the cops and get herself arrested then she’s enough of a grown-ass-woman to STFU and not complain about Vinny slaying her girlfriends left and right while Nicole cain’t get none.

Wasn’t she just showing off her vibrator collection in the season premiere? o_O

Locks & C-Sections

  1. Jenni & Nicole change the locks on Jenni’s house as if she has bars on her windows or the sliding screen door in the back that would prevent her ex from entering the house at will.
  2. Deena & Ryder go get drunk in the daytime (one of The Kid‘s favorite pastimes!) and walk around the boardwalk holding hands, because.. that’s what females do.

So the crew goes out to club Karma and then they show Ronnie dancing. I’m like “Good. Finally, we get Ronnie back in the game, and…” The next thing they show is Sammi peering over like a gargoyle perched on a roof, and I’m like “WTF is SHE looking at?” because last I understood, Ronnie had broken up with her.

In that last episode, Sammi had been saying that even if they’re not together, they share a bond blah blah blah and I was like out with the old, in with the new, good riddance to bad garbage and I thought we were going to see a challenge to Vinny’s crown…. nope. :/

Sammi heads on over when she sees Vinny talking to a girl, which is obviously outside the limits of his rights as a human being and asks who she is. This was my SECOND deflation of the episode, because I thought we were through with her. I thought she had been relegated to nothingness by alienating everyone in the house and then having her relationship dissolve, meaning that she wasn’t going to get any more airtime on the show, laying around in bed all day like she loves to do, and would effectively been erased from the footage.

Ronnie actually explains to her who the girl is, as if it’s any of Sammi’s business. It turns out that it’s his friend’s babymama. He offers to bring the girl over so she can show Sammi her c-section scar. :/

So much for Ronnie. Right back off the map. No dap. No credit. No props. Done. #4 out of 4. Stuck in the cellar… Which I suppose is better than Trapped in the closet, but not by much, if at all.

I really wish I didn’t have to mention Ronnie’s name again as he has the most potential and wastes it every episode, but since Sammi actually punched him in the face with a closed fist later, instead of slapping him, as I had assumed she did from the coming attractions, I have no choice but to come back to this situation. :/


Still at club Karma, Vinny meets this chick named Gina. As soon as I saw her face, I was like “What’s SHE doing there?” She just doesn’t have the same look as the chicks these guys normally bag. She was too happy, not drunk enough, and really immediately seemed to not be a part of that party scene to me. Not that I go to those types of clubs in those types of neighborhoods, but I’m saying she looked out of place for what I’ve seen so far, having seen every episode of Jersey Shore.

Next, the edit jumps to her introducing Vinny to her male cousin. Next, Vinny says “You got guys following you left and right, I don’t know…”. Next, another guy requests to meet Vinny and ends up telling him to his face “Take her home? You’re not getting laid. You might be able to cuddle, but that’s about it”.

Personally.. That’s when The Kid would have collected her contact information and told that chick SHALOM! >:D

Shalom is Yiddish for GOODBYE!.. PEACE!.. ARRIVEDERCI!.. Don’t let the door HIT’CHA where the Good Lord SPLIT’CHA!

It’s tough enough to get a rap when there are other dudes that don’t know a chick that are trying to kick it to her too. It’s tougher when there are dudes that already hit it and are trying to hook up with her again. It’s tougher than that when there are male friends of hers and she’s there in a mixed group. It’s toughEST when she’s there with male FAMILY MEMBERS who were sent out the door with the orders not to let this chick give it up.

**** That! πŸ˜€ haha It’s not worth the time. Oh.. I just started the show up again. He was ALSO introduced to her uncle. Vinny was introduced to a girl’s mother’s brother AT a nightclub. Not good. Bounce. If she wants to come meet up with you on her own, like a grown-ass-woman, that’s a different story. This situation was jacked from the giddyap, but I definitely give Vinny props for inviting her back to the house anyway. It wasn’t the smart move or the high-percentage play, but it made for good television.

Vinny says “In a way, you gotta respect the protection, but at the same time, it IS a cockblock”. um… DAMN SKIPPY it’s a cockblock! πŸ˜€ It’s supposed to be.

You have to respect the protection because they’re doing the right thing. If more girls went partying with several male family members, fewer of them would get pumped & dumped on a nightly basis.

In fact, what Vinny should have done is exchange information with her and then loudly leave the club without her, saying good night to her entire entourage. *HER* job would have been to go home with her family and meet up with him later at the crib.

Of course, Vinny would have wanted to have bagged a couple more chicks for the evening before he left, just in case she flaked or wasn’t able to come see him that evening. That’s what the Grenade Whistle’s for. If she would have shown up, Pauly could have distracted her while Vinny ejected the just-in-case chick out the back exit.

Continued in Part 02. Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

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  1. Nice job! A few reflections:

    I don’t know if you saw the “after-show” last week when Snooki and Jenni were discussing Tom. I got the impression that he was damn-near abusive, in the sense that he wouldn’t “let” her go out and she had to answer to him. Seems like their relationship was quite volatile, which painted Jenni in a very different light for me. Remembering Season 1 when she was trying so hard to be the faithful girlfriend, I thought it was because she had such a solid relationship (even though she DID almost hook up with Pauly D). Now I’m thinking she was clinging to an unhealthy relationship, which causes me to almost feel sorry for her. When she played good buddy to Ronnie and told him that they had both been putting up with their SOs “out of guilt,” I found that a little hard to believe. I think she put up with Tom for fear of being alone, or fear of him. I’m just sayin’…Any dude, even if provoked, who calls the woman he loves “out her name” – aka B****, and without an apology – has some serious anger management issues.

    My boy Vinny is really ‘showing and proving’ – but I disagree with you about Ryder. He doesn’t need to hook up with her…Vinnie’s game has stepped up, so he can pick and choose! Snooks was really upset about him not giving her sex because she’s lonely and she expected Vinny to be her go-to sex toy. That’s the only reason she brought up Ryder, and why she was hurt that he seemed to want to hook up with Deena. Any other time, Snooki would have been like “whatever.”

    Ronni’s crying really unnerved me. I have no problem with a man crying, but after all the garbage they had been dealing with…and after he boldly threw all her stuff on the floor and told her to get out (LOVED that scene!), then you wanna cry? I kept yelling at the TV – “MAN UP PUNK!!” Now they’re back together…I was SO ready for her to just leave. But I will admit, I was glad to see J-Whyy step up and make peace. The tension in the house was actually getting annoying. But am I the only one who thought Mike instigated, as usual, when he told Sammi that Ronnie was talking to Jenni? He knew good and damn well that was gonna set Sammi off. In fact, I think the whole, “Do you have any condoms” thing was just a way for him to spark the fire!

    And finally…Vinny’s “protected” date. Just one word came to mind…GOODFELLAS. And that’s all I have to say about that!

    1. Thanks, Calandra. πŸ™‚

      In fact, if you watch THIS WEEK’S after-show, Jenni admits concretely that she *DID* hook up with Pauly that night. There’s no “almost” about it.

      This is why I keep referencing the edits when I talk about the show. They’re only showing you what they want you to see. They have no obligation to honestly report that Jenni & Pauly hooked up.

      This came to light at the reunion show to the Real World DC season. There was this chick on the show that didn’t do AAAAAAANYTHING AT ALL the whole time she was on the show, and when they came to the reunion, her roommates said, and she admitted, that she had been hooking up with people, but didn’t allow it to be on-screen.

      My personal take on that was that Jenni was already in violation, laying down with Pauly and checking him out. I never doubted that more went on, but we didn’t have proof until Jenni and Pauly admit it f2f on the after-show.

      This is also the reason why I’m wondering why they keep showing Mike frontin’ on Deena, even though he was willing to hook up with her and Nicole together, which didn’t happen because Nicole bailed. There’s behind-the-scenes information there that we’re not getting…

      Jenni also mentioned on the after-show that she had only been dating her “boyfriend” for two weeks before she left to film the first season of Jersey Shore.

      Having said all that, that revelation changed my view of her as well.. As did what she came home to after he broke out. The show made her look quasi-negligent, when, in fact, she was never in a relationship she really enjoyed in the first place. I was actually surprised that she was with the same guy after everyone saw the videotape from season 01, where she was all layin’ up with Pauly and then “her man” came to visit with flowers and such and all the fellaz in the house were calling him a sucker in their confessionals. That’s because they all knew what we didn’t know until yesterday, which was that Pauly had already tagged up on “his” girl.

      That “guilt” line was bogus on both parts. Ronnie is with Sammi because he wants to be. He just wants her to be a better person than she’s naturally capable of being.

      The volatility of both of those relationships indicates unwarranted feelings of entitlement. That normally leads to the other person getting in line or dumping them.

      Vinny has most definitely been Showin’ & Provin’. I don’t think he’ll be caught up to. It’s not going to be Mike, and Pauly’s either lost a lot of props this season or it’s another behind-the-scenes storyline we don’t know about yet.

      I also agree that his game has stepped up. That has nothing at all to do with some dude sitting at a kitchen counter next to a girl he already banged as if they’re just meeting each other for the first time. It wasn’t natural. He can most definitely pick from a lot of chicks at this point. However.. The only one THERE was Ryder. He already hit it. No reason to try to play it off.

      There’s also no reason for him to agree not to screw any of Nicole’s friends. What’s she gonna do? Not hook up with him? As far as her being hurt, that’s only because she can’t handle the situation. If she could have STFU about whatever else Vinny wanted to do, he could have kept hooking up with her too. She made herself a liability by complaining. That’s not in her job description. She’s either going to be one of the girls he messes with or some girl he’s NOT messing with while he does what he wants with other ones.

      I wish some chick *WOULD* request that I don’t mess with her friends, or her sister, or her mother (if she’s still looking good). I might SAY yes, and I might SAY no, but neither reply’s going to have the slightest bearing on what happens between me and some grown-ass-woman when that chick isn’t around.

      Ronnie’s crying was tough to watch because it was an indication that he was really mentally being ****** up by this simpleton, egomaniacal situation. I thought it was a simple case of “I know this chick is a jerk, but I’m willing to put up with it because I think she’s attractive and I like having sex with her”, which is how lots of guys live their lives every single day.

      What was worse than him crying was his constantly asking “What did I do to her?.. What did I do to her?”.. um… It’s obvious that you didn’t do anything at all, and she’s a basket-case. What’s there to cry about? That’s what concerned me about that situation. His bawling indicated that he felt he was dealing with a sane individual instead of someone that makes things up in her own head and then lives them out at his expense and everyone else’s expense that comes into contact with her.

      Mike instigated A LOT this episode. I’ll get to that in later sections of this update. Dude is just a gossip. He makes guys look bad with that garbage. :/

      The condom thing was an obvious ruse. When your only goal in life is to pull girls every day, you know damned well WHERE all the condoms are and whether you need to get some more of them… Anyway.. With all the STDs floating around, you can be sure that MTV’s keeping them well-stocked with condoms.

      As far as the protection, if you’ve ever hung out in Seaside Heights (which I have), *EVERYBODY* that goes to the clubs down there looks like GoodFellas, haha. Even if that chick had been surrounded by several skinny Hispanic dudes, it was really a low-percentage play to try to hook up with her when Vinny saw she was rollin’ with an entourage. It wasn’t worth going straight for, either way. Let everyone see you leave without her, and then meet up with her later that night.. or never. πŸ˜€

      1. “Ronnie’s crying was tough to watch because it was an indication that he was really mentally being ****** up by this simpleton, egomaniacal situation”……..HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  2. Where did you get that pic of Ryder??!!

    One of the best episodes, ever! Hands down. I can’t wait for your to write the next few parts, there was so much.

    Ryder is a weird chick! I can’t figure her out. She barely speaks, just grunts with Snooki.

    Sammi debased herself AGAIN!!!! How long can she keep doing that?! And Ronnie had tears!!!! OMG, they belong together, they are both pathetic!

    1. Glad you enjoyed, Steph. πŸ™‚ I’m going in for another round this evening.

      In fact, I’m going to need to make a Jersey Shore category, now that I’ve posted about them so much.

      I suspect the two of them communicate on the lowest common denominator format. Sometimes, it’s easier to stoop to a level than to request more sophisticated interaction. It’s like Pauly said, when he and VInny were snapping on “the note”.. “We don’t want anybody to know that it was us, so bring a thesaurus”. hahaha πŸ˜€

      What I’m wondering is how many times Sammi can alienate people and have them still beg her to stay in the house. She definitely benefitted from Vinny taking a more prominent role amongst the guys in the house, as he was the most vocal person asking her to stay, according to the edit.

      The two of them definitely belong together because they keep doing weird things to each other and then forgiving each other. πŸ™‚ I don’t think it’s healthy, but somehow, each one of them is getting fulfillment out of it.

      I’m not personally knowledgeable about relationships in which the participants punch each other in the face, but, hey.. whatever floats their boat.

      1. The only reason I can think of for the housemates to beg for Sammi to stay was due to the money they were making on the show or something! She was boring and a complete bitch! And if she left, Mike and Ronnie would have had that big room to themselves. So, I think the producers put them up to begging her to stay! I don’t know, but seriously, them BEGGING her????

        She had to stoop really low and apologize to Jwoww to save face. But anyway, I know you’ll write about that part later!

        1. That would be interesting if there were a group clause, something to the effect of if any one of them leaves, they all lose money.

          In other news, I noticed that you were right. I had been joking when I said that the only way I could see there being another season was if they sent them to Italy, and then they went ahead and did just that! πŸ˜›

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