One of the reasons I find it so funny (read: PATHETIC) that a lot of people run around in these obviously-fake “relationships” is that I’ve experienced REAL relationships of both the friendly and romantic varieties, and I can feel the difference between the two.
Real relationships are based on acceptance. Fake relationships are based on limitations.
In a real relationship, person A seeks to empower person B to achieve person B’s goals.
In a fake relationship, person A seeks to fulfill person A’s desires by using person B.
The strange thing about this, even though I understand why things are this way, is that people in fake relationships to each other that include titles (girlfriend, boyfriend, etc) are assumed to have a stronger bond with each other than people who have real relationships, but not titles.
Usual, But Not A Suspect
It’s like The Greatest Trick Ever Pulled, that you can be around people with whom you have a stellar, caring, even loving relationship, and merely because you haven’t declared this to anyone, nobody sees it. Your relationship doesn’t even exist to them, even though it’s the most important, most real, and potentially longest-lasting relationship amongst any two people in the room.
In college, for at least a full academic year, I spent as much time as I could with this chick I knew, even though I had had up to three simultaneous girlfriends at any given time, and she was never one of them.
What I mean by “girlfriends” is that friends of mine that rolled with me knew I was messing with this girl at this college, this other girl at a different college and a third one at a third college. I would physically spend time with them, and people in the know knew who they were to me.
Those same people never knew about the incognito chick because she wasn’t on the party scene. I never went anywhere in public with her. People were aware that we knew of each other, like I could point her out if you said her name, but if anybody had been asked to make a list of chicks that they think The Kid might have spent time with that year, her name wouldn’t have been on the lists.
The only people, in fact, that were aware of how much time I spent with her were the people in her dorm that saw me there all night, every weekday night. On the weekends, it was time for me to party, and probably time for her to… study, with her nerd-ass! >:D
The point being that the time I spent with her was very important to me, and I kept in touch with her after college, and I’m in touch with her to this very day.
She will always be important to me. She will never NOT be important to me. I’ll always want the best for her and support her in anything she wants to do, relationship-wise.. Get married, have kids, get divorced, whatever…. So long as it’s with some other dude, and not ME!!! >:D
Now, *THAT’S* REAL!
Watch My Back
I was at a party the other day that was thrown by a close homegirl of mine. Same kind of deal. I love her and I’ll support anything she elects to do with her romantic life. She knows this, I know it, and each of us knows that the other knows it.
As usual.. Nobody else does. >:D
So the party’s ending, and friends of hers are filtering out, leaving myself, her, one friend of hers and a mutual friend of ours. Eventually, the other two decide to leave. Our mutual friend tells me goodbye and then goes to my homegirl and tries to play it off, but is clearly asking her something regarding her being alone with me. She received her response, and then the two extra people went away.
I fully, fully, FULLY appreciate that she was looking out for her girlfriend. I also appreciate that even though we’re mutual friends, she’s way more connected to her than she is to me. I even appreciate the fact that she was concerned about leaving her girl with me, hehe people should *ALWAYS* be concerned about leaving women around The Kid! hehe If they’re not, I’m slippin’.
The funny thing about the situation, however, is that I’M THE ONE that will put that chick in her house, safe & sound, regardless of the situation. I’M the one that has her back. I’M the one that has her covered. Regardless of the fact that I’m a guy and she’s an attractive chick, I’m THE LAST ONE on this planet that anyone needs to worry about leaving her alone with…
And nobody knows this.
Now, *THAT’S* REAL!
Don’t Hate. Facilitate! 😀
Real relationships are supportive, not restrictive. They don’t end because one or both people become romantically involved with someone.
In fact, if there’s any restriction to be found in real relationships, it’s SELF-RESTRICTION, not limiting the other person’s opportunities to be happy or feel fulfilled. I think this is one of the toughest aspects of relating to someone, as well as the breaking point where a lot of “relationships” become revealed as what they really are… which is nothing.
The Dating Game is based on “if, then, else”. IF you do this, THEN you can get that, or ELSE, if you don’t do it, you get something different. That’s not acceptance. That’s rules and regulations. The rules are easily bypassed as well, rendering them basically useless.
IF you don’t look at other girls, THEN your “girlfriend” will have sex with you, ELSE she will not, electing to enjoy her vibrator, instead.
So what? \o/ When you feel like checkin’ out chicks, you make sure she’s not around and nobody that will snitch on you is around. Done deal. You’re not complying with her rules and she’s still giving you what she claimed you could only get if you followed the rules.
IF your girl calls you every night, THEN you feel like she’s not cheating on you, ELSE you’re going to argue with her and be a jerk and threaten to dump her.
So what? \o/ Here’s a test for you. Have your girl lay down in bed next to her moms and call her phone from just outside the room. See whether you can figure out that there’s someone right next to her, unless her mother coughs, laughs or sneezes. Here’s a tip. You CAN’T…. Trust Me. >:D
All these rules, regulations and games are completely worthless. Your goal should be to strive to spend time with people that HONESTLY and AUTHENTICALLY want to spend time with you, and about whom you feel the exact same way.
When They Say.. Why? Why? 🙁
You can’t actually restrict human nature. You either accept it or you don’t. If you don’t have what someone else wants, what’s the point in getting mad at them over that? Does that make you like, care about or love them LESS? If they don’t have everything you want, does that mean you’re going to interact with them less or shut them out when you meet someone that has more of what you’re looking for than they do?
I recognize that my life is different from most people because I’m ALWAYS meeting new chicks. I can’t imagine, however, in a closed circuit of people, that these concepts would be any less valid.
I never asked a single one of my current friends to remain friends with me for any specific amount of time. In fact, I can’t remember asking anyone ever in life to AGREE to be friends with me at all. We like each other or we don’t. We tolerate each other’s differences or we don’t. When we have problems with each other, we either get over them or we don’t. When we want the same chicks, we decide who gets to kick game first. When it’s the last Stella D’Oro bread stick (old-ass commercial reference, haha) we figure out who gets it, or we share.
I personally don’t see why relationships should be any different. Convincing yourself that you have some sort of control over another human being that came equipped with Free Will just like you did can’t possibly be healthy. Do what you feel you would want a Significant Other to do for you, be supportive of that person and as accepting, understanding and tolerant of differences as you can be and then hope you selected the right person who feels like reciprocating.
Going the other route and believing that this person is going to do exactly what you tell them to do and ONLY what you ALLOW them to do is going to work for you, until it doesn’t. As soon as that person decides that they don’t care about your rules, it’s over. It might be over permanently, as in, they dump you. It might be over temporarily, as in **** your rules for tonight, and they’ll go back to being in a relationship with you in the morning (or the afternoon, depending on how long this takes).
Business? Meet Street
Living like that would most definitely make me feel nervous… All the time. I’d always be fretting about whether the rules I imposed on someone were actually being adhered to. I’d always be suspicious that another human being acted however the **** they felt like acting when I wasn’t around them! :O The Horror!!!
So I like things the way they are. I have my real relationships, some that people are aware of, some that people are not aware of. When I need my fix of reality, I spend time with those people, then I part ways with them, temporarily refreshed & envigorated.
One situation that I find really funny though, is that one of my homegirls has insisted for years and years on putting my business in the streets. 😀 haha Doesn’t matter what I do. Doesn’t matter what I say (see above section on human free will).
I tell her don’t tell dudes she’s dating about me. She tells every single one. I tell her not to bring them to our personal hiding spots around the city.. She brings them RIGHT. THE ****. past where I’m sitting! 😀
It doesn’t really matter, because she doesn’t have any pictures of me. The Kid is just a concept in their minds. They might even think I’m a figment of her imagination. I don’t need her to be around me when she’s with some other dude because her drunk ass is liable to walk away from him and come climbing up on me, blowing my cover while I was playing it off like I’d never seen her before in life.
99% of the time, indiscretion => excommunication. I’ve quit her several times, always got back with her, and finally recognized my obsession and quit quitting her. However she acts, I’m going to briefly hate it and then immediately get over it. I may as well not even bother hating it. 😀
As far as those dudes she told about me?.. They’re all gone. I’m still here.