Jersey Shore S03 E05 [Part 03]

I’m realizing now, from my Twitter @replies that this is some of my friends’ first season watching Jersey Shore, so this part about Ronnie crying requires some background information…

Down The Shore

Seaside Heights (as well as other areas, like Belmar) is a location on the Jersey Shore where people like to go, kick back, relax with family & friends, enjoy being near the ocean, have a few drinks, check out some chicks, whatever.

Seaside Heights somehow became an immensely popular meetup spot for people that subscribe to a particular lifestyle choice, which Wikipedia explains to us:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guido_(slang): Guido (English pronunciation: /ˈɡwiːdoʊ/) is a slang term for a lower-class or working-class urban Italian-American. The guido stereotype is multi-faceted. Originally, it was used as a demeaning term for Italian-Americans in general. More recently, it has come to refer to Italians who conduct themselves as thugs with an overtly macho attitude.[1] The time period in which it obtained the latter meaning is not clear, but some sources date it to the 1970s or 1980s.[2][3][4]

Clothing associated with the stereotype includes gold chains[1] (often herringbones chains, Figaro chains, cornicellos, or saint medallions), pinky rings, clothing such as plain T-shirts, muscle shirts[12] or “guinea Ts” (derived from the term “guinea”, an ethnic slur for Italians), leather jackets, sweat or tracksuits, scally caps, unbuttoned dress shirts, bowling shirts, and dress suits. Slicked-back hair, also known as pompadours,[3], blowouts, fauxhawks, tapers,fades and heavily gelled hair[2] are common stereotypes.”

This particular show, “Jersey Shore”, was derived from MTV’s True Life “I Have A Summer Share”:


Can’t see the video? Click Here.

If you have a spare hour (plus the time it takes to rewind and laugh over and over), I suggest that you watch the entire thing:

MTV Full Episode Link => mtv.com/videos/true-life-i-have-a-summer-share/1628251/playlist.jhtml

So the sound bites you hear in the opening sequence, where they’re saying “Get Crazy, Get Wild” or whatever was the original intent of the show. People who enjoy being a part of that particular culture were auditioned, and four guys and four girls were selected to share a summer house in Seaside Heights.

New Arrivals

When they first got to the house at the beginning of Season 01, the vibe was “All for one, and one for all” between the housemates.

Nicole got drunk and tried to make out with ALL of the males on the show in the hot tub at the same time.

Jenni had a boyfriend when she arrived, yet immediately had sex with Pauly, though they played it off and only admitted it on the after-show for this episode I’m talking about.

Mike pressed up on Sammi, but dropped the ball for not treating her like a girlfriend. Ronnie picked up Mike’s fumble and never recovered. As soon as he started messing with Sammi, Ronnie was effectively shut down as far as pulling chicks, because Sammi sticks to him like a ******* shadow.

Angelina, an original cast member who’s no longer in the show, had supposedly already been bagged by Mike and Pauly before coming to the Jersey Shore house, and Vinny tagged up on her in Miami. The only guy that didn’t get some was Ronnie, because of what I mentioned earlier.

Vinny did nothing, as he was apparently cast as the normal one, to make the rest of the characters seem crazier by contrast.

Jenni, Ronnie, Sammi

Sammi’s one of those chicks that thinks she’s your mother instead of your girlfriend, telling grown-ass men what they’re allowed to do with their lives. “Don’t touch girls”. “Don’t talk to girls”. “Don’t accept numbers from girls”. “Don’t talk to your ex on the phone”. I don’t know why coughASScough people put up with relationships like this, but Ronnie went for it.

So, off the bat, Ronnie & Jenni were cool with each other. In fact, at one point, they were sitting in the back yard together, and Ronnie was laughing and telling Jenni about the girls he was messing with at the club that Sammi had no idea about.

This is critical information, because you only tell chicks what you did to (or behind the back of) other chicks if you trust them. Ronnie was interacting with her as an actual friend, like she was one of the fellaz. Jenni was interacting with HIM as an actual friend by laughing along and keeping her mouth shut about what she had heard straight from the horse’s mouth.

Effectively, Ronnie had TWO relationships in the house. He had the “I’m screwing you, so I’m going to let you talk to me like a child and follow all your rules unless you’re not there” relationship with Sammi, and he had the “You’re in my inner circle of friends” relationship with Jenni.

Eventually, Sammi’s rules for her son Ronnie included that he wasn’t allowed to be friends with Jenni. Ronnie was stuck with two poor choices. He could either pretend not to be friends with Jenni the same way he was pretending to only make out with Sammi, and keep getting laid, or he could tell her “**** You. I’m a grown-ass man. I’ll be friends with whomever the **** I feel like being friends with, and if you don’t like it, you can kick rocks, beyotch”.

Of course, Ronnie elected to keep getting laid, so he jerked his friendship with Jenni.

Jenni, IMO, took the high road and supported Ronnie’s sex life by accepting becoming not-friends with him. That’s what happens sometimes in real relationships. You have to take a short, or at least APPEAR to take a short in order to support your friend’s current project. Sometimes, you have to play it off like you’re not messing with each other when you still are. Sometimes, you have to act as if you’re not friends anymore. Sometimes, you have to act like you don’t know each other at all, and never met before in life.

Along the way, Jenni & Sammi had not one, but two physical fist-fights, including the requisite pulling-out of extensions from each other’s hair. This put even more pressure on Ronnie to not be friends with Jenni.. Not because she punched his “girlfriend” in the face several times and mopped the kitchen floor with her, but because he REALLY wasn’t going to get laid if he was even PERCEIVED by Sammi to be socializing with Jenni.

There was also the issue of Jenni being involved with writing the note that snitched on Ron to Sammi about him messing with other girls, but we’ll get to that later.

Present Day

This brings us to the current episode, where Ronnie’s laying on the couch, crying because even though she’s an incredibly self-centered JERK, he’s sad that Sammi’s leaving, and he doesn’t get to spend more time with her, getting told what to do.

Jenni checks the stairs to make sure that Sammi’s not coming down, then sits with Ron and says “You know I love you, right?”

That one statement is the reason I needed to write that entire preamble.

Everyone that tuned in this season for the first time, or saw the end of the Miami season saw Ronnie yelling at Jenni, telling her she was fake, all this other bullshit, and Jenni taking it for the team… After all that stuff he said about her on national television, when he’s down & out, his REAL FRIEND came to console him.

In fact, she’s STILL playing her position, checking the steps and preparing to scamper away if Sammi comes downstairs in order to maintain the charade that she’s not cool with Ronnie so she doesn’t mess up his relationship. She says “I shouldn’t even be near you right now, because I’m here for you. That’s all I want to tell you”. The whole time, she keeps checking for Sammi. She says “At the end of the day, Ron, you ARE a great guy. And that’s all that matters. And you deserve to be happy. And I’ve been wanting to tell you this forever”.

So now, Ronnie’s feeling double-sad and crying even more, because this person that he’s been a JERK to, under command by Sammi, is showing him that she’s down for him when he needs someone. Then, she brings up the note: “At the end of the day, you put me and Nicole in a ******-up position, and she begged and begged and begged and begged for us to tell her the truth, so we told her the truth”.

The short version of that issue is that Mike, the incessant, worse-than-the-female-neighbor-on-her-front-porch GOSSIP told Jenni that Ronnie had been hooking up with other girls at the club while Nicole was listening in. Also, Ronnie was dancing with this chick at a bar in front of Nicole’s face, in clear violation of his marching orders from Sammi. When Nicole told him to stop talking to the girl, Ronnie told her to mind her ******* business, which is what he should have told Sammi but never did.

So, Nicole felt pressure to snitch on Ronnie to Sammi because a) she’d want some other girl to tell her if her boyfriend was hooking up with other chicks, and b) general principle of “girl code”. Jenni didn’t want to do it, because she was tight with Ronnie, but also being tight with Nicole, she wanted to relieve her of the pressure she felt, so they elected to write an “anonymous” letter to Sammi, telling on Ronnie.

Unfortunately, neither one of them is the sharpest pencil in the box, and they stashed this “anonymous” letter INSIDE. THEIR. HOUSE, INSIDE. HER. ROOM, INSIDE. HER. DRESSER. DRAWER! :/ … Being that none of the guys would have snitched on Ronnie, because bros before hoes, and Angelina wasn’t present during the nights mentioned in the letter (because the information came from gossip-ass Mike and from Nicole’s own eyes), that only left Nicole and Jenni as the prime suspects, who finally fessed up that they did it.

So Ron was mad at Jenni for snitchin’, but it was really his own fault. The things he told her directly never got back to Sammi. The things he did in front of people that were outside his inner circle, namely, Nicole, are what caused him a problem, so Jenni’s absolutely right, and he has to eat that one.

The culmination of that scene occurs in the back yard, where they both tell each other “I’m sorry”, and it’s heartfelt, and most likely the MOST REAL moment of the entire series, as far as I’m concerned.

Snitch-Ass Mike

As I mentioned before, Mike loooooves to instigate situations by giving people information they’re not supposed to have.

He had been present while Ronnie & Jenni were making up. While the rest of the housemates decided to go upstairs to celebrate Ryder’s birthday, Mike took the girl he had bagged from the club (minus the grenade Pauly dodged after Vinny sounded the Grenade Whistle) to the guest room to get ready to screw her.

Seeing that Sammi’s asleep under the covers in her bed, Mike asks her if she has any condoms that he can use. This is THOROUGHLY RIDICULOUS.

  1. First of all, how are you gonna ask A CHICK where the condoms are?
  2. You just came from where your other three male housemates were, and you couldn’t ask them?
  3. Are you only hip to ONE stash of condoms, amongst three dudes that bag random chicks and one that has a steady, live-in girlfriend?
  4. You can’t leave Sammi sleeping and go to the balcony or downstairs and ask a dude?
  5. If his girlfriend says “Ask Ronald.. I don’t think he has any”, and you live in the same room with the two of them, you already know damned well whether he’s using condoms or not, as well as where his stash is.
  6. After you deliberately woke Sammi up so you could snitch on Ronnie, AGAIN, when she asks where he is, say he’s in the bathroom or that he’s in the kitchen making a sandwich.

So, instead of minding his own business and going to get laid, like he’s supposed to, Mike feels like it’s more fun to tell Sammi that Ronnie’s currently disobeying a direct order of hers and talking to Jenni. Sammi immediately freaks out and walks to the balcony, like Mike should have, if he had actually been looking for condoms, and immediately spots Ronnie cold-lampin’ with his newly-made-up-with friend, Jenni.

While Jenni scampers away, because Mike just caused Ronnie to get caught talking to her, Sammi starts up with threats and ultimatums about what’s going to happen if Ronnie’s friends with Jenni. Now, Mike’s on the balcony next to her, not asking ANYBODY for any condoms.

Sammi goes downstairs to confront Ronnie about his actionable insubortination, and Mike is *STILL* on the balcony, enjoying the fruits of his gossip, which he clearly enjoys more than going to **** the chick that he left in the guest room so he could go and “search for condoms”.

You hear Ronnie saying “Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me”, so Sammi switches from touching him to screaming in his face… The funny part about this exchange is that Ronnie keeps saying “I don’t want to talk to you”, which, in fact, is talking to her. 🙂 Even though he just finished crying about this chick, he still can’t bring himself to disobey her commands. It’s really interesting to watch.. Very much like a warden-prisoner relationship.

Ronnie’s in a bad position because he JUST made up with Jenni, but he’s scared to death to tell Sammi tht he disobeyed her orders. Eventually, Sammi says “This is my last time trying. Are you friends with her?” Ronnie can’t even bring himself to say “Yes”. He just nods to the affirmative, resulting in Sammi punching him in the face with a right cross as hard as she possibly can.

Apparently, Ronnie actually IS one of those dudes that would never hit a woman. As opposed to when Jenni caught Mike in his grill with a spinning back-fist and Mike looked like he was about to beat the living **** out of her, as security came flying through the door of the hotel room to make sure that he didn’t, Ronnie very calmly sat there as if he’s used to girls punching him in the face.

This is what happens when you let people that you’re in a so-called ‘relationship’ with threaten you. As soon as your relationship hits the limit of what they’ve determined that your grown ass is allowed to do, they feel free to punish you by any means they select.

Is that healthy? (answer: “No”) Do you really want to be a part of a relationship where you spend your entire life trying to avoid getting punched in your face? o_O

Do you really want to alienate people who are being friendly and supportive to you and don’t even ask you to be CIVIL TO THEM in return, or even require you to acknowledge that you’re friends with them because some tyrant you aligned yourself with ordered you not to speak to them or else suffer the consequences?

The most disgusting part of that entire scenario was that after Sammi sucker-punched Ronnie, gossip-ass Mike leaves the balcony, goes back through the room, back past the guest room where he stashed his chick, down the stairs, all the way outside, and gives Ronnie a hug as if he gives a damn about what just happened to him after Mike instigated the entire thing in the first place.

Disgusting Treachery. :/

At least he didn’t ask Ronnie for a condom.

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7 Comments

  1. Bill,

    This episode was just chock full, wasn’t it?! I didn’t know of the True Life/JS tie-in. But that is how I ended up hooked on JS mid-season 1. I was watching that TL episode, which was followed by a JS mini-marathon.

    Now I was well aware of Mike’s b*tcha**ness during the episode, but reading of all his shenanigans in totality really painted him for the jackwagon he is! I hate when guys do b*tchy stuff. Mike is just an ASS! OK…let me move on, I’m getting pissed off all over again. LOL

    I loved the Ronnie/Jenni scenes! That’s REAL friendship, and I love to see that between men and women. Great “real relationships” post, btw.

    Just a side note…a co-worker and fellow JS/Real World fan and I were discussing this season’s violence. Now I admit, I was looking forward to seeing Ronnie get checked, but I remember that there was a zero-tolerance policy regarding violence on RW. I know that this is a totally different show, but there was some value in having that policy. Especially with all the violence against the fellas on JS. They know damn well they wouldn’t ever show Mike clocking Angelina, otherwise Gloria Allred would have been all up the producers’ a**es with a civil liberties suit! Seriously though, I’d hate to see some little tween/teen think they can check their boyfriend “just like Sammi” with no retribution. They MIGHT COULD get popped by their boyfriend because HE.AIN’T.RONNIE! I’m just sayin’… I guess the little anti-abuse hotline PSA after the show is supposed to be their attempt to cover their a**es.

    OK…I’m off the soapbox now. Looks like since this will probably be the last season, they’ll go out with a bang.

    1. Yeah, the original ‘True Life’ is old. It was a really good episode. They made another one about chicks that go ‘down the shore’. That one was pretty lame, because it was all about them getting played out by their boyfriends, who were staying in a different share.

      They really overdid it with Mike’s instigating in this episode. He’s been the cause of a lot of people finding out a lot of stuff they shouldn’t have heard about and changing the game. When you add that to trying to steal Vinny’s women, he totally makes guys look bad! 😀

      That’s definitely real friendship between them. Thanks for the props. 🙂 I’ll be interested to see if Ronnie EEEEEEEEVER decides to stand up for himself and tell Sammi he’s going to be friends with Jenni no matter what she thinks. Like I said in the article, he doesn’t have to, because Jenni will have his back, regardless of how he acts or what he puts himself through. I’m just saying it’s a better way to carry yourself.

      As far as the Female -> Male violence, I’ve been saying this whole time that they’re not doing the right thing with that.

      When that dude punched Nicole in her face, they made a federal case about it. When Jenni back-fisted Mike in the mouth, the security ran in to grab MIKE, not Jenni. She didn’t get kicked off the show.

      When Ronnie knocked that dude out with one punch, he got arrested. Sammi just punched Ronnie in the face, and not only did she not mandatorily get kicked THE **** off the show, but the cast members literally begged her to stay on the show.

      When Nicole got decked, they had all sorts of “Violence Against Women Isn’t Cool” disclaimers. Mike gets hit? Nothing. Ronnie gets hit? Nothing.

      The reason I care is the reason you care. Life Imitates Art. I guarantee you there are girls all over the country getting laid out FLAT after putting their hands on a dude, because they watch television and think that everyone subscribes to “A man should never hit a woman”. They most definitely MIGHT COULD catch a two-piece for smacking, punching, spitting on or throwing a drink on a chick OR a dude. It’s irresponsible filmmaking, and it shows that the producers subscribe to that particular brainwashing that it’s cool for a chick to PUNCH a guy for “being friends” with another girl.

      NOT for banging her. NOT for having a kid with her. NOT for dumping one chick to get with another one (which are ALSO not situations where a chick gets a pass for throwing her hands), but for admitting that he’s friends with a girl, his so-called “girlfriend” punches him in the face as hard as she can?

      Kick her off the ******* show, or force on-screen anger management therapy.

    1. Thanks, Steph. 🙂

      I’m particularly aware of situations like that because that’s how a lot of my life runs. Even though I have 2,600 Facebook Friends, there are women that I know that refuse to acknowledge me in Social Media so they don’t have static in their relationships. I don’t want them to acknowledge me, because *I* want their relationships to run smoothly as much as they do.

      That doesn’t make us not friends. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to take it personally if we’re at the same party together and we act like we don’t know each other. It’s all in the game.

      When I meet new chicks, sometimes, they trip out at the way I leave messages. I don’t leave my name, I don’t say their name, I don’t give information and I don’t leave call-back numbers. The chicks think it’s funny, but I know women whose men commandeer the passcodes to their girlfriends/wives/whatever answering machines so they can randomly call in and check to see who she’s receiving messages from. No information in the message creates Plausible Deniability. It could very well have been a wrong number.

      Also, I know chicks in Ronnie-Sammi-type relationships where the chick is expressly instructed that she’s not allowed to talk to other guys AT ALL. It would be an unnecessary fiasco for them to have me saying their names in messages, so I avoid that in the same way that Jenni was on the lookout for Sammi to come down the steps and dodged her knowing that she and Ronnie made up, COMPLETELY, until Mike snitched.

      The other thing is that most times, when a chick falls for a dude, there’s nothing you can tell her to make her see reality. You just have to play your position until the relationship dissolves, and then she goes “Damn.. I don’t know what I was thinking! :/” and your relationship returns to normal until she gets hung up on the next dude and you go through the cycle with her again.

      All you can do, as a true friend, is support that person. When they don’t call you for months… When they act like this dude they’re messing with is the most important thing on the planet… until he dumps her and her mind clears up. Especially if their SO knows of you and dislikes you, like how Sammi disliked Jenni. You have to take the position of “I know this person’s just talking this particular **** so they can remain in good favor with their boyfriend/girlfriend” and charge it to the game.

      On a lighter note, the same thing happens with cliques. I know so many people that inevitably, some of them will dislike other people I know. Since I don’t take sides in problems between grown-ass men and women, I have to endure the venom of people that say “He’s friends with my enemy, so I’m going to treat him like an enemy”. If the situation stays like that, it stays like that. No problem. If they finally get over it and want to be sociable with me again, I’m all for it. I understand why they felt what they felt and did what they did. I didn’t enjoy it or appreciate it, but I know how people act under peer pressure or SO pressure or parental pressure or workplace pressure, so if they’re eventually able to get out from under that, I’m willing to interact with them as who they’re being NOW, as opposed to who they were when they needed to AKK A FOO to gain favor with someone else at my expense.

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