Bill Cammack

Reader “Dave” pointed out this article to me where they interviewed Jack Nicholson, and he had several things to say about his dating career / love life / whatever you like to call it.

I always like to read about the experiences of extraordinary people. If you always research people like yourself, you never expand your mind and learn about what’s possible for you. Instead, you reinforce what you already believed about yourself and the people you interact with and remain inside the box instead of thinking outside of it.

Here’s what I got out of it:

“Nicholson is everything you expect him to be in the flesh. He smells of expensive car-seat leather and nicotine. He speaks in strange, complex riddles. He allows a 30-minute interview to run on for an hour and 40 minutes as he talks about everything from mortality to drugs to heartbreak. He is charming, fascinating, funny, strangely vulnerable and completely original in every way.”

I imagine that this means that they scheduled 30 minutes with him and he ended up talking for 100 minutes. Jack Nicholson’s time is worth money. He has better things to do in life besides talking to you. If you get 30 minutes with him, you’re fortunate. If he gives you 100 minutes, you got blessed.

JN: “I’m definitely still wild at heart. But I’ve struck bio-gravity. I can’t hit on women in public any more. I didn’t decide this; it just doesn’t feel right at my age.”

hehe I’m not sure what bio-gravity is, but I find the “Not kick it to women in public” concept fascinating. They didn’t elaborate on it, but I would guess that he means that unless you’re someone like Hugh Hefner, who will have 20-year-old chicks until he croaks, you get to a point where you don’t feel like you’re bringing the same thing to the table anymore.

Hugh’s bringing MONEY, which will never go out of style. That’s enough for some guys to feel like they’re involved in the game. As long as they can buy chicks, they’re good.

Other guys like to feel like they actually ATTRACTED women, based on how they look or their personalities or whatever they feel their personal strengths are… If that’s the case, then when you feel like you’ve lost your edge, I’m sure that can make a guy feel like exiting the street game, entirely.

JN: “If men are honest, everything they do and everywhere they go is for a chance to see women.”

This is true, and I’ve been saying this for years.

It’s important for people to be able to separate ENDS from MEANS.

The reason you bought that Lamborghini is so that chicks would sweat you and give it up faster.

Your ass isn’t a race driver. The speed limit’s still 60mph. Drive to the store in your Volvo.

Nope. You have to drive the Lambo. Are you driving it for dudes? Nope. You’re driving it for chicks.

Why do you have that high-paying job that sucks the life out of you every day? Same reason.. So you can pull a better calibre of women.

How come you paid a couple of million USD for that penthouse apartment?.. Same reason.. So you could pull better chicks.

You went to this bar instead of that one because they have hawter chicks there.

You go to the gym so chicks don’t laugh at you when you take off your shirt.

Pretty much, everything you do is geared towards hooking up with the women you want. If guys could get chicks effortlessly, nothing would occur in this life. :D

JN: “There were points in my life where I felt oddly irresistible to women. I’m not in that state now and that makes me sad.”

That’s got to be upsetting. :(

One of the staples of my life, since my earliest memories is that chicks have always liked me. That’s nothing to brag about, it’s just a fact. I can’t imagine that NOT being the case. I can’t imagine having to actually WORK to meet girls.

For a globally-famous guy that’s had tons of women, had five kids and has been married once to talk about not feeling irresistible to women, I have to take notice, absorb and attempt to learn.

I talk a lot about women becoming has-beens, because that happens every day. Guys in general have a pretty static relationship to women. You can either pull girls or you can’t. Nothing really changes for you throughout your career, unless you move to a different area where you’re more in demand than you were where you started out.

Fortunately for JN, females are attracted way more by personality than males are. If there’s a busted chick that’s a really nice and smart person, she STILL can’t get a date. A guy can be out of shape, busted-looking, not dress well, and still get attention from females if there’s something about how he carries himself or how he thinks or if she likes his sense of humor.

Then again, if the pride in the situation is based on “This chick is sweating me”, it’s not much of a consolation that she wants to hang out with you because you tell good jokes or because she’s seen you in a bunch of movies and knows you’re famous…

JN: “But I also believe that a lot of the improvements in my character have come through ageing and the diminishing of powers. It’s all a balancing act; you just have to get used to the ride.”

Diminishing of powers most definitely improves a guy’s character. You stop leaning on what you know you can do and the types of women you know you can pull and you figure out how you can still be a factor in the game from the position you’re in now.

The other option, of course, is to quit, hook up with the best gal you feel you can still get, and stick with her until you croak (or she leaves you and you have to start all over again).

It’s definitely character-building, however, going from a stage of “I deserve this, because I’m me! :D” to “I’m being the best guy I can be for her because she’s putting her best foot forward for me as well.”

It’s interesting, hearing how getting older is affecting his self-perception. I don’t think that guys fluctuate too much when it comes to Alpha vs Zeta males. You’ve either “got it”, or you don’t. If you’re the man, you’re likely to REMAIN the man throughout your dating career. It’s not like Herbs actually learn stuff and become better than you at pulling chicks. It’s not like they work out and eventually are in better physical shape than you.. In fact, the older you get, the less competition there is, as guys fall off left and right. You move forward merely by maintaining your current physique. You don’t actually have to improve yourself to gain ground against other guys vying for the same chicks.

I suppose you’re your own worst enemy as you get older…

While most actors relish blinding others with their presence, Nicholson does not.

“I hate it. I don’t want to be treated like the Medusa or the Lincoln Memorial. People have an idea of me which is not the reality. On set I’m an actor like every other actor. Most times, for every part I play, I can think of other actors who would be better. I worry from the moment I take a job. I worry about how I’m going to do it, if I can do it. I try to work out what I have to do on set and how I do that.”

Even though he’s talking about acting here, and not chicks, it’s important to maintain a humble attitude and not drink your own Kool-Aid.

The stuff I say about myself is merely factual and stated for context. I can’t tell you to do what I do and you’ll be successful with chicks because it’s not going to work for you. It only works for me. Similarly.. I’m 5’9″ and won’t be picked for anyone’s basketball team ever in life.. though I’ll beat the living **** out of you in hockey.

There’s a difference between saying “I’ve been in lots of great movies, put in a lot of great acting performances, and people sweat me as an icon of the American and worldwide film industry” and saying “I’m better than you because I’ve done stuff that you haven’t done”. The former is factual and the latter is braggadocio.

The fastest way to lose your edge with women is to assume they’re sweating you just because you’re you…

JN: “I was raised entirely by women. My grandmother ran a beauty parlour and I spent most of my time there. She taught me manners and I learned how to be around women, what women liked. I am insanely well mannered and polite, and because of that I have nothing but gratitude for my upbringing.”

In contrast, I was raised by men.

I love, appreciate and respect women, but I’m clear that this is a man’s world.

My views on dating & relationships have nothing to do with equality and everything to do with male-oriented, predatorial behavior. You do what you can do and if the next guy pulls the girl you wanted, you lost out that time, congratulate him on his win, ask him how it was, and either move on to the next chick or try to bag her from him at your earliest opportunity.

I’m also insanely well-mannered and polite, but that’s because the more power you have, the more polite you can afford to be. I’ve never had to be a jerk to get girls, so it never became part of my repertoire/arsenal.

JN: “One of the toughest parts of ageing is losing your friends. At first it starts quietly, then pretty soon it’s every month, and you can’t help but think, “When is that bell going to go off for me?” And on top of that you feel this constant loss. At this time of life, you feel just a sword’s point from death. It’s frightening – who wants to face God and the clear white light? I know I definitely don’t. Yet.”

Again, he’s not talking about chicks, but this is a constant factor in the dating game. The longer you remain active, the more of your homeboys sell out, get girlfriends, get married, accidentally have kids, get jobs that take all their time.. whatever it is that takes them out of the game.

The obvious difference to people actually dying is that you replace the guys that exit the game with guys that are entering.

The upside of this is that they bring new techniques with them that you hadn’t thought of because they have to kick it to chicks that have a different set of stupid mental blocks preventing them from giving it up. It’s like going back to college, learning from guys with a different skillset, even if you know a hell of a lot more about women in general than they do.

Another downside to aging is that chicks your age are constantly becoming has-beens. This is only a problem for guys that actually like women the same age they are. Every year, there’s a new batch of 23-year-old chicks. >:D

His home is stuffed with art by Matisse, Warhol, Tamara de Lempicka and Picasso; the collection is estimated to be worth over $100 million. He flicks a match to light another cigarette.

‘Now I’m at home so much more, there are these moments once in a while when I think, “Jesus, look at all that.” Those pictures actually intimidate a lot of people. I’m totally solid with the “truth is beauty/beauty is truth” idea. But if I’m around it too long I start to feel trapped in this material world. I think I mustn’t get owned by my possessions, I mustn’t fall prey to materialism. Sometimes I think, “Hell, I’m going to burn them all.”’ Again, the slow Joker smile.

I don’t have $1 worth of expensive art.. unless you count my Darth Vader poster.. \m/ \m/ but that’s how I feel about my Facebook Profile Pics.

I can’t afford to get bogged down by Glory Days.

I get bored within hours of looking at my avatar pics, which is why I change them so often.

I also change them in honor of my co-stars’ birthdays.

I also change them depending on how I feel that day.

Even though I cherish my memories of hanging out with people, my life is dynamic, where I’m always generating new memories, and last month’s pictures are… last month’s pictures. \o/

This is made worse because everybody but The Kid is slow as hell at uploading their social media to the net. I don’t know why that is, but it’s been like that for years and will probably never end. I’m constantly rockin’ months-old pictures the first time they ever show up in my photo stream because I just can’t get the pics from other people’s cameras.

Of course, the #NOBLOG pictures add to my frustration, because nobody ever sees them! ;)

Nicholson – whose lovers have included actresses and models such as Michelle Phillips, Bebe Buell, Lara Flynn Boyle, Anjelica Huston and Rebecca Broussard – was once described by the actor Peter Finch as a ‘very social loner’. It’s a surprising description for a man who has reportedly slept with 2,000 women (‘Hell, I don’t count’), yet it’s one he has come to agree with.

After a few years in the game, I found it hilarious that dudes would consider themselves players, yet could count and/or actually NAME the chicks they messed with. It’s ridiculous. :D That’s like asking a dude what he ate for dinner every day for the last month.. Just the last month. The last 30 days. Unless you have a routine, where you eat the exact same thing on a particular day of the week, you can’t tell me.

I’ve completely forgotten about more chicks than most guys have ever hooked up with in their lives. Again.. that’s not bragging. It’s just a fact. Friends of mine from back in the day are like “Remember that chick, XYZ” and I’m like “who?” and sometimes they’re able to trigger actual memories of mine and sometimes they aren’t.

Unless a dude writes down in a diary/journal every chick he hooks up with, the location, the circumstances & the positions he hit it in, there’s no way he’s going to actually remember, much less be able to say “Hey fellaz… I screwed my 2,021st chick last night” or “I made out with my 40,000th chick last night”. That counting ish is strictly for newjacks & amateurs.

JN: “My life has changed. I don’t enjoy the things I used to so much. I don’t go out to nightclubs, I don’t like clubs any more. I don’t go out raging, looking out for women; now it’s just a game that isn’t worth the candle.”

Similar to keeping a count, the fact that you can pull chicks eventually becomes boring. Can you do it? Yup. That’s proven, historical fact. Does it matter? Nope. You can do it or not do it and the day is just as good.

I can imagine this is even worse for famous people. How many times can you get kicks out of hooking up with groupies that just want to say they messed with a movie star or a musician?

It’s got to be a drag not to be able to hide. You can’t be Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro and walk into a bar and try to get girls strictly from your skillz in the game. Chicks are going to know who you are and give you want you want without your even trying. *yawn*

I’m sure it’s fun for the first THIRTY YEARS that you’re a star, but what do you do after that? How do you meet women that have never seen your movies? How do you meet women that aren’t star-struck? How interesting can The Game be when your entire rap depends on whether a chick recognizes you or not? o_O

There is nothing in his life he regrets, but one thing he yearns for. A lasting relationship with a woman.

“I’ve had everything a man could ask for, but I don’t know if anyone could say I’m successful with affairs of the heart. I don’t know why. I would love that one last real romance. But I’m not very realistic about it happening. What I can’t deny is my yearning.”

The article doesn’t elaborate on whether he feels that he’s not going to have his one last real romance due to his own fault, the fault of the women he meets, or the fault of circumstances that surround his life in general.

I can’t get a good read on that quote, but I’ll say that with every good relationship you get into, you add to your database of what you feel a good relationship actually is. Once you build that up, it’s tough to go backwards. It doesn’t make any sense. You always compare what you’re getting now to what you had before.

It’s like once you eat at Wendy’s, you’re like “Damn… McDonald’s is WACK!!! :D” and then, when you eat at Jackson Hole, you’re like “Damn… Wendy’s is WACK!!! :D”. Youre’ suddenly aware that you’re slummin’ when you eat @ McDonald’s.

Of course, this brings up the opposite problem for the less-experienced person that’s trying to date someone that’s been around the block a few thousand times. They think they’re offering this great relationship value and the other person feels like they’re bring the bare minimum to the table to get some IRL time from them or even to get a return call if they leave a message.

JN: “I’ve been in love in my life, but it always starts with obsession that lasts exactly 18 months and then it changes. If I’d known and been prepared for that, I may have been able to orchestrate the whole relationship thing better.”

This is another line where I wish they would have gone into more depth. I can’t tell whether he’s saying that the prerequisite for his falling in love is 18 months of obsession or that he’s saying that the obsession part is when he’s in love, and then it changes to “not love”.

Either way, it’s important to know how your body works. It’s important to know how your mind works. If you find yourself ejecting chicks when you get bored of them, you might consider keeping one after you get bored, just to see what happens. Your interest in her will either come back online or it never will.

Same thing with physicality. If she gets out of shape and you’re like “meh” about hittin’ it, you might want to see what happens if she gets back in shape… or you might want to take her to the gym yourself and get her back on point before you bounce from the relationship.

If you recognize that obsession is the precursor to love for you, you might consider treating chicks differently when you feel obsessed with them so you don’t run into this next issue…

JN: “But when I’m with someone I’ve often defied every one of my conventions. I’ve been so struck I’ve said, “Come on, let’s go, let’s get married.” But no woman has ever recognised what I say as being legitimate. They think of my reputation, Jack the Jumper. I’m damned by what people think. Now I think I have a gap I won’t ever cross.”

This is another one of the downfalls of fame. Whatever you do gets reported in the tabloids and online and sits there forever. You never actually have a clean slate.

A lot of people have the same problem because of their Facebook Profiles. They meet people and their entire previous dating history is available online. Boo-Hoo-Hoo! Sucks to be them! :D haha They don’t get to play it off like they’re ‘fresh out the box’.

This is also a function of having a different process for vetting potential mates than most people have. The average Joe/Josephine doesn’t have many choices, so when someone wants to kick it with them, they jump right into relationship-mode.

Things are different when you don’t have to choose just one person. You can’t be blackmailed, because there are lots of people waiting in line for the person that currently has your attention to fumble so they can pick up the ball and run with it.

A lot of people interpret this demeanor as your not being interested in long-term relationships. In fact, it’s just that you have to be a complete BAD-ASS in order to even receive the slightest consideration for a relationship.

Once you’re properly vetted as a bad-ass, however, that same person that told you up front that they’re not into relationships yadda yadda might turn around and suggest a formalization of your situation. :D

I’ve run into a variation of this problem. Normally, the issue is that once you decide that a chick is a bad-ass and you want to see her more than you already do, *SHE* doesn’t believe that she’s who you’re saying she is.

It’s not a question of “Does he honestly feel like committing?”, but rather “There’s no way he’d commit to me, because I know I’m not great enough to capture his attention”. This is exacerbated if she’s been part of your inner circle for a time, and you’ve been telling her the real deal about what you think and how you interact with women instead of the PC drivel that you output to social media sites.

I’ve actually been amazed by eventually finding out what women think I THINK of them. It’s clearly my fault for not specifically expressing to her what it is that I value about her and why I spend time with her at all. Still.. I feel it contributes to the problem of trying to turn the corner from FWB to LTR.

As far as getting a rep, that’s not much of a problem in NYC, but it’s definitely a problem if you hang out in a close-knit group of people in this town. Once your name gets out there as a “player”, any moves you make towards a chick are considered playing instead of legitimately getting to know her and maybe making more of the situation than hittin’ it and quittin’ it.

He has five children – Jennifer, 47, from his only marriage, to actress Sandra Knight; Caleb, 40, whose mother is actress Susan Anspach; Honey, 29, the daughter of model Winnie Hollman; and Lorraine, 20, and Ray, 18, from a relationship with actress Rebecca Broussard, which ended his 16-year romance with Anjelica Huston. Nicholson says his heart was broken by Huston, despite the fact that he cheated on her (when he told her Broussard was pregnant she beat him up).

“The reality was that I was annihilated emotionally by the separation from Anjelica. That was probably the toughest period of my life.”

Obviously, dude’s been puttin’ in work. :) Kids that are 30 years older than each other? haha No denying the facts here! :D

The most interesting part of that for me is that he’s the one that was taggin’ up on some other chick behind his woman’s back, and then when she found out what time it was and dumped him, he felt hurt about that… and probably still does.

I think people make ‘cheating’ out to be too cut & dried. Sometimes, in order to be involved in the relationship game, people promise unrealistic things. This is because without those promises, they wouldn’t be able to bag the traditional person in the first place. It’s better to lie about your intentions and then pay the price if you get caught than not to be involved with your main girlfriend at all.

Even if that’s not the case, and people go into relationships fully intending to be ‘faithful’ to their GF/BF.. ish happens. \o/ What are you going to do when that opportunity arises for you to live your life the way you want to and you end up reneging on a promise you made to someone when this opportunity wasn’t available to you?.. You can tell them what happened and lose your main relationship or keep it under the hat and continue living life as usual.

Obviously, not avoiding pregnancy makes things slightly tougher to conceal! :D The point, however, is that the masses believe there are only two formats of people.. Those that want to be in relationships and those that don’t. The concept of someone who won’t commit until they feel like it, yet when they do commit, it’s real, doesn’t compute for most people.

Unfortunately, being that this post is about an actor.. Most people get their concepts of what they think a real relationship is… from the movies. o_O

Life imitates art. We’re conditioned to believe that the tomboy, presumed lesbian, car mechanic is going to be recognized as the love of John Cusack’s life at the end of the movie. There’s no way he’s going to end up with the pretty, blonde chick with rich parents, because the mechanic’s the one he really has everything in common with and wants to spend the rest of his life with.. obviously including not tappin’ any blonde chicks along the way to his eventual death.

In fact, this is one of the reasons that I object to the across-the-board use of the term “player”. There are some guys that actively manipulate women, who deserve to be placed in the player category. Other guys just have no reason to commit to one chick and it has nothing to do with calculations or schemes. Since they aren’t guys looking for relationships and the masses don’t have any other way to categorize them, they get grouped together with the actual players. The obvious problem being that when they’re ready to select one chick, they’ve already been labeled & judged, making it tougher for them to get women to take them seriously.

Fortunately, a good romp in the sack normally jumbles chicks’ brains up to the point that it’s pretty easy for dudes to close the relationship deal… Which is why they call it MAKING love. >:D
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