Jersey Shore s03 e07 [Part 02]

Let me skip ahead to a couple of peripheral storylines before I get back to the Sammi/Ronnie shenanigans..

Dress To Impress

I keep telling y’all females to stop dressing like bums around your man. Nobody wants to see that.

If you insist on putting forth your worst-possible visual presentation and he keeps dating you, it’s in your best interest to figure out some special occasions to hook yourself up for him so he remembers why he kicked it to you in the first place.

Jenni’s boyfriend, Roger is about to leave town for a week or two, so she decides to “give him something to think about before he leaves”. Excellent idea, even if it may have been based upon trying to get him not to mess with other chicks until he gets back.

It’s ALWAYS a good idea for y’all to give your guy(s) something to think about. If your man isn’t thinking about YOU, he’s thinking about some other chick. Beleedat.

If you’re not looking good for him, he’s looking at something else. If messing with you isn’t hawt to him, he’s thinking about messing with other chicks.

As much as y’all clamor about not wanting to be sex objects, there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re going to be a sex object to him, just like he should be a sex object to you. Otherwise, y’all can call yourselves friends and enjoy your platonic relationship while you kick it with other people. Hannle yo bidnezz or the next chick (or your cousin, sister or MOMS) is going to handle it for you. >:D

Having said that.. You might not want to go all out and do the S&M/bondage/chains getup that Jenni did unless you have that type of body. ๐Ÿ˜€ All I’m saying is that instead of being LAZY and throwing one of those clamps in your hair and walking out the door, think about spending some time on your hair. Instead of throwing on that bummy gear, think about a decent skirt or jeans. Stick to real heels and boots. Your goal is to get him to feel like “WOW! :O”, like how Roger was gawking at Jenni when she came around the corner, instead of his not caring whether he spends physical time with you or not because he doesn’t get any physical stimulation from looking at, smelling, touching or being around you in general.

Props to Jenni! haha Mission Accomplished! >:D

What Are You Wearing? o_O

One of the problems with the fact that for the most part, men and women aren’t friends AT ALL, and only interact with each other when they want something, is that there are a lot of guys that don’t know any women that will truthfully tell them how ******-up they look.

You can’t leave it up to people that don’t know how to dress themselves to dress themselves. Unfortunately, the people with that problem don’t KNOW they have that problem because they perceive themselves as being dressed properly, if not WELL! ๐Ÿ˜€

So Deena & Nicole go to some bar on the boardwalk for some food and drinks. Some guy walks up to their table with a tray with two full shot glasses on it. That looks dumb to begin with. Two Glasses.. Two Hands. There’s no reason he needed a large high-school-lunch-counter tray to put the drinks on if he was going to bring them to the girls.

The problem, however, is what he’s wearing.

He can get props for his haircut. The lines were sharp. His dome looked as good as it was going to, considering his genetic makeup.

Dude was wearing a tank top with no visible muscular definition. ๐Ÿ˜€ The point of a tank is so women can focus on your arms & shoulders, assuming they’re worth looking at in the first place. If they’re not, rock a t-shirt instead.. Preferably one with a fancy pattern on it with colors and glitter so chicks get mesmerized by that and don’t notice that you don’t hit the gym much.

He should have been wearing sneakers, but he wasn’t. I don’t even want to discuss that part. :/

The worst part of his getup was that he’s wearing these several-sizes-too-small… In fact.. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE WEARING? ๐Ÿ˜€ haha It looked like he was wearing boxers outdoors. His entire getup looked like he was in his own bathroom at his house, not even ready to go into the living room, much less outside, and much less around other people.

This is what I’m talking about. If you don’t have friends that are willing to tell you “You look stupid. Girls are going to make fun of you. Go change your clothes into this, this and that”, you’re toast. In fact.. That yellow pair of boxers or whatever shouldn’t even be IN his wardrobe. Someone should have thrown those out for him.

So having done the typical introductory move of offering free alcohol to women as a bribe, he asks if he can sit with them, and they invite him to chill.

Little does he know, he just sat down with two of the THIRSTIEST chicks (for sex, not just alcohol) in the tri-state area, and eventually, Nicole tells him “Your pants are really tight… I can see your wiener through them”.

Dude’s rebuttal was “No you can’t!”, which is pretty ridiculous. First of all, neither one of them chicks is taller than 4’9, so they’re very well experienced with their faces being at a dude’s crotch level. Second.. You walked up to them while their short asses were sitting down, making them even shorter, so that while you were standing there, the dilznick was right on their chin level. You’re in NO POSITION WHATSOEVER to argue with their crotch-viewing expertise as whether they can see your wiener or not through the boxer shorts that you should never have worn outside your apartment in the first place.

The Nitty Gritty

More than half of this episode was dedicated to the crazy-ass relationship between Ronnie & Sammi. Where we left off, after Part 01 was that Ronnie says “It’s time to put my foot down. I ****** up six months ago. I’ve been paying for it for the last six months, and I’m done paying for it.”

I was happy about this, but didn’t actually believe we were going to see the return to prominence of “Single Ronnie” afterwards. Every so often, he makes a stand for himself and then immediately capitulates.

At first, as I’ve said before, I thought that his relationship to Sammi was pretty basic. It’s incredibly typical that guys put up with MAAAAAJOR character flaws that women have, because a) she looks good to him, and b) he enjoys having sex with her. At some point, she becomes more trouble than she’s worth and the dude bounces or gets another best girlfriend or whatever. We’ve seen Ronnie reach this point several times, and not only does he go back to Sammi, but until he does, he looks like he’s physically in pain and he cries a lot.

From Sammi’s side, it’s obvious what’s going on. She’s been told that she’s good looking and that good looking people are “above the law” when it comes to relationships AND get to lay down the law in their relationships. For the most part, this is absolutely true. The problem is that people that rely on their looks don’t develop any other worthwhile skills, such as good sex, cooking, cleaning, making intelligent conversation or just about anything else. It makes sense that she cries when they break up because it cracks her world-view that she actually has control over someone because of how she looks. If she doesn’t have control, how good can she possibly look? o_O and her life spirals downhill from there.

Unfortunately, each one of them has attached themselves to the other one, so that they can’t agree on how to be together, but they both hate being apart.

This has been mixed in with society’s general lack of character that I discussed in Part 01. Each one of them is electing to act like the person they think they are, believe they are or wish they were, instead of the person they ACTUALLY are.

Running into the barrier between their delusions and reality isn’t causing them to side with reality. They take a brief look and then convince themselves again that they’re exactly who they aren’t. I don’t see how people that aren’t real with themselves can be real with someone else in order to call their interactions a “relationship”.

Back in 2008, I wrote about how alcohol is no excuse for hooking up with people. There are only two possibilities. You didn’t know what was going to happen when you got drunk, and you went ahead and did what you wanted to do while you were inebriated, or you DID know what you do when you get drunk and you elected to drink that much anyway. Either one is a violation if you promised someone else that you were going to be exclusively physical with them.

So.. For Ronnie to be in the club without Sammi, dancing with girls, like Sammi ordered him not to do, getting girls’ numbers, like Sammi ordered him not to do, making out with several girls at a time, like Sammi ordered him not to do, and then come home, slap five with his boys, bragging on videotape about how he was going to hop in bed with Sammi now and get it in, all those actions speak for themselves and amount to “While the cat’s away, the mouse will play”.

If I would have seen videotape of myself doing that, I would have said “hmm… Seems like I like to make out with multiple chicks, even though I have a girlfriend”, instead of “I made a mistake.. I didn’t know what I was doing… I didn’t want to do that stuff, but I was drunk…”

On the other hand.. Sammi saw the same videotape.

Even if she didn’t want to believe it while it was actually going on, she’s seen the episodes in between being in Miami and being back in Jersey. She knows that Ron wasn’t following her rules. She knows that he was hooking up with other chicks and then sliding into bed with her. She knows that EEEEEEEVERYBODY in the house knew about it except for her and nobody let her know. She’s seen the footage of when she went to Pauly and asked him about the note and he was like “Nah. I didn’t see that happen” and then it flashes back to when Pauly was watching, pointing, laughing and cheering Ronnie on for doing his thing in the club.

Johnnie Cochran would have said THERE’S A MOUNTAIN OF EVIDENCE against Ronnie, however, being in a relationship with him was more important to Sammi than having her myriad rules followed. It would seem that the intelligent conclusion is “I’m the type of person that will keep dating someone regardless of whether they’re being sexually exclusive with me or not”. Fighting against that self-perception appears to be what’s driving Sammi crazy.

Love, Hate, Love

Next, we see Sammi sitting around with Deena & Nicole, saying in the same conversation that she Hates Ronnie and she Loves Ronnie. :/

When asked if she’s coming to the club, she replies “If you can find me hot guys and a good time, I’m there”. This statement is ridiculous, as I mentioned in Part 01. If Sammi had wanted “hot guys and a good time”, she wouldn’t have been riding Ronnie’s jock for the last 365 days in a row. Her wanting to party all of a sudden is incredible.. as in NOT. CREDIBLE.

*PRO TIP* – This is the perfect time to borrow some guy’s girl. Not only are they going to drink excessively, but their mental state is that they want to hurt their boyfriend/husband/whatever by making him feel the way they feel by giving away what he wants to be exclusively his… Fortunately for the fellaz, women like this aren’t smart enough to realize that it’s only a temporary mental state and after they give it up to you, they’re not actually going to TELL HIM that they did it, because now they want their relationship back and they don’t feel like getting dumped… So they never get their revenge and you got what you wanted from them with no strings attached. >:D

So after more inane bipolar babbling, the girls get ready to go to the club to find Sammi some hot guys that she doesn’t actually want and doesn’t intend to do anything with.

Meanwhile, Ronnie’s saying he’s going to hang with the fellaz tonight. Vinny, who’s now the undisputed king of the house, goes “Are you sure? I’m pretty creepy, bro! :D”, meaning that if Ronnie hangs with Vinny, they’re gonna be scamming on chicks, so he’d better be sure that’s what he wants to do instead of staying home with Sammi as usual.

Ronnie goes upstairs, leading to a very strange conversation with Sammi. He just told her that they were broken up, yet she asks him what he’s going to do, as if it’s now any of her business. He says he’s going to hang out with his boys (as if they’re not HER boys, too), and she asks “So when a girl comes up to you, what are you gonna do?”. A few jumbled edits later and Sammi’s crying, then screaming, then crying, then she says “I can’t do this with you anymore”.

This is probably the most confusing aspect of Ronnie’s mentality that I can’t understand. Every time he says “This conversation is over” or “I’m not talking to you anymore”, he always ends up in MORE of a conversation with Sammi and she always speaks to him as if he never shut her down. Either she knows it doesn’t mean anything when he speaks, or she’s not willing to accept what he’s saying and he’s not willing to shut her down for real and STOP. RESPONDING. TO. HER.

So then he tells her she should move downstairs and get out of his room. In fact, the room belongs to both of them, because they proudly took a room with three beds, even though they’re a couple, so they could use the better bathroom and have the balcony. This is another irrational statement. If Ronnie doesn’t want to sleep next to Sammi anymore, he can either move or make her want to move. He can’t order her out of the room.

Next, Sammi calls Ronnie a sick pervert. ๐Ÿ™‚ This is girl-speak for “I can’t get you to sexually commit to me exclusively”. There’s nothing wrong with Ronnie other than that he refuses to tell Sammi he’s going to do whatever he wants with chicks because he’s a grown-ass man and she can take it or leave it.

In retaliation, Ronnie calls out that he gets the guest room tonight, implying that he’s going to go to the club and bring at least one girl home and screw her so Sammi can listen in.

Sammi counters with more nonsense, such as “Good luck to you, and I feel sorry for the bitch you take over there”, “You will never, EVER be with somebody like me”, “Go enjoy your ******* life!”

After more babbling between them, Ronnie violates by grabbing Sammi’s stuff, none of which HE paid for, and throwing it out on the balcony, telling her “You’re not welcome in this room. Nobody likes you in this room”. This is another stupid remark, because Mike’s the third person in the room, he’s standing right there, and he isn’t backing Ronnie’s play.

So Sammi yells at Ronnie a couple of times not to touch her stuff, he continues, and next thing you know, Ronnie’s touching his face, telling her “Touch my face again!”. This is when Mike, who claimed he was going upstairs to get his hat (but we know just wanted the front-row seat for the gossip) tries to get Ronnie to come downstairs, fails, and then goes to get the rest of the guys to help him with this situation.

Come Back Here And Get Away From Me!

Some more shenanigans go on, leading Sammie to yell at Ronnie “Get the **** away from me, you ******* psycho ************!”, which is exactly what Ronnie proceeds to do. He’s already walking away while Sammi’s yelling at him, which should be the absolute end of the conflict.

However….. :/

Sammi continues to scream “Stay the **** away from me! I want nothing to ******* do with you, EVER!”.. WHILE charging past the guys and attacking the door that Ronnie just shut so he could get away from her. o_O

While she’s screaming “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”, she’s kicking and punching in the door so she can be back in Ronnie’s presence, like the shadow she’s always been on his ass since season 01. I’ve never seen anything like it. ๐Ÿ˜€

Somehow, two grown-ass men (Vinny & Pauly, because just like I said back when Nicole got punched in her face and dropped in the bar, Mike isn’t trying to lay his hands on ANYONE, certainly not some guy that just decked his female roommate) aren’t able to stop her from getting in the room where Ronnie is. It’s pretty much like that movie “Aliens”, when they have to keep falling back to secure positions as the aliens breach the perimeter.

Backed into the next to last room, Ronnie verbally smacks her in the face with a couple of choice “Stupid Bitch”es and a nice “Get the **** outta my face!” accompanied with a punctuating door-slam, haha ๐Ÿ˜€ Sammi barges into the guest room, still screaming like a banshee while Ronnie TOASTS HER with “I HOPE you don’t come home! I’m gonna have THREE GIRLS in this ******* bed tonight, and I’m gonna **** the **** out of them!.. I’m gonna **** the **** out of them, you bitch!”

Mike still refuses to put his hands on Sammi. Vinny has decided to try to help Ronnie secure the perimeter, which leaves only Pauly to hold Sammi back when he wasn’t able to do it with VInny’s help to begin with. She keeps surging forward, yelling “I’ve had enough of you” while she creeps closer and closer, backing Ronnie up onto the final balcony before he’ll have to jump over the edge to get away from her. Once again, grown-ass men can’t keep a sliding door closed, and the scene ends with Sammi screaming “I HATE YOU” as she does everything she can to make sure she can see Ronnie and be in his presence…

What’s the matter with these people? \o/

Continued in Part 03 Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

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  1. “Johnnie Cochran would have said THEREโ€™S A MOUNTAIN OF EVIDENCE against Ronnie, however, being in a relationship with him was more important to Sammi than having her myriad rules followed. It would seem that the intelligent conclusion is โ€œIโ€™m the type of person that will keep dating someone regardless of whether theyโ€™re being sexually exclusive with me or notโ€. Fighting against that self-perception appears to be whatโ€™s driving Sammi crazy.” –

    That’s EXACTLY it, man! It was her CHOICE to stay with him, regardless of the mountain of evidence! She is not really fighting with HIM, but she is angry with herself and her choice to stay with him. She knows she looks really stupid and pathetic for staying with him. So, she has to make HIM pay for it every day, so she doesn’t have to reflect on her own problems.

    1. Yeah, Steph.. It’s really weird.. Each one of them seems to be interacting with themselves by doing things to the other one.

      That might help to explain why Ronnie always ends up crying about the ENTIRELY PREDICTABLE aftermath of his actions. You break all her stuff? She leaves. What’s not to understand there?

      Sammi’s clearly stuck in her own world. She was oblivious before, and Ron was gettin’ it in at will. Now that nothing’s happening, she’s still oblivious, but this is exactly how she felt when he was cheating on her, so she acts out based on her paranoia.

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