Jersey Shore s03 e07 [Part 03]

Continuing our coverage of the longest argument in “reality” television history that never should have occurred in the first place…

Get It In

After the commercial break, Sammi’s still surging forward, doing all she can to physically be in Ronnie’s presence, while screaming “I HATE YOU” and “I NEVER WANT TO LOOK AT YOU EVER AGAIN!”.

Ronnie, now trapped on the balcony, since grown-ass men can’t stop Sammi from surging forward, counters with “Good! Because I don’t even ******* like you! That’s why I cheated on you in Miami!”

Now.. I’m a professional snapper. I’ve been hurting kids’ feelings since I was in kindergarten. I can tell you that Ronnie is roasting and toasting Sammi because he has way better material.

Sammi regurgitates non-specific, meaningless statements. Once you tell someone “I hate you”, you can’t get the same impact by repeating yourself. It’s like jumping out from behind a corner and scaring someone. You can’t get the same effect if you go back around the corner and immediately jump out again.

Ronnie, OTOH, is coming with FRESH material and PERSONALIZED snaps that are going to be extremely hurtful to Sammi because he’s talking about facts and history, not vague references to general feelings like hate.

Sammi comes back with “You don’t deserve it!”, which was essentially a waste of her turn, because she didn’t hurt Ronnie’s feelings, and then she got counterpunched with “I can have better! I got girls cooking me dinner. I’ve been with you for a year, how many times you cook for me? NONE! You ******* useless, spoiled bitch!”

I mean, Sammi’s just getting BLAZED every single time, because she doesn’t have any material on Ronnie. While he’s been making out with chicks, dancing, getting numbers and who knows what else, Sammi’s been either at home by herself or following Ronnie around like his puppy. She has nothing to say. She can’t say she has guys cooking for her. She can’t say she has guys’ numbers. She can’t say she’s been getting laid. She can’t say she’s been making out. She can’t call Ronnie useless, because he’s been the center of her life for the past full year… She should have just STFU when he walked away from her and spared herself the heartbreak, humiliation and eventual embarrassment when the episode dropped.

The funny part about Ronnie’s snaps are that they’re 100% true, and he can’t take them back after this fight is over. 😀 It’s a fact that she’s never cooked for him. It’s a fact that other than making him look good by having an attractive girl with him when he goes places, she’s useless. When cooler heads eventually prevail, you can retract “I hate you” and “I never want to see you again”, because neither statement means anything or references anything factual or specific.

So when you’re snapping, go BIG or go HOME! >:D

Once Sammi finally went away, Ronnie threw all her belongings out of their room and onto the balcony. This was another violation on his part. On his way out the door, he calls Sammi a slut, which doesn’t make any sense.

My takeaway from that verbal fight was that both of them say things that have no basis in reality whatsoever, but that are focused on being something that they suspect would get on the other person’s nerves. Saying “I never want to see you again”, while you’re struggling to lay your eyes on someone is just completely stupid. Calling a chick a slut after YOU admitted that YOU cheated on her lots of times and you also stipulated to the fact that she never cheated on you during that time is equally stupid.

I’m not used to arguments like that, because I know rational people. If I tell someone “THAT’S WHY I’M 6’11” AND PLAY IN THE NBA!!!”, they’re either going to tell me I’m full of **** or they’re going to laugh in my face. I don’t know anyone that gets offended by obviously untrue statements.

She. Does. Not. Have. A. Man.

So, Ronnie leaves with the guys to go to the bar. Jenni’s out with Roger. That leaves Sammi at home with The Malachi Brothers, Nicole & Deena.

Ronnie, knowing that Sammi’s mind doesn’t work properly, egged her on by telling her a) not to worry about what he was going to do if a girl approached him, because they’re broken up now, and b) that he was going to bring THREE girls back to the house and screw them all in the guest room.

Never in the history of “Jersey Shore” has one of those dudes pulled three chicks all for himself, so Ronnie clearly wasn’t going to be able to do what he said, but he knew that Sammi wasn’t smart enough to figure that out and it would drive her up the wall.

So Sammi’s imagining Ronnie bringing girls home while she’s hanging out with Frick & Frack and Nicole goes “He wants to play that dirty game with you? We can play it ten times as hard”. um… Actually, No. No, you can’t.

In order to play the same game, you need to be the same type of person. Ronnie was making out with chicks in the club, not Sammi. The only game Sammi’s good at is “Tell grown-ass men what they can or can’t do with their lives because they let her do that so they can keep getting laid”. Hooking up with random guys doesn’t do anything for Sammi. Hooking up with random girls does WONDERS for Ronnie! 😀

So.. No. You can’t play the “I’m gonna do what you do” game unless you get the same benefits out of doing it. You can’t play it the same, and you CERTAINLY can’t play it 10x as hard.

Nicole & Deena continue their plan by saying “We should put you in something really hot, really really hot, let’s go to Aztec, get drunk and have fun.. We will dance our asses off! :D”

*PRO TIP* – Ladies… If you’re in a relationship, Do. Not. Accept. Advice. From. Thirsty-Ass. Chicks. That. Can’t. Get. A. Boyfriend. Of. Their. Own!

If you’re going to listen to what a woman thinks about your situation, let it be a woman that has a track record of being in successful relationships (or, at least one), that can tell you what the AFTERMATH of a situation might be.

The reason chicks like this come up with stupid ideas like “Let’s dress you up and get you drunk and have you dance with guys” is because THEY. HAVE. NO. MEN. TO. LOSE!.. Nothing. First of all, they can barely get guys AT ALL. Nicole’s been throwing sex at guys that don’t want to take it ever since day 01 of season 01, a full year ago. Deena got naked in front of Mike and he didn’t want it. She AND Nicole climbed into bed with Mike, and when Nicole left, Mike bounced too. These are NOT the chicks that you want to solicit advice from when you’ve already been in a relationship for a full year.

In fact, as we find out later in the episode… These two chicks aren’t smart enough, with two full human-sized brains between them to figure out that they need to GET A SCREWDRIVER and dismantle your bed so they can bring it downstairs. If they can’t tell that a piece of wood can’t fit down a staircase, what makes you think they’re brilliant relationship strategists? o_O

This is how a lot of y’all females end up ruining whatever you might have had left of your relationships, listening to chicks that have never been in your position and have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you blow it, dressing up and acting like you’re handing out ass when everybody knows you’re really not. Unless you want to end up single and thirsty JUST LIKE THEM, stop following their stupid advice.

The best part of that scene is when Deena’s yelling “SINGLE LADIES, STAND UP!!!” while she’s entirely oblivious to the fact that Sammi’s “single lady” bed and most of her belongings now reside on the balcony instead of inside her room and closet. 😀

The Big Payback

So the guys go to the bar and then the girls dress up to go to the same bar. One of the Malachis yells “I love Single Sammi”, which again emphasizes the backwards nature of how people present themselves these days.

Thanks to people like Oprah and Dr. Phil telling people they can be whatever they think they are, which is an outright lie, people have been convinced that they can turn on a dime. If you’re fat and you think you’re slim… YOU’RE SLIM! 😀 If you’re in a relationship and you think you’re single… YOU’RE SINGLE! 😀

In fact, the idea that Sammi would be over her relationship with Ronnie minutes after they had that intense, passionate verbal fight, is entirely insane.

Since she THINKS that putting on a dress and shaking her ass in front of dudes she’s not going to have sex with anyway, and most certainly isn’t going to get into a relationship with, makes her a “single lady”… she IS A SINGLE LADY!!! 😀

So, Ewok Posse heads to the bar where the fellaz are already having a good time.

Sammi says in her confessional “I’m going to Aztec tonight for one reason.. Get Ron back, the best way I know how.”

Now, at this point, I was still like “ha, ha, ha, That’s not gonna work! :D”. I had taken Ronnie’s word and actions to mean that he FIIIIIINALLY was done with this Sammi nonsense and the rest of the season was going to be salvaged. I was sure that there was no way that he was going to be affected by this obvious ploy. 🙂

The way I see it, guys shouldn’t throw away girls until they’re finished with them. Not only did Ronnie say it’s over and that they were broken up, but he threw her bed out on the balcony, scattered her belongings everywhere, called her at least 80,000 bitches in one argument, threw in slut & dirtbag, called her useless, said he didn’t even like her and that’s why he cheated on her in Miami… dude… What THE **** were you thinking if you weren’t DONE with this chick? o_O

So they show Sammi dancing with some dude she doesn’t know from Adam, and they show Ronnie standing around, presumably watching her dancing. For some reason, they never shot over Ronnie’s shoulder, showing him actually seeing Sammi “giving up ass” to dudes. I suspect they only had one camera on the scene, and it had to switch between filming the dancing and looking towards Ronnie from where the dancing was going on.

I was still, still, STILL maintaining my last shred of hope that Ronnie wasn’t going to fall for this, when he walks over to Sammi and says “You wanna dance with dudes? **** YOU!” 😀 haha and that was all she wrote. I’m over it. 🙂 I have no more hope in the return of Single Ronnie. His battleship’s sunk.

He did like 96x more stuff than she did, got ratted out by Nicole & Jenni, admitted it to Sammi, and just an hour before, had screamed in her face that he didn’t even like her, which is WHY he cheated on her in Miami (which wasn’t true, but he still said it), threw her stuff around, called her ‘out her name’ like, a zillion times, and all she does is dance with some dude and you freak out? :/

Wack. :/

Who Are You, Really?

What was even worse was that leaving the club and walking back to the house, Ronnie looked absolutely comatose. 😀 haha He looked SO hurt and SO mad… Damn, man.. What happened to “Don’t worry about what I’m going to do if a chick walks up to me! We’re broken up!”? 😀

This is where that Oprah stuff comes in. Saying that you’re something doesn’t make you automatically anything CLOSE to what you’re saying you are. Believing that you’re something doesn’t make it true. You’re over someone when you’re over them and before that, you’re not. It’s that simple.

If a chick punches you in your face eight times in seven days and you still want to date her, sucks to be you, but that’s your life. If a dude cheats on you incessantly and you still want to be his girlfriend, sucks to be you, but that’s your life. If you want to leave someone, but you have four kids and no earning potential, sucks to be you, but that’s your life.

His confessional statement about the situation was “Whether you’re broken up or not, I think that’s just disrespectful”. I agree with that statement, entirely. I wouldn’t be happy to see a chick I just finished messing with acting like she’s going to hook up with some other guy immediately. However, I would realize that if she actually wanted to hook up with a dude, she could have done it anywhere EXCEPT where I was, so she was clearly putting on a show for my benefit and I would have taken it for what it is.. a show. On top of that, if I had blatantly disrespected HER in the relationship and she called herself “getting me back”, I’d have to eat that, because what goes around comes around.

Of course… 😀 Instead of accepting his paybacks, Ronnie proceeds to trash all of Sammi’s belongings, none of which he paid for himself, adding yet ANOTHER charge to his disrespect tab…

From that point on, I’m completely confused by the Ronnie/Sammi storyline.

It’s like they’ve built a relationship that’s held together by hurting each other without actually breaking up.

First, they’re vindictively angry at each other, then they’re crying together.

First, they’re talking about “Single Ronnie” and “Single Sammi”, then they’re sitting down discussing her broken glasses from Ronnie’s rampage, then Ronnie tells her not to talk to him again for the rest of the season, then he cries by himself, loudly (according to Pauly) in the bathroom all night, then he wants to talk Sammi out of leaving, then he holds her and they cry together after he says “Look.. If you want to go home, I’ll let you go… as much as it kills me”…

WHAT? o_O I’m completely confused! 😀 I’ve never seen anything like it. You would swear that they BOTH had split personalities and didn’t have any control over disrespecting each other. Evil Sammi punched Good Ronnie in the face. Evil Ronnie broke all of Good Sammi’s belongings. Evil Sammi dressed up and “danced with guys” (hahaha so silly :D). Evil Ronnie made out with girls at the club before crawling into bed and hooking up with Good Sammi. This whole thing is amazing and amusing at the same time.

If you have any clues that might shed light on this situation, feel free to leave them in the comments. I don’t have any. I thought I had a handle on the situation until I watched this one episode. Personally, I don’t know how it could be difficult for someone to act nicely towards someone they like, and/or feel physically attracted to, and for someone, even that same person, to act like a jerk towards people they don’t like or respect.

I’ve never experienced someone who did everything they could to drive someone away and then sobbed profusely when they found out that person was leaving. I’ve never experienced someone that would repeatedly scream “GET AWAY FROM ME” at someone, while physically chasing them through a house, kicking doors open to be back in their presence AFTER that person had already walked away.

EDIT: A comment from a friend pointed me to looking up Borderline Personality Disorder:

BPD splitting includes a switch between idealizing and demonizing others. This, combined with mood disturbances, can undermine relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.

An unfortunate aspect of the dating game is that people do so much to conceal their idiosyncrasies and seem like middle-of-the-road people that sometimes, you don’t find out that you’re interacting with a lunatic until it’s too late… Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

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