We’re Just Friends!!!

I had brought this up before.. about how Sammi’s brain doesn’t cope well with information she doesn’t like.

When Ronnie told her it was over, she asked him like 85 different times to confirm it in at least 97,000 different ways before it finally sank in that he was serious and their “relationship” was over.

This week, Sammi’s lack of brainpower MIPS (Millions of Instructions Per Second) bit her in the ass….. HARD! 😀 HAHAHA

When you’re interrogating someone, the best thing to do is ask questions that you already know the answer to.

If I ask you “Did you go straight home?” and you say “Yes” and then I ask you “Did you go straight home?”, it’s in your best interest to consider that a) I don’t believe you, and b) I probably know something you didn’t think I knew.

This is what happened to Sammi. Nicole pulled her to the side, and with a stern look on her grill, asked “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”, to which, Sammi replied “I don’t text ANYBODY!”, and then Nicole asked Deena what the guy’s name was.

It’s right at that point in time that your brain is supposed to inform you that you’re busted. Instead, Sammi continued to deny. This is because, like I said the other day, people’s word isn’t worth **** anymore, and she’s used to saying and doing anything she wants and nobody’s worthless opinion trumps hers.

Unfortunately for her, this time, there was physical evidence.. Text messages FROM HER to the guy, on his phone, that came from her account, and had her picture attached to the messages.



Basically, Sammi & Ronnie have been dating since the beginning of season 01, or about a full year. In season 02, Ronnie “cheated” on Sammi a bunch of times and she pretended to get over it so she could look cool, but it was actually driving her crazy.

They broke up a couple of episodes ago, after Ronnie told her it was over, so Sammi thought it would be a good idea to take Nicole & Deena’s advice and dress up, go to the club and rub her ass on some other dude so Ronnie could watch and feel jealous.

Ronnie proceeded to stroll home and destroy all of her belongings, including her prescription glasses, so she ended up going home.

Sammi came back relatively quickly. I think they said on the show that she was gone for a week or so.

Upon her return, she and Ronnie got back together, naturally, because they have nothing better to do with their lives.

The problem is that apparently, as soon as she went home, while Ronnie was crying about her and ordering flowers sent to her house, Sammi started texting this guy that arrived at the club and was the flashpoint for the ensuing ruckus.

Instead of fessing up, she tried to play it off and failed miserably.

Sammi was in the right to text the dude and invite him to come see her, because she and Ronnie had broken up before she left the house, so she was absolutely single. However.. Ronnie expected her to not to kick it to some rebound dude the very next day.

When Sammi returned, she could have admitted it, but elected not to.

In fact, she was actually dumb enough to go to the club that she texted the guy to meet her at. This is what happens when someone who’s used to being a girlfriend tries to do treacherous, sneaky things. It normally doesn’t work out because she doesn’t have any practice in it.

So she doesn’t admit she was texting some other dude, gets back together with Ronnie, and goes WITH RONNIE to the club that she had told the other guy to meet her at (being that she had been single at the time).

Actually, what’s even dumber about what happened is that she KNEW that the guy she was texting was friends with Mike “The Snitchuation”, the neighborhood gossip & town crier.. Absolutely THE WORST PERSON that she could have had knowing her personal business.

Beginning Of The End

So dude shows up to the bar and asks Mike where Sammi is and announces that she told him to meet her there.

The reason this happened is that Sammi FAILED to send him the “I’m back together with my boyfriend” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Act like you don’t know me” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Don’t **** up my relationship with Ronnie” text message.

So, as far as dude knew, Sammi was still single, and still wanted to see him. He was there to see her and was ready to get it jumpin’ off. >:D

Mike asks him for proof, so dude breaks out his cell phone and scrolls through messages Sammi sent him during the few days she was out of the house / broken up with Ronnie.

In an intelligent move, Mike calls Jenni over and has dude show her the messages. Jenni informs Nicole & Deena about what’s happening, and Nicole decides to run and tell Sammi she’s busted before Ronnie finds out and flips out on her.

Nicole pulls Sammi away from Ronnie, and asks her “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”

This should have triggered a memory search by Sammi. She should either have wondered “WHICH GUY is Nicole talking about?” or, if there aren’t a vast number of guys, she should have the name(s) available for her right off the bat.

The question was not “ARE you texting any guys?”. The question was not “Are you talking to anyone besides Ronnie?”. Nicole asked her for specific information about a specific action. It’s the difference between someone asking you “Do you have money on you?” and “Which ATM did you get that $100 in your pocket from?”. The fact that someone is aware of how much money you have on you, *AND* that you went to an ATM to get it indicates that they’re referencing something specific, not taking a shot in the dark.

The answer to “Where did you get the money in your pocket?” is not “I don’t have money in my pocket”, when you know ******* damned well that you DO have money in your pocket, and exactly the amount you’re being asked about, which you retrieved from an ATM, to boot. The response is either a) “How do you know how much money I have?”, b) “How do you know I went to an ATM”, or c) I went to the ATM at Crenshaw & Slauson.

Similarly.. The response to “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?” is either a) “Who told you I was texting a guy?”, b) “How do you know I’ve been texting a guy?”, or c) a list of names of the guys you’ve been texting…. The answer “I don’t text ANYBODY!” clearly isn’t going to save your ass, because the way the question was formed indicates knowledge of your actions prior to approaching you.

So Sammi lies and says she hasn’t been texting any guys. She had already been busted on the reunion special for season 01 when they showed footage of her commiserating with Mike about this guy that she had been talking to behind Ronnie’s back. There was footage of her and Mike in her room and also driving together in the car, talking about her treachery, and for some odd reason, Snitchuation backed her play, violating “Guy Code” or “Dude Code” or “Bro Code” or whatever they call it, and completely siding with “Girl Code”, like Ronnie accused him of a full year later.

This was a problem as well. Nicole had stepped to Sammi so they could get their lies straight and do damage control. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is….

Believing Your Own Hype

I have to go off on a tangent, here. 😀 If you’re an attractive female, and it seems like everybody agrees with what you say, they don’t. It’s easier to get laid if you agree with what hawt chicks say, is why nobody argues with you. Also, your opinions don’t have any bearing on anything important, so there’s no reason to jar you from your illusions and delusions.

Please don’t let this go to your head, where you think you’re actually SMARTER than the people surrounding you. When people know you’re wrong, they STFU so they can remain in your good graces and get the benefits. Girls benefit from the trickle-down guys they get to rap to that you reject. Guys get to benefit because they get to screw you.

Do yourself a favor, and figure out your relative intelligence before you attempt to run scams or lie about texting guys behind your recently-broken-up-with boyfriend’s back.

So.. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is, doesn’t take advantage of this golden opportunity that Nicole gave her. Since she’s used to saying something and believing that people accept her word as bond, her brain elects to override the facts with belligerence. Her brain decides that she’s going to shout everyone down and tell them how it is, like Travolta in “Get Shorty”.

Had she been mentally functioning within the realm of reality, as soon as Nicole & Deena told her that there is a guy, on the premises, with a smartphone, that has text messages from her, with her face on them, inviting him to this very club to come see her, she would have sent Deena on the sneaks to try to tell the dude to play it off and not tell Ronnie what’s going on.

She couldn’t have gone, herself, because Ronnie would have followed her. She couldn’t have sent Nicole, because Ronnie would have watched where she went and come over to interrogate Sammi.

None of this matters, because Sammi’s response was to go on the warpath.

Nicole tells her “You texted him to come here tonight” and Sammi’s response is “No, I didn’t!”. Once again, wasted scheming time. Stop trying to dictate reality. You are not Nostradamus. You are not a Jedi. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself… *NOW*, Not only did Nicole tell you the name of the dude, and that he’s here in the club right now, and that he already told the fellaz that you told him to come see you here, but she’s telling you WHAT. YOU. SAID. IN. YOUR. MESSAGES. that he has with him, on his phone, right now, and that he’s already shown to Mike, Jenni, Deena and herself, and you’re STILL DENYING THAT YOU TEXTED HIM???

This chick is really dense. I think she would still have tried to deny if Chris Hanson had offered for her to sit down and have some lemonade.

Lesser Included Charges

Next, Sammi does the worst thing she could have done, and without making a plan with her girls about how she’s going to get over, she goes back over to where Ronnie is.

This is where I have to give Mike Snitchuation ultimate credit for his plotting. It worked out perfectly. Sammi still would have been busted if Mike had gone directly to Ronnie, because the evidence was in dude’s phone, but the fact that Mike enlisted ALL OF THE GIRLS ahead of time made Sammi look like a complete AssHat while they collectively explained the situation to Ronnie.

Sammi played “I’m so confused.. What are you talking about? :O” while Jenni and Nicole explained to her in front of Ronnie that the dude is here, he said Sammi invited her to come see him and he has the text messages still on his phone, to prove it, including her ******* picture on the texts.

So then, Sammi changes her story, ENTIRELY, right before Ronnie’s eyes.

All of a sudden, it’s not “I don’t text anybody” and “No I didn’t”, but rather “I will go ******* confront that guy, Arvin, and Mike, together, because let me tell you something… Arvin’s my friend from home!”

I’ve seen this a million times. Of course, guys do this too, but I’ve seen chicks change their excuse on the fly, when reality finally sets in that they’re not going to win.

You can’t change your excuse from “I didn’t have sex with him” to “I had sex with him because I was drunk” to “I made a mistake” to “I don’t remember having sex with him”… Which one is it? o_O

Unfortunately for you, excuses don’t cascade like Lesser Included Charges. If someone’s accused of Murder 1, they might actually be convicted of Murder 2 or Manslaughter, which is the exact same charge with lower levels of culpability / premeditation, so they carry lower sentences. Excuses don’t work like that. “He’s my friend from home” doesn’t fit inside “I didn’t text him”. “I texted him because we’re friends” doesn’t fit inside “I don’t text anybody”. Either you were lying at first, or you’re lying now.

What “Friends” Means

Also, just last month, I talked about what women MEAN in these situations when they say a guy is their “friend”. They don’t mean they like each other and pal around. They’re indicating that they don’t have sex with this particular male of the species.

For some reason that’s completely beyond me, women think that calling a guy their friend actually deflects suspicion. I just don’t get it. I mean.. When was the last time that a chick actually ADMITTED that she’s givin’ it up? o_O .. Like, to someone that’s not her boyfriend or husband?

Never, that’s when.

Any. Guy. That. A. Chick. Doesn’t. Want. To. Admit. She’s. Hooking. Up. With. Will. Be. Called. Her. Friend.

Get a clue, ladies. Everybody knows what time it is. I know you have to play it off, but don’t do yourself the disservice of believing that anybody believes you when you say it.

*PRO TIP* – Real Friends have something in common. That’s why they’re friends. People aren’t friends for no reason. This is why calling a guy your “friend” doesn’t fly. Just because you have a nice ass and he happens to like nice asses, that’s something you share in common, but it’s not something that makes you friends.

If you insist on using this as a cover, make sure you add the functionality of your so-called friendship in the explanation. “We work in the same industry”. “We both enjoy flying kites”. “We’re both studying Italian in the same class”. “We both have stamp and/or butterfly collections”. Make up SOMETHING that possibly explains why in the hell he would elect to be “friends” with you instead of boning you.

*PRO TIP #2* – If you’re going to go the “He’s my friend” route, make sure you select a guy that actually makes friends with girls for reasons other than eventually or immediately having sex with them.

DO NOT select a guy that’s a Hunter and expect anybody to believe he’s not doing his damnedest to screw you.

DO NOT select a guy that’s homeboys with your male roommate, who knows damned well that this dude doesn’t give a **** about you other than trying to hook up with you.

DO NOT invite your so-called “friend” to meet you at a club. Do not invite him to meet you at a club where your boyfriend will be in attendance. If you have to say something in public, play it off like you want to meet him for coffee (when everybody that knows him knows damned well that he NEVER drinks coffee and only drinks beer). Make some kind of platonic-looking excuse to spend time with him so that when you finally get busted, you can be like “So what? I had coffee with my friend. Big deal!”.

So.. Basically… As soon as Sammi changed her story from “I didn’t text anybody” to “I texted this Hunter and told him I wanted to see him and to meet me at a nightclub because he’s someone I know platonically from home that I don’t hook up with”, Ronnie knew what time it was.

Edited Conversations

I really don’t know what Sammi hoped to accomplish by confronting the two guys who were in control of the physical evidence of her actions. It was too late. The cat was out of the bag. Jenni, Nicole, and Deena had already seen her face next to the BBM text messages on the dude’s phone.

What was she going to do? Tell him to erase them? 😀 People had already seen them. She had already changed her excuse. She wasn’t denying that she sent him the messages, she was saying that it was OK that she sent him the messages because they share a platonic relationship together, based on………… o_O

So Sammi brings Ronnie over and steps to the dude. MTV proceeds to do a very creative edit that doesn’t make any sense at all. They make the conversation go:

Sammi: “You’re my friend”
Dude: “Yeah”
Sammi: “That’s It?”
Dude: “So?”

Then, they do a conspicuous cutaway to Ronnie standing there doing nothing so they don’t have to play the rest of the dialogue in the conversation, and next second, Ronnie’s walking away, upset, going “It’s fine. I’m going to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom”.

This doesn’t make any sense at all, but it was the best edit the MTV producers could come up with based on whatever raw footage they had.

I’ve never had this happen to me, because chicks aren’t stupid enough to think I’m going to back their play if they bring their boyfriends to me, asking questions about my personal business. We can extrapolate what actually happened from the facts that we have:

  1. Dude is AT THE CLUB BECAUSE Ronnie’s girlfriend (ex at the time) texted him, told him she wanted to see him and invited him to that specific club to spend time with her.
  2. Ronnie was at home crying over Sammi and sending her flowers while she was texting with this dude.
  3. Dude has the physical evidence ON HIM, in his phone, and everybody’s seen it already.
  4. Sammi initially denied sending the texts, then admitted sending the texts while explaining that this guy is a platonic friend of hers.
  5. Sammi claimed she was going to confront Mike and the dude, implying that she was going to get them to recant their story.
  6. With Ronnie standing right there, she asked the dude if he was her friend.
  7. Dude replied “Yes”.
  8. Sammi asked “That’s it?”, requesting confirmation from him that they’re not messing around.
  9. Dude replied “So?” instead of “No. We’re not messing with each other”.
  10. More conversation occurred that MTV deleted.
  11. Ronnie is upset and claims he has to go to the bathroom so he can escape the embarrassment.

Now.. If dude had said, in the part that MTV deleted “Listen, man.. I’m not kickin’ it with your girl. We’re “just friends” and she wanted to meet me here and have a drink and talk about her relationship to you, so I got dressed up, got a fresh haircut and drove my ass all the way here to this club, paid to get in and then paid for outrageously-priced drinks while I was waiting for Sammi to arrive for our platonic conversation about you that we can’t even have because it’s too ******* loud in here, so I probably would have had to take her to my SUV with the tinted windows and talked to her in the back…” Ronnie would have been ok with that.

That’s obviously not what happened.


One possibility is that Sammi and Ronnie stepped up, dude produced his phone, showed it to Ronnie and said “Here’s what your girlfriend sent me”, and let the facts speak for themselves.

Another possibility is that he didn’t deny messing with her.

This is what I mean about women trying to hide behind the term “friends”. Sammi asked him if he was her friend, and he said “yes”. That means that he likes her as a person. It doesn’t mean he’s never ****** her. Also, I’m sure Ronnie’s been in lots of situations where a chick he was screwing told people that he was her friend. Whether they believed it or not doesn’t change the facts of their relationship and sexual involvement.

This is why I’m suspicious of the word “So?” being the end of the conversation. It can’t be. She would have had to counter that with “You and I have never had sex, right?”, and then the entire situation goes downhill.

The problem here is that Sammi’s asking the dude to say “Yes, I’m a Herb. I hang out with girls for no reason at all. I don’t like to screw attractive chicks.”.. The second problem is that even if dude decided to lie about that for her benefit, he’s actually friends with Mike and has probably hung out with Ronnie before as well. That means they’ve all hunted together. That means Ronnie already knows damned well that this dude wouldn’t come to see Sammi for some bullshit platonic reason.

Another possibility is that dude showed Ronnie the text messages and said “No disrespect to you, dude. She told me y’all broke up. She invited ME to come spend time with her. I wasn’t trying to cut your throat. She never told me y’all got back together.”

He wasn’t obliged to say all that, because whatever he’s doing with Sammi is his own personal business and none of Ronnie’s business. If he’s friends with Ronnie, a very basic “Your ex girlfriend threw sex at me” is easily understandable and there should be no hard feelings in either direction. There was no reason for Ronnie to be disrespectful towards him for coming to a club to meet a newly-single female he wants to ****, and there was no reason for him to be disrespectful towards Ronnie for asking him about his personal business with Sammi.

Another possibility is that he told Ronnie “Yo. Mind your business.”

I doubt that’s what happened, because he had already told Mike, who told everybody else, so Ronnie was going to find out one way or the other. On top of that, dude is an actual friend of Mike’s, so there’s no reason for them not to clear the air so there aren’t any misunderstandings.

Another possibility is that he played the platonic friend role, but wasn’t convincing.

I doubt that’s what happened, because Mike and Ronnie know who he is and that he does the same thing they do when it comes to chicks.

Again, I’ve never been in this situation, so I can’t really say what I would have done.

What I *WOULDN’T* have done is ask Mike where Sammi is instead of just texting her ass and telling her to meet me by the bar. Either that, or physically going to find her, in which case, I would have seen Ronnie shadowing her and I would have known they were back in action.

Most likely, purely hypothetically, my reaction to Sammi and Ronnie coming to ask me about my personal business would depend on the level of friendship I had with Sammi. If she and I were TIGHT, I’d fall on my sword and go the “I’m a Herb” route, because I’m gonna do whatever I want with her ANYWAY, regardless of what her man thinks of me. If it makes her life better for her boyfriend or whatever to believe I’m a chump that hangs out with his girlfriend playing scrabble, that works for me.

If we weren’t cool like that, I would have shown Ronnie the text messages with his girlfriend’s face on it, let him read the evidence for himself, and said “If y’all are back together, cool. She said she was single now and wanted to spend time with me, so here I am.”

The other problem with the footage is that the dude looked completely calm in every single frame. There’s no “My bad, dude.” in his demeanor. He doesn’t look as if he just took one for the team and claimed he’s never messed with Sammi. He looks like “Whatever, dude.”, which is totally not the response Sammi was hoping to receive by “confronting” him and Mike.

The confrontation was supposed to yield a reversal from both guys. It clearly didn’t.

Whatever was said, Ronnie was rather upset, and broke up with Sammi, *AGAIN*! 😀 hahaha

Somehow, they end up in the kitchen, when Ronnie had claimed he had to go to the bathroom, and Ronnie proceeds to throw a min-fit: “Have fun with the girls.. I didn’t ******* call NO GIRLS while you were gone… I had every chance, on Thursday, to bring the ******* HOTTEST girl in the club home, and I ******* DIDN’T, because I was CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH over ******* YOU!”

As much as I detest commenting on their juvenile, elementaryschoolesque relationship, I feel I should say that “If I had known you were sending text messages to another guy, I would have ****** this girl I met the other day” isn’t a good look.

You Betta Recognize!!!

The next thing that happens is that Sammi starts breakin’ on Mike, telling him she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Snitchuation’s response is basically “Don’t get mad at ME because YOU got busted! :D”.

In fact, Sammi has nothing to be mad at Mike for, because even though he was snitching and gossiping as usual, this time it worked out in the favor of the guys instead of the girls. Under “Guy Code”, Mike was obliged to inform Ronnie that his girl has been throwing it at his friend. Sammi has already benefiited from “Girl Code”, because if not for that, “The Letter” would never have been written, and she wouldn’t have been invited to sleep in the girls’ room after Ronnie destroyed all her stuff.

Typically, even though it may have been left out in the edit, there has been ZERO heartfelt apology from Sammi. She denied all the way to the end of the episode that she was messing with that dude. She kept saying “He’s. My. FRIEND!!!”, to which Vinny eventually casually replied “Girls don’t have friends that are guys.”

The bottom line, ladies, is that if you’re gonna mess with a shark, give him the respect of remembering that he’s a ******* SHARK! >:D .. He doesn’t believe anything you say. He lets it slide because it doesn’t matter, and it’s easier to have sex with you if you think he believes you’re right.

You can’t get away with the same excuses that work on Herbs because Hunters live in the real world and have been on both sides of the equation. They’ve been the guy lied to and they’ve been the guy that the gal lied to her boyfriend or husband about. They’ve told the lies to get the girl to give it up and they’ve told the lies that help their close homegirls maintain their relationships. They’ve looked dudes square in the eye and told them “Nah, I’m not ******* your woman” when they just got up off of her an hour ago.

Do yourselves a favor, ladies… Give a shark respect for who he is, and he’ll give you respect for recognizing game and coming correct.

Even though Ronnie sold out in the beginning of season 01, I said from the first time I saw the show that he should have been the top dog and squad leader over Pauly, Mike & Vinny when it comes to pulling chicks… Just because he’s been crying every episode and exhibiting Herb-like behavior doesn’t mean he’s not a shark at heart.

If your man’s an accountant or something, go ahead and tell him that you were texting another shark to meet you at a nightclub for platonic reasons. He’ll buy it. He’s not even going to be able to IMAGINE the kinky ways his girlfriend or wife gives it up when she’s with guys that actually turn her on and know how to put her body to work.

If you decide to date a badboy, understand that if you introduce him to another badboy as your so-called friend, they’re going to be able to detect each other, which most likely isn’t going to work out in your favor.

Mistaken Identity

I recently had a weird situation occur, along these same lines, but for the exact opposite reason.

I ran into this chick that I know but that I’ve never messed with. She could definitely get it, because she’s FOYINE, but I’ve never hooked up with her, dated her, nothing. She and I would actually qualify as “friends” in the platonic sense, not because I wouldn’t hit it, but because I haven’t yet.

I hadn’t seen her in well over a year, maybe even close to two. I greeted her, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and asked her how everything was going. She replied “eeh. :/” and seemed to be looking past me, over my left shoulder as she was walking away.

I found her statement and response odd, but didn’t think anything of it, because I hadn’t seen her in so long that who knows what the hell had happened in her life during that time. \o/

So later, there was a baby crawling around, maybe a year old, and this baby crawls over to me and is really friendly, haha, most likely because we’re approximately the same color and have the same texture of hair.

In fact, I had never seen that kid before in my entire life. Being the friendly person that I am, I smiled and waved at the baby and he smiled and waved back.

20-30 minutes passed, and a mutual friend of mine and that chick’s was talking to some dude I’ve never seen before in life and decided to introduce us. I walked over and shook his hand, but he seemed really stiff.. tight.. as if he had some kind of problem with me that I wasn’t aware of.

Shortly after that, I had another run-in with the baby, except this time, the girl I hadn’t seen in ages was interacting with him in a way that indicated to me that she was most likely his mother.

This put all the pieces together for me 😀

The guy was stiff because he’s her boyfriend, and purportedly the baby’s father.

Meanwhile, a guy he’s never seen before shows up, knows his girlfriend, her kid looks like me and is very comfortable around me…. hahaha Like they say on The Maury Show, I am ONE THOUSAND PERCENT POSITIVE I am not the father, because I’ve literally never had sex with her ever in life.

If he had asked me, I would have said “Nope. I’ve never dated or messed with your woman.”.. Not because it’s any business of his, because if he’s worried about whether he’s the pops or not, he needs to spend the money on a paternity test, but rather because I’m actually *NOT* messing with her, and The Ki-Hid Is Not My Son! >:D

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      ok.. You caught me. 😀

      The only thing I know about Crenshaw and Slauson (which I thought was called Slawson before I Googled it) is from watching Boyz N The Hood! 😀 HAHAHA

      Either they don’t know…
      Don’t show…..
      Or don’t care what goes on in The Hood! 🙁

      HAHAHA 😀

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