Girls Don’t Have Friends That Are Guys

Now.. Before you start crying about the title, haha “Girls don’t have friends that are guys” is a direct quote from Vinny on Jersey Shore, from when Sammi was trying to convince Ronnie that this other guy she invited to come see her at a club was a “friend” of hers.

I already talked about that situation in “We’re Just Friends!!!”, so go check that out if you want the background details from the episode. Right now, I want to speak generally about people who pretend to be “friends” with other people.

Friends

  1. Men pretend to be friends with women so they can have sex with them.
  2. Women pretend to be friends with men so they can claim they’re not having sex with them.

Bill CammackAre there males and females that actually ARE friends?
Absolutely.

They’re friends for the same reason that anybody else is friendly towards each other… they have something in common. They enjoy the same music, they both like building computers from individual parts, they play the same sports, have similar tastes in women.. whatever.

However.. There are lots of guys that pretend to be friends with a gal because they know that’s the only way they’re going to be able to stay in the pocket long enough to hook up with her.

It’s like rap game 101.. It’s like the first smooth trick the cavemen learned or something. If you step to a female and say “You look good, I feel like tappin’ that”, she’s going to go “EEW!!! HE ONLY WANTS ME FOR MY BODY! :(“.. which is true.. and then she proceeds to give you a hard time in getting it.

Meanwhile, if you would have said “Pleasant weather we’re having today! :D”, you’ll be able to get on much faster, because even though nothing at all is different from your point of view, and you only spoke to her because you were hoping to have sex with her as soon as possible after the first second you saw her, she’s not actively mentally defending against giving you what you want.

Cat?.. Meet Bag

Reality normally becomes apparent to women in a couple of ways.. First of all, when he finally decides that he’s never going to get to hook up with her and then he abruptly stops contacting her or responding to her calls, texts & emails, and second, when he decides that HE DOES have a chance to get on, and lets her know he’s physically attracted to her, in love with her, blah blah blah…

Both of these situations tend to catch women off guard because they actually BELIEVE that sexual attraction has nothing to do with their friendship with that particular guy. The best way I can describe it from the guy’s POV is that it feels like a psychological projection, where she goes “I’m not sexually attracted to you.. Therefore, you’re not sexually attracted to me, either”. It’s very, very strange. It’s almost funny, except it’s a dangerous way of thinking. The equivalent would be “I don’t believe that there are cars speeding on this highway, so the speeding cars won’t believe I’m walking across it”.

Another version is “I told him I’m not sexually attracted to him, and he’s still talking to me, so he’s accepted that we’re not going to have sex, ever in life”. WRONG! He knew he was going to have to get around obstacles when he first saw you and decided he wanted to try to hook up with you, because that’s how the game goes. We come to get it. You give us a hard time about it. That’s how it works… That’s what we signed up for when we approached you and introduced ourselves…

It’s All In The Game

When I was around 14 years old, there was this chick I had a serious crush on in camp, and I finally decided to go meet her… Having no rap at all, I walked up to her and probably said “Hi. I’m Bill. What’s your name? :D”, and she didn’t say Jack-**** to me.

So I asked her a few more times, and she eventually said something that wasn’t a name.. I don’t remember what it was.. Let’s say she said “Football”. So I said something like “ok, Football. Nice to meet you” and she kept ignoring me.

I carried on that one-sided conversation with her for a while, and then the conversation was over. Every time I saw her after that, I had kind words for her, and always included her name. I can’t tell you what happened, because I didn’t have any technique at the time and I wasn’t doing anything that I figured would ever get me progress with her. All I can guess is that she eventually realized that all I wanted was to be nice to her, and at some point, I was passing by her and greeted her as “Football”, and she broke out laughing and told me what her name was. We became good friends after that, and remained relatively close to each other during the rest of my stay there.

The point being that boys go through this BS from the very beginning of when we start talking to girls. Girls are programmed to give us a hard time, and we naturally adapt to accept this and get around it. 101. This is why “I told him I’m not sexually attracted to him” doesn’t have any effect on whether he’s attracted to her. That’s pretty much where we start every single hookup attempt.

What’s even less effective is “I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him”, because that’s not even explicitly denying sexual attraction… That’s saying that you might or might not give him some, but at this point in time, you have a reason why you’re not going to do that = He’s gonna stay in the pocket and ride it out to see what happens.

One of these excuses why you’re not planning to give him some is that you have a boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever. This is another non-factor to guys that are interested in you. This is why, when your relationship dissolves, all these guys that you thought were your “friends” suddenly profess their love and/or attraction to you and start offering you tha dilznick.

It’s not that they’re not your friends. They are. They’ll build computers with you and go see that 3D movie with you, but they’d also stick it in a split second if they thought you’d go for it.

You’re Not Slick

This is what guys know, and this is why Sammi’s excuse (which, of course, turned out to be a lie) wasn’t fooling anybody and caused Vinny to say “Girls don’t have friends that are guys”.

What he was saying is that Sammi was implying a platonic (2b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex) relationship with the dude by calling him her “friend”, when everybody knows dude would have screwed her if she was down with it, and everybody knows that SAMMI KNOWS dude would have hit it, which is why she contacted him and invited him to come hang out with her at the club.

Whether she actually wanted to hook up with him or just use him to make Ronnie jealous is irrelevant. That dude was clearly *NOT* her [platonic]friend. If she had wanted a friend to spend time with her at a club, she should have invited a female.

As it turns out, after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie, she finally admitted that she’s made out with the dude in the past (which, she didn’t have a choice but to fess up, because dude described a specific instance where they hooked up IN DETAIL to her on the phone with Ronnie & Mike right there, hearing the entire conversation), but her new excuse was that it was before she had been dating Ronnie.

Unfortunately, that makes you look WORSE, and not better. ๐Ÿ™‚ As soon as you break up with your boyfriend of a year or so, you tell a guy you used to mess with to come see you at the club? hahaha Nice one! ๐Ÿ˜€

What Was She Thinking?

I was explaining this situation to a friend of mine that doesn’t watch Jersey Shore, and she asked me “Why did she think the guy was going to back her play?”

Usually… Guys that kick it to other guys’ girls don’t know each other… That situation would never have gone down like that, except that it was on a television show.

What would have happened is that the dude would have arrived, seen Sammi hanging out with Ronnie, told Mike that he had been invited to the club by Sammi and showed Mike the text messages, and then Mike would have shut the **** up.

That’s because snitching is good for television ratings, but it sucks in real life. That could easily have turned into a fight.

Under normal circumstances, Sammi would have been in the middle, and there would have been no reason at all for the other guy to tell Ronnie the truth about his interactions with Sammi. I’m sure this is what she was thinking when she decided to drag Ronnie over to the dude that a) she initially lied and said she never texted, and then, when Nicole informed her that she already saw the texts from her on his phone, she b) changed her lie to “Yes, I texted him, but he’s my friend“. She was already caught in lies, and she figured that there was no reason for Ronnie to find out the truth, so she gambled and lost.. big time.

Because this happened on television, Mike called the dude on the phone, who said directly and clearly that he had made out with Sammi when Ronnie asked him about it… Instead of living with the disgrace of being caught in I-don’t-know-how-many lies at this point, Sammi gets on the phone and says “We never made out! :O” resulting in his description a the location and situation for which she had no rebuttal and ended up FINALLY copping a plea to Ronnie that she messed with him a couple of years ago.

I think that besides thinking she’s smarter than Ronnie (which she may very well be), she was thinking the other dude didn’t have anything to lose by lying for her so she could remain in good standing with her boyfriend… Except he DID have something to lose, which was that he would have looked like a liar AND a Herb AND a troublemaker if he recanted his story. On top of that, as soon as all the roommates saw her text messages to him, the cat was out of the bag. Everybody knew she was lying before she even BEGAN lying about not having texted anyone.

If this had not been on television, the IRL conversation and then the telephone conversation between the two guys would never have occurred, Sammi would have lied and claimed no physical involvement with the dude, and that would have been that. In fact, the fact that she texted him wouldn’t have surfaced in the first place.

Of course.. This entire situation could have been avoided if she would have sent him one. more. text. saying “Don’t come to the club” once she felt like she was getting back together with Ronnie.

Midnight Racing

So anyway.. Like I said.. Guys pretend to be friends with gals so we can stay in the pocket until she finally gets with the program. Gals pretend to be friends with guys so they’re not accused of having sex with us.

One of the funny things about this is that, similar to bordellos, it doesn’t work in the other direction… Women don’t pretend to be friends with men so they can get laid.

First of all, y’all don’t have to, and second, it wouldn’t help you anyway… Y’all either “Could Get It”, or you can’t. Whether a guy races remote control cars with you in the park or not isn’t going to get you any credit towards sex.

It might help you out in a jam, though.. Like when you stumble home at 4am and your boyfriend is wondering what you’ve been doing all night, you can say “Well.. *hic*.. I was hanging out with this guy I know, and we were racing RC cars and I lost track of the time”.

……………

So, ladies.. Stop trying to use “We’re just friends” as a cover.. Especially when the only thing y’all have in common is that you look good to him and he’s down to hit it.

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Bill Cammack – “Neo vs. Morpheus” by Bill Cammack

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35 Comments

  1. This happened to me a few years ago. I was not that interested in this guy I started hangin out with as “just friends”. So I let my guard down and started to trust him. One night a group of us (friend included) all partied together and the guy I WAS interested with left our group to kick it with the girl HE was into. So my “friend” started making suggestive remarks to me and tryin to flirt the rest of the night. I easily kept distance between us until I got rejected. Then I guess I felt flattered (or vulnerable, lol) and just let it happen. One week later he let me know he did not want a relationship either. It was pretty obvious by then he was never really my friend.

    1. Yeah, Avis.. That was one of the points to my article.

      There are guys that are your actual friends that aren’t physically attracted to you for whatever reason.
      There are guys that are your actual friends that will take it if you give it to them.
      There are guys that are couldn’t care less about you as a person, and they’re just pretending to be, so they can stay in the pocket long enough to try to get on.

      The problem with the way women utilize the “friends” concept is that y’all think that your opinions mean anything to guys that are physically attracted to you. They don’t… Not at all… It makes no more difference than a beer telling you it doesn’t want you to get high when you drink it. http://billcammack.com/2010/08/30/chicks-are-beer-altered-states/

      So, even if a guy nods his head and agrees with you and shakes your hand that y’all are going to be platonic friends, that has nothing to do with his physical attraction to you and if you decide to give it up, he’s gonna take it quick fast in a hurry, Flavor’s vision ain’t blurry.

      This was part of the problem in the Sammi situation. What do you think that dude came to the club to meet up with her for?… She had contacted him, let him know that she was broken up with her boyfriend, and that she wanted to spend time with him. Regardless of how Sammi tried to frame their relationship, he was there to hook up with her, or he wouldn’t have shown up at all.

      He knew it. She knew it. Ronnie knew it. All the rest of the housemates knew it. Everyone that knows anything about kickin’ it to girls knew it… As soon as he let everyone see her text messages to him, she was finished. She should have just said that Ronnie had broken up with her and that she was currently a free agent and well within her rights to call another dude to spend time with… Especially a dude that she finally had to admit that she’s hooked up with in the past (which doesn’t mean she hasn’t hooked up with him in the present…).

      On top of all that, another common mistake women make is thinking that a guy wants to have anything other than sex to do with you if he kicks it to you. I don’t know who started that, hehe but it’s just ridiculous. Dudes want to get on, and that’s the end of the story. If it were as easy as saying “I want to hook up with you.. You interested?” and getting a straight answer from a female, that’s all that would be happening in life.

      You don’t see anybody NEGOTIATING at McDonald’s, do you? ๐Ÿ˜€ They have the food. You have the money. You tell them what you want and pay for it and they give it to you. Generally, all guys should be saying to gals is “You look good. What’s up?”. She’ll get with the program, or not.

      Relationships don’t have anything at all to do with sex, but since guys know that it’s easier to get women to lay down if you play that “I want to date you” line, that’s how it goes. It’s all in the game.

      I mean, really.. Think about it… How is a guy going to want to date a gal he knows nothing about?… I mean date her exclusively. Of course you have to spend time with people to get to know them. I’m saying that females fall for the Okey-Doke every single day, believing that guys want to spend years with them and have kids with them and all this other nonsense, when it’s really just a means to an end.

      If a guy wants to get to know you, he’s going to try to get to know you. Otherwise, it’s just bait to get you to do the right thing.

  2. Yeah your right avis. Some of our friends(presently) is just pretending. Some of them are asking only for your money, if you have money you can have him/her as a friend. But if the time comes that you need them without exchange of money, no friends are available to offer their arms to let you cry. No one. In this kind of world, we can’t easily find a person to trust immediately. Its hard to trust a person you newly meet. In my part, you can trust me at all times, you can share your problems to me.

    @Bill: thanks bill for this very very nice post. I loved to see you again next week because I’ll be back on this site next week and I will look on to you postings ,advices and concerns. Thanks.!

    1. This is true. Sometimes, people are just out to use you from the giddyap and you don’t find out what time it really is until the deed’s been done.

      As long as they can get what they thought you had when they approached you (sex, money, whatever), they’ll stay in the pocket. As soon as they feel like there’s nothing else for them to get, they’re out.

  3. Okay, I am glad I came across this. I have been friends with a guy since I was 18 and I am now 31. He was my first everything.

    For ten years off and on, him and I would always sleep together when we were not dating other people.. Us sleeping together ended when we were 28 years old when he moved away for two years. In those two years, I had gained weight.

    I took a trip to visit him for a week and thought that he would hookup with me, but he did not. On my last night there, he went out with a girl and never came back home. The next day, we were suppose to drive back home together because he only lived 6 hours away from our hometown. He never came back that night, so I decided to have another guy friend come over to my friends house to hookup while my friend was with this other girl. The other guy friend happened to live in the same city as the friend I came up to visit.

    Anyways because my friend never came back, I decided to leave and head home. He was pissed because he had to find a flight back home and this was around xmas time too. I told him what I had done in his bed and he was really mad at me. He wanted me to turn around to pick him up to take him back home with me. I then proceeded to drive home and not turn back. He then called me fat and said do not end up like your big friend. I was always thin, but over the two years he was gone, I had gained 30 pounds and 30 pounds on me is a lot for my small frame.

    We did not speak for about 6 months after that. Over the six months, I began to lose weight. He saw me during that time, we talked and I put my foot down and said that I did not like how he left me alone when I was a guest in his house.

    Now he lives here and I have lost all the weight I had gained now. He has since asked me to go to the movies and has gone with me to a friends event. He has not tried anything on me this time, but i did mention to him that I wanted to hookup and he said you know we dont do that anymore. I was like oh okay and in my mind I am thinking why are we still hanging out then. So yeah that is my story.

    1. That’s an interesting story. He deserved for you to bounce on him if he didn’t make plans with you to leave the next day (or whenever). He should have paid attention to what was important (not having to play for a flight) instead of taking too much time hooking up. He played himself.

      In general, if you’re throwin’ it at a guy like that and he doesn’t want to hit it, it’s because he’s not physically attracted to you at this point. It could be because of your weight. It could be because of your physical proportions, and NOT your weight. It could be because he doesn’t feel y’all are sexually compatible… Whatever it is, he’s not interested.

      That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t enjoy your company. He might actually enjoy your personality and consider you an actual friend of his. In fact, that’s what a lot of women want but never achieve, because the only reason a guy was tolerating them in the first place was so he could have sex with them.

      Your best bet, if you’re actually interested, would be to ask him how come he doesn’t feel like hooking up with you anymore.

      I doubt he’ll tell you, because it’s probably something that he feels would make you feel self-conscious or not want to be friends with him anymore. It’s still worth a try.

      If it’s something you can fix, you might be able to get back on.. If it isn’t, you’re going to have to decide whether you want to keep hanging around him, knowing what he thinks about you.

  4. ok so am 16 and i been talking to a guy(17 years old but same grade as me) that has a girl friend they have been together for about 2 years and well i really dint talk to him at school much until he started talking to me toward the end of the year …during the summer he has been calling me at 12,1 or 2 in the morning he refers to meas his “best friend” and he tells me all the stuff that he has been going through and his problems and i tell him mine…and once he told me that i had something that made him want to hug me and never let me go …and i got a little scared so i just staid quiet and said the dumbest thing ever i said “thanks your so sweet” that was dumb i know -_- but what ever that same night i asked him how things were with his gf and he told me that it was complicated and that he dint even know if they were still together cause they hardly ever see each other so i just changed the conversation …but i noticed that on facebook he is always posting stuff about her(his gf) and how much he loves her ..(((but then again every time he calls and we ran out of things to talk about we fall asleep on the phone together)))so its making me crazy because we don’t hangout (he asked me once to go to his house so we can play back ops on his xbox)but he never said when and he has never said anything ever again …so what do i do …oh and he is always the first to call and txt me ..is he just playing me or is he really into me?..(((i never had a bf and he knows it and i really don’t want to get heart broken ))

    1. ok, Valery… ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t know you, and I don’t know this guy, so I want you to keep that in mind when you read my response to this.

      You’re in the hot spot right now. Guys that are 17 are finally in the position to get girls that are worth getting. The next few years for them are going to be all about getting as many chicks as they can as often as they can.

      What you’re experiencing is basic game… basic. I mean, it’s elementary.

      This guys is into you, sexually, but he’s also into his girlfriend, sexually. He’s lying to you about his relationship with his girlfriend not being good. You found that out by watching his Facebook stream. Props to you for that. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Back in the day, I had up to 3 girls that I was simultaneously in what people would consider a ‘relationship’ with. It’s very easy to do. All you have to do is figure out when each one of them is available and distribute your downtime properly.

      If you’re falling asleep talking to him on the phone, that’s because either his girlfriend works the night shift or he’s just finishing ******* her at 12, 1 or 2 in the morning and she’s on her way home or asleep.

      If you go to his house, you won’t be playing Black Ops or any other Xbox game. You’ll be doing the same thing his girlfriend does for him before he calls you in the middle of the night.

      You’ll be dealing with this primitive game from now until you stop looking good.

      Down the line, the story will be that things aren’t working out with a guy’s wife. He’s going to get a divorce. He DID get a divorce, but they still live in the same house. He got a separation, but they’re living together for the sake of the kids. These are all basic lies that allow women to feel good about spreading y’all’s legs because you don’t feel like home-wreckers.

      The most important thing for you to notice here is that he has a girlfriend, he has nice things to say about her on Facebook, yet he’s badmouthing her to you and he’s setting you up as “his best friend” when his girlfriend’s supposed to be his best friend.

      The reason that’s important is because if you decide you want to be the next chick to be in a relationship with this guy, you’re going to become the girlfriend, and the next chick is going to be hearing about how bad your relationship is to him and how SHE’S his best friend…

  5. Hey Bill,

    Your posts are great. I could do with a male view on my situation.

    Just under a month ago, I split up with my long term boyfriend. Shortly afterwards, I organised to spend a weekend with my best friend, who happens to be a guy. Letโ€™s call him Tim. I asked if I could crash on the sofa in his new flat, which was nothing out of the usual.

    Just before going away to visit Tim, I met up with a mutual female friend. After a bottle or two of wine, she warned me that Tim had been in love with me for most of the ten years that we have been friends and that he had told her a month ago that he had told her he planned to โ€œsteal me awayโ€ from my then boyfriend. I was gobsmacked as I had never considered Tim to be more than a friend.

    The next weekend, I went away to visit Tim. He had organised for us to go sailing during the day and in the evening we went out to a party. We had a great time. He didnโ€™t try to make a move and was his usual self so I disregarded what my friend had told me. When we got back to his flat there was however there was no sofa for me to crash on. He asked if I minded sharing a bed. Weโ€™d had to share a bed before (and nothing had happened) so I agreed.

    During the night, I woke up and Tim was pressing himself against me. He then leant in so close that his lips were touching mine although he didnโ€™t actually try to kiss me. I didnโ€™t know how to react and so I pretended to still be asleep and turned to face the wall. He left me alone and went to sleep. Then the same thing happened again in the morning, so we were both sober. This time I was curious and I didnโ€™t pull away and well I imagine you can guess what happened. Afterwards, he was very affectionate but he didnโ€™t really speak to me. We had already made plans to go for lunch but I made an excuse to leave as I didnโ€™t know where I stood. Itโ€™s now over four days later and I have not heard from him.

    The thing is Iโ€™m not lamenting the loss of a potential boyfriend. Iโ€™m never short of male attention and prior to my female friendโ€™s comment Iโ€™d never considered him as more than a friend. The point is that I thought we were really good mates. I valued our friendship. As well as that, Iโ€™ve never been one to sleep around. Iโ€™ve slept with two men, both times several months into a serious relationship. So sex was always a good thing. It has never made me feel like this, ashamed and used, before. Jumping straight in to bed with a guy is out of character but the situation seemed different as I trusted Tim.

    Iโ€™m just annoyed that he was prepared to gamble a decade long friendship on one night. Even if he didnโ€™t want anything to develop romantically, he hasnโ€™t even checked to see if I am ok. Am I a total mug?

    1. Hi, Sienna. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the props and for the question.

      Your question actually deserves/requires its own blog post, which I might write, and if I do, I’ll link it back here so you can read it.

      The short version is that if a mutual female friend of yours, whose word you trust, tells you that a guy wants to have sex with you, it’s the truth.

      The reason it’s the truth is that there’s no reason to tell that to anyone, unless you don’t mind that information getting around, and if you don’t mind it getting around, you wouldn’t mind the female in question hearing about it, and you’re willing to roll with whatever happens when she does.

      The other thing is that you’ve fallen for the typical okey-doke, which is that friendship and sex are mutually exclusive. They aren’t. In fact, they have nothing to do with each other in lots of cases.

      Guys will be friends with women they don’t want to hook up with. Guys will hook up with women that they DETEST as human beings. It’s a physical attraction thing (and sometimes, other reasons), and they’re two different systems that work independently.

      It’s a fantasy that a guy that likes a gal in that way won’t screw her if he’s presented the opportunity. Pure Fantasy.

      The good part is that you knew about it before you arrived. Lots of gals find out when they’re already in bed with a guy that he’s willing to, as you say, “gamble a decade-long friendship on one night”.

      Also, you elected to dismiss what your friend told you. You also indicated curiosity, so, in fact, you didn’t get “used” at all, but instead, you received the answer to your question, and hopefully, you received good sex at the same time.

      Also, *YOU* elected to bounce. He didn’t kick you out. You could have talked about the situation right there with him, but you were understandably uncomfortable and bailed.

      I’ll try to write about this at length, soon, but generally, hopefully, you had a good time. I’m sure HE had a good time. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hooking up with someone is no guarantee of the beginning of a romantic relationship. It’s also no guarantee of the end of a friendship. It’s clear that he’s wanted to hit it for years, and he finally got his chance to.. I mean.. You’re saying you asked to sleep on his sofa, to which he apparently agreed, because you were SURPRISED to find out that he doesn’t even HAVE a sofa! o_O

      If he wasn’t planning on tappin’ that, he would have said to you from the giddyap “I don’t have a sofa, you’ll have to share my bed or sleep on the floor.”

      So, to answer your question, “Is it worth potentially jeopardizing a 10-year friendship to have sex with a chick you really want?” HELLZ YEAH IT IS!!! >:D

      The question now is whether y’all are going to talk about the situation, and what the outcome might be of that conversation.

      Either way, there’s nothing for you to feel upset about. There’s no reason for you to feel used, either, because BOTH OF YOU had sex. This is how real life works. So long as women keep believing that guys aren’t going to screw them because… in fact, I have NO IDEA what caused y’all to initially believe that a guy wouldn’t hook up with y’all because you call yourselves friends. I have no idea how that started! ๐Ÿ˜€ haha It’s a lie. Don’t fall for that anymore. If you don’t want to have sex with a guy, don’t have sex with him, because tagging up is MOST DEFINITELY worth “gambling” a friendship over.

      I think it’s more important for you to consider who YOU want to be, going forward, with your romantic and sexual involvements. This guy’s going to be involved with you or he isn’t, but either way, this is a learning experience for you. Nothing odd happened here. A guy had a chance to hook up with a gal he wanted, and he went for it, and you did too.

    1. That’s lovely, Lana. ๐Ÿ™‚

      And… If you’re attractive to him, he’ll tap that if you let him.

      That’s my point.. Not that y’all aren’t friends, but rather that you think that your “friendship” precludes him from hooking up with you, and it doesn’t.

      1. You say that for the guys in my crew I am just a vagina with boobs? All those years, they spent time with me because I am pretty and they just wait, so that they can “tap that” someday? They pretend to like me, beause the want to get it in? That’s too cavemenish for me ๐Ÿ˜€

        1. The word “just” is the problem with your statement, Lana. ๐Ÿ™‚

          A lot of females think it’s an either/or situation. It isn’t.

          Guys can like you as a friend and want to screw you.
          Guys can hate you as a person and want to screw you.
          Guys can like you as a friend and there’s no way they’d ever have sex with you.
          Guys can hate you as a person and never want to hook up with you.

          All I’m saying is that just because a dude is friendly towards you doesn’t mean he won’t tap that if he feels like it and you decide to give him some.

  6. I’ll make this short and sweet. My best friend is a guy. We’ve been friends for 2 years. We can talk about anything and everything for hours, either skype, text, phone, or in person because we think alike and have the same sense of humor. I go to him for dating advice, and he comes to me for girl advice. Oh did i mention he’s your typical frat boy ladies man and he’s not once made a move on me or tried to disrespect me. How do you not call that a platonic friendship? Try fitting that into your box of “girls don’t have friends that are guys”.

    1. Hey ckgirl. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Your relationship to him is platonic if he isn’t sexually attracted to you.

      Like, if he thinks you look busted, or your body type doesn’t turn him on, the relationship will be platonic.

      If he DOES think you’re sexually attractive, his ELECTING not to have sex with you doesn’t make your relationship platonic. He’s just declining to do what he wants to do.

      However, Yes.. You’re right.. There are girls that have friends that are guys. There are girls that have friends that are girls. There are guys that have friends that are guys.

      What I’m saying to you is that if you DECIDED to try to give your friend some, he’s either going to accept it or he isn’t. There’s nothing barring him from having sex with you just because y’all are friends.

  7. these are the creepiest sneakiest guys, and the biggest pussies. like if a guy looks good i have no problem with him hitting on me from the beginning. ive noticed only ugly guys try to be my friend first only to wait until im drunk and half conscious before they basically try to rape me

    1. Leslie,

      That’s because dudes that can already get girls don’t have to use tactics to get more girls.. Mainly because it doesn’t matter.

      When you already have chicks that want to hook up with you, the more, the merrier.

      It’s the guys that don’t have any chicks that exhibit all kinds of desperate, creepy behavior.

  8. Bill, You’re are so right! Thank you for this article! Please chime in for me!

    I met a guy a year ago who was thinking about me all year long. We said hi to one another off and on at our martial arts studio. We’ve both been married once and divorced. I’m 36, he’s 40.

    A month ago we went out and talked all night. We realized that we have a lot in common and a week later he proposed. I was caught off guard by this, but thought since it’s going well, why not?
    We agreed not to have sex until we’re married. He brought it up and I agreed to that. (Just FYI: his parts function and all of that…ha!)

    Over the last month I’ve been finding out that he has lots of female “friends” despite the fact he hasn’t dated anyone at all (yes, at all…no casual sex either) in about 4 1/2 years. His mom died from cancer and he had a hard time dealing among other life events. He said he took time to himself for a while.

    We got engaged on a Sunday and on Monday he started planning the wedding right away and he wants to get married in 2 months. I told him to slow down and stop booking everything. I think we should know each other better if we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives. PLUS I’m the bride I should get to plan SOMETHING! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    When he refers to “a friend of his”…99.9% of the time it’s a female…Not sure what to make of this. I have an amazing engagement ring on my finger (not cheap) and a guy who treats me well. Attentive, loves spending time with me. At the same time, the wedding seems rushed and I’m starting to wonder why this dude doesn’t have any MALE friends. We are both involved in our respective churches. You would think he would have bonded with some guys at church instead of their wives in the last 4 years of attending the same church… His excuse is that since he’s in childrens’ ministry most of the people he’s around are women…That makes me a little sick to my stomach.

    I don’t keep guy friends because I don’t see it as appropriate and I don’t want that sort of guy-girl tension out there, just like you’re saying. I mean I know men, but they are not my “friends”. I have FEMALE friends. Even at church he doesn’t have any MALE friends. I’m missing something here…

    Just slap me upside the head with your answer please. I’m not interested in making a mistake or playing games.

    Thank you so very much!

    1. Amy,

      please please, for the love of God, read Lundy Bancroft`s book “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”, before you get married to this guy.

      His behaviour, proposing so ridiculously early in your relationship, before you really get to know each other, taking charge without asking you for your opinion, the not having male friends, these are all major red flags that indicate this guy might be an abuser.

      These people tend to rush things because they are wearing a mask during the honeymoon phase, and they know they can not keep this up for long, so he needs to have you trapped before the mask comes off.

      Just read the book and then observe his behaviour. Maybe I am wrong, but you need to find out by yourself (despite the alias, I am female and I grew up in a household with an abusive father, so I know what I am talking about).

      1. Fishingrod:
        Got the book. Skipped to the section “How Abuse Begins”. Interesting.

        Looked at Danger Signs in Abusive Men: I saw a potential 10 out of 20…A couple (as in 2) may be debatable.

        This guy has put a lot of pressure on me to be with him. The pressure is already too much for me. Thanks for the suggestion.

        1. Hi Amy,

          thanks a lot for taking the time to let Bill and me know what you decided to do.
          I wish you the best of luck for your future!

          1. You’re welcome! I thank you all for being available to help me clear my mind a little.

            If I were to classify what I’m doing now, I’d saying I’m in the “phasing out” process. There’s good reason for my approach, which wasn’t mentioned in my other post.

            Life is goooood! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    2. Very interesting assessment by Fishingrod.

      Hey, Amy. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I know what I’m about to say is going to sound like I’m trying to be funny, but I’m not. ๐Ÿ™‚

      It will cost this guy less to marry you and get to hit it two months from now than it would have cost him to keep taking you out on dates and trying to convince you to eventually, maybe, at some point, give it up ONCE, and then he has to work for it all over again.

      At some point in y’all’s conversation, you said marriage is important to you.

      This means that a) if he marries you, that’s instant sex, which is why he’s talking to you to begin with, and b) if marriage is the barrier between your giving it up or not, that means that he won’t have to defend against other guys tappin’ that, because your beliefs will guard that ass for him.

      If you actually add up the amount of money that guys spend trying to get laid, the figures are astronomical.

      Kickin’ in a couple G for some rings and a ceremony is well worth it, when you consider that two months from now, you’ll have all the sex you want from the woman you want it from.

      The reason he doesn’t have any male friends is that he’s sexually attracted to women.

      There’s no point in spending time with men when you can spend time with women.

      It’s also my guess (though it isn’t indicated in anything you wrote) that one or more of those women would be willing to ‘hit him off’ if he asked them to.. Therefore, waiting two months until you become active is no big deal.

      I also agree with Fishingrod’s statement about rushing/controlling. Most of the time, when something needs to happen quickly, there’s a reason for that.

      I was totally surprised when I read the word “proposed”. ๐Ÿ˜€

      If he has a bunch of female friends and wanted to get married to YOU a week after you had an intimate conversation with him, either you’re one hell of a talker, or something’s up. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Good Luck! ๐Ÿ˜€

      1. Bill…
        ๐Ÿ˜€ You DID make me laugh, but I know you are totally serious. I believe you are correct. I know what I need to do and am in the process of doing it.
        I am truly grateful!

  9. Hi Bill, first off I just want to say I love your blog; it’s givin me a few wake-up calls and has brought me out of the silly logic of of female la-la land when it comes to how guys actually think lol.

    Anywhoo, I have a Q regarding the whole “friends” thing. Your reply to Lana way back when basically said there was four different ways a guy can view you. So, how can I tell which one a guy is thinking, without having to learn the hard way after sex? (minus the last one, as the signs are pretty obvious when a guy ‘hates you as a person and would never want to hook up with you’ haha)

    1. Thanks for the compliment, Heaven. ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you’re enjoying the blog.

      Yeah, the fourth one’s pretty obvious, huh? HAHAHA ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Let’s see…. One way you might be able to tell if he likes you as a person but isn’t interested in tappin’ that is if you offer him sex, he declines, but he still treats you the same way he did before you offered.

      If he’s actually your friend, friends get over rough patches and awkward situations with each other, and their friendship remains intact. He’ll appreciate your honesty in the situation, and y’all can move forward together.

      The other two are only separated by whether he likes you as a person or not, being that both scenarios indicate that he would have sex with you if the situation arose.

      I think women generally tend to play this the wrong way, making sex a bartering system where the guy has to prove something to her in order to “get something from her”, which is sex.. Except that tradeoff indicates that she’s not enjoying the sex herself.

      If she’s doing him a favor by giving him some, she should receive something she likes in return.

      If she’s enjoying the situation, that means they’re BOTH enjoying the situation, and neither one owes the other one anything other than bringing their best to the table.

      What I mean by that is women try to determine a guy’s intentions by making him do things.. take her to dinner, buy her flowers, meet her friends, all kinds of nonsense that have nothing to do with hooking up.

      That doesn’t prove whether dude likes you as a person or not. That proves whether he’s willing to jump through hoops to have sex with you.

      Of course, this alienates guys that are looking to have a genuine, mutually-beneficial physical relationship with a gal, and only leaves the sharks and players that are willing to play the game in order to get laid.

      So, my guess would be that you would have to spend quite a bit of time with a guy to understand how he feels about you and what he does and doesn’t want to do with you.

      There’s no off-the-bat indicator, because the guys who know what they’re doing will just lie to you, and appear as geniune as the truth-tellers.

  10. Thanks for replying so fast ๐Ÿ™‚ Well, it looks like this is one of those things I’m just gonna have to learn by trial and error. What I’m wondering is, why the f didn’t Mother Nature have the common sense to just pop everybody outta their mamas with an instruction manual attached?? -_-

    Sure would save everybody a lot of trouble you could read a guy’s manual and see that in Section Five, Part Two it says : he just want’s a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. Lol

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