He’s Lying To You [The Okey-Doke, Part 02]

I’ve received the absolute best feedback about my personality from women I’ve been involved with. That’s because I’m being real with them.. Mostly intentionally, and other times, unintentionally.

I suppose another reason is that I can’t stand to spend inordinate amounts of time with unintelligent women.

I just can’t stand it.. Never could, really. I remember being in camp and looking forward to my afternoon conversation with one of the junior counselor females that was like 10 years older than I was. I wasn’t kickin’ it to her.. It was just really refreshing to have an intelligent conversation, and I enjoyed her company and remember her fondly to this very day.

Anyway… I wouldn’t be anywhere near the person I am today without the feedback I’ve received from the women I’ve been closest to over the years. There are some things you can’t figure out about yourself that are really obvious to women that spend a lot of time around you. Considering what they’ve had to say, deciding for myself whether it was true, and then either doing something about it or living with it has helped me make incredible strides in my personal development and introspection.


I suppose my favorite instance was when my ex, while we were still together, was probably about 3 feet away from me, looks at me and says calmly and factually “You have a limited use for women.”

The first thing I did was look at her. She looked… regular. 🙂 The next thing I did was play back what she said, to be sure that I heard her properly. When I decided that I had, I started to consider her viewpoint.

I already knew she was intelligent. I already knew that we were completely open with each other about everything. I already knew that I spent every day with her unless I was working or one of us was out of town. There was no opportunity for me to dismiss her statement on the grounds of lack of experience.

Next, I considered what my opinion was about her opinion.

I drew pretty much a blank. I remember “seeing” clouds, like no thoughts at all.

The entire process only actually took a few seconds, but then I decided that she had EXTENSIVE EXPERIENCE at being not only a woman, but a woman that I was treating as the most special unrelated-to-me female on the entire planet, and I had NO EXPERIENCE at being a woman OR dating myself, so I looked at her and said “You’re right.”

I don’t remember if a conversation ensued. I don’t believe it did. I think it was just something that was on her mind and she decided to say. She didn’t have any emotion about her statement, one way or the other. I would have been able to tell.

I didn’t have any emotion about what she said either, which was probably the most interesting aspect of the situation to me when it occurred. I think I just sat there and thought about the exchange, because I never thought I’d have someone say that to me, especially someone I was CURRENTLY WITH! haha and I never thought that I’d have that response, or, actually, NO RESPONSE to her statement.

Somewhere along the line, I thought “I’m glad she’s intelligent enough to decipher that from my consistent behavior towards her and towards other women she’s seen me interact with” and “I’m glad she knows me that well that she’s receiving information from me that I’m not consciously or deliberately offering her”.

Hopefully, I’ll never forget that situation, how it went down, how we looked and felt. It was pretty much a defining moment in our relationship, because it had that element of “emotionless togetherness” that we shared for a long, long, long time. Communication and openness were KEY factors for us, and I’m glad she felt comfortable saying something so potentially volatile to me, and I’m glad I was able to consider her thoughts and return her an honest, heartfelt answer.


A situation I found rather humorous was when I was talking to a female friend about the process by which I decide if I’m going to attend a hangout.

Women that know me know that I never confirm that I’m going anywhere until the last minute. That’s because I never know what I want to do until I want to do it. I can’t tell you that I want to see you on Thursday if it’s currently Tuesday. All I can tell you is that I want to see you right now, or I don’t.

Of course, exceptions have to be made for business bookings and certain women that are rarely available, so I have to book whatever time with them in advance that I can get, and then ******* grin & bear it when that day and time arrives, HOPING that I feel like hanging out with them at that point.

Other than that, everything I do is penciled in. If we make plans to hang out on Thursday at 6pm, I’ll let you know on Thursday, up to, say.. 4pm whether I actually want to come see you or not.

I know that women reading this are already turning over in the graves they’re not yet in, but it gets worse…

So I’m talking to my close female friend about hangouts, right?.. and I’m explaining the situation to her, and I end up saying that unless the situation requires me to utilize a condom, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to show up.


Now, I was exaggerating.. a little.. to make my point. What I was saying was that the value to me of arriving *anywhere* IRL is stimulating female company. I’m not lonely. I have 2,708 Facebook Friends, which statistically means that I can contact any one of 1,354 women right this very second, probably 300 of which live in NYC, and are within physical striking distance inside of an hour’s worth of travel on mass transportation.

The reason I wanted to bring this up is not to blabber on about myself for no reason, but to discuss something that I find absolutely MIND-BOGGLING about women…

um… WHAT? o_O

Women swear up and down on a stack of Bibles that men date then with no intention of having sex with them.

I just can’t figure this out. It’s amazing. It’s like what on EARTH do you think he’s contacting you on that online dating service for? Why do you think he asked you out? Why do you think he went to dinner with you? Do you think he’s lonely? Do you think he doesn’t have any friends? Nobody to talk to? Nobody to go to dinner with? o_O

Hopefully, one of y’all will leave a comment and please enlighten me so I can stop thinking about this. What are y’all THINKING when these dating situations occur for you?

I’m not saying the guy ONLY wants sex from you. I’m saying that if he DIDN’T want to hook up with you, he’d be out to dinner WITH. SOMEBODY. ELSE.

He’d be out to dinner with his homeboys. He’d be out to dinner with his coworkers. He’d be out to dinner with people from his bowling league. He’d be out to dinner with his ACTUAL platonic female friends.

I just continue to be amazed at how women fall for the okey-doke and then, like after Elmer Fudd figures out he got Herbed by Bugs Bunny, y’all go “You Know???….. I think he only asked me out so he could HAVE SEX WITH ME!!! :O” and then I have to do the slapping-my-forehead-smiley because I’m like OH GOD.. NOT AGAIN!!! :/

What’s worse than that is that y’all fall for the same stupid tricks over and over and over and over and over. Incredible.

*PRO TIP* – Please stop accepting what guys say as facts. Just stop it. Now. Today. Stop.

Please stop telling me things you don’t personally know about as if they’re bona fide, verified facts. I don’t want to ever again hear one of y’all say “I was dating this guy who was in the process of leaving his wife, and….” no… no no no no no, Nobody’s leaving ANYBODY. It’s what guys say to get you to spread your legs.

First of all, stop falling for the okey-doke. Second, stop TELLING ME about the situation as if dude suddenly decided to try to make it work with his wife. His wife has been at home baking brownies like June Cleaver and sending their kids off to school with bologna sandwiches the whole time he’s been screwing you.

Stop asking me why dude changed his mind about marrying you. He only said he would to keep you in pocket.

Stop asking me how he got “another” girlfriend so quickly after y’all broke up… Most likely, either a) she’s a girl he picked up while he was dating you, or b) YOU’RE a girl he picked up while he was dating HER.

Is it jaded? Is it pessimistic? Is it cold-hearted, like my homegirl Sierra calls herself? Maybe… It’s also REALISTIC.

Why in the world would a guy “date” a gal he doesn’t want to have sex with? \o/

What incentive does a guy have to not LIE HIS ASS OFF in order to get whatever he wants from you? \o/

There’s no code of ethics to dating. We’re not doctors. We’re trying to get laid.

Do me a favor… Do YOURSELF a favor.. Take it from a guy whose current girlfriend at the time told him he has a limited use for women..

Unless you or someone you trust can personally verify what a guy that’s trying to hook up with you is telling you, stop accepting it as factual information. It’s possible, it might even be probable, but it’s definitely not certain.

Is that going to help you avoid the pitfalls? Nope. However.. It might just make you feel a little better about yourself after the fact if you go into a dating situation fully understanding that this guy might be lying to you in order to make it easier for him to hit it & quit it.

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  1. You know I agree any time you talk on this subject, I recognized a long time ago that I am a truth loving woman in a world of lying @ss dudes. I alway think of the Fleetwood Mac song, “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.” I remember thinking is she nuts???
    I love the term “emotionless togetherness”. I once had the guy I was seeing tell me that he wouldn’t call what we had love, but that we had a mutual respect and admiration for each other and that for him this was more than romantic love, much more enduring and fulfilling for him. For weeks after, whenever we would leave each other I would tell him, “I respect and admire You, later.” When we stopped seeing(Avatarish) each other. We still remained friends. I always wondered what the bond we have would be termed. Thanks Bill!

    1. You’re welcome, Edie. 🙂

      That’s basically what it is.. It’s an understanding that you have mutual respect and mutual love, which is going to be there whether you’re together or not.

      In fact, without that, it’s tremendously tough to get to know someone, because whatever they think you’re not going to like, they don’t want to tell you.

  2. I just wanted to ask for some advice about this guy I know, because you’re the expert. I love your honesty. I have been knowing this guy for about a year and we are. Like best friends. We simply just started talking just to get to know eachother, but then feelings for one another evolved. He says he loves me and has respect for me but feels weird sometimes because he looks at me like his sister. He says he’s attracted to me and all but yet im still just his best friend. We do all the things nornal couples do, yet we are still just friends. He says that he wants to marry me one day but he doesn’t want to be in a relation with me? Idk what to do. Should I be patient with him or just say screw it?

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