After fast-forwarding through 93% of this week’s tRHoNYC, I stumbled upon a fascinating conversation.
Ramona decided that she wanted to confront Jill about something.
I found this interesting because Jill had disappeared for several episodes on some kind of trip, and when she returned, it seems that she’s shed about half of her bodyweight. I completely didn’t recognize her and thought they had added a new Housewife.
Upon her return, she stated that she’s turned over a new leaf and isn’t interested in gossip anymore. From what they showed of her since then, she’s not only stuck to that, but she used to get this anxious look on her face, like she couldn’t wait to get involved in the beef and get her licks in, but now, she seems to be listening to what’s going on without actually being invested in it.
Kudos to Jill on her new lifestyle! :D
Meanwhile, Ramona’s been going in the other direction. Every time you turn around, she’s at some kind of social function trying to have a discussion/argument with someone about something she cares a lot about and that they don’t care about at all.
So she asks Jill to step to the corner with her and when they get there, Ramona starts saying how tough it is for her to say what she has to say… while saying absolutely nothing at all other than how tough it is for her to say what she has to say.
Jill’s first brilliant response is “Just say it”. When Ramona keeps blabbering about nothing and looking like she’s about to faint, Jill replies “Then, don’t say it”.
Already, by this point, I was impressed with how Jill was handling the situation. It should have been an all-out catfight by now, but Jill was patiently waiting and trying to help her friend get whatever her BIIIIIIG PROBLEM was off her chest.
So, finally, Ramona gets around to saying what’s so traumatic for her to say… She proceeds to TELL JILL what Jill said to a third party.
This is never a good idea.. Ramona said something like “You said blah blah to whomever at her wedding” and proceeded to keep running her mouth.
To my surprise, and, again, to Jill’s credit.. Jill remained perfectly calm, and while Ramona was rambling on, Jill says: “Were you there?”.
This was where I had to stop the tape and get my LAUGH on, because everything Ramona was talking about just got tossed out of court as HEARSAY! :D
Hearsay is information gathered by one person from another person concerning some event, condition, or thing of which the first person had no direct experience. When submitted as evidence, such statements are called hearsay evidence. As a legal term, “hearsay” can also have the narrower meaning of the use of such information as evidence to prove the truth of what is asserted. Such use of “hearsay evidence” in court is generally not allowed. This prohibition is called the hearsay rule.
For example, a witness says “Susan told me Tom was in town”. Since the witness did not see Tom in town, the statement would be hearsay evidence to the fact that Tom was in town, and not admissible. However, it would be admissible as evidence that Susan said Tom was in town, and on the issue of her knowledge of whether he was in town.
What happened after I stopped laughing at Jill’s masterful handling of Ramona’s inane rambling was that Ramona got stuck, briefly, because she knew damned well that the answer to “Were you there?” is “No. I was not there. :(“, which is immediately followed by the checkmate statement of “Well then, how IN THE **** do you know what *I* said if you didn’t ******* hear me say it? o_O”.
That was too embarrassing a road for Ramona to go down, so after briefly getting stuck, she continued riffing as if she hadn’t heard what Ramona asked her.
When she finally stopped, Jill goes “Is she here? Call her over here. Let her say that in front of my face”.. more inconsequential rambling from Ramona.
Finally, Jill, still calm, says “That’s not true. That’s a lie.”, and then Ramona was truly screwed, because she either had to call Jill a liar with zero evidence or fold and admit that she was running her mouth about nothing because she didn’t overhear one single word of whatever conversation may or may not have occurred between Jill and their mutual friend.
Before I get to the point, Jill also deserves credit because these two idiot dudes stumbled over while two grown-ass women were arguing with each other and tried to get in the business by offering Jill a slice of pizza??? o_O
C’MON, SUNN.. Get the **** outta here with that. Again, Calmly, Jill turned to the conversation-intruders and said “Not right now”, while giving them the “Get the **** away from me” look.
She handled the situation incredibly well the entire time, and I was completely impressed with her mental progress from her former combative, fly-off-the-handle style.
Suckers… Don’t Last A Minute
The reason I wanted to talk about this is because guys and gals go out like suckers every single day, behind some HEARSAY. They weren’t there. They didn’t see anything. They didn’t hear anything. They didn’t see any videotape. They didn’t see any pictures… Yet And Still, they will step to you as if they know THE **** what they’re talking about and accuse you of things like as if you had told them the information yourself, right to their faces, or if you had done it in front of them.
Personally, I can definitely count on two hands, and perhaps on ONE, the number of people whose word is bond to me if they’re speaking about someone else. These are extremely trusted and close people to me, with looooooong track records of reliability and impeccable character when it comes to important things.
Anybody else.. I’ll listen to what you have to say, and I’ll consider it. I may even believe it, but there’s no way AT ALL that I’m going to ACT ON IT as if it’s information I gathered and verified myself.
What’s even funnier about this is that people go out like suckers based on information from COMPLETE-ASS STRANGERS, or even worse, SWORN ENEMIES! :D haha I mean, really.. How stupid is that? o_O
I mean, if you and some other dude are trying to bag this chick, right?.. And the other dude steps to you and says “Dude.. She’s a ho.. My boy’s on the football team and she hooked all of them up in the locker room”, what are you going to do?.. Tell him “wow.. Thanks for the information, man! :D” and shake his hand and stop kickin’ it to the chick?
What incentive does he have to tell you the truth? What incentive does he have to lie to you?
How many times has a girlfriend been approached by “the ‘other’ woman” (due to the fact that sometimes, the girlfriend is the extra one, and she just doesn’t know it yet) and then they start commiserating and the girlfriend is told about “all these chicks that her man is screwing behind her back”?
What incentive does this ‘extra’ chick have to drop dime on what your boyfriend is doing with his free time?.. First of all.. How would *SHE* know more than you know about his ‘extra’ girlfriends, considering SHE’S supposed to be ‘extra’ to begin with?
What’ in it for HER to tell YOU what your man’s doing?.. What does she expect you to do?.. Break up with him? o_O So SHE can have more time with him?
If you insist on taking some untrustworthy person’s word for a situation.. and let’s not forget that they might be completely trustworthy, except they were drunk when it happened, and they don’t remember things properly… AT LEAST step to the accused perpetrator with a QUESTION instead of a STATEMENT.
Don’t say “You said XYZ” or “Why did you say XYZ?” or “I can’t believe you said XYZ” or anything else along those lines.
Try “Whomever said that you said XYZ” or “Did you say XYZ?” or “I heard that you said XYZ”, which STILL makes you look like a gossip and like you’re liable to believe anything you hear from any unvetted person and go off on a tangent.
A smarter way to go about it is to take the information you already believe you have and ask the person a question that they have to answer to your face, such as “Do you think my ass looks fat in these jeans?”
If you put it that way, the person either has to tell you the truth that HELLZ YEAH your ass looks fat in those jeans or any other jeans, now that you mention it.. or they fess up and go “Nah.. Nope.. In fact, I was just going to ask you if you lost weight! :O”.
Regardless, you look like a regular person at the end of that exchange. You look much worse, going “Frank said you said my ass looks fat” or “Did you tell Frank that you think my ass looks fat?” or “I heard you said my ass looks fat” or “YOU SAID MY ASS LOOKS FAT! :(” or “WHY DID YOU SAY MY ASS LOOKS FAT??? :(”
If the person didn’t say that, you look like an idiot. If they DID say it, but they aren’t willing to admit it, you *STILL* look stupid because you can’t prove that they’re lying because YOU. WEREN’T. THERE.
So.. Stop taking people’s word for things that you didn’t witness yourself, unless they’re inside your vetted, trusted circle, and work a little harder.. ok.. work A LOT HARDER on developing authentic relationships with people where you can discuss things truthfully and up-front with each other instead of building your relationships to people on the foundations of gossip and hearsay.
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