“Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 01 of 02]

Episode 3 of “Jersey Shore”: Italy actually had a lot to discuss. We’re gonna do this in two parts, this week:

Ronnie & Sammi

Like I said.. Sammi has no existence on the show other than to be all up under Ronnie. As soon as she found out he was about to start trying to bring girls to the house, she amped up her full-court press, and you could see Ronnie starting to fold last week.

As I predicted would eventually happen, Ronnie sold out *AGAIN*, and he and Sammi are back together as a couple.

I’m disgusted, but it makes perfect sense. Ronnie went for the guaranteed lay, every night of his vacation in Italy.

The fellaz have been consistently striking out (read: failing to pull any Italian chicks), so it was either “don’t get laid at all” or “screw Sammi every night”, so Ronnie maximized his potential for vacation enjoyment.

Good for him. I’m still disgusted. Sold out, yet again.

Pauly

Pauly, being a non-Italian-speaker in Italy, struck out again this week (according to the edit). So far, all he’s managed to do is get Deena to make out with him, which basically amounts to nothing, considering that apparently, Deena would make out with a brick wall, household pet, or surfboard.

I’m still suspicious that he’s dating that chick Roccio that he was all lovey-dovey over in Miami, but he claims he’s trying to get chicks, so we’ll see what happens.

Jenni

Useful, as usual, for the scenes where the girls are half-dressed, getting ready to go to the clubs.

This week, she had an actual value to a storyline, however…

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Mike “The SNITCHuation” had told all the fellaz that he had banged Nicole.

How did I know this?.. Because Mike told them while the cameras were rolling, and MTV included that footage in the edit.

The relevance of this is that regardless of whether Nicole found out that he did that while they were filming, she was going to find out when the show finally aired, and so was her boyfriend that Mike claims Nicole cheated on with him = problems for Nicole with her boyfriend.

This was obviously a dickbone move by Mike, and completely unnecessary. First of all, who cares that he screwed Nicole? \o/ Second of all, nobody asked him if he had hooked up with her. Third, if he was DYING to tell the fellaz, he should have done that off-camera or before the season started. He clearly did it on tape in an attempt to eventually break up Nicole’s relationship.

I mean, think about it.. It’s not like it’s some Herculean feat to lay Nicole. It’s not something you tell someone and then they go “OH, WORD??? :O” and they’re like all surprised that she gave it up. Mike wasn’t going to get any props from anybody for putting Nicole’s business in the streets.

Meanwhile, he’s busy telling Nicole that he cares about her and they have something special between them and that he’s only bringing girls home because he can’t hook up with her… The relevance of these events being that he’s been slickly laying the groundwork for when the situation was finally brought to light.

If Nicole hadn’t messed with him, she would have, at some point, said “What are you talking about?” or “Why do you think we’re close?” or “What do I care if you bring girls home?”.. Instead, she asked nothing of the sort and seemed to clearly understand why Mike was saying what he was saying.

To make herself look more guilty, she’s been trying to cockblock Mike for the entire first three episodes of this season. If she hadn’t hooked up with him, she should be minding her own ******* business.

Instead, she calls Mike over when he meets this American chick at the club so she can tell Mike the girl he’s talking to is ugly. When that same girl is leaving after Mike hits it, Nicole yells “Toodles, Whore! :D”. It’s like mind your own business.. Why do you care? o_O

So, everything’s pointing to Mike telling the truth about having had sex with Nicole while she was with her current boyfriend… This is where Jenni came in handy.

Of course, when Ronnie got back together with Sammi, NOW, Ronnie wants to sit with the girls and gossip. He proceeds to tell Sammi and Jenni that Mike said he banged Nicole, which makes Jenni spring into action because she doesn’t want another Miami situation where she failed to rat on Ronnie to Sammi about him cheating on her, and it turned into a big fiasco.

So Jenni tells Nicole that Ronnie told her that Mike told him that he hit it, and Nicole blows a gasket.

Nicole

Nicole’s value to this episode was finding out that Mike claimed she gave him some.

My favorite part was when Jenni was actually telling her that her business was in the streets, which went like:

  1. Jenni: “Mike told people about what you guys did… Everyone.”
  2. Nicole: “We didn’t do anything”
  3. Jenni: “No. He told everyone.. He gave all your details”
  4. Nicole: “What ******* details?”
  5. Jenni: “He gave DETAILS!.. But it’s not details of like ‘oh, We hooked up a couple of months ago’, it’s details that say ‘I ****** Nicole, and she cheated on [boyfriend’s name]’.”

What was funny about that was when Nicole said “We didn’t do anything” and Jenni’s immediate response to her was “No.”

It was so funny because a) it’s a typical occurrence for women to have sex and then lie their asses off and say it didn’t happen, and b) other women are the ones that will at least PRETEND as if they believe what they’re being told. For Jenni not to even appease her by claiming to believe her, it was just hilarious. 😀

This situation actually played itself out again a little later, as Nicole was sitting down with Ronnie and Jenni, explaining her side of the story. She claimed that a long time before she was with her boyfriend, Mike pressed up on her, she didn’t give him any, and he stormed off, upset, and she never hooked up with him.

Right after that, Ronnie wants to offer Nicole some advice, so he begins by saying “I don’t know what happened, but..” at which point, Nicole cuts him off and goes “I JUST *TOLD* YOU WHAT HAPPENED! :(”

Unfortunately, the cat was out of the bag. You don’t get to dictate reality when someone equally as credible as you is saying something different. Nicole had every reason to claim she never hooked up with Mike. She had no reason to come clean, if she did, in fact, have sex with him. Also, Mike had details that had already convinced Jenni that he was telling the truth, even hearing them secondhand from Ronnie. Also, when confronted, Mike asked Nicole if she wanted him to say details out loud about the situation, and she walked away, instead of challenging him to prove what he was saying. Also, every argument Nicole had was “Why did you tell people?”, not “What the **** are you talking about?”

If someone says you robbed a bank, the response is “No, I didn’t, you’re a bullshit liar, and let’s hear your so-called evidence, because it’s fake, because I didn’t rob a bank”. You don’t say “Why are you telling people that I robbed a bank? :O”

A similar situation happened to Sammi last season, which I discussed in “Girls Don’t Have Friends That Are Guys”. Sammi lied and lied and lied and lied and lied, until she decided that she was busted, and then she told as much truth as she was willing to give up.

So “We didn’t do anything” wasn’t going to be a good enough defense against Mike’s detailed description of their hookup, and it was very funny, for once in life, to see people not even bothering to pretend to believe the female’s side of the story off of general principle.

Continued in “Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 02 of 02]

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