Like I said last week, MTV blew their wad with the previous Jersey Shore episode.

This week was a complete yawn-fest.

Mike’s Neck

The entire first block was wasted on Mike the Snitchuation moping around in a neck brace.

He’s in a neck brace because after drooling on the floor while screaming at Ronnie, who was getting ready to punch his lights out, he goes to make some kind of roid-rage power move against the wall and hits his HEAD instead of his HANDS and knocks himself out.

Upon Ronnie talking yang about Mike knocking himself out, he gets up, does the move the right way, and then they proceed to fight for 7 seconds before the 300lb bouncers that stand behind the videographers ran in and broke it up.

    Pro Tip: If you’re actually mad at someone and intend to kick their ass, do it when the bouncers aren’t there, please. Thxkbai.

Anyway, MTV wasted the entire first block (between the open and the first set of commercials) on this drivel, so I knew the whole episode was going to be weak.

Nicole’s Relationship

ok.. I’ve been sick of the Ronnie/Sammi Codependency Follies for probably close to a year now, but this “Nicole in a relationship” bullshit has to go.

PLEASE don’t try to craft a sympathetic storyline around some chick that gets wasted drunk every night and throws ***** at any guy that she thinks will take it (and, according to the edit, most of them don’t), who now, supposedly is “in a relationship”. :/

What MTV’s trying to sell us is that Nicole’s boyfriend should accept her as-is.

This is not true.

Whomever’s jocking the other person in the relationship has to conform. Period.

Unfortunately, since American women are treated like little kids, where they have no responsibility for their actions and they’re supposed to be allowed to get away with anything, merely because they were born genetically female, everyone stacks up on the side of “Her boyfriend should accept her the way she is and not criticize her and not judge her”.

    Pro Tip: If some dude accepts you as a girlfriend who can actually get other girls, it’s because he feels like you make him look good. If he doesn’t approve of your behavior, he’s going to say so. If you persist, your so-called relationship will go the way of the Star Trek Redshirts.

A redshirt is a stock character, used frequently in science fiction but also in other genres,[citation needed] whose primary purpose is to die soon after being introduced, thus demonstrating the dangerous circumstances faced by the main characters. The term originates from the science fiction television series Star Trek, in which security officers wear red shirts and are often killed on field missions under the aforementioned circumstances.[1]

This is the problem with the entitlement-culture created within American society. It’s not real. You’re not a main character, like Spock or Kirk or Uhura… If you don’t fit the bill, you’ll be replaced with another gal who does.

This is one of the reasons that it’s a good idea for y’all to demonstrate your actual personality when you meet a guy, instead of acting like some middle-of-the-road, regular chick.

If you like to get drunk every night and go out dancing and call your boyfriend at 3am, SLOSHED, slurring your words and sounding incapacitated, represent that from the giddyap.

Don’t try to act like some “regular” chick, and then cry to your friends when your so-called boyfriend disses you for telling him “I want you to come over so I can **** your ****.”

If he told you he doesn’t like hearing your raunchy dialogue, either STFU with that or get a new boyfriend.

Nobody’s going to accept you as-is, unless they have to, like, if your father’s filthy rich and he doesn’t feel like working. Something like that. If that’s not the case, he’s weighing the pros of waxing your ass against the cons of interacting with you as a human being. Eventually, he’s going to get tired of tappin’ that and bounce, so keep it real from the beginning and if he likes your raunchy, drunk, slurring ass, then you’re in there like Belvedere.

Dress Up

More time was wasted with Pauly and Vinny dressing up like… um……… The G Word? o_O

Italian Americans and the G Word: Embrace or Reject?

Boring.

Ronnie Sammi

Ronnie professed his love for Sammi again this episode. Sammi initially told him she wasn’t tryin’na hear that, but I guess she didn’t read the script, because she was all in love with him a few minutes later.

Boring.

Ronnie & Jenni

Continuing two Jersey Shore themes of a) Nicole’s relationship, and b) Ronnie following Girl Code whenever he’s with Sammi, so there are basically 5 girls in the house and 3 guys.. Ronnie hangs out with Jenni and gossips about Nicole’s relationship.

Boring.

Mike & Nicole

So, Nicole swore up and down that she wasn’t ever going to talk to Mike again.. However.. after he ran his own head into a wall and she was on the sidelines crying about his injury, that went right out the window. :/

So Nicole goes to talk to Mike and wants him to apologize for snitching on her… *STILL*, she doesn’t say that she never ****** his ****. The only issue here is that he should have kept his mouth shut about it and not snitched on her.

This isn’t explicitly stated, but it’s obvious from the interaction. When you’re talking to a chick you never messed with, it looks and feels completely different from when you’re talking to a chick you messed with and you had agreed to keep it under the hat.

Anyway, she keeps pressing Mike and he says that maybe he shouldn’t have told Ronnie…… that he actually should have told Pauly, because he knows Pauly can keep a secret.

Nicole gets up and leaves.. again, never pressing the point that she supposedly never sexed him.

*YAWN*

At The Club

So they all go to the club, and you see Pauly and Vinny pressing up on a couple of chicks, but the only people they show coming home are the girls and Ronnie… I mean they only show the girls coming home.

Hopefully, this means that the dudes scored some Italian chicks and MTV elected not to air it. You never see Pauly, Vinny or Mike come home.

Anyway.. While they’re at the club, short-ass Nicole is seen riffin’ with some chick that’s at least a head taller than her, saying that she’s going to punch her in the face… Nicole saying she’s going to punch the taller girl in her face. :/

Anyway, eventually, either that chick or some other chick that’s tired of these small-ass, non-athletic chicks talking **** throws a drink on both Nicole and Deena at the same time… This leads to a scuffle, where Vinny ends up separating….. Nicole from pulling Deena’s hair and Deena from pulling Nicole’s hair.

That’s right. These idiots ended up fighting each other, while the perp got away scot-free.

smh :/

Anyway, after that, the 5 girls come home, and Nicole gets on the phone to say raunchy, slurred things to her “boyfriend”. When he starts dissing her for persisting in being the way he doesn’t want his selected girlfriend to be, Ronnie decides it would be a good idea to request the phone from Nicole so he can assure HER BOYFRIEND that she loves him and hasn’t been messing around behind his back.

This is how you can tell Ronnie’s down with Girl Code.

I mean, srsly. 😀 hahahaha Imagine The Kid hopping on the phone when some chick’s talking to her boyfriend, and going “Look dude.. Take my word for it.. She loves you, man. :D”

It would have been like

  • First of all, who the **** are you?
  • Second, why THE **** are you all up in my business where you know whether my girlfriend loves me or not?
  • Third, WHY THE **** are you lampin’ with my girl when she’s obviously incapacitated from alcohol, which is how she was when I met her and she gave it up to me immediately if not sooner, so how do I know she didn’t just finish ******* your ****?

This is why dude told Ronnie “**** YOU, PUT NICOLE BACK ON THE PHONE! :/”

And then, of course, the chicks got mad at the boyfriend for “flipping on Ronnie” when Ronnie was violating in the first place.

Um.. Say What? o_O

So, Deena The Omnisexual bootie-calls this dude, right?.. At like 4am, right?…

So dude comes over, and they’re chillin’, and Deena requested his presence so she could “Give him The Golden Ticket”, right?…..

Side Note: You’ve gotta love and respect a chick that refers to her ***** with a term from Willy Wonka movies.

So she’s chillin’.. Ready to give it up, like she planned, then, next thing you know, she notices a hickey on dude’s neck.

A hickey, or love bite, is a temporary bruise or mark caused by the kissing or sucking of the skin. The most common cause is rough sex in which the skin is bitten forcefully enough to burst the blood vessels beneath.

Hickeys typically last from four to twelve days and may be treated in the same way as other bruises. One way to help the hickey heal is to put a block of ice on the affected area; another way to treat the affected area is to rub it down with the edge of a coin using oil or lotion as lubrication to avoid skin irritation

For those of y’all not familiar with hickeys.. It’s what American elementary school kids do to each other to mark their territory. It’s like when dogs piss on a tree.

You put a hickey on the chick’s neck, right?.. So then, for the next several days, any dude that goes to mess with her knows that somebody else had already been there, Capisce? >:D

Strictly Elementary-School.

If you’re a grown-ass man or a grown-ass woman and you’re still putting hickeys on people’s necks, you’re a ******* chump.

BC & LC

Well.. Um… Anyway…

So, Deena, who’s been proven by the videotapes to hook up with just about anything that moves, when she’s drunk, is currently DRUNK and spots a hickey on this Italian dude’s neck that SHE PICKED UP when he was her waiter at a restaurant one day.

Next thing you know, she’s all ANTI about hooking up with him. o_O

She asks him what happened to his neck, and he’s like… ok.. This wasn’t the smartest thing he could have said… but dude’s like “Oh.. That? 😀 a heh… a heh-heh… No… No… My Sister did that to me! :D”

    Pro Tip: If a chick presses you for information about a rather obvious sex-mark located somewhere on your person, feel free to *NOT* say that someone in your immediate family (or even a cousin once removed) put it there. Thxkbai.

So then… DEENA… *DEENA*… decides that she’s not going to give this Italian dude her Willy Wonka Golden Ticket, because there’s a sex mark on his neck that may or may not have been put there by his own sister….

WHAT? o_O

I mean, for that, how come she didn’t elect not to hook up with Dean, the Ronnie lookalike that she found out had a girlfriend when Sammi saw her ushering Dean out of the house the next morning after hooking up with him?

Dean.. Who put Deena’s business in the streets, telling the barber, who told her male roommates that she asked Dean if she could **** his *** because it had been cleaned out by them being in the jacuzzi together?

Are you kidding me? 😀 HAHAHA

And then, this one Italian dude that she was sweating from the day she met him, she decides to not hook up with him because some chick, related to him or not, elected to kiss him on the neck so hard that it left a bruise?

C’MON, SUNN!!! :/ That’s Ridiculous.

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