On this season of “Jersey Shore”, Deena, Vinny, and Pauly are roommates. Their beds are in the same room, at what appears to be a distance of 15 feet or less from each other. There is nothing stopping any of them from hearing and seeing everything that goes on in either of the other two roommates’ beds…

A few episodes ago, Deena brought home a girl, hopped in bed with her, and hooked up with her. Not only is it on videotape, but Vinny was right there, and saw and heard the action, until Deena was finished with the chick and sent her to Vinny’s bed to, as he calls it “polish him off”.

After the fact, Deena denied hooking up with the chick, like she denies hooking up with everybody we’ve seen her hop into bed with since she joined the cast last season. The obvious problem is that there’s videotape showing Vinny telling another housemate that he could see and hear the action between Deena and the chick, so it was Vinny’s word vs. Deena’s word… Meanwhile, Deena was at a restaurant with the girls, talking about how Vinny got her “sloppy seconds”.

The point being that even though she knew damned well that Vinny can see and hear CLEARLY from his bed to hers, she tried to hold the line that she didn’t do what Vinny said she did.

Fast Forward to this episode, and Deena was in her bed when Nicole climbed into bed with Vinny and had sex with him. In fact, Pauly was in his own bed at the time as well, so Vinny screwed Nicole in front of both of them.

Next thing you know, Nicole is denying having sex with Vinny… Even though Vinny’s the one that screwed her while both Deena and Pauly were watching and listening.

To complete this triangle.. Nicole hooked up with Deena for hours and hours and hours on one drunken day, and then they woke up in the morning asking each other if they remember what happened the night before… Their responses to each other were something like “I don’t remember anything after the restaurant” and “I remember making out with you, but I don’t think we had sex”.

So, after FOR ONCE NOT BEING ENABLED by Jenni, who told Nicole the truth about herself instead of what would make her feel good about herself, Nicole decides to ask Vinny if they had sex that night, and Vinny gives her the play-by-play about how she climbed into bed with him, told him what she wanted him to do, and he did it.

Oh.. I almost forgot… All of this stuff happened *AFTER* Nicole “swore up and down on a stack of bibles” that she didn’t blow Mike.

The point being, ladies, that your lies about sexual inactivity will only remain quasi-believed so long as you don’t have the sex you’re lying about IN. FRONT. OF. OTHER. PEOPLE!

Did We Have Sex? o_O

The culmination of this lesson occurred when Deena said, during the wine-tasting trip, basically that she wasn’t going to ‘air Nicole out’, but that Nicole most definitely *DID* have sex with Vinny, regardless of what Nicole’s saying.

This was before Nicole asked Vinny if they had had sex and he told her “Yes”.

In one of Nicole’s confessionals, she says “I really thought we didn’t have sex”.

When she asked Vinny that question, he said something like “You’re saying you were so drunk that you don’t remember what happened.. I don’t believe you.”

I really enjoyed this plot thread, especially that particular statement by Vinny. I actually believe that he believes that Nicole remembers having sex with him and is lying to him.

What’s enjoyable about watching and discussing this is that I’ve had it happen to me.
Bill Cammack - NYC

It’s not something that you can explain to people if they haven’t seen it on television.

It’s very, very, very, very, VERY WEIRD for a chick to ask you honestly, earnestly, soberly, whether or not the two of you have hooked up.

The first thought that runs through your mind is “This chick is bullshitting me! :D”. It seems like she’s trying to make a joke, and you laugh it off until she repeats herself and really, REALLY wants to know the answer to the question.

Next, you stop laughing and begin to mull over the ramifications of the fact that the two of you are living out two entirely different relationships to each other.

My relationship to you is that I’ve hit it several times, and now we’re hanging out having dinner, like we usually do, between sporadic hookups whenever you get in the mood = you’re excessively drunk and you start feeling horny when you’re around me.

Your relationship to me is that we flirt and maybe we’ve made out a couple of times, but we’ve never actually had sex.. Even though you can’t account for the time between when we were hooking up in the bar together and when you woke up safely locked into your own apartment, wearing your pajamas or nothing at all.

What was funny/great to me about Vinny’s reaction to Nicole, saying he didn’t believe her, is that it’s a testament to the fact that dudes in general don’t talk to chicks after the fact about what they’ve done with each other.

The only way you find something like this out is the way Vinny found out. He had sex with a female friend of his that he actually speaks to other than calling her to see if she wants to hook up tonight.

If he would have had the same rapport with girls he’s hooked up with in the past, he’d have a lot more data supporting Nicole’s question. He wouldn’t have been surprised by it because he would have already understood that just because a chick is completely coherent and properly functioning during your hookup, that doesn’t mean that the event is going to make it to her long-term memory.

So.. Essentially, if you know what you’re doing, you recognize that tipping point between when a chick is Jekyll and when she’s Hyde, and you carry on two simultaneous relationships to her.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_Case_of_Dr_Jekyll_and_Mr_Hyde

Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is the original title of a novel written by the Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson that was first published in 1886.

It is about a London lawyer named Gabriel John Utterson who investigates strange occurrences between his old friend, Dr Henry Jekyll,[2] and the misanthropic Edward Hyde.

The work is commonly associated with the rare mental condition often spuriously called “split personality”, wherein within the same person there are at least two distinct personalities. In this case, the two personalities in Dr Jekyll are apparently good and evil, with completely opposite levels of morality. The novella’s impact is such that it has become a part of the language, with the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde” coming to mean a person who is vastly different in moral character from one situation to the next.[3]

When she’s Jekyll, you don’t bring up Hyde, and vice versa.

If you’re not willing to deal with this, don’t kick it with chicks that get drunk or high AT ALL. It’s not worth it. Stick to chicks that remain in the same mental state at all times.

Otherwise, things will be very confusing for you… When she’s drunk, but “not drunk enough”, she acts, thinks, speaks and carries herself one way. As soon as she switches personalities, everything that she said to you when she was sober goes out the window and it’s ON and POPPIN! >:D

I Refuse To Answer, On The Grounds…

However… If you don’t recognize that what she does and says when she’s drunk becomes either honestly forgotten or deliberately suppressed when she’s sober, you’re going to make the mistake of happily reminiscing with her about making out in a crowded bar with people cheering you on and the bartenders pouring y’all free drinks, while she either has no idea at all what you’re talking about, or she wishes *YOU* had forgotten it like she’s pretending to.

You’re going to make the mistake of telling her sober personality about the time her drunk personality stripped and danced on the bar.

You’re going to make the mistake of telling her sober personality “Yeah.. We have sex every time you get drunk enough.”

You’re going to make the mistake of telling her sober personality that you know what tattoos she has and where they’re located on her body.

So, it was very funny to me, watching Vinny tell Nicole he didn’t believe her when she said she didn’t have mental access to the data about whether the two of them had sex the other night or not. The Jersey Shore cast aren’t good actors. I totally believe that he totally didn’t believe her… That was great, to see someone becoming educated about the role alcohol can play in hookups.

It was also cool, watching him give her the play-by-play, and you’ll notice that her reaction to what he told her was the same reaction she had to Mike, which was “Don’t say that!”, as opposed to “That didn’t happen!”.. The obvious point being Nicole’s lack of denial of the actual activity in both situations.

For the record.. I realize that dudes get so drunk that they forget that they had sex with chicks also.

The reason that’s not an issue is the good ole “double standard”. There’s no reason for dudes to play it off to their friends as if they didn’t have sex with some chick, unless they’re embarrassed about how she looks.

There’s also no reason for dudes to attempt to mentally suppress memories of hookups to ourselves because we’re not brainwashed to believe that our selection of women has anything to do with how we perceive ourselves or our self-esteem.

Like.. If you’re a chubby-chaser or something, Hey.. That’s your life.. Enjoy it! 😀

You enjoy chicks with nice asses and busted grills?.. Live it up! >:D

It’s not like females, where they’re like “OMG! :O .. I hooked up with HIM?!?! :O Does that make me a HO??? :(”

So women have a lot of incentive to forget or omit their physical activities with guys. That’s all well & good, unless someone actually saw and heard you doing what you did.

Deena denied hooking up with the chick and Vinny confirmed it.

Nicole denied hooking up with Vinny and Deena and Pauly confirmed it.

Nicole and Deena denied hooking up with each other and ALL THE HOUSEMATES CONFIRMED IT.

You will be judged by your actions, not by however you attempt to verbally spin your sex life to people that have watched you do what you do.

If your M.O. is to get drunk, become horny, and have sex with the nearest guy that will actually give you some light, you can’t talk your way out of that.

Your REAL FRIENDS will tell you how you actually act, whether you like what they’re saying about you or not.

Your fake friends will only tell you things that keep you feeling good about yourself… They won’t tell you about your split personality. They won’t tell you that guys are just waiting for you to get drunk so the party can start. They won’t tell you that everybody thinks you’re “easy” or a ho or whore or slut or whatever the current demeaning term is.

A friend of mine was having sex with this chick that a bunch of other dudes were having sex with. He steps to me one day, all happy, talking about he’s about to have a daughter with her. As an actual friend of his, it was my obligation and practically my sworn duty to ask him “What makes you think the kid is yours? o_O”.

Was he upset about that? Yes. Was it a valid question? Yes. Is that his daughter? Probably not. Does he ACT LIKE that’s his daughter? As of the last time I spoke to him, he definitely does, so I’m glad he’s happy with what happened.

If I had NOT been his friend, I would have enabled him by congratulating him and acting like I believed that out of the several-dude-lottery, his sperm was the one that won the race.

In fact, there’s only a percentage chance that he’s the biological father, so it was my duty to him as a friend to point that out to him, in case for some odd reason he thought he was the only dude screwing that chick, or in case he was mentally suppressing the obvious facts.

Please Stop Boring Us!

Anyway… Like I said a few weeks ago, Jersey Shore has degenerated into a sit-com / soap opera… There isn’t much storyline left, and although they’ll probably do a season 05 with the same boring characters in Seaside Heights, I can’t possibly imagine a season 06 (though I incorrectly predicted that there wouldn’t even be a season 04).

Nobody cares.

Nobody wants to see Nicole and Deena fall on their asses again because they’re too drunk to stand up.

Nobody wants to see them proclaim virtue and then hook up with whatever dudes or chicks that will have them, ASAP.

Nobody wants to see Ronnie & Sammi implode anymore.

Nobody wants to see Vinny do absolutely nothing anymore.

Nobody wants to see Mike strike out repeatedly with local Italian chicks and screw the same American girl that’s probably an MTV plant, brought in specifically to sex Mike and make it look like he has some skill picking up chicks anymore.

What MTV needs to do is dump this housemate format and create two spinoff shows.

One show is 30 minutes of Jenni getting dressed to go out to parties. >:D

One show is 30 minutes following Pauly D. around to DJ gigs, being that he’s the only cast member that actually has a marketable skill.

All the rest of the characters need to be retired, because they’re redundant and uninteresting.

As far as “Did We Have Sex? o_O”, most guys reading this will never have to deal with that question because women are too ******* EMBARRASSED to ask you and indicate that they were so drunk when you hit it that a) they don’t know IF they had sex with you or not, and b) they don’t know whether it was GOOD or not.

This is one of the reasons you don’t want to debrief chicks after the fact…. I mean, the MAIN reason is that she might not feel like you put in as much work as YOU feel like you put in! 😀 But another reason is that you might be pressing her for details that never made it to her long-term memory, and she’s going to feel embarrassed to admit that.

Whether you decide to tell her that y’all hooked up and give her the play-by-play is up to you. It’s not like you’re jarring her memory. You’re just telling her things that she doesn’t currently know. Depending on how close the two of you are as friends, she may or may not believe what you’re saying anyway.

Contrary to idealistic belief, you’re under zero obligation to tell her the truth.

If you feel like telling her “Nah, I made sure you got into your apartment and locked the door when I left, and nothing happened”, that’s the direction you’re crafting your future relationship in.

If you feel like telling her “Yeah, we did this, this and that in your bed, on the floor, on your kitchen counter and in the shower”, you project your relationship into an alternate reality.

Admittedly, the situation is a drag.

To spend time with a grown-ass woman that acts like she’s not sexually attracted to you when she’s sober and then climbs all over you when she’s drunk is like living half of a lie with her, or, perhaps it’s like having a wife and a mistress in the same woman.

You know that so long as she keeps drinking, eventually her other personality is going to appear and you’re going to cheat on Mrs Jekyll with Mrs Hyde.

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11 Comments

  1. Catchy title. Although I do not watch Jersey Shore your material brough me back to my early 20s (29 now). I would ask my boyfrind at the time “Did we have sex”? He was pissed because he thought he did a good job. I had the faintest idea of what happend. So that made me laugh and brought up memories. The background scene is awesom. I haven’t made it to New York as of yet but eventually i’ll make (In Alaska now). Have a great day!

    1. HAAA Thanks for sharing that, Michele! 😀 hehehe

      Yeah, that’s part of the problem.. Dudes think they put a good performance in the bank that she’s going to remember forever and never stop jocking him, and then it’s like “WHAT??? :O I HAVE TO DO THAT ALL OVER AGAIN TO GET MY PROPERS??? o_O”.

      Another issue is that dudes egotistically like to feel like they gave chicks “Something y’all will never forget!!!” hahahaha So to say that you “forgot”, it’s rather.. deflating… no pun intended. 😉

      Cheers! 😀

  2. I think this maybe the closest we have gotten to a post you promised me some time ago bill about how women routinely engage in “dont count sex”. I’ve been in this situation before and it can be very weird, one time i had this same exact talk with a girl who i know for a fact was stone cold sober the night before.

    1. Well.. That’s part of the issue, CJay, and part of the reason why Vinny was saying he didn’t believe Nicole when she asked him what they had done that night.

      Chicks will definitely PRETEND not to remember hooking up with you. I never really considered why they do that, hehe but it happens.

      And you’re right.. There’s a lot of “don’t count” sex that goes on that chicks file away in their personal memory banks.

      As far as that, it’s basically along the lines of if the sex happened in some kind of romantic way, they’ll count it. If it happened in a way they aren’t proud of, or a way that stops them from calling other women that do the exact same things “whores”, they pack that one away and act to the world like it never happened, although they know damned well that it did.

      I’m going to have to think more about this topic, now that you’ve brought it back up.

      It’s such an inconsequential issue. It doesnt’ actually matter how many dudes a chick has hooked up with. What matters is whether you feel like hittin’ it right now, and what you think your percentage chances are of getting some from her.

      The actual statistics of what she did in which situation with whichever guys aren’t you don’t help YOU get laid at all.

      1. That is true ultimately it has no consequence on hooking up but none the less it is interesting. on a side note i read an article online talking about women having temporary amnesia after an orgasm. This means the completely go blank for up to several hours afterwards……akward.

        1. That’s hilarious, dude! 😀 hahaha

          I’m going to have to test that out.. Tell a chick “The Eagle Has Landed” or something, right after she gets hers and then quiz her on it when she returns to a non-orgasmic state. 😀

  3. snooki remembered hooking up with vinny, she just lied. she will warp reality inside her mind to exonerate herself of any blame, in any situation.

    she said she didn’t cheat on her bf, mere hours after doing it

    she told her bf on the phone that she hadn’t broken up with him, when she had done just that, and told vinny that she was single.

    she wasn’t too drunk to remember. she’s just a delusional, pathological liar

    1. Thank you for bringing that up, Flag… I had meant to talk about that, but I think I never got around to it.

      According to the edit, Nicole told dude she needed a break from him and she wasn’t going to talk to him for several days. MTV *NEVER* showed Nicole saying she was actually broken up with her “boyfriend”.

      However, when she climbs in bed with Vinny, he asks her to her face if she’s with her boyfriend, and she wags her head “no”, as if to say it’s alright for Vinny to tag up, because she’s single now.

      Strangely enough, after that, she wakes up wondering if her relationship is still intact with her “boyfriend”. o_O

      She’s obviously a pathological, opportunistic liar.

      Even if she didn’t remember what she did ALL DAY with Deena, *ALL* of the housemates told her what she did, and then she called her “boyfriend” and lied and minimized her report of her interactions with her. Even the guys knew about this because they were saying how her “boyfriend” would be upset if he found out that she had cheated on him with a chick.

      This is why I’m saying that they’re enabling her and not actually being her friend by telling her “do you” and acting like she’s a normal person. What they SHOULD be telling her is “You’re a ******* liar and if your ‘boyfriend’ finds out what you’ve really been doing, he’s going to dump you because that’s not what he’s looking for in a woman.”

      This is different from telling her “Stop being your normal, drunken, sluttish self.”

      It’s saying that you need to play your position in the dating game. If you’re out there on the fringe, you’re only going to be accepted by people that accept fringe characters like yourself.

      If you elect to date someone that’s going to bounce on you for lifting your dress up in public and showing your panties, you’ll get dumped whenever you get dumped and don’t cry about it.

  4. yep.

    the women on this show have provided a microcosm for how the female mind [can] work. they are so self-absorbed that they not only lie constantly to protect their illusion of sexual virtue, but they also seem to actually believe their own lies, warping the fabric of reality around them in the process. i thought only x-men had this kind of power.

    sammi last season put on an oscar-winning performance denying the accounts of the guy she was supposed to meet in seaside, even in the face of physical evidence. the lie was exposed and she she only made it worse, even insisting she never hooked up with the guy for 40 minutes…and then suddenly admitting she did. wheredeydodatat?

    this season, snooki speaks for herself. you remember getting in his bed, spooning him…but not banging him 20 seconds later? that kind of delusion is special, and it takes a lot of enabling from people around you. everyone is guilty.

    what women don’t realize, is that if you prove you’re this comfortable telling HUGE lies and then insisting upon them even when caught, how is anyone supposed to believe anything you say ever again, about anything?

    sammi proved that you can’t take her word for what she had for dinner last night, or what kind of bubble gum she chews. nevermind what she’s done with her vagina.

    snooki proved the same, only possibly worse because she will outright delete things she doesn’t like from her memory banks instead of just lying about it.

    when you take it as far as they do, thats the same amount of credibility you lose. all of it. i’ve never been one to take a chick’s word for what she’s done, and with how many guys, but if i ever was then jersey shore would have vaporized that notion with an atom bomb.

  5. Agreed, across the board, Flag.

    I ragged all over that Sammi situation in http://billcammack.com/2011/04/10/girls-dont-have-friends-that-are-guys/

    She doesn’t have any credibility, and neither does Ronnie. Nothing they say means anything at all, because they act however they feel at that particular time and then they have to live with the consequences of their impulsive actions.

    This is why I’m saying that it’s not healthy, it’s not intelligent, and it’s certainly not showing FRIENDSHIP to enable chicks that get drunk, whore out, and then talk down to girls that are leaving the house after the male housemates (or Deena) hook up with them.

    When Nicole’s yelling “BYE WHORE! :D”, somebody right next to her should be telling her to STFU, because she does the exact same thing and worse.

    Instead, they tell her that she’s “doing her” and being herself and they wouldn’t have it any other way.. If that’s the case, then don’t talk yang about other girls either. o_O

    As far as your last point, anybody that takes a chick’s word for how much sexual activity she’s been involved with is a fool.

    The other day, a friend of mine told me that she wasn’t messing with some dude. My response to her was “It’s none of my business”. She kept repeating herself, insisting that she didn’t mess with the dude, and I kept saying “It’s none of my business”. She *WANTED* me to say that I believed her, except I’m not around her 24/7, so I have no idea who she’s hooked up with and who she hasn’t.

    I don’t care and it’s none of my business. If she wants to tell me what she does, that’s fine. If she doesn’t want to tell me what she does, that’s fine too.

    I will not, in good conscience, tell her “I believe you that you never messed with that dude and you have a platonic relationship to him.”

    The odds are good, because I trust her as a person, but women are only going to tell you as much about themselves as they’re COMFORTABLE telling you, which is often WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY FAR SHORT OF THE TRUTH. 😀

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