Jersey Snore

I hadn’t thought it could get any worse, but last night’s Jersey Shore” was a complete waste of time. Apparently, it was a bunch of extra footage they had laying around that they decided to waste 44-minutes-plus-commercials’ worth of our time with. It was as if the production company delivered 11 episodes to MTV and then found out they were actually responsible for 12.

Bleech. :/

Nothing important happened at all. Here are the status updates:

Ronnie: Burned dinner so he had to go food shopping.
Sammi: Did nothing, because her entire life is Ronnie.
Jenni: Did nothing, because her entire life is her boyfriend.
Vinny: Made several statements about how much he likes Pauly.
Pauly: Made several statements about how much he likes Vinny.
Deena: Threw sex at Pauly, who instead hung out in bed with Vinny.
Nicole: Told her “boyfriend” that right after they got off the phone, she screwed Vinny.
Mike: Talked a lot of yang to people that signed releases for MTV to show their faces as they argued with him across crowded rooms of people with several bouncers and MTV security guards standing between them.

What a waste of time.

They recently had the Jersey Shore cast show up for some show, maybe the MTV Video Music Awards, and all of them were there except for Mike. Maybe that was one of those “Paul McCartney is the only one without shoes in this picture, so you know that means he’s dead” situations:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_is_dead

“Paul is dead” is an urban legend suggesting that Paul McCartney of the English rock band The Beatles died in 1966 and was secretly replaced by a look-alike.

In September 1969, American college students published articles claiming that clues to McCartney’s death could be found among the lyrics and artwork of The Beatles’ recordings. Clue hunting proved infectious and within a few weeks had become an international phenomenon. Rumours declined after a contemporary interview with McCartney was published in Life magazine in November 1969. Popular culture continues to make occasional reference to the legend.

Since nothing noteworthy occurred, I’ll just make a few brief observations:

Thanks, But No Thanks

Part of the Politically-Correct and Enabling culture is for people to not say what they actually think and feel, opting instead to say and do things that make people around them feel good about themselves.

This prevents Pauly from telling Deena she’s not his physical type.

If you look at the chicks that they’ve shown Pauly bringing home from the club, not a single one of them could be mistaken for Deena’s build.

Instead of saying “I’m not trying to **** Deena” in his confessionals (video statements recorded by cast members when they’re by themselves), he needs to just tell her “Nah. Thanks. I’m not interested in screwing you.” and go about his business.

Instead, he says stuff like “It would ruin our friendship”, which actually means “It would ruin our friendship if I told you there’s no way in hell that I intend to have sex with you before one of us is dead… or after that, for that matter.”

One of the differences between men and women is that guys actually have to be sexually turned on in order to successfully have intercourse with a gal. OTOH, whether females are turned on or not, all they have to do is spread their legs and sex can occur.

This is why women think that ANY guy will, can and wants to have sex with ANY chick. It doesn’t work like that. Ain’t that type-a party.

Are We Still Together?

As much as I hate to bring up the boring and redundant Nicole storyline, it’s really the only one relevant to dating, now that Ronnie and Sammi aren’t fighting, so MTV doesn’t give them any more airtime.

Basically, here’s a typical Nicole day.. She wakes up in the afternoon sober or hung over. She proceeds to get drunk. When she gets drunk, she gets horny. When she gets horny, she intentionally or inadvertently flashes her genital region at people that didn’t ask her to show them that, and she tries to get laid from whatever guy or gal she happens to focus on that day.

This is why nobody believed her when she denied blowing Mike.

Somehow, her so-called “boyfriend” either didn’t know that this is the type of person he was dating, or he’s a famewhore, who’s willing to accept her behavior in order to be on television, get invited to lavish parties, and benefit from her paycheck from the show.

Either way, he bounced on her when she was doing her stripper-dancing at the club, which he didn’t ask her to do, AND specifically ordered her to stop doing. When she refused to comply, he left.

Approximately 24 hours after that event, Nicole climbed in bed with Vinny, who had already hit it several times, and told him that she wasn’t with her “boyfriend” anymore, so they got it in.

The first report she gave her boyfriend was that she climbed in bed with Vinny and she didn’t have sex with him, but Vinny finger-popped her.

In case that’s a local New York / New Jersey term.. Finger-Popping is, er…. digitally/manually stimulating a female’s genital region with the intent of either getting her off or making her horny enough to engage in oral or vaginal sex with you.

Dude was mad enough about that, but decided to give her what he called a “second chance”, which was, in fact, probably her 80th chance.

Unfortunately, she had to call him back and report to him that Vinny actually screwed her.. or, more importantly, that she actually screwed Vinny.

His response to this was something like “I can’t call you my girlfriend right now.”

This is what I find interesting/funny/pathetic about these so-called “relationships”. They’re all completely fake and bullshit.

Do. Not. Lay. Down. Any. RULES. For. People. If. There. Are. Zero. Consequences. For. Breaking. Your. Rules.

If you require someone to agree that they won’t get involved in intercourse with anyone besides you in order for you to call them your girlfriend or boyfriend, and that person has sex with someone that isn’t you, they’re in direct and incontrovertible VIOLATION OF YOUR RULES and are guilty of BREACH OF CONTRACT, and should be immediately and unceremoniously demoted, if not excommunicated.

It’s very ******* simple. It’s not rocket science. If your girlfriend tells you that like 65 minutes after she hung up the phone with you, she was doing the mattress mambo with the next man, how is that a situation that requires discussion or thought on your part? o_O

If you don’t mind her giving it up, shut the **** up.

If you DO mind her giving it up, there’s no decision to make or think about. It’s already been made for you, because she elected to do what *SHE* wants to do instead of honor y’all’s so-called “relationship”.

How are you going to walk out on a chick for pulling her skirt up on the dance floor and embarrassing you by making you look like a sucker because you have no control over your woman, which means you’re obviously pussywhipped and don’t deserve any respect, and then turn around and when this same chick tells you she gave it up in several positions to a guy that was screwing her before you ever met her and never stopped ******* her, your response is “I can’t call you my girlfriend right now”??? o_O

*Yawn*

Unfortunately, there’s very much likely going to be at least one more Jersey Shore” season.

It will depend on the viewership and the financial numbers.

MTV needs to dissolve this boring, redundant group and create a couple of spinoffs.

They need to make a Pauly D. show where they focus on his career as a DJ, and now, a celebrity DJ.

That would get a lot of run, people would watch it, and they’d be able to partner with clubs around the country, and perhaps around the world for sponsorships or other types of revenue to justify the show.

They need to make a J-Woww spinoff where she gets undressed every episode and also publicizes her fashion business.

A lot of guys would tune into that show every week, as well as a lot of teenage females that are interested in fashion and that look up to Jenni as a role model.

None of the rest of the cast members have a marketable skill.

Nobody’s interested anymore in which one of them is currently screwing which one of them.

Here are the current in-house hookup standings:

  • Jenni <-> Pauly
  • Angelina <-> Mike
  • Angelina <-> Pauly
  • Angelina <-> Vinny
  • Sammi <-> Ronnie
  • Sammi <-> Mike (quasi.. I don’t think Mike tapped that, but she was sweating him before Ronnie)
  • Nicole <-> Vinny
  • Nicole <-> Mike
  • Deena <-> Has thrown sex at Mike and Pauly, but neither one of them wanted to **** her, even on nights when they had nothing better to do.

It’s boring. Nobody cares.

This is the only show that has a recurring cast. “The Real World” and everything else only has people on for one season and then they change cast members.

There’s obviously zero depth in this particular subculture if MTV refuses to attempt to continue their Jersey Shore franchise with anyone outside of the 9 housemates and several other recurring characters over the years.

I enjoyed and looked forward to Jersey Shore as soon as I became aware of it, before it initially launched. I was glad that people everywhere were going to get to see how things really work in Hookup Culture.

Unfortunately, MTV changed the focus of the show, probably because their demographics said something like the main people watching this are 14-year-old girls.

That would make sense, because the show suddenly changed from “We go to the clubs every night to try to bring chicks home, screw them, throw them out as soon as we’re finished and call them sluts and whores behind their backs for hooking up with us” to “We’re a bunch of friendly, incestuous housemates that share silly and endearing times together”.

It’s like when you tune in to one of those “jail reality shows” with a fancy title like “Lockup: Raw”, specifically so you can watch people kill each other, and then the entire episode is about how dudes like to paint, cultivate tomato gardens and pet cats. :/

C’MON, SUNN! :/ You know that’s not what we’re tuning in for. :/

One more season. End it where it began, in Seaside Heights.

End it in one of the two places on the entire planet (New York and New Jersey) that this subculture exists and anybody cares about it.

Shut it down. Spin off the marketable characters. Let the rest of them live off of residuals from DVD sales.

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4 thoughts on “Jersey Snore”

  1. There is no way pauly and vinny can strike out that much in italy. Ive been to italy there are some fine chicks that are very accommodating. Plus in europe being any kind of American is an automatic head start.

    1. Agreed, CJay. My point for the last full year has been that MTV is purposely leaving the hookups on the cutting room floor in order to craft a sitcom-style show instead of a “We meet girls, bang them, kick them out, then call them whores for screwing us” show, which is what Jersey Shore originally began as and continued to be until the housemates became television celebrities.

      I always keep an eye on who they show hanging out after coming from the club. Sometimes, Pauly’s missing. Sometimes, Vinny’s missing.

      Mike hasn’t gotten laid since he broke his own neck by smashing his head into a brick wall. After he screwed that same American chick that’s been the only girl he pulled this entire season, he’s been completely out of commission, and now, they’re trying to play up his shouting angrily at native Italian males from behind rows of security guards.

      1. so i went and watched this latest episode deena makes an interesting reference when she is trying to bang pauly. She says ” i wanna go harder than that girl you brought home last time”. I am assuming she is referring to an off camera hookup by pauly.

        1. Good call. I missed that line, because I stopped trying to translate Deena’s slurred speech or turning on Closed Captions to figure out what she said.

          That’s what I’m saying, though. They show dudes talking to girls at the club, or they show dudes leaving the club with girls, and then you see NO MORE FOOTAGE OF THE CHICKS AT ALL, which is MTV’s attempt to pander to the 14-year-old-female crowd that idolizes the housemates.

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