Platonic Relationships

Here’s a fun video about why men and women can’t be “just friends”:

YouTube Link =>

Granted.. It’s easy to skew a video like this by asking 100 gals and 100 guys if they believe men and women can be “just friends” and then only airing the responses from the gals that say “Yes” and the guys that say “No”.

Regardless, I think the video points out something interesting about so-called “Platonic Relationships”.
2b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex

If you Google “Platonic Relationships” you don’t get anything.. Other than probably this article, once I post it.

I was surprised by this, because as much as chicks yammer about platonic relationships, I would have thought there would be a plethora of articles and definitions of this situation that they believe exists.

Two Decisions, Not One

The problem that I have with the concept of platonic relationships is that relationships are defined by the individual, not by the couple.

They seem to be defined by the couple, because one person says to the other person “Let’s go steady” or “Will you wear my ring” or some other nonsense that indicates that they intend to exclusively date the other person, and then he or she agrees to enter this verbal agreement that they’re now “together” or “an item”.

In fact, that’s not ONE agreement, but rather TWO agreements by TWO individuals.

Both people have verbally agreed to be exclusive with each other (whatever that means to each one of them). If one of them decides they’re no longer exclusive, they don’t require the consent of the other person to hook up with someone else.

If it had been an agreement which required both people to begin it, it would have also required both people to end it. Capisce? 😀

In the video.. Whether it was doctored or not.. What you saw was a bunch of females saying they believed that men and women can be “just friends” and a bunch of males saying Hellz Naw! 😀

Lindsey Chen and I discussed the basics of this situation back in 2008, in “Does He Want To Be Friends?”.

Basically, there are three situations where a guy is actually “Just Friends” with a gal.

  1. He doesn’t find her sexually attractive
  2. He shares things in common with her that make him friends with her the same way he would be friends with a guy
  3. He has a better use for her that will no longer be available to him if he hits it.. Money, Food, Her better-looking girlfriends and female family members, Whatever..

The first one is the main one. If a guy doesn’t wanna tap that, we can be friends forever. 😀

However.. If he’s not physically/sexually attracted to her, she actually has to have something about her personality or what she does in her daily life that’s of interest to him if he’s going to spend time with her at all. She no longer gets the chick modifier and will be scrutinized on the same level as if he were choosing a male friend to spend time with.

Of course, this is a much higher standard. This is why you see a lot of tomboys with a lot of male friends. The women are actually considered “one of the fellaz” because of how they carry themselves and what they’re bringing to the table, personality-wise. You don’t see a lot of girly-girls with a bunch of male friends, because nobody’s actually trying to have them hanging around unless we’re scheming on them. >:D

#3 is self-explanatory.. What’s the point of hooking up with ONE chick when you can become “Just Friends” with her and gain access to all of her homegirls? >:D

Also.. What’s the point of hooking up with a chick that’s a client of yours and take the chance that she’ll get all emotional about nothing and jack up your cash flow, when you could remain in a “platonic relationship” with her and use all the extra money you get to court other women? >:D

That’s not what we saw in the video. What we saw was women saying men and women CAN be “just friends” and men saying men and women CAN NOT be “just friends”.

What percentage of that population do you think overlaps?.. How many women are currently in platonic relationships with men that aren’t in platonic relationships with them? o_O

Same Word, Different Meaning

Women define “platonic relationships” as “We don’t have sex with each other”.

Men define “platonic relationships” as “I haven’t hit it yet”.

You see the problem here? 🙂 The only way the relationship is *ACTUALLY* platonic is if BOTH PEOPLE agree that they don’t want to have sex with each other, but women think that just because THEY aren’t thinking about hooking up with the guy, he isn’t thinking about hooking up with them either.

This is why it’s so funny in the video when dude finally asks the chicks “Do you think XYZ dude would hit it if you let him?” and then they look all confused, because this is the first time they’re even thinking about it.

It’s funny because the guy has been thinking about having sex with her every time he was around her, but he knew that he needed to play the “friend” role to stay in the pocket until he could get on.

So.. How is that relationship actually platonic, when all it takes is for the chick to get horny one time, or mad at her boyfriend, or drunk, and then all of a sudden, she wants to give her “friend” some, and he’s down to hit it? \o/

It isn’t.

Ladies.. Here’s how you test whether you’re in a platonic relationship or not:

  1. Ask him “Would you have sex with me?”
  2. Ask him “Why not?”

Of course, this is purely hypothetical. 😀

No guy in his right mind is going to admit to you that he’d hit it, and if he wouldn’t, he’s not going to tell you the truth about WHY he wouldn’t.

However.. In theory.. That is how you would find out.

Theoretically, He’d either respond “Yeah.. You could get it”, or some variation of “You don’t have enough ass to turn me on” or “Ain’t that type-a party” or “I value you for your mind, not your body” or “Aren’t you kind of nerdy to be having sex?” or something that would describe the reasons why he hasn’t hit it yet, and whether or not he’s planning to get with you in the future.

Other than that, you are *NOT* in a platonic relationship if the dude’s actually attracted to you, because the first time you spread your legs, he’s goin’ in. >:D

2 minutes into the video, this chick says “That was one instance”, hahaha What about that, Ladies? 😀

What happens after you give your “just friend” some one time? Are you STILL in a “platonic” relationship? o_O

See what I mean? It’s all bogus, like how chicks wear white wedding gowns when they know they’ve been giving it up ever since dude bought them the engagement ring.

Everybody knows he hit it before the honeymoon.. Took it for a test drive or a thousand…

This just makes the situation worse, when women that know damned well that they’re *NOT* in platonic relationships with dudes play it off like they are so they don’t get stigmatized as a slut, which is a different ridiculous topic…

So, No.. Unless a dude HONESTLY doesn’t want to have sex with a chick, he isn’t in a platonic relationship with her. Period.

Even in the situations where he forgoes acting on natural his impulses to gain other things from her, that’s not removing his desire to hit it. He’s just trading that in for a goal that he perceives to be more valuable, such as more girls or more money.

Can Men & Women Be Friends?

Having said all that.. My friend Shauna mentioned that the video doesnt really explicitly state why men and women can’t be friends.

She’s right about that.

There are actually two different definitions of “Friends” that are going around. One of them means “I like this person and enjoy spending time with them”, and the other one means “I would not have sex with this person under any circumstances”.

When women say “He’s a friend of mine”, they mean “I haven’t had sex with him and will never have sex with him between this moment right now and when I finally croak”.

When men say “She’s a friend of mine”, they mean “I’ll hit it whenever she’s in the mood, but until that time, she’s nice to look at, so I’ll keep chillin’ with her”.

So.. While it’s absolutely true that there are LOTS of actual and honest friendships between men and women, that only means that they mutually enjoy each other’s company.. Not that dude wouldn’t hook up with her.

Whether that particular relationship is platonic or not depends on how BOTH PEOPLE feel about hooking up with each other, *NOT* that they haven’t had sex YET and that every time she defines their relationship as platonic to other people, he readily agrees, knowing that if he doesn’t, the jig will be up, and all this time he’s spent pretending to be her friend will have been wasted. >:D Follow Bill via Google+ | Facebook | Twitter | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

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  1. Wow what an interesting video. This sort of confusion from women is why i have made it a personal habit to (tactfully) inform my female friends that if the ever let the guard down i would probably hit it lol. I think 1 and 3 are solid reasons even though they can change at any moment. 2 can easily be friends with benefits where personality and hobbies are just a nice bonus in addition to the occasional hookup.

    1. Yeah, It was funny, watching the gals get this “Deer in the headlights” look as they fantasized about guys being friends with them without wanting to hit it. 🙂

      I do the same thing you do if I feel like it’s going to be a problem soon. I’ll just get it out of the way with the chick that I’d love to hit it, and then we can move forward with our business or personal relationship, since the cards are on the table.

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