I don’t know when I got used to the fact that people are going to say whatever they have to say to get what they want. Not everyone, of course, but enough people that it’s worth considering that the person who just spoke to you may have just LIED to you.
Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I did it to myself.
Back in the day, meeting chicks, we had to deal with.. let’s call it intraminority discrimination. Like, say you were Puerto Rican and wanted to hook up with a Dominican chick. It was easier and faster to tell her you were Dominican and just get to the nitty-gritty, than to say you weren’t and potentially have to have some unnecessary discussion about that, or have her just plain bounce.
Of course, there were guys that refused to do that, because of pride in whatever their nationality actually was, but they were the ones that made things tougher for themselves instead of going with the flow.
This is one of the reasons why, when women talk to me about these ridiculous and obvious things guys say to them when they’re dating, I’m like “That’s a lie. That’s a lie. That’s a lie too.” because it’s the same lie I would have told her back in the day, if I would have been trying to hit it.
It’s All In The Game
Then again, it probably wasn’t my fault. As a guy, who is culturally considered to be responsible for initiating social contact, you hear so many lies from girls and women that you just get used to it and dismiss anything they say off the bat.
My favorite example of that is that a homeboy of mine were hanging out in this bar, but not speaking to each other. We decided to compare notes, eventually, and found out that we had kicked it to the same chick and she had told us two entirely different stories about who she was, because she was sweating him and she wasn’t interested in hooking up with me.
I mean, different lies to different guys in the same place! 😀 haha Not even waiting until the next day to change her story. Not even changing locations. Just blatantly lying, because a) she felt like it, and b) it’s a free country.
Then there are the lies that occur during the dating process. You’re kickin’ it with a chick and she tells you she’s not going to give you any tonight.. as if you asked her for sex to begin with, so, obviously, SHE’S thinking about it since she’s the one bringing it up, and then a few hours later, she hops on you.
If you’re not used to lies, you take her word that she’s not going to hook up with you, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because you start doing things other than focusing on her, and you miss your cue when she throws it at you.
If you’re used to it, you just lift your head in her direction, like “Yeah.. Sure”, and keep enjoying your evening, because what she said isn’t worth anything anyway… If she feels like giving you some, she will.. REGARDLESS of what she says about it beforehand.
Then, there are the “drunken personality shift” lies.
Those don’t actually count as lies, because the chick means what she says when she’s talking to you and she’s sober, but her mind changes entirely when she gets drunk, as if you’re talking to a brand new chick.
If you’re not used to drunk chicks, you’ll be confused about how come this chick that just vetoed the action is now climbing up on you and feeling you up.
If you’re used to it, you go “Oh.. She’s drunk now” and you relate to the drunk version like you always do.
The second part of that, though, is that you have to learn *NOT* to act towards the sober version the same way you do towards the drunk version. Like, don’t remind her what y’all did last night, because she probably uses alcohol to convince herself that she’s “not that type of girl”, and you don’t want to tell Jack that he IS Tyler Durden.
If *SHE* brings it up, let her know what a good time you had with her. If she doesn’t, let it slide until she puts herself back in state and presses up on you again.
Then there are the “This is the reason I’m not going to hook up with you” lies. Those are more lies to herself than they are to you, but the result is the same. You’ll get thrown off your game if you fall for the okey-doke.
Listen to what she said and remember it, but don’t act like it means anything when she changes her mind. That’s the whole point. It’s all about Free Will. When she wants to hook up with you, she will, regardless of what she told you before.
Those lies include the typical “I have a boyfriend”, “I’m on my period”, “I’m a lesbian”, blah blah blah
Of course, Ladies.. Y’all can apply most of this information to dudes as well, except for the part about us needing to utilize alcohol to convince ourselves that we wouldn’t have hooked up with you sober, because there’s no negative connotation associated with calling a guy a slut.
Men lie to women as much as women lie to men, only, women are better at it.
What Had HAPPENED Was…
The bottom line is that “The Truth” is revealed in time.
YouTube Link => youtu.be/lPT2y4nnSmo
It might be a short amount of time or a long amount of time, assuming you remain in contact with that person.
You remain attracted to each other or you don’t. You remain friends or you don’t. You keep hanging out IRL or you don’t. You remain social media contacts or you don’t. That’s when you get to look back and say either “That person was true to their word”, or “That person was full of it.”
Of course, hindsight doesn’t do you any good in real-time.
I suppose all you can do is weigh the heights and depths of the pros and cons of whether they’re telling you the truth or lying to you and attempt to make an educated decision.
Like.. How bad is it going to be if they’re lying to you vs. how good it might be if they’re telling you the truth.. or, vice versa if the “truth” they’re telling you means you’re going to have less of a good time instead of more of one.
Let’s say she tells you she’s not going to hook up with you and then she actually doesn’t. Does that make it a waste of your night? o_O or, did you really enjoy spending time with her, the only thing being that you didn’t end up getting on?
Then, let’s say she tells you she’s not going to do it and then she does. Good thing you stayed in the pocket, right? 😀
Let It Ride
Of course you might consider it a cynical, jaded, bitter view to consider people guilty until proven innocent, but it’s just reality. People’s word doesn’t mean **** until it’s backed up by historical reference.
Hindsight is the only potential measure, and even THAT isn’t guaranteed to tell you who the person is/was or why they were acting that way towards you.
That’s why it’s not worth thinking about.. At least if you’re the type of person that lives a dynamic life and is always meeting new people.
If you know one set of people, vet them, figure out who’s real and who’s fake. Keep the real people, eject the fake ones and enjoy your life. 🙂
Personally, I just roll with the vibe I get from new people I meet. Some seem legit, and others, “not so much”. It doesn’t take me long to figure it out. I have enough experience with liars at this point to figure out pretty quickly who’s who.
In fact, they often give themselves away as they seem to be paying extra attention to you, like they’re trying to figure out whether you fell for the lie or not.
As you can imagine, dealing with fake people becomes rather exhausting, so it’s a good idea to curate a group of real people that you know understand how life really works so you can have real, honest, heartfelt, serious, important discussions with them, as opposed to engaging in typically frivolous banter and drivel.
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