So I’m watching this reality show, and it occurs to me that women’s attempts to socialize with their babies is what sometimes assists in driving them crazy.

Driving the women crazy.. Not the babies.

Imaginary Friends

In probably my favorite scene from South Park, there’s something wrong with Cartman, and when his boys come over to hang out, they find him holding a tea party with a few of his dolls.

When Cartman’s speaking regularly, he’s “him”. When he only opens one side of his mouth, as if he’s trying to be a ventriloquist, he’s speaking as one or more of the dolls that he has seated around the table that he has poured tea for.

So his boys immediately know he’s trippin’ out, and they decide they’re going to help him out of whatever his problem is.

Now.. Sure… Everybody has imaginary friends at some point. If you ever had action figures, you had to do SOMETHING with them! πŸ˜€

Bad Guy: “Now, I’m going to do this evil thing”
Good Guy: “Oh no you’re not!”
Bad Guy: “Oh yes I am!”
Good Guy: “Oh no you’re not!”
Bad Guy: “Oh yes I am!”

However, when you were doing that, you recognized that you were entertaining yourself… You recognized that you loved your action figures, and played with them every day, that *THEY* weren’t actually in a conversation with you… You were making everything happen yourself.

Baby Talk

Baby Talk is just stupid. πŸ˜€

I don’t know who made up “Goo-Goo, Gaa-Gaa”, but that **** doesn’t work.

Babies don’t know gibberish any more than they know English (or whatever language you speak to your baby in).

Gibberish (sometimes spelled Jibberish) is a generic term in English for talking that sounds like speech, but carries no actual meaning.

The common theme in gibberish statements is a lack of literal sense, which can be described as a presence of nonsense.

So, whether you’re speaking sense or absolute NONSENSE, it’s all the same to the baby, because he or she doesn’t recognize EITHER set of words as having any meaning, whatsoever.

Your baby will not pass you the spoon, regardless of whether you say “Jibba Jabba Spoona Moona” or “Yo.. Pass me that spoon over there, sunn”.

So, you’re better off speaking to your baby like a regular human being, so they start attaching meanings to real words faster… Keep pointing at the spoon and saying “Spoon”, and eventually, you will be able to say “Spoon” and the kid will point at it for you.

So, Stop talking nonsense to your babies. You’re not helping anyone, especially yourself.

Conversations With Babies

Having said that… Don’t play “action figure” with your babies either.

How many times have you heard this conversation held by women BY THEMSELVES, thinking they’re intelligently interacting with a baby?

“Would you like some food? :D”
“Oh yes, you would! :D”
“Isn’t it yummy? :D”
“Oh yes, it is! :D”

C’Mon, Sunn :/ Save it for David. Nobody’s getting anything out of that verbal interaction.

If you’d like to test this out, next time, say “Oh, this food tastes horrible! πŸ™ I do not like it! :(” and watch the baby STILL eat what you give him or her.

If you just *HAVE* to say something (Which you don’t.. Silence is golden), how about “This is a spoon. I am feeding you. This is food. You are eating”, so your baby might actually learn something.

Unless, of course, You’re just one of those people that enjoys talking, even if nobody’s actually listening to you.

If you just like hearing yourself speak, go on with what you’re doing. πŸ™‚

If that’s not the case, you may be trapping yourself into poor socialization habits that aren’t going to work out well for you down the road.

My suggestion is to augment your conversational skills by spending as much time talking to grown-ass human beings as you possibly can… Every Day.

PREFERABLY, humans that haven’t spent all day at their own home, baby-talking, just like you did, because that’s kind of like bailing water with a cup out of a couple of sinking ships.

The problem with letting yourself believe you’re having a conversation with your baby is that the baby isn’t actually paying attention to you… Not in the way you’re thinking, anyway.

Yes, the baby is looking at you, and might smile, frown, nod, or clap in between your sentences, but basically, you’re perceived as saying “FLEI NO FNIO FEOIN FEB AFADPONF ENEO:BN DA:OIBFE NFEIDNW” and then the baby responds with how he or she feels about the sights and sounds you just provided.

When you hold two outfits up in front of a baby, who points at one of them, that doesn’t translate to “Oh.. Put *THAT* outfit on me, mommy! πŸ˜€ That would look fly with my Neon Green Jordans!! :D”

Relationship Problems

Allowing this one-way conversation mentality to solidify in your brain leads to relationship problems if your “significant other” doesn’t understand how to properly ignore you whilst simultaneously avoiding detection.

So, let’s say he’s watching the game, and you’re yammering on about something.

He’s thinking “I’m not acting like I recognize that she’s in the same room with me, or exists at all, so eventually, she’ll stop talking and go do something productive with her life.”

Meanwhile, you’re oblivious to the fact that he isn’t interested in what you have to say, because you’re so used to talking to babies that you can carry on this conversation with or without his actual verbal input.

There are two ways this doesn’t work for the dude.

The first one is that he has to stop watching the game to pretend that he cares what you’re talking about, so maybe THAT will stop the ceaseless flow of gibberish he was unsuccessfully totally blocking out from his perception of life.

The second one is that he does successfully ignore you, but doesn’t realize that he agreed to something while he was going “Yeah?.. mmHM.. ok.. that makes sense.. oh yeah?” that he wouldn’t have agreed to if he had actually been paying attention.. Like, you getting a bowl haircut or something ridiculous like that.

Communication Issues like this can easily be avoided if you recognize your interaction with your baby (babies?) as what it is.. which is ENTERTAINMENT.

Notice how babies are just as fascinated with the television or anything else that provides sights and sounds, as when you’re talking “with” them? That’s because it’s all entertainment. Even more so, if you’re baby-talking instead of speaking regularly.

So make sure you socialize yourself properly so you can recognize when you are and aren’t being ignored, so your SO doesn’t have to wonder what’s wrong with you.

Also.. I have a special word for those imbeciles, male and female, who like to get mad and upset and scream at babies in carriages out in the street, as if this kid strapped into a rolling chair could possibly have done something so egregious to you that it made you flip your wig and start buggin’ out in public.

While you think you’re telling the baby off, and expressing how upset you are at them, all the kid is “hearing” is:

“I’M A JERK!! I’M A JERK!! I’M A JERK!! I’M A JERK!! I’M A JERK!!” Follow Bill via YouTube | Facebook | Twitter | Google+ | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

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  1. Hey, normally I’m in agreement with everything you post 100% but this time have to take issue with a few things. Baby talk does actually aid a child’s development. There are studies to prove it. Essentially what it boils down to is an emphasis on the building blocks of lanaguage. That emphasis and repetition drums home that in a way just chatting wouldn’t. After all, you have to walk before you can run, so to speak!

    Also assuming babies aren’t making sense of things misunderstands just how much change a babies brain is going through in those early months. Language is innate with humans, and I’d also suggest women talking nonsense to babies is innate too. Talking nonsense to men, however…. Well I’m with you there, brother!

    1. Hey Marc. πŸ™‚ Thanks for the comment, and Cheers for reading! πŸ˜€

      I agree with you entirely about repetition, which is what I was trying to express when I wrote

      If you just *HAVE* to say something (Which you don’t.. Silence is golden), how about β€œThis is a spoon. I am feeding you. This is food. You are eating”, so your baby might actually learn something.

      but I suppose I skimmed that topic too quickly and didn’t put enough emphasis on my point there.

      I’m a fan of the repetitive “food”, “food”, “food”, or “spoon”, “spoon”, “spoon” way more than “Wouldum likeum goo goo baby eatum now? yum yum yum hehe happy baby! :D”.

      I guess I’m a “Flash Cards”, “See the dog, hear the dog” person when it comes to education.

      I don’t see what mumbling incoherently does for the baby. \o/

      I guess my point is that I agree with what you’re saying, but my response is exactly the opposite of “Assuming babies aren’t making sense of things”.. I’m saying “Babies don’t make sense of *NONSENSE*, just like grown-ass men don’t, so Act Like You Know, and start educating your child from jump street”! πŸ˜€

      1. Ok, fair enough… but you could also argue that the emotional content of baby / mum conversations is more meaningful than the words… a bit like lyrics with dance music – there for texture rather than understanding. I was once a baby, although you’d never think that now if you saw me. I can’t speak for babies, but I suspect they learn language no matter what nonsense is talked to them.

        Good point, and well presented, and thank you for the reply. I love your blog, it makes me laugh in a way that only observations that ring true do.

        1. Yeah.. THAT, I’m on board with.

          If you want to say “FKJEUDNE IU FBE UEFB UBEFBFEU” to your baby while you smile and wave and feed and give hugs and kisses, the sentiment will be received, regardless of the gibberish.

          Strangely enough… I think even *I* was a baby once, too!!! :O hehe If only I remembered anything past when I was 5 years old, so I could write a first-person blog post about how parents should just TALK to us! πŸ˜‰

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