Lindsey ChenBill Cammack
Lindsey Chen [Facebook | Twitter | Web] & Bill Cammack [Facebook | Twitter | Web]

How to Get a First Date

Lindz: Getting the first date is probably just about the hardest part of dating.

Let’s face it. You judge, we all judge. And if she doesn’t’ like you the minute she sees you or meets you; you’re not getting a date out of it.

You may get her number (and she may get yours). But that’s just so she can add you in her phone as “Annoying Guy from Bar #1. DO NOT ANSWER.”

If you follow these simple steps, you are this much closer to getting a first date. Yes, that’s right. You’re welcome. You can buy me a beer later.

Bill: FELLAZ!!! :O haha TRUST. AND. BELIEVE. that you could easily end up in a chick’s phone as WAY. WORSE. THAN. “Annoying Guy from Bar #1. DO NOT ANSWER”. 😀 HAHAHA Just TRUST ME on this one! >:D

1. Be A Gentleman.

Lindz: This very literally translates to “Don’t be a creep.” OR “Don’t be a douchebag.”

When guys ask me what that means, I just have to smh and feel bad for the poor bastard.

Being a gentleman involves asking the girl meaningful questions (smart questions so she doesn’t think you’re dumb – I’m not talking algebra here), being genuine, finding a common interest in which you can share and she can feel a connection.

It also means BUYING her a drink (if you’re at a bar), opening doors for her, smiling, complimenting her (in a classy way). You know, the things that all guys should do but don’t. But that’s for another time.

Bill: Y’all already know what I think about buying chicks drinks, but in the context of this particular topic, it might be worth the gamble for you, for the reasons that Lindz stated.

Everything else, I agree with entirely. 🙂 Dudes tend to overdo it in an effort to display personality and end up displaying that they DO NOT have a personality.. or, at least, that the personality they have isn’t going to attract any women.

You definitely want to ask meaningful questions, but try not to overdo it… Just the other day, this chick I had just met accused me of interrogating her! 😀 HAHAHA

The fact is that you have to walk the line between being interested in her as an individual and being nosey and prying into her personal business.

Ask her general questions about specific topics.

DO. NOT. ASK. “Which financial firm do you work for? o_O”.

Ask “What made you interested in pursuing a degree in finance? :D”.

Common interests and connections are always good.

Compliments work, but you have to play it off… If you think she has a great ass, tell her something nice about her eyes.

2. Be A Little Mysterious.

Lindz: If you work together or you hang out in the same group, you know you’re going to see her. You don’t need to be all up in her biz 24/7. Nor do you need to keep asking her out everyday.

If you’re just meeting her, spark her interest, then disappear for a while. She’s going to think “damn, what did I do wrong?” You could have just gone to the bathroom or gone to get a drink at the bar. Whatever it is, she’s going to wonder where the mysterious man went.

Girls do something similar that I like to call the “Flirt and flutter.” We literally flirt for a bit, and flutter away. It’s keeps the guys guessing.

If you keep the girl guessing she’ll never know if you’re into her or not and she’ll want you even more.

Bill: Word. You don’t need to ask a chick to spend time with you more than twice.

First of all, she heard you the first time. Second, she’s aware that whatever you wanted her for yesterday, you still want her for that, today.

If she declines two offers to chill with you and doesn’t suggest an alternative date/time for y’all to get together that works for her schedule, *BOUNCE*.

Then again, this is assuming you live in a city with millions of chicks in it, like NYC. >:D

If you live in the sticks, you might just have to try your damnedest to pull one of the 12 available women in your county.

As far as “Spark her interest and then disappear for a while”, dude… You’re not supposed to take all effin’ day to get to the point.

She didn’t come to this bar to meet one dude and have him yammer all night about stuff she didn’t ask him about for hours on end.

Step to her, introduce yourself (preferably including YOUR. NAME!!!), see what you can do, see if she’s interested in staying in touch in the future, and *BOUNCE*.

First of all, you look desperate, clinging on this one chick all night, and second, if she’s interested in picking up the conversation, she’ll find you and reengage.

Just don’t *LEAVE* without telling her “bye”! 🙂 .. There’s a difference between Aloof and Rude.

3. Be Presentable.

Lindz: No girl is going to be caught dead giving her number to a guy who looks like he scored his ensemble from the Good Will “free bin” section.

Ok, so that was a little harsh, but I’m telling you – dudes do this. No plain white hanes tees. No gym shorts. No flips, unless you’re going to the beach or pool party.

No sports jerseys. No white tennis shoes. No cut off t-shirt tank top things (I feel bad for you if you’ve worn this on a date before).

And it doesn’t stop with clothing – get a haircut, shave (it takes 3 minutes for God’s sake!), wear deodorant. It’s the least you can do.

If you don’t put the effort into yourself, what makes her think you’re going to put the effort into the date?

Bill: I have to go off-topic here for a minute. 🙂

I’ve been telling chicks the same thing, forever! 😀

Stop. Going. Outside. Looking. Like. A. Bum! 😀

The game is *ALWAYS* on, ladies… Always.

If a guy can see you with his eyes, he’s assessing whether he’d tap that or not.

Right now, you’re saying “I don’t care if he wants to hook up with me or not!! :O”, except that’s the only reason he’s going to talk to you in the first place, so you’d better start caring about how you look in public if you want to land a date.

Are fish attracted to metal hooks?.. No. They’re attracted to *BAIT*. No bait on the hook means no fish in the boat.

For you, the bait is how you look, how you dress, what you do with your hair, how you walk, how you carry yourself as a lady and as human being..

If you think dudes talk to you for some supernatural reason, you’re wrong.

We talk to you because there’s something we find attractive about you.

When you go out with your homegirls, wherever you go, there’s going to be some dude considering whether he wants to kick it to you or not. Your presentation may very well make or break your chances of him stepping to you.

Now.. Back to the point. >:D

Dudes… You have to dress the part. Wherever you’re going, make sure you look like you belong there.

If everybody else has on a button-down, long-sleeve shirt and you have on a tank-top, you’re short.

If everybody else looks like they just came from work and you look like you just rolled out of bed, you’re short.

The only exception to this is if you personally aren’t comfortable with yourself dressed up in certain gear… You’re better off feeling confident in a t-shirt than feeling like a Herb in a suit.

This is because the dudes that are used to suits will look way more comfortable than you do, and you’ll suffer in comparison.

If everybody rocks slacks, and that isn’t your thing, rock your jeans and boots like “AND WHAT??? >:D”

4. Ask For Her Number, Then call.

Lindz: This may be a no-brainer for many of you out there, and for that, I applaud you.

If you think you’re going to ask a girl out over text then you automatically set a standard right there. She already thinks you’re lazy, you have no personal connection and you don’t care enough.

I got asked out once over Facebook. I immediately labeled the guy as a lazy douchebag, but I said yes. Because exhibit a). I always give guys a chance and exhibit b). Hey, I’m not one to turn down free drinks.

You know what I saved his number in my phone as? Trick question. I didn’t save it at all. Guys, you need to man up, pick up the phone (I don’t care if 99.9% of your communication is done over text or if you lost your voice the night before) and call her!

Bill: hmm… This is very interesting. 🙂

I never use the phone when I’m trying to get raps… Then again, I’m lazy, I have no personal connection, and I don’t care enough! 😛

Of course, I can afford not to care, because I have 3,527 Facebook friends, which statistically means I’m in contact with 1,700 women, probably 200 of which live a subway ride away from me or closer, and I meet new women every week.

However, I don’t use phones as a means of initial contact for a couple of other reasons.

With the number of people I know, if I spoke on the phone with them, that’s all I’d be doing all day.. Talking on the phone. Forget that. 🙂

More importantly, as far as the topic of this conversation, phone numbers are personal… Being that you probably didn’t put in enough work to convince her that you’re not a creep to begin with, why would she give her number to someone that’s potentially a creep, so she has to change her number when you call her incessantly?

Instead, I use phone numbers as a test.

Since I know I never pick up the phone unless I recognize the number, if I enjoyed her company, I’ll offer her my number.

If she’s just not entirely completely totally not interested, she won’t even take it! 😀 haha

If she’s potentially interested, she’ll take it and bounce.

If she’s interested, she’ll take it and immediately call my phone with her number, so I can call her if I want to, which leads us to the position that Lindz was talking about, where it’s now on me to CALL. HER. SOON. and offer her a chance to hang out with me.

Personally, since I’m internet-famous, I just make sure she knows what my name is, so she can Google me if she likes ->

5. Talk 40% Or Less.

Lindz: You might be thinking – well shouldn’t the conversation be 50/50? No. The answer is no.

The girl doesn’t want you to be yapping about every pet peeve you have or what color your cat is. Which brings me to another point. If you have a cat, don’t talk about it. Just don’t do it. But I digress.

Your conversation should consist of you asking intelligent questions or getting to know her (refer to #1), you listening to her and you contemplating (this makes you mysterious).

A girl is going to be turned off by a chatterbox that talks about nonsense. She’ll also probably feel like vomiting, the minute she leaves the conversation (I.E. “I have to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” AKA “I have to find the farthest person away in the bar, strike up a conversation and pretend this guy doesn’t exist.”)

Let the conversation flow naturally, but don’t be talking her ear off. Guys are there to listen, learn and inquire. But mostly listen.

Bill: Agreed, and Agreed!!! >:D haha

Chicks love to talk. Let them talk. 🙂

Most of the time, you don’t even have to appear interested.

This is a rule I tend to break when I’m trying to avoid that awkward silence that occurs when she realizes that she has nothing interesting to say about herself, or that she’s just realized that the only thing she does in her life other than work is hang out with her boyfriend, whom she doesn’t want to tell you she’s dating, so she kind of has to STFU and seem like, other than making money, she has no life at all.

Other than that, you most definitely want women to talk, because there’s a 50% chance that she’s talking because she specifically wants *YOU* to hear what she has to say.. She’s sharing WITH YOU, and if she wants to do that, she may very well be willing to remain in contact with you, spend time with you in the future, and maybe even call it a date. 😉

~Lindz [Facebook | Twitter | Web]
~Bill [Facebook | Twitter | Web]

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  1. I take exception with much of what Lindsey has written here. Most of it is just as much the problem as it is the solution. Feel free to delete my post, ban me from this site, whatever, but this needs to be said:

    -“if she doesn’t like you the minute she sees you or meets you; you’re not getting a date out of it.”–> Maybe that says something about the overwhelmingly high divorce rate in this country? Maybe the “attraction on a whim” approach needs to be re-evaluated? Maybe you’re missing out on someone great just because he didn’t do it for you in one freaking minute?!
    -“It also means BUYING her a drink (if you’re at a bar)”–> Why is that the man’s job to buy a woman a drink? Because your gender was treated as second-class citizens in this country hundreds of years ago, the world owes you a favor? News flash: It’s 2012, get off the high horse. Why should I buy you a drink when you’re just going to put me into your phone as “Annoying guy from Bar #1: Do not answer”? Why should more of my hard earned money go to the bartender to fuel your drinking habit? Did it occur to you that men are struggling in this economy as well?
    -“I immediately labeled the guy as a lazy douchebag, but I said yes. Because exhibit a). I always give guys a chance”–> Contradiction? Don’t even argue that one.
    -“shouldn’t the conversation be 50/50? No. The answer is no.”–> I guess the relationship shouldn’t be 50/50 then either? Again, is this the reparations for the lack of rights in the 1800’s? Is she also entitled to 60% of my assets? 60% of my bed space? 60% of the food consumption/telephone usage in the house?
    -I also take exception to how this was all written as if men are the only ones “screwing up” when it comes to getting dates, and women can do no wrong.

    This Lindsey sounds like her shit doesn’t stink. I’d rather stay single then be approved by women who place these kinds of demands on me. If that being being single for the rest of my life then so be it. I came to read “How to get a first date” and I end up reading “How to be a woman’s little bitch and have everyone else make fun of you for it”. And I’m not going to be any woman’s bitch. If you want a bitch, get a dog.

    1. Robert,

      I took exception with much of what Lindz wrote as well, which is why my comments in this post are mostly contradictory. 😛

      I don’t buy random chicks drinks -> I buy drinks for my friends, male or female, because I want to show them a good time, in return for the value they’ve already demonstrated to me.

      Spending your hard-earned money on chicks that haven’t earned it yet is similar to throwing money at strippers. All that happens is you get labeled as a mark, and it’s tough for you to get from that status to potential boyfriend status (or, even, “have sex with her without paying her for it” status).

      Having said all that.. I’ll pay closer attention to how I title my blog posts. 🙂

  2. I have a good metaphor that sums up my feelings on instant attraction: For the first 198 picks of the 2000 NFL Draft, teams were not instantly attracted to this guy named Tom Brady.

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