Sometimes, guys wonder why they aren’t effective in meeting women. Sometimes, it’s because they aren’t effective in meeting women. Sometimes, it’s because they’re trying to meet women in places where those women ARE NOT trying to meet THEM.
Location, Location, Location
I used to work for a financial services firm, so at that point in time, I hung out with stock traders.
We would go to bars where stock traders went.
This was because we (I was doing computer work for, but) actually WERE traders, and there was a culture that we were a part of which dictated where we went and where we didn’t bother going.
One of the spots, at the time, was on 42nd street and 2nd or 3rd avenue. I don’t remember the name of the place… I bring that up because we worked all the way on the southern tip of Manhattan island, right near the Staten Island Ferry, which is NOWHERE NEAR 42nd and 3rd.
Were there approximately a million bars between where we worked and that spot?.. Yes. Did we go to any of those bars?.. No.
This is because we had our local bar near the office, and if we were going to go anywhere else, we were going to go where chicks were checkin’ for traders, and we all looked like, acted like, and sounded like the guys they were interested in meeting.
This is *very* important… If you don’t go to places where chicks are looking for you, you’re rather likely to be ineffective, regardless of how much game you have.
For instance.. If football players would have been in the bar where we went, they would have been short, because the chicks didn’t show up there expecting to see athletes. They arrived expecting to see dudes in suits talking about making a lot of money.
On the other hand.. If we would have taken our suit-wearing asses to a bar where chicks were looking for athletes, we would have placed ourselves at the disadvantage.
Lemmings & Culture
Certain bars (or chains of bars) are known for certain types of people… No matter which “Brother Jimmy’s” you arrive to, you run into a bunch of post-college frat dudes and sorority chicks. You have to know that before you decide to go there. You have to know to throw on your jeans and hoodie and get ready to yell when one of the sports teams on the television scores so you can high-5 the chick that’s rooting for that team…… whatever team it is, because you don’t give a flying ****.
In fact, bars themselves are an environment… You’re automatically placing yourself in a location where females that don’t want to meet drunk guys are not going to go… You’re also pretty much excluding non-drinking females from the set of women you might meet in that location… They might be there with their homegirls who drink, but that doesn’t make them interested in that scene.. They’re just tagging along.
A friend of mine told me he was tired of meeting drunk, belligerent girls who curse like sailors, and I told him “Stop meeting girls in bars.”
It’s really that simple. :) You have to realize that wherever you go, people are going to be there that consider themselves part of a culture.
If you want to meet women that work out, you don’t go to a bar and hope to meet a woman that’s interested in her own physical fitness. You go to the GYM, where every woman you meet is attempting to maintain her shape or get in better shape.
If you want to meet women that eat healthily, you don’t go to a bar and hope for that. You go to Whole Foods or wherever and walk up and down the aisles, looking to strike up a conversation with a health-conscious gal.
If you want to meet women that read, you go to Barnes & Noble and meet women that are looking for books to read and expand their minds.
Just by being in these places, you’ve signaled to them that you’re interested in what they’re interested in.
All she knows if she meets you in a bar is that you’re interested in alcohol.
Also, you need to recognize who you are in the grand scheme of things.
Hanging out with traders and not BEING a trader, my best play was to STFU and nod my agreement while the real-deal dudes kicked the lingo. If it got to something else I could speak intelligently on, then fine. Until then, I needed to be “the man next to the man”.
So.. Even if you’re interested in meeting drunk, belligerent, cursing bar women, that doesn’t mean you’ll be EFFECTIVE with those types of women. They “might could” run you over like a truck.
You might be better off hanging around the comic book store, trying to meet a chick that’s interested in the latest graphic novel… She might not seem as interesting and exciting as the bar chicks, but it’s better to have a better chance to make the acquaintance of a less interesting gal than it is to have a worse chance of making an acquaintance with a more interesting gal.
Similarly.. I’m 5’9″. If there’s a bar that’s known to be frequented by professional basketball players, I won’t be going there. :) or.. at least I won’t be going there expecting to pull a chick. I could go there window-shopping, if that was of interest to me, but if I wanted to feel like I had a good chance of being productive, I would have to select a different environment.
If I went WITH basketball players, that would be a different story, because I could see what I could do with the residual chicks that went for the bait but weren’t being paid attention to by the players.
Same thing with Rock ‘N Roll chicks. You might like them, but if you’re not that type of person and you venture into their environment, you might not fare well against their caustic, brutal, matter-of-fact style.
If you’re there with an ambassador, you might get a pass, and you might even be successful as the “odd man out” in that situation… Same thing with lesbians, but that’s a different blog post. ;)
Do Yourself A Favor
The point is that it’s easy to start to feel poorly about your social skills or abilities for no good reason, if your main problem is that you keep trying to pick up women where they didn’t expect to see you.
Don’t show up to the hoodie place in a suit. Don’t show up to the suit place in a hoodie. Don’t show up to the athlete bar if you aren’t an athlete. Don’t show up to the trader bar if you’re not a trader. Don’t show up to the Salsa party if you can’t dance. Don’t show up to the rock party if all you like is hip-hop. Don’t show up to the butcher shop trying to meet vegetarians. Don’t show up to the bookstore trying to meet dummies. Don’t show up to the social media party trying to meet women that won’t google you.
Assess who you are as a person and what kind of women you’re trying to meet, and figure out whether there’s an overlap… If you don’t like bars, try restaurants that happen to have a bar. If you don’t like dance music, try places that have live bands. If you don’t really work out, hang out by the treadmills instead of the free weights… Whatever you do, strive to make it easier for you to shine, instead of going places where you’re automatically the lowest man on the totem pole.
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